Big-Little Gifting
 

Here's a real conundrum. Big-Little gifting. Managing behavior and expectation in this arena is difficult at best. And across campus chapters it's just insane. Any ideas? Please discuss!

I have known chapters that purchase the big little gifts from a designated fund, so each little sister gets exactly the same thing. Similarly, chapters have spelled out in detail the items that are okay to give. Both gestures are to keep the spending at a reasonable and more affordable level.

I'd like to know how people deal with this too. One of my daughters had a big who came from a wealthy family and Big Sis gave her hundreds of dollars worth of presents over the first year. Other girls in the sorority commented to us that it was hurting the other girls because some could barely afford to buy a couple of sets of letters for their littles. The big sister is a fabulous person (we still see her) but apparently never had someone to get things for before and went all out.

Another daughter refused to take a little because she said she'd be expected to provide about $200 worth of presents--I think that the chapter had them pay up front and then all the littles got the same gifts. I can see where it would provide equality but that was too much money.

How can it be controlled?

Wow, that's a lot of $$ to expect college students to fork over for gifts for their littles. I'm sure there are some parents who will gladly help foot the bill but I'd hardly think that's the majority. Ouch!

The gifts for my chapter are used at clues (broken up into 3 days of clues leading up for big/little reveal), so I don't think the chapter members would want to have everyone getting the same thing. We do have a "rule" that the first day clue should be just candy, along with a big posterboard that usually has a poem with the clues written out, so that keeps the girls from going all out all the time, but by the 3rd clue, gifts sometimes get pretty extravagant.
I haven't heard much discussion about it in my chapter. I think we are pretty accepting of the fact that some girls have more money to spend or time to make elaborate crafts than others, but if it seems to be affecting a group, then I think having one day where the clues/gifts should be candy, another for letters, and then maybe setting a limit for the last day but allowing choice within that could be effective.
I don't particularly like the idea of standardized gifts across the board because they would likely be the same sometimes-crummy memorabilia from the Greek store on campus, and I don't think everyone wants the same painted picture frames, plastic cups, keychains, and other tchotchkes usually available.

We also have a standard Junior gift to the NM's when they get initiated that we all paid the same amount into, so each NM got the same item from their grandbigs, but if one girl had multiple grandlittles, she didn't pay more money.

How about where one chapter blows all the others out of the water? And for those that are thinking tiers are the reason, it's a so called second tier chapter that I have in mind.

I think the best idea is to make a list of items that can be given and let the Big Sis get them any way she can. Having the chapter provide them means that she has to come up with cash, which may limit participation. If she can just provide certain items, then she can recycle (I did that with my third Little), buy items at the Dollar Store, craft, etc to reasonably make gifts for her Little. It doesn't HAVE to cost an arm and a leg. If some one wants to give more, it should be done very privately. We had specific days during Big/Lil week with specific things we could give. It worked out well...of course this was back in the days when we went crazy. It could be pared down more and enforced more rigorously. Remove any items not on the list. The only shirt we could give was for reveal so families would all match. (Disclosure: I spent hundreds of dollars on each of my littles and was THAT Big Sis.)

Who cares what other chapters are doing? You can't control them.

How I feel about big/little gifting:

My big, lovely and amazing woman that she is, spoiled me and a twin in the same semester and honestly it made me feel kind of guilty. Some of the gifts I haven't really used much and will recycle if I ever take a little (some picture frames, trinkets, etc), and some I treasure (a blanket, a big/little shadow box, my first letters). I enjoyed the experience "gifts" more than some of the material gifts.

In my chapter it was a common practice to spread out your big/little purchases/crafting throughout the year. So between deciding you wanted to take a little and recruitment you'd get some things from the Greek store here and there, decide which letters you'd like to pass down and set them aside, get some letters made, do crafts that were either sorority-focused or leave space to add her name, things like that. We did have girls decide they didn't want a little after all who then had sister birthday gifts on lock for awhile (or who kept them for themselves)! Then once you found out who she was you'd make/get things specific to her.

