Decided to rush last minute- a couple of questions
 

Hi!

So I decided at the last minute to rush this semester. I'm a senior this year (graduating in the spring) and I got married last fall to my high school sweetheart. I have been fairly involved on campus the past few years with volunteer organizations and a professional society, but I never thought that "greek life" was for me.

I get that I'm in a "different place" in life than most PNMs rushing, but I feel strongly about the idea that it's not just 4 years, it's for life (to borrow the cliche I've seen in every recruitment flyer, video, and banner). I would love to have the opportunity to experience sorority life as an undergraduate student, and remain involved for life.

That being said, I've got a couple of questions. I know that the "B's" are off-limits (I spent most of last night reading this forum). I'm wondering if it would be a good idea for me to leave my wedding set at home, or if that would be seen as dishonest. I'm not ashamed of my hubby, but I'd rather avoid the "so do you have a boyfriend/what's that ring" conversation.

I'm "young" age-wise for a senior (early birthday + skipped a grade) so it's not like I'm a 24+ year old rushing (no offense to those who are!) but I AM a senior. I assume the members will probably know this based on the paperwork I filled out, but should I bring up my graduation plans, or should I leave it as "I'm a senior this year, I'm studying ___" and move on to another topic? I have already applied to grad school at the university I currently attend, so while I won't be an undergrad student I will be a student. Do any sororities allow graduate members to be active, and is this something that I should address during the parties?

Any advice? I'm not nervous, per se, because it's not the end of the world if I don't get a bid, but I am excited and hoping that things go well, and that I'm given an opportunity to experience sorority life and to contribute to the organization with the time I have left in college.

The most obvious question will be why you waited so long...especially if you've been involved in other things on campus, AND especially if you just got married. (It would make more sense if you had just gotten divorced.)

To be quite frank, if you would come through my chapter during rush, I'd assume you were just trying to go Greek to pad your resume.

My best friend joined as a senior, BUT:
-This was at a campus where people often took 5-6 years to graduate.
-Her family home was 30 miles from campus and she had every intention of being an active alumna.
-She had minimal campus involvement.
-She was good friends with several sisters.
-We had no live-in requirement at our (small family-style) house.

Unless you know FOR SURE that you are going to have time to be involved as a grad student (and from what most people say on here, you never have as much time as you think you will) it's improper to go into rush saying "well I'm a senior but I'll be here for grad school and can be active then." Some sororities allow active grad students, some do not, and at some chapters, even if the national policy is to allow it, a grad student would not feel welcome or comfortable.

Give it a whirl if you want, but prepare to get raked over the coals.

I guess I had a less than favorable opinion on greek life as a freshman, and then I was heavily involved with student groups as a sophomore and junior, along with wedding planning. Last year especially two of my organizations worked with several fraternity and sororities on philanthropy/social justice projects and it really changed my opinion on greek life. Now that the insanity of wedding planning is done and I'm settling into married life I'm looking to get more involved in campus life again.

Last year I was on e-board for two of the organizations I was in, and I decided not to run for re-election because at the time I felt overwhelmed and I didn't see this year being any easier. I think that was the main reason I signed up yesterday for recruitment- the semester has been TOO empty, and I feel very passionately about the philanthropies of several of the sororities on my campus. Of course, I'd be thrilled to be in ANY of them, and even if it was a sorority whose philanthropy I had not worked with before, I'd love the opportunity to expand my knowledge of the philanthropic culture of our city.

The grad program that I am looking into has a strong focus on community service and leadership development, so I can see myself remaining involved in greek life just because of the encouragement to be active members of our living/learning communities.

You will most likely be invited back to very few groups. If there is one group on your campus that struggles a bit with numbers, that is the likeliest option for you. Most groups just don't have any reason to extend a bid to a senior when they could extend it to a younger member who will contribute more in her time as an undergraduate.

So, my advice is this: be prepared, and if there is some chapter that is willing to take a chance on you, be willing to take a chance on them.

