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sarawoof 10-03-2012 12:36 AM
Going Early Alum... need help.
 
Can't figure out how to delete post so this is all I can do.

WCsweet<3 10-03-2012 12:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarawoof (Post 2182738)
Hi all! This is kinda long, and I'm really sorry,

My name is Sara and I am 19 years old. To give a little back story, I joined the AGD chapter at my college. I threw myself into every aspect of the sorority life, as it's all I've wanted to do since I was little. Only a few weeks into it, I was asked to participate in another sorority's philanthropy pageant because our representative backed out the NIGHT BEFORE. So I have less than 24 hour notice and I agree to help (I do REAL pageants, so I figured it'd be easy enough). I am told to rap Super Bass by Nicki Minaj, and don't question it as I am overwhelmed. The sister that was supposed to help me went out of town, and I had no one to talk to. Participate in the pageant and get 3rd.

Two days later, I am contacted by my chapter president and told that I need to write a letter to every house on campus apologizing for using that song because it was inappropriate, and go to every house and read it out loud to the chapters by myself. I am mortified and say that I will go with her to deliver an apology FROM THE HOUSE explaining that I had only been asked to participate the night before, and that no one helped me and it was all a huge mistake. I was harassed for the next two hours about how our house prides itself on having quality women, and how I clearly am not one, and how if I don't do what she says I will be initiated, until I called my mom BAWLING and she had to ask her to stop.

The situation is handled and I get initiated. Once that happens, I find out that the president had been speaking very poorly of me and saying things that weren't true to the point where no one would talk to me, or be friendly with me. When going to dinner and chapters became painful, I de-activated. My parents and I agreed that it would be better for me as my grades were starting to suffer, and I was constantly upset.

Once I did, I started getting tweets from former sisters, and blocked calls and voicemails saying that I was never, and will never be considered an AGD and that I should probably just disappear because everyone would be better off.

We got a new president that I really liked and helped me deal with the tweets, etc. and I was going to re-activate once the year waiting period was up, but ended up meeting the love of my life and transferred to a school in another state that doesn't have an AGD chapter. So I am in the process of going early alum. I know of a junior circle near me, and am planning on joining, but was wondering if anyone knew if there are many girls like me who go early alum... because I still want the chance to have a little. To find a girl younger than me that I can have that special bond with. That's the ONLY THING that is killing me about this whole thing. I'm sad I'll never get to live-in and have that sisterhood experience, but I want a little so badly.

Does anyone have ANY advice on dealing with this, or my chances of finding a little, or anything like that?

Thanks, guys.
QFP.

How do you deactivate and then reactivate?

thetalady 10-03-2012 01:05 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarawoof (Post 2182738)
Hi all! This is kinda long, and I'm really sorry,

My name is Sara and I am 19 years old. To give a little back story, I joined the AGD chapter at my college. I threw myself into every aspect of the sorority life, as it's all I've wanted to do since I was little. Only a few weeks into it, I was asked to participate in another sorority's philanthropy pageant because our representative backed out the NIGHT BEFORE. So I have less than 24 hour notice and I agree to help (I do REAL pageants, so I figured it'd be easy enough). I am told to rap Super Bass by Nicki Minaj, and don't question it as I am overwhelmed. The sister that was supposed to help me went out of town, and I had no one to talk to. Participate in the pageant and get 3rd.

Two days later, I am contacted by my chapter president and told that I need to write a letter to every house on campus apologizing for using that song because it was inappropriate, and go to every house and read it out loud to the chapters by myself. I am mortified and say that I will go with her to deliver an apology FROM THE HOUSE explaining that I had only been asked to participate the night before, and that no one helped me and it was all a huge mistake. I was harassed for the next two hours about how our house prides itself on having quality women, and how I clearly am not one, and how if I don't do what she says I will be initiated, until I called my mom BAWLING and she had to ask her to stop.

The situation is handled and I get initiated. Once that happens, I find out that the president had been speaking very poorly of me and saying things that weren't true to the point where no one would talk to me, or be friendly with me. When going to dinner and chapters became painful, I de-activated. My parents and I agreed that it would be better for me as my grades were starting to suffer, and I was constantly upset.

Once I did, I started getting tweets from former sisters, and blocked calls and voicemails saying that I was never, and will never be considered an AGD and that I should probably just disappear because everyone would be better off.