As a culture, it's something we really don't question. We always had less new members than sisters interested in taking a little, and it was just logical to us that you wouldn't take a little if you weren't prepared for the costs associated with it. Sisters who thought money was tight would craft and recycle things they got from their big more, but that was already a pretty common practice. If a sister wanted to buy out the LP sorority line and buy her little tickets a weekend trip to Disney world, I would've thought that was a bit much but I wouldn't think she was setting a new standard or making the rest of us look bad. Overall, we didn't really have any this is too expensive/I can't give what everyone else is problems. Your little loved everything you gave her no matter what; none of us would've had the indecency to be disappointed with what our big got us, that's just crazy.

I know some chapters/orgs see big/little differently, so this is all operating under the idea that when you want to take someone as your little, you're agreeing to be their mentor/sponsor/main active support during their NM processes and that being spoiled during big/little week is a luxury, not an expectation. You're going to get her first letters, sorority swag for her room, her pin box. You're going to drop everything to be with her when something bad happens, invite her to come with you when you go out, tell her scandalous mixer stories so she gets the older girls' jokes, and shield her from the glares when you show up to chapter 10 minutes late with milkshakes becuase you lost track of time together. My big had a lot on her plate my NM semester but she still always made time for me, no matter what. And that was the point- being spoiled big/little week and getting all that attention was nice, but she could've given me a shirt and a plate of cookies and I still would've been equally excited at big/little reveal.

Recycling gifts is also a factor that may make one big seem like she is spending a ton of money, but a lot of things are actually from her big, and sometimes have been passed down. Even if you restrict the amount you spend, some people will just have a ton of stuff to hand down. I have seen an entire tailgating set (the little UGA popup tent, folding chairs, etc.) get passed down for years, but whoever actually paid for it is long graduated.

As for other chapters, I don't think most people notice or pay attention to that. Ain't nobody got time for that. If one chapter is known for having extreme big/little gifts, good for them, they win the money-spending/crafting contest, but I think most sorority women realize big/little is about a bond, not presents. And next year, any freshmen who may have been jealous of seeing those extravagant gifts won't feel so bad when they realize the money and time put into it (or they will have very lucky littles who they will spoil the crap out of so they can make up for what they feel like they missed)

Yeah, I have to agree. It sounds like this chapter is thinking "if rushees hear what awesome gifts we give, maybe they'll pledge us instead of Top Tier Chapter."

THIS. If you have time to worry about other chapters while coordinating your schedule, your future little(s)'s schedule, boys making deliveries, pledges doing serenades, sisters doing things, family traditions, your tiny apartment kitchen you share with two other sisters, and that sparkling GPA, you are super woman or you need more to do with yourself.

The only time it seems to be a big deal comparing one set of chapter gifts to another was on bid day. One chapter was giving out a pile of gifts and most other chapters were giving a couple of small things in a bag and a t-shirt or two.

A proposal came up in Panhellenic meetings to include these gifts in recruitment budget and put down a per new member gift price limit. It failed. What the rest of the chapters did realize then was that the money does come out of their dues and so it turns out that most of the chapters all have pretty close to the same price in about the same place anyway. (and THAT chapter has higher dues.) Another chapter was like getting their cupcakes donated and spending the extra money on a little bit nicer gifts.

We have gone to a system where if you take a little you donate a fixed amount into the pool and all of the new members get some of the same gifts. We send an email home to the parents to ask to pay for flowers for initiation. We save a lot of money by preordering and buying the items in bulk. Any leftovers from this year can be sold to older girls in the chapter or given as prizes for games or thank you gifts.

^^^ Me three, 33. "Take the focus off everyone else and put it on yourself" comes to mind.

Also liked what jg_wi & GG wrote. It's about the relationship, not the things. And those chapters with tight sisterhoods do that bond well. At some point there comes a backlash against extravagant, over-the-top gifting. Believe there are several expressions to fit this situation.