Thank you :) I'm assuming that I probably won't be invited back to too many parties, but hey, it's kind of like buying a lotto ticket- it only takes one, right ;)

Yes, and I say all this not to discourage you, but so that you are prepared. No matter how much the rational, prepared CautiousSenior knows what she is in for, the CautiousSenior who is stressed out about rushing and classes and not eating/sleeping/working out enough may feel differently.

It sounds like you are in this for the right reasons, and I wish you the best of luck, but it is going to be tough.

For the most part, women don't choose NPC sororities based on their philanthropy - and vice versa. The mutual selection process that goes on is basically "I like you, and you like me. Let's spend more time together." It has nothing to do with "being an active member of a living/learning community."

Also, just because a sorority's philanthropy is (random) literacy awareness, it doesn't mean that chapter actually goes out and teaches people to read. It may mean they put on a big pancake breakfast once a year and then send the national foundation a check.

When your orgs worked with GLOs last semester, did you get to know any of the members personally? I don't mean as add me on facebook friends, but as people you would actually spend time with. If you did, did any of them ever approach you about wanting to become a sorority member?

Like 33girl, I saw 2 seniors initiated into my chapter, BUT

-We didn't have a house
-We only did informal recruitment at the time, total was 40, and none of the chapters were at (or really close to) total
-One of them made it clear how much she really wanted to be involved as an alumna - after she graduated, she helped start the alumnae chapter in town, she's now an advisor for another chapter in the area, and she attends nearly all of the alumnae events our chapter holds.

My chapter even initiated someone who was a little older and married (with kids!), but she attended all of our scheduled events, never made excuses, held Exec Board positions, and was more dedicated than some of the sisters who were 18 with nearly no other responsibilities (aside from schoolwork).

I don't know which school you attend or how competitive your recruitment is, but most likely, you're going to have to REALLY stand out if you want to get a bid. I don't mean to discourage you.. just telling it like it is.

Good luck!

Seniors are fairly common at my Alma matter, about 5% of the PNMs. Although less than that end up with bids. Seniors still get bids but they are cut heavily even when they are exceptional.

There is a campus in my area with quite a few non-traditional students. There are three sororities on campus: two of them are very comfortable giving a bid to a non-traditional student if she is a good fit for the chapter. The chapters do not have housing and many students take 5-7 years to finish their degrees. Depending on your campus, and you know it better than we do, you may be successful, but be prepared to sell yourself. You may very well be asked why someone who is so far along in her studies chose now to explore Greek life. You may very well be asked about being married, as well. My advice to you would be to have an open mind, well thought out answers, and an awareness that it might not go as planned. Best wishes to you!

Wear your wedding set during recruitment. It would be dishonest and very misleading if you didn't.

I got to know a few of the ladies, but they were all upperclassmen (we worked on a joint planning committee). We never had a conversation about joining a sorority, but I never asked either.

I'm getting nervous, but I'm sure I'll find something to like with each group. From what I'm reading (and what I've witnessed at the student union the past several years) it's an intense weekend, so I'll stay positive and remind myself that if I'm lucky enough to be offered a bid, it's more than many girls ever get, and to cherish the opportunity to make new friends, quite possibly with people I would not have met otherwise. I met some great girls when we met with our recruitment counselors last night for kickoff, and there was another senior in my group- so I'm glad to not be the only one!

Wish me luck!

Well, I survived recruitment weekend! I was cut hard in the first round- only received invites back to philanthropy rounds for 2 sororities, and only one invitation back to house tours. I figured I was out at that point. I ended up leaving my engagement ring at home, and wearing my wedding band. Still visible, but less attention-getting. Nobody asked about it, which I found REALLY surprising!

I was certainly shocked when I was invited to preference yesterday!!!!!! It was amazing- I cried, I laughed, and I honestly felt like I belonged there, and that I found "the thing" I had been looking for.

I will find out tonight if I received a bid. I'm kind of guessing that I did, since I maximized my options, but I know crazier things have happened, so I'm not counting any chickens before they hatch.


