Need some advice!
 

For starters, read this thread:
http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=127686

You can also get a part time job and pay for your dues yourself.

That really isn't the be-all and end-all of it. I am guessing she would also like her mother to be in her corner for something she wants to pursue.

sarahmass94 - Unless all the schools you've applied to are pretty homogenous, Greek life is going to be very different from school to school. Wait until you know for sure where you're going to have the sorority talk so you know what you're talking about (i.e. if you end up at a school without sorority housing, you're going to sound silly if you told her that it's a safe housing option).

That doesn't even seem to be one of her concerns, since she didn't mention money or dues. :confused:

To the OP: I understand where you're coming from. My mother is virulently anti-Greek and does not support me or my sister's Greek memberships and activities (especially lame since we're way out of college at this point). To that end, she'll get over it. It sounds harsh but it's true.

Like 33 said, it's probably best to wait until you know where you're going to school. My undergrad had sororities housed on campus so it wasn't any different from living in the dorm, whereas a sorority house may be another host of issues.

Good luck!

One of my top choice schools is CSULB, I wanted to go there and get a theatre degree, which is what my mom also did. I have family who live in the area, my mother's parents only live about 8 minutes away, actually. Anyway I've talked to some of the women in the Greek system there, because I was writing a paper for school my sophomore year on Greek life on university campuses, and they were all really nice, and I'm still in touch with one of them. I was also looking into some schools in North Carolina, (my brother and his wife live in Sanford). I know telling you this probably isnt important, but it may help, if anyone knows anything about Greek life in those areas..

Does your mother have a particular objection to sororities or does she just not know much about them? If it's grade related, Greek women generally have a higher GPA than non Greek women or the all campus average. You can usually get that info from the Greek Life office at the school.

She had a friend who was in one when they were in college, and according to my mom it "ruined" her friend's life. My mom said that when her friend joined, her grades dropped (I believe I was told the friend basically flunked out) because she was always doing sorority stuff, that her friend was always at these frat parties and there was tons of alcohol, things like that. She also says things like the oh-so-typical "you shouldn't have to pay for friends" line. I try to explain that that was one woman's experience, with one house, basically 20 years ago, but she doesn't seem to want to hear it.

Do you plan to make campus visits before deciding on a school? That could be very helpful with your mom. Most Greek Life offices will mett with you and give you information - many have tables set up or someone Greek talk with the students on campus visits. You can also pull up the Pamhellenic web site for that school that will give her information on the Greeks there.

Or, a story closer to my heart since I went to Alabama, google articles on the tornadoes that hit Tuscaloosa in April of last year. The sororities and fraternities did TONS of volunteer work that is documented. They all pooled whatever food was in theor houses and provided free meals for the emergency workers and the victims. It was unprecedented! Here's just one: http://cw.ua.edu/2011/04/30/greeks-o...elief-efforts/

The NPC website has lots of information. Send her to NPC Parents
We all know that there are girls who fall apart when they join sororities, but it doesn't have to, and in fact doesn't for the vast majority of members. If they did, the sororities would fold faster than we could get them started up. The reality is sorority membership leads to better grades, better leadership experience and vital socialization (good life lessons). And the other fact is that there are plenty of college students who torpedo their education because of too much partying. This is not a mutually exclusive issue.
If there are any Alumnae NPC events in your area, maybe you can talk your mom into going so she can get a more realistic idea of what it means to be a sorority woman.

When I was a freshman, I acted kinda crazy for the first couple of months, and it was my big who sat me down and set me straight.

I don't really have the opportunity to make college visits unfortunately (partly because they aren't considered excused absences at my school, which is weird to me) but I feel like it would be hard to get my mom to checkout those websites (I gave her email address to an alumni lady who's an adviser at one of the CSULB GLO I talked to for my paper while I was writing the paper, she was not happy.. I was 16, so I know thinking back I should have thought it through a little more.) Usually my mom is pretty open minded and willing to discuss things with me, but its just something about this that she doesn't like or want to talk about. My dad never says anything for the most part, and he tries to buffer when it comes up in conversation, so I don't think he really cares whether I go Greek or not. And I hope this doesn't make my mom sound bad, because she's great, and I love her, its just that its hard to talk about this with her.
And i haven't heard of alumnae groups where i live, and again it would be hard to try to get her to go.

I PMd you.

Do some reading about conflict resolution and negotiating. As a 17 year old, you are possibly (but subconsciously) hurting your own argument by yelling, not listening to your mother's point of view, not being supportive in other areas, while wanting your mother to play ball with this one, etc. May not, but we get more than our share of young girls here who make a request and when they don't get the answer they like they turn into very pouty children. Make sure that is NOT what you're doing with your mother.

Can you negotiate with her that you will drop your membership if your grades don't maintain X level (don't be too generous with that number)? Can you promise her you'll call her at 11 PM several times a week to ensure her you're not getting drunk every night? There is some cutting of apron strings that has to happen, but if your mom is struggling with you going away, you might need to be a bit more attentive to her needs.