The most meaningful gifts don't have a price tag.

Want to thank everyone for all of this input. Please keep it going. As the Advisor with the most strategic planning experience, I was asked to help optimize our gifting. Information from other places helps us with context as well as planning a new approach.

My chapter added to our by-laws a limit on what bigs could spend on littles. I don't remember the amount - maybe $100? - but it definitely wasn't anything outrageous. If you took a little, you knew that you'd have to put up at least a little cash. Comes with the territory.

We also received our paddles and jerseys at initiation (already covered in our new member dues) - the jerseys were a big deal. Even though we could wear letters during our new member period, getting your jersey (and finding out your nickname) was huge. We also made a lot of things in my chapter - lettered shirts, jewelry boxes, etc.

And we had a secret sister program running all year, and each new member class participated as well, so they would give each other little gifts throughout the semester.

All of this combined made even $100 seem like a lot of money to spend.

And here's a great idea that summer_gphib posted about just a couple days ago in the Bid Day Pics thread:

Something like this would help defray some of the costs for the big, ensure that at least some of the gifts for the littles were the same, get the alumnae more involved, and allow the new members to interact with them in a small way.

I like the idea of chapter initiation gifts. A chapter I advised included room in the budget for all initiates to receive letter sweatshirts and some other sorority gifts, like a copy of the crest. At the time I was a collegian, my chapter provided a few things to the big sisters to finish as homemade crafts-- a pin pillow, pin box, diamond board. With the exception of the chapter gifts, my chapter also had a policy that all gifts had to be given off-property. I think this was a way to minimize, "Oh, Susie got TONS of gifts, and all I got was a lavaliere and a stuffed animal." (Which, while appreciated, most normal people can't help but feel jealous if others are being flooded with presents and they get the absolute minimum).

This is why my big is my big! My big was the person I wanted to be in chapter. And I want to be that for a sister too.

Exactly. My favorite family gift, the only one I still have to this day, is our family ring. My mom started it. The ring was a $1.98 ring of peace signs from Claire's. We bought a ton of them to keep the tradition going. :-) We were the only family to have a gift like that so it was a sense of pride...all for $1.98.

For our chapter, we have a cap on what is allowed to be given in front of others, but if you want to go above and beyond that in private, there's nothing we can do to stop it. In addition, the local alumni association tends to 'donate' a small initiation gift package (depending on PC size, could be more or less), and your parents have the option to buy a gift package. The chapter itself buys a set of letters on bid day, and a lavalier on initiation day.

Generally, your little got a paddle, some type of shirt/hoodie/lettered piece of clothing, and a lot of crafted stuff--anything from wine/margarita glasses, wall letters, bulletin boards, candy, Alphies, and miscellaneous items like bar tshirts or beads, etc.

Is the chapter talking about what it means to be a big? Seems the chapter culture may need to change to put the focus on values vice letters. My chapter was small, so we had no extras; it was hard enough to cover chapter expenses andkeep dues reasonable. All our sisters valued the handmade, well-thought giftsover any other

Gifts from your big are the most amazing gifts you will receive, whether they are handmade or purchased from some big website. My big made all of my gifts for revelation, initiation, what have you. I did the same for my little, and she was ecstatic as well! Sure, my chapter was small, but I would not have had it any other way! I don't understand the whole putting a cap on spending or a requirement of how much is to be spent; it's like the saying goes "it's the thought that counts!" And honestly, it is.