We got a new president that I really liked and helped me deal with the tweets, etc. and I was going to re-activate once the year waiting period was up, but ended up meeting the love of my life and transferred to a school in another state that doesn't have an AGD chapter. So I am in the process of going early alum. I know of a junior circle near me, and am planning on joining, but was wondering if anyone knew if there are many girls like me who go early alum... because I still want the chance to have a little. To find a girl younger than me that I can have that special bond with. That's the ONLY THING that is killing me about this whole thing. I'm sad I'll never get to live-in and have that sisterhood experience, but I want a little so badly.

Does anyone have ANY advice on dealing with this, or my chances of finding a little, or anything like that?

Thanks, guys.
Fascinating story, but it makes no sense to me... maybe I am missing something. From what I understand, you quit. There is no going back from "quit".

From what you explained, you do not seem to have the option being a member of AGD again or even being an alumnae of the organization. I am confused by what you mean by a one year waiting period... waiting for what?

sarawoof 10-03-2012 01:38 AM
When I de-activated, it was seen as a suspension of my membership. So I have to wait a year, and after that year I am allowed to either have my membership reinstated or I can do nothing and be officially de-activated and cannot rejoin AGD. But I am within that year mark and am eligible for early alum since I transferred to a school that doesn't have a chapter. I've talked it all out with nationals and my advisor.

DubaiSis 10-03-2012 01:51 AM
So you won't be an active member no matter what? Then why worry about it. Reinstate your membership and become an alumna. You get the benefits of membership and seemingly no down side. Have I missed something? But I'm confused. Why would you have a little if you're not an active and there's no chapter at your current school? Who would you be a big to?

Unfortunately the collegiate sorority experience is history for you. The next phase of your sorority membership is going to be much different and bigs and littles, formals, fraternity parties, etc. are in your past.

But kudos to AGD for allowing a forgiveness period. Girls do a lot of stupid things and make rash decisions. This seems like a kind alternative to no backsies, no how.

sarawoof 10-03-2012 01:59 AM
I just didn't know if there was a way to find another girl like me that maybe transferred and didn't have a big or something like that. I don't really care about parties or formals at this point.

I don't know if your comment was towards me making a stupid or rash decision, because I can assure you, I went through a lot for MONTHS before deciding I couldn't handle it anymore. And they don't allow a forgiveness period for everyone, I was in a special circumstance.

Always AlphaGam 10-03-2012 03:25 AM
My advice is to embrace this new stage of Sisterhood and accept that your collegiate experience is over.

Make sure you're in good standing and get involved with your nearest Junior Circle/Alumnae Chapter. Go on Sister Search and find sisters living in your area. Their Initiation years should be listed there so maybe you can find ones closer in age. Hopefully their contact info is listed as well.

I joined as an upperclassman so my time going to formals, mixers, and having a sister-daughter was very limited. AGD became much more special to me as an alumna. Some of my closest friends are sisters a lot older than me.

It's a crappy feeling now, but one day you'll understand.

AGDee 10-03-2012 06:39 AM
We do have a process for reinstatement of membership after a suspension but it does not work like the OP says.

OP- Contact IHQ to find out your membership status. Some of the details you've posted do not fit with policy. IHQ is the only place you can find out for sure where you stand right now.

LouisaMay 10-03-2012 09:11 AM
If you find that you are, for certain, able to be active as an alumna, you will not have the official experience of having a "little." However, one of the wonderful parts of being an alumna is serving as a mentor to younger sisters in many ways--formally and informally. I have been an active district volunteer and then a national volunteer since 2007, and I have been blessed to meet and support many young women in ASA. If you embrace those opportunities, you will not feel that you missed out!

sarawoof 10-03-2012 05:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Always AlphaGam (Post 2182756)
My advice is to embrace this new stage of Sisterhood and accept that your collegiate experience is over.

Make sure you're in good standing and get involved with your nearest Junior Circle/Alumnae Chapter. Go on Sister Search and find sisters living in your area. Their Initiation years should be listed there so maybe you can find ones closer in age. Hopefully their contact info is listed as well.

I joined as an upperclassman so my time going to formals, mixers, and having a sister-daughter was very limited. AGD became much more special to me as an alumna. Some of my closest friends are sisters a lot older than me.

It's a crappy feeling now, but one day you'll understand.
That made me feel a lot better, thank you. Luckily, there is a junior circle where I live!

sarawoof 10-03-2012 05:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by AGDee (Post 2182761)
We do have a process for reinstatement of membership after a suspension but it does not work like the OP says.