Thank you everyone for the advice and the well wishes.

Best of luck, though it looks like you don't need much anymore!
Congrats on making it to pref, and even better that it was somewhere you want to be!

FYI: Nobody asked about the ring because it falls into the forbidden Bs category.

I was just a bit surprised because it doesn't look like a traditional wedding band- my husband actually made it himself- it's hard to describe. He used files to make it out of an old nut (like the metal kind, not the delicious kind). I kind of assumed asking about it would be asked because it would be a way to figure out my relationship status without directly asking about it.

It's also possible that they might not have noticed it.

That, I think, is probably the more likely situation. I thought I was prepared for the chaos that is sorority recruitment. There is really no way for someone who has never experienced it to know what to expect, regardless of how well you think you are prepared. I lost my voice, my ears are still ringing, and there wasn't enough coffee in the world to get me going this morning! ;)

I don't know how many, but some GLOs don't initiate married women, so that could have been the cause of the "heavy cuts".

Congratulations on getting through Pref - here's hoping that you get the bid of your choice!

NOT trying ot stir trouble, just curious.... How do the chapters find out that the PNM is married, other than asking through the grapevine? Is that kind of question on the registration form for rush? It would be tragic for her to get a bid, only to find out later that she is ineligible to be initiated.

Seeing a wedding band? No interest in mixers? I'm not really sure.

I spent the afternoon looking on the national website for the organization I attended preference with, and I see nothing in their policies that would prohibit me from initiating. My relationship status is public on facebook (name, major, marital status, email, and employer only) so I'm sure if they've looked on facebook they are aware.

Congratulations on a seemingly successful rush so far. The one thing that makes it easier for you is you were looking for a sisterhood, not to be in the cool house that has the best mixers on campus. When you cut that element out of the process, you see that there are great groups out there and the value in each.

There is so much going on for the sorority members that while it may seem impossible to miss a wedding ring, it could absolutely happen. But my guess is it was noticed one way or another, and they chose not to address it. And while some sororities may not allow married members, it certainly doesn't apply to everyone, and I think that's a rule to resolve the "living in" problem. I wouldn't worry about it, but if you are concerned, you can always mention it prior to the pledging ceremony. Since "boys" is one of the verboten topics, this kind of strays into touchy ground. But I would have recommended you mention it during the preference party. When you're talking about your husband, you're not exactly talking about your latest hook up last weekend.

You might not find what you are looking for (re: initiation "policies") in the public sections of the GLOs' websites.

That's my guess. Maybe it's just me but I never notice that kind of thing on anyone, ever.

A lot of girls just wear regular rings on that finger too, though I've always avoided it, or they might have thought it was a promise ring or something of that nature. I would never have noticed if someone was wearing a wedding ring or set unless they had a "car headlight" engagement ring (a.k.a. big honkin' diamond)

Forbidden Bs?

I think it falls under "Boys"

I hope you get a bid! Please let us know how everything works out.

Boys, booze, bible, and bank account.

From her rec????

Wow -- wished these had been forbidden when I went thru Rush the 1st time.
At 1 chapter, I got asked what my father did and how much money he made ...!
(I replied, "Enough" -- I was horrified someone could even ask.)

I was asked what my parents did, with no direct reference to money, it still made me very uncomfortable, because why else would you ask it?

Ah. Who are they dating, do they (or how much do they) drink, what religion are they and how much money do they/their parents have? Right?

The group that you hope to receive a bid from has no live in requirements, right? I wish you luck!

Yeah, it's just a sort of mnemonic for issues that a good rusher steers away from.

Don't forget Bush/Barack, aka politics! I think that's the real reason we can't elect Romney... No B!

I've never thought of it as a weird question to ask. I know other people think it's tacky/taboo, and I avoid doing it myself, but I don't get offended when people ask what my parents do.

I think it is all about context. If there is something that leads into it, sure, but as an opening question, no.

Just go with "ballots." ;)