The branded items that everyone got in my chapter were:
* jersey (one similar to this: http://somethinggreek.com/shop/shope...y+Jersey&id=99 -- you either got it in your sorority colors, or school colors so you could wear it to the games)
* koozie (yes, I realize this "dates" me)
* hand-painted plastic frames for party pics
* key chain (sometimes, it was a floaty key chain)
* shorts with your letters either on the leg OR ... across the butt (gosh, what were we thinking -- http://www.customgreekthreads.com/Gr.../4822.lscs.htm Sorry, Alpha Phi, this was the example I found)

With my budget, I had to be inventive. Luckily, I can sew and had access to a sandblaster & wood carving/burning machine, so I made my big & little (plus my Sigma Chi big & little brothers) items with Greek letters like:
* frosted glasses (& pretty much anything else you could frost: mugs, coffee cups, pitchers, vases, picture frame glass, etc. -- there was a glass products outlet in town and, let's just say, I WENT to town! Cut letters out of duct tape, put it on the glass item & sand-blast away.)
* anything I could sew letters on: sweatshirts, bath towel wraps (with letters & cute trim), tote bags, jerseys, and duffel bags (until someone called it a "shag bag" & then I stopped)
* things you could burn in an owl or letters: Owl pencil holders (my big, my little & I STILL have these ... after all these years), smoking pipes with the Sigma Chi cross & letters (and I am SURE my fraternity big brother and little brother ONLY used these for pipe tobacco ....), wood picture frames, paddles, etc.

I am still "crafty" (yeah, both ways), so as an Advisor, I make things for the UCLA chapter for a "Must Be Present To Win" raffle at Chapter Dinner/Meeting. The favorite thing I've made is a hockey jersey with our letters on front, owl patch on 1 arm, scull & crossbones patch on the other arm & 1895 (our founding year) on the back.

I know that my chapter split inspiration/initiation week up between three girls per new member. One obviously was the girl's big, but the other two were sailboat sisters/violet sisters. The lesser sisters got smaller gifts, such as flip flops or badge boxes, picture frames, etc. This saved the big gifts for big sisters. Bigs were required to get the first traditional satin stitched shirts for the littles, and we ordered the shirts in bulk as a chapter. This was good in case for some reason you grew out of your old stitch or it got ruined, etc, because we ordered them at least once a year and you could get them cheaper. We didn't have a cost max, but it wasn't really an issue. I didn't get a whole lot from my big, but I knew once I took a little that she did spend around $150 on me based on what I got my little. We never gave our gifts in public, however. We took them to the campus mail center and the gifts were held there with a pick up slip for the NM to pick up.

I do know that after I took my little that we weren't allowed to give paddles. I adore my paddle that my little made me, but after that we had to do sailboats and triangles because of the implications paddles had.

You could list items in a tier system to curb spending. For example, Tier 1 can be afghans, blankets, flags, anything that costs more than $50, and say that bigs can only buy one item max from the tier 1. Tier 2 could be between 30-50 and limit bigs to 2. The lower in cost, the more you could buy from that area. That way it doesn't limit creativity but it does put a curb on spending.

The way we do big-little gifting, there's two major nights for gifts: pledging and pre-initiation night.

The Members-In-Training at our chapter don't get anything major at pledging. They do get letter tote bags, since they don't wear letters till after initiation. The tote bags are made by the VP Membership, and the bigs give a bunch of silly gifts, like lightsaber bubble wands and slinkys.

Pre-I is when MIT's get all their first sets of letters. There's other gifts, like candy or coloring books, but the main gift is letters.

I wish I knew how to post photos on GC because Tallulah just sent me an email with a photo of what her big sister gave her this week. Omigosh! I seriously hope that most of that was hand-me-downs. She made her some gorgeous things too, including a painting of a portion of the Chi O Symphony.

At our big sister reveal (long ago and far away), I think I was given a lavaliere and a bud in a bud vase. I don’t recall anyone receiving much other than that. Times sure have changed!

When my daughter’s chapter did their big sis reveal, it involved many successive nights of gift giving and clues, with the big reveal on the last night. My daughter was just astonished at the gift mountain each night, and would call with “you just won’t believe…!” (she was obviously delighted with the festivity and anticipation).

She received a number of pieces of sportswear (like a hoodie, raincoat/windbreaker, and shirts), a number of other gifts that were purchased, lots and lots of crafted items, and quite a few things that were handed down. All topped with a poem on a poster giving clues about who her big might be (I think the poems may have been her favorite part).