OP- Contact IHQ to find out your membership status. Some of the details you've posted do not fit with policy. IHQ is the only place you can find out for sure where you stand right now.
I have been in contact with IHQ and talked to several women who have all told me the same thing. I wait until the year mark is over (January) and then I can have my membership reinstated, but as an alum since I moved schools. Normally it would just be reinstated, but since I moved and there is no chapter at my school, it will be as an alum.

DubaiSis 10-03-2012 06:07 PM
No, I wasn't calling you stupid or rash. But there are girls who get through 3 1/2 years of collegiate life and quit as opposed to sitting through 8 more chapter meetings. For the entire rest of their lives. I've never heard of an NPC sorority allowing a way out of that stupid move. Of course, I don't know all the ins and outs of your process, but if there is ANY way to resolve it, I think that's good.

It sounds like you had no choice but to make the moves you did. Hopefully being in a new city with (hopefully) a different set of alumnae sisters, you can start fresh and rebuild your opinion of the group as a whole.

AGDee 10-03-2012 07:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarawoof (Post 2182880)
I have been in contact with IHQ and talked to several women who have all told me the same thing. I wait until the year mark is over (January) and then I can have my membership reinstated, but as an alum since I moved schools. Normally it would just be reinstated, but since I moved and there is no chapter at my school, it will be as an alum.
Ok, good.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DubaiSis (Post 2182890)
No, I wasn't calling you stupid or rash. But there are girls who get through 3 1/2 years of collegiate life and quit as opposed to sitting through 8 more chapter meetings. For the entire rest of their lives. I've never heard of an NPC sorority allowing a way out of that stupid move. Of course, I don't know all the ins and outs of your process, but if there is ANY way to resolve it, I think that's good.

It sounds like you had no choice but to make the moves you did. Hopefully being in a new city with (hopefully) a different set of alumnae sisters, you can start fresh and rebuild your opinion of the group as a whole.
Yes, we do have a "way out of that stupid move."

Back to the original question then, sarawoof... As an alum, you won't get that live in experience or the experience of having a sister-daughter, but there are things you will be able to do. For example, with our new colonizations, alumnae from all over the country take "pearl sisters." Since colony members don't have sister-mothers, alum correspond with them, make them feel welcome, etc. even from a distance :)

DeltaBetaBaby 10-03-2012 07:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by AGDee (Post 2182901)
Ok, good.



Yes, we do have a "way out of that stupid move."
I know that we also allow reinstatements, under certain circumstances. In fact, I'd guess that lots of groups do, but that it is just a rare thing (and perhaps needs a high level of approval?).

AGDee 10-03-2012 09:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby (Post 2182908)
I know that we also allow reinstatements, under certain circumstances. In fact, I'd guess that lots of groups do, but that it is just a rare thing (and perhaps needs a high level of approval?).
And really, it only makes sense. Sometimes women do this because they just can't financially continue as a collegian. Sometimes they are facing difficult personal circumstances. Sometimes they make mistakes, mature a bit, get things together and realize their sorority membership is important to them. I imagine the women who make the effort to get reinstated will probably be pretty committed to their organization from that point on.

33girl 10-03-2012 10:00 PM
I know this is a sour grapes-ish answer, but the big-little relationship isn't always the lifechanging awesomeness it's made out to be. I know lots of people who can't stand their bigs/littles. (Your little is also not always younger than you and lots of girls aren't into being "mentored.") Ditto living in. It can be fun, but it can also be stressful. In other words, maybe those things would have been great for you, but there's a chance they could have sucked too. If that makes you feel better.

I advise you to throw yourself wholeheartedly into activities of all sorts at your new school and make lasting friends there. DON'T spend all your time with your boyfriend.

DubaiSis 10-03-2012 10:18 PM
Agree. I think it's pretty over-blown and seems primarily to be a reason to get/give a mountain of gifts. Many GCers will tell you their membership really started to flower once they became alumnae. It's different, no doubt, but it is still valuable and precious.

Best to move on and discover a new level of sisterhood and not worry about what the 18 year olds are doing or what you missed as a 19 year old member.

Old_Row 10-04-2012 02:14 AM
Since you are only 19 I'm not sure how you expect to find an alumna even younger than you are to be a big to and mentor? Especially since you were only an active for a couple of months? That doesn't make sense to me.

sarawoof 10-04-2012 01:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 2182931)
I know this is a sour grapes-ish answer, but the big-little relationship isn't always the lifechanging awesomeness it's made out to be. I know lots of people who can't stand their bigs/littles. (Your little is also not always younger than you and lots of girls aren't into being "mentored.") Ditto living in. It can be fun, but it can also be stressful. In other words, maybe those things would have been great for you, but there's a chance they could have sucked too. If that makes you feel better.

I advise you to throw yourself wholeheartedly into activities of all sorts at your new school and make lasting friends there. DON'T spend all your time with your boyfriend.
Haha. Well. I kind of have to spend a lot of time with him, since we live together. But he is a very understanding man and doesn't resent me the time with friends and even encourages it. He's been a huge help through this whole reinstatement process as well.

What you're saying about big/little relationships ARE true. My big (that I ADORE) absolutely hates her big, who also hates both of us (even though I've never met her officially). So I understand how that can be, but I've always wanted to try. Someone above mentioned maybe a sister search, and finding someone like me that transferred or whatnot.

fascination 10-04-2012 01:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarawoof (Post 2182738)
I am told to rap Super Bass by Nicki Minaj, and don't question it as I am overwhelmed.
I didn't understand why OP would be expected to personally apologize to every chapter on campus until I Googled the lyrics. Vulgar is not a strong enough word, so now I understand why. (Even if you cleaned the lyrics up some, obviously other people knew knew how nasty the regular lyrics are.) Just because "someone" told you to rap this doesn't mean you have to. You could have and should have said no. I'm sorry you had to learn this lesson the hard way.

sarawoof 10-04-2012 01:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old_Row (Post 2182963)
Since you are only 19 I'm not sure how you expect to find an alumna even younger than you are to be a big to and mentor? Especially since you were only an active for a couple of months? That doesn't make sense to me.
Eventually, I guess. So maybe not this year or next year but the year after that. I can't be the ONLY girl that transfers. You know what I mean? So I'd just adopt someone along the way. And if it didn't happen, then it didn't happen, but I couldn't say that I didn't try.

DeltaBetaBaby 10-04-2012 01:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarawoof (Post 2183049)
Eventually, I guess. So maybe not this year or next year but the year after that. I can't be the ONLY girl that transfers. You know what I mean? So I'd just adopt someone along the way. And if it didn't happen, then it didn't happen, but I couldn't say that I didn't try.
Some orgs also have alums that "adopt" a woman in a colonizing chapter. Again, this isn't something that would happen right now, but if you get involved as an alumna, this may be an opportunity for you down the line.

Old_Row 10-04-2012 02:32 PM
I just don't know how you could be a big with such limited and negative experience. She would already have a big anyway. I don't believe alumna membership is anything like college membership and you are looking for something that doesn't exist.

sarawoof 10-04-2012 03:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old_Row (Post 2183063)
I just don't know how you could be a big with such limited and negative experience. She would already have a big anyway. I don't believe alumna membership is anything like college membership and you are looking for something that doesn't exist.
You know, I honestly feel like there are options out there for every situation. I am trying to make the best of mine, and something even like the Pearl program or something would be something that I'm interested in and is a good alternative. No, I will never have a little that I pick, and also picks me from the incoming pledge class, and I won't have "fam nights" and she won't make me a paddle and I won't buy her her first set of letters. I know all of that. I came here looking for alternatives, or something close enough that could be a substitute or see if anyone had gone through the same thing. I had to leave my house because some people don't know how to handle power, or treat others, and I was tired of having people that were supposed to be my SISTERS make me feel like I meant NOTHING to any of them. It's not like I wanted to leave the one thing I'd always dreamed of doing, but at some point your dream has to die in order to save yourself. So I know I will never have that "normal" experience. But I also know that where there is a will, there is a way. I'm trying to think positively about all of this, and to find a way to at least share a special bond with one girl that I could maybe eventually call my little. I HAVE a big and I'm not closed down to adopting another big that I am actually AROUND. So maybe it'll be the same for some other girl.

sarawoof 10-04-2012 03:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby (Post 2183051)
Some orgs also have alums that "adopt" a woman in a colonizing chapter. Again, this isn't something that would happen right now, but if you get involved as an alumna, this may be an opportunity for you down the line.
I've been looking into that, too, and that sounds like it could be fun! I know there are opportunities out there, I just need to find them all :)

ASTalumna06 10-04-2012 04:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarawoof (Post 2183049)
Eventually, I guess. So maybe not this year or next year but the year after that. I can't be the ONLY girl that transfers. You know what I mean? So I'd just adopt someone along the way. And if it didn't happen, then it didn't happen, but I couldn't say that I didn't try.
You're right.. You're not the only girl that transfers. However, you have a big sister, correct? Guess what - that other girl who transfers will also have a big already.