I was really surprised at the sheer amount of ‘things’, and actually felt a little uncomfortable wondering if her big sis spent more than she should.

The next year, when my daughter was the big, the chapter limited the gifts to a set number per night, and even made some suggestions regarding what type of gift (like candy and baked goods one night, for instance). Since these gift piles were left at the chapter house for the littles to retrieve at a specified time, the chapter indicated that this would be enforced by counting in advance of the littles’ arrival. These limitations were instituted just before the big/little week approached, so the girls who had already accumulated more ‘things’ for their little than rules allowed just gave these after the reveal.

Although the rule didn’t specify what one could give their little, or how much one could spend, hopefully it eventually helped curb the excess somewhat. It is true that there is so much more to being a big than just the festivity of that week, as thrilling as it is.

That said, my daughter was super excited about being a big, so she started the summer before crafting items for her little-sis-to-be, and really enjoyed it. I helped some too (made me feel better about the project graveyard in my basement that includes paint and supplies for ex-projects). : )

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Lots of good ideas there -- being able to sew would definitely be a huge plus! No sewing skills in my household, unfortunately, but my mother did sew a few pillows and things for dd's lil-to-be during the summer craft smackdown.

I wonder if your glass idea would work with tape and a paint-on glass etching product? Hmmm... another project maybe.


My daughter was able to make a number of gifts fairly cost-efficiently since the 40 -50% weekly coupons (or sales) at the craft store chains were used for purchasing things like frames, canvases, or photo albums. The dollar store also had some items (like small frames) for decorating.

As I said, she did much of this over the summer – it was fun, but it did take some time. I'm certainly not suggesting that anyone should be concerned about making an excessive number of items -- just posting for the purpose of suggestions.


Some of the items I recall that were fairly cost-efficient to make:


A sepia-toned picture of the house, framed

Creed – hand written with calligraphy-type pen, embellished, and framed

Painted canvas (can search “sorority canvas” on etsy for inspiration)

Iron-on Greek letters ordered from ebay – the double-layered kind – ironed onto pillows (or could use on a tote, for instance)

Fabric-covered cork board (a lot of girls paint the 2 x 2 acoustic ceiling tiles from home supply store)

Painted (with paint pens) acrylic frames w/magnets for dorm refrigerator (used small rare earth magnets ordered from ebay – inexpensive but effective)

A photo album/scrapbook in chapter color (embellished) with a page started (with pics obtained later of little sis)

T-shirts, with custom messages, using fonts from computer traced onto and cut from freezer paper ironed on as a stencil (I was amazed that this actually worked well – could be used to make a stencil or letters to iron onto any fabric to be painted).

Tacks and magnets made from small domed glass cabs (have seen small clear flat-backed pebbles used for this too) – used some google images of symbols/mascots, pasted in word, reduced in size, printed, cut out, and glued to back of cab – then glued on tack w/E6000

Jewelry findings (chapter symbols/mascot) made into thumbtacks and magnets with E6000 (jewelry findings are really inexpensive and can be found in a craft store, or on etsy, for instance, in just about any imaginable symbol, animal, etc.)

A few larger items – like a painted wooden stool and a painted hinged box. I really don’t have any idea what these were used for, but they were cute.


***The sportswear is best purchased from whatever local source the girls are using – when my dd bought for her little, there seemed to be some consensus on what the girls planned to give based on the popularity of particular items.


ETA: I don't know why ebay is hyperlinked in this post. I didn't do it!

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Both of my daughters are very crafty. My eldest made such cute gifts that many of her sisters asked her to help them out! Crafting in the cheap and easy way to go. We found great frames and even a cute mirror (easily painted or modge/podge at IKEA) My eldest gave her little a bunch of hand-me-down tee-shirts and all the mugs, key chains etc. that she had accumulated. My youngest says her house tradition in the big to give the little a blanket (usually in sorority colors or the pnm fave colors) But they also give a lot of hand-me-down shirts.