Please don't try too hard.. You could come off as desperate or weird. If you meet a girl who's a younger transfer, try to be her SISTER. That's probably what she's looking for.

sarawoof 10-04-2012 06:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by fascination (Post 2183048)
I didn't understand why OP would be expected to personally apologize to every chapter on campus until I Googled the lyrics. Vulgar is not a strong enough word, so now I understand why. (Even if you cleaned the lyrics up some, obviously other people knew knew how nasty the regular lyrics are.) Just because "someone" told you to rap this doesn't mean you have to. You could have and should have said no. I'm sorry you had to learn this lesson the hard way.
Honestly, I thought nothing of it. No one else did either. The girls in my house (around 200 of us), the event coordinators, and my mother never thought to take out the lyrics because everyone knows what they are. Honestly, it's not the worst song I've ever heard. It's not like everyone didn't have it on their iPod or hadn't heard it 100 times on the radio, and it was a COLLEGE event. I'm pretty sure that all those people that are legal to VOTE can hear a few cuss words. No one complained to my chapter, no one said anything about it. The president didn't even go to the event, and saw a video of it a couple of days later and realized that no one had told me that things needed to be bleeped out. The sorority that had won the pageant the year before won with a similar rap song called 143 and the lyrics say "girl I don't even care if you a lesbian, that just means we got some common interests." So no one thought mine would be a problem.

As someone who was never told rules or guidelines, and seeing that song win the year before, I really didn't feel that I and only I needed to apologize to everyone by myself. I was COMPLETELY willing to write a letter WITH the house in order to apologize to everyone explaining my situation, and that I was given no direction, and then signing it from both the president and myself.

My mother still saw nothing wrong with the song, nor did any of my peers. The president felt she would get in trouble for not directing me or offering me the help that was supposed to be given so that something like that could be avoided, and didn't want to get in trouble. So she wanted me to take all the blame. She threatened me, insulted me, and then encouraged others to shut me out.

Do I wish that I'd said no to the pageant? Of course.
Do I wish that I'd thought about the song a little more? Sure. I still saw nothing wrong with it in comparison to the year before's, but maybe I should've just told them I wouldn't do that song.
Did I face consequences for it? More than were absolutely necessary, and turned to the point of harassment, and girls telling me to kill myself because I didn't just take the blame and disgraced myself.

Let me tell you something, when you are 18, away from home, joining a new sorority, scared out of your mind that the PRESIDENT is mad at you, and she tells you that she will "personally ruin your reputation in the house and on campus" and then FOLLOWING THROUGH on that threat is NOT what I deserved and should NEVER happen to ANYONE. It's more frightening than the move out of your parents house was, or the fact that you are trying to make new friends and someone with power makes sure you can't. It was the worst thing I've ever been through, and I will not be told that I "should have known better" because from what had been shown as acceptable in the past, and what I was told by girls that had been to this event for four years already told me that it was fine. I did my research. It all checked out.

sarawoof 10-04-2012 06:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ASTalumna06 (Post 2183088)
You're right.. You're not the only girl that transfers. However, you have a big sister, correct? Guess what - that other girl who transfers will also have a big already.

Please don't try too hard.. You could come off as desperate or weird. If you meet a girl who's a younger transfer, try to be her SISTER. That's probably what she's looking for.
As I've said before, I have a big and would be open to adopting a second one. So maybe some girl somewhere along the line would be willing to do the same thing. I'm not going to stalk some girl home and bring her "littles" gifts. But if something like that happened, where I met a girl who transferred and we wanted a big little relationship, then I feel that's fair to do. I'm not socially insufficient, I know how to handle myself. But it's not completely out of line to hope that might be possible in the future.

33girl 10-04-2012 06:58 PM
"Adopting" bigs or littles can get awfully dicey, unless the previous big or little in question was terminated from the sorority. The last thing you want to do is piss another whole chapter off.

If you choose to reinstate, you're an alumna now. You are not going to have a "little" as you knew it to be in collegiate life. THAT SHIP HAS SAILED. At some point you might be able to participate in the Pearl Sister program for new colonies that AGD has, but that's apples and oranges. You need to say "I'm upset that I never had a chance to take a little," deal with it, and move on. If you can't do that, you are never going to be able to enjoy life as an alumna, and you should probably just save the money and forget about reinstatement.

adpiucf 10-04-2012 07:08 PM
If you're that intent on having a little, look at campus organizations at your new school where you can have a mentor/mentee or big/little relationship. There are service organizations, pre-professional societies, etc. Bonus: lots of new friends. You've chosen to transfer to a new school, so make the best of it.

Old_Row 10-04-2012 07:42 PM
There's got to be more to this story and we are only hearing one side where nothing is your fault. I also can't believe your mother thought there was nothing wrong with you performing that song. That's embarrassing in itself.

sarawoof 10-05-2012 12:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old_Row (Post 2183123)
There's got to be more to this story and we are only hearing one side where nothing is your fault. I also can't believe your mother thought there was nothing wrong with you performing that song. That's embarrassing in itself.
I fully admitted that I should have never said yes to the pageant, never said yes to the song and thought more about it... so I fail to see how NOTHING was my fault. I've taken responsibility for what I've done. None of the harassment was my fault. I didn't ask to have someone tell me to kill myself.

Also, my mom will be the first to tell me when I've done something wrong. So you need to be respectful of her and not say that that's embarrassing. Really.

sarawoof 10-05-2012 12:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 2183111)
"Adopting" bigs or littles can get awfully dicey, unless the previous big or little in question was terminated from the sorority. The last thing you want to do is piss another whole chapter off.

If you choose to reinstate, you're an alumna now. You are not going to have a "little" as you knew it to be in collegiate life. THAT SHIP HAS SAILED. At some point you might be able to participate in the Pearl Sister program for new colonies that AGD has, but that's apples and oranges. You need to say "I'm upset that I never had a chance to take a little," deal with it, and move on. If you can't do that, you are never going to be able to enjoy life as an alumna, and you should probably just save the money and forget about reinstatement.
Apparently I need to spell it out AGAIN. I WOULD LIKE TO LOOK INTO THE OPTION OF ADOPTING SOMEONE THAT COULD HOLD A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME LIKE THE BIG/LITTLE WOULD BE. If it happens, then it happens, and if it doesn't THEN IT DOESN'T AND I'M OKAY WITH THAT. I was literally asking for people's advice on dealing with the EMOTIONS that came with my situation, or if anyone else had been through it. It would be completely stupid to say that there is no chance EVER of me finding a little-type person. But all I was saying is it would be nice if that could happen and that I hope it does someday. I UNDERSTAND that it might not. I'm not incompetent. I understand.

ASTalumna06 10-05-2012 01:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarawoof (Post 2183105)
As I've said before, I have a big and would be open to adopting a second one. So maybe some girl somewhere along the line would be willing to do the same thing. I'm not going to stalk some girl home and bring her "littles" gifts. But if something like that happened, where I met a girl who transferred and we wanted a big little relationship, then I feel that's fair to do. I'm not socially insufficient, I know how to handle myself. But it's not completely out of line to hope that might be possible in the future.
I just personally feel like you're a little too caught up on this. The "adopted" littles within my own chapter were always seen as more of a joke - a joke among the new big/little match, not seen as a joke by the rest of the chapter. They just kind of said it to say it. It didn't consist of switching family lines, showering each other with gifts, and being a mentor.

Some things don't work out as we planned. Just go with the flow. And be aware that even though you have a big (from a chapter that, according to you, basically "disowned" you), and you are willing to have another one, another transfer you meet might have the best big in the world and the last thing she'd want to do is piss her off by claiming someone else as her big.

Titchou 10-05-2012 06:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarawoof (Post 2183177)
I was literally asking for people's advice on dealing with the EMOTIONS that came with my situation.
Here is the advice you say you sought:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change those I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.

chi-o_cat 10-05-2012 08:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by adpiucf (Post 2183116)
If you're that intent on having a little, look at campus organizations at your new school where you can have a mentor/mentee or big/little relationship. There are service organizations, pre-professional societies, etc. Bonus: lots of new friends. You've chosen to transfer to a new school, so make the best of it.
I believe that Phi Sigma Pi (a co-ed honor fraternity) does bigs/littles- if they have a chapter at your new school, you should look into that.

ASTalumna06 10-05-2012 10:19 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by chi-o_cat (Post 2183197)
I believe that Phi Sigma Pi (a co-ed honor fraternity) does bigs/littles- if they have a chapter at your new school, you should look into that.
However, PLEASE don't start joining random organizations just so you can get a little!

agzg 10-05-2012 10:32 AM
OK, this thread is getting a little testy. Since some Alpha Gams have already responded to the OP regarding Alpha Gam policy specifically, could we keep the speculation and "some groups" talk to a minimum, since there are those of us here that can more specifically answer her question?

sarawoof, you're going to be an alumna if your membership stuff gets figured out in your favor, so it's time to make the best of the situation. Once your membership stuff is figured out, inquire about contact information for the local JC or other Alumnae group and try to get involved there.

No, you probably won't be able to be someone's sister-mother. It's very rare that an alumna would become someone's sister-mother, and it's usually a very special situation to boot. So I would put that out of your mind.

There are opportunities, once you get used to the "being an alumna, going to JC or Alumnae Chapter/Club meetings" thing, to form close bonds with the women in those groups. Those opportunities are dependent on the group you become involved with. Inquire about the opportunity to be mentored/when you've been around a while, be a mentor. To be quite honest, it seems like you need some mentoring yourself, so I'd inquire about that first.

Once you're used to being an alumna, there are also Pearl Sisters, which have been mentioned already. Please keep in mind that being a Pearl Sister for any colonies in the very near future is inadvisable - you're (first off), still in college, you're busy, and you're trying to figure out what it means to be an Alumna member of Alpha Gamma Delta while you haven't had the opportunity to figure out what it means to be a Collegiate member of Alpha Gamma Delta. Adjusting is going to take a while, so please don't expect it to happen overnight, and practice patience.

At the very least, given the backstory, I'd wait to get at least a few really positive alumna experiences under my belt prior to jumping into a mentor role for any other members. Negativity breeds negativity, etc.

As far as dealing with the emotions, you're just going to have to give yourself time to adjust and remain patient.

sarawoof 10-06-2012 03:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by agzg (Post 2183232)
OK, this thread is getting a little testy. Since some Alpha Gams have already responded to the OP regarding Alpha Gam policy specifically, could we keep the speculation and "some groups" talk to a minimum, since there are those of us here that can more specifically answer her question?

sarawoof, you're going to be an alumna if your membership stuff gets figured out in your favor, so it's time to make the best of the situation. Once your membership stuff is figured out, inquire about contact information for the local JC or other Alumnae group and try to get involved there.

No, you probably won't be able to be someone's sister-mother. It's very rare that an alumna would become someone's sister-mother, and it's usually a very special situation to boot. So I would put that out of your mind.

There are opportunities, once you get used to the "being an alumna, going to JC or Alumnae Chapter/Club meetings" thing, to form close bonds with the women in those groups. Those opportunities are dependent on the group you become involved with. Inquire about the opportunity to be mentored/when you've been around a while, be a mentor. To be quite honest, it seems like you need some mentoring yourself, so I'd inquire about that first.

Once you're used to being an alumna, there are also Pearl Sisters, which have been mentioned already. Please keep in mind that being a Pearl Sister for any colonies in the very near future is inadvisable - you're (first off), still in college, you're busy, and you're trying to figure out what it means to be an Alumna member of Alpha Gamma Delta while you haven't had the opportunity to figure out what it means to be a Collegiate member of Alpha Gamma Delta. Adjusting is going to take a while, so please don't expect it to happen overnight, and practice patience.

At the very least, given the backstory, I'd wait to get at least a few really positive alumna experiences under my belt prior to jumping into a mentor role for any other members. Negativity breeds negativity, etc.

As far as dealing with the emotions, you're just going to have to give yourself time to adjust and remain patient.
This was exactly what I was looking for, so thank you VERY much. I know that I am going to wait before trying to start up any mentor position. I have no negative feelings towards my sorority, just how people acted, and the main causes of the issues that came about. I'm really looking forward to joining my local JC. I can't wait for January to come so that all of this is under way and I can get started!

Thanks for the nicely worded advice. It's nice to not be attacked for once.

ASTalumna06 10-06-2012 06:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarawoof (Post 2183368)
It's nice to not be attacked for once.
:rolleyes:


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