I don't really yell, we just can't talk about it without her saying negative things. I can try the stuff you suggested, though i am not entirely sure how it will go over.

sarah, there are alumnae groups in your home town - not just Theta, but others as well!!! I will PM you tomorrow! And you might want to delete your home town from your post. OK? Please? Too much identifying information sometimes is not good, and the Internet is FOREVER.

I fixed it the location thing Haha Thanks :)

You had me understanding your plight at "theatre major." Not to generalize, but at some schools the theatre departments are notoriously anti-Greek (never mind that they have theatre politics which is WAY worse than Greek politics, but whatever). At least, that's how it was 20-30 years ago.

It sounds like she thinks that just because you're doing the same major as her, you're going to agree with everything she did. Just let her know she did her, and you've got to do you. It's a lot easier for her as a mom to say "I'm afraid a sorority will lead you astray" than to say "I'm afraid I wasn't a good parent and didn't prepare you for everything."

Thats interesting to consider... I never really understood why she always threw what happened with her friend out there (and its not the hypothetical "friend", its someone who actually exists, I know of the person it was, just in case anyone took it that way). I'm so much different than her friend. I've never been a partier, I've never been interested in alcohol (couldn't get past the smell of most of the stuff even if I was interested), and I've never had a boyfriend, because I told the 2 guys that have been interested in me in the past nearly 18 years right off the bat that I had no intention of sleeping with them, and that I have no intention of having sex before I get married. My mom knows this stuff about me, and so it never made sense that she throws all that stuff out there as potential issues.

It sounds to me that you know where you stand on your values, and you know how to make decisions to support those values. As you do more things and make more decisions on your own, your mom will likely come to see that you are growing up and are able to negotiate adult issues in a way that won't derail your academic goals.

I would let the topic rest for now. Once you are accepted at a school and waiting for move-in, you may receive material in the mail about Greek Life. That might be a good time to approach the topic again.

It's funny how knowledge of one bad experience can turn a person's entire point of view. I would think that in light of the many successful college grads in the world who are Greek, one horror story wouldn't hold quite so much weight. :confused::confused:'



Good luck!

You could come up with a list of successful actresses who are Greek - Patricia Heaton for one.

Three of my chapter sisters were musical theatre majors, and they had a huge fan club. Our sorority was really proud of them and always turned out for performances.

Being a theatre major is a really big time commitment, and I know that those sisters weren't able to be as involved with the sorority because their major (and any schoolwork, of course!) must take priority. We were happy to see them at chapter meetings and recruitment, but their life definitely revolved more around the their program than the sorority. So if your mom is concerned about the "evil" influence of the Greeks, you can point out that your major is going to take up the majority of your time, anyway, and this will provide a non-theatre social outlet.

A thought - do you and/or your mom watch Dancing with the Stars? Sabrina Bryan is a Delta Gamma. You might make an off hand remark about that when you are watching....

Thanks everyone! I was going to try that list thing but I only managed to say something about Kristen Chenoweth before I backed out.. I've also managed to metion the lady who played the teacher on the Andy Griffith show without generating a bad reaction. And yes, Dancing With The Stars is a family watch at my dinner table.. we were aaaaaaaaaall hoping Sabrina would be the one who got voted into this season, so that one might be an interesting one to slip in... :)

Just a sample of actresses who are Greek (not previously mentioned):

Dawn Wells (Maryann from Gilligan's Island) - Alpha Chi Omega
Jean Smart (Designing Women & Frazier, Emmy winner) - Alpha Delta Pi
Gloria Loring (Days of Our Lives) - Alpha Gamma Delta
Charlotte Rae (The Facts of Life) - Alpha Epsilon Phi
Kimberly Williams-Paisley (Father of the Bride) - Alpha Phi
Joanne Woodward (Oscar-winning actress) - Chi Omega
Elizabeth Banks (30 Rock) - Delta Delta Delta
Julia Louis-Dreyfus (multiple Emmy award winner) - Delta Gamma
Florence Henderson (The Brady Bunch) - Delta Zeta
Cloris Leachman (Oscar-winning actress) - Gamma Phi Beta
Rue McClanahan (Emmy winner, The Golden Girls) - Kappa Alpha Theta
Ali Landry (actress, Miss USA 1996 & model) - Kappa Delta
Ashley Judd (tv & film actress, Emmy winner) - Kappa Kappa Gamma
Dana Ivey (5-time Tony nominee) - Phi Mu
Jennifer Garner (Golden Globe winning actress, Alias) - Pi Beta Phi
Betty Buckley (Tony-winning actress) - Zeta Tau Alpha

There are SO MANY more. Wanted to list at least 1 recognizable name from as many different GLOs as possible.

Joan Rivers (Daytime Emmy award winner)- Sigma Delta Tau

Eva Marie Saint - Academy Award winner - Delta Gamma

Rather than a laundry list, check this out for names you or your mom might recognize.

Every GLO has many accomplished, talented women, not just in the A&E field, but in many areas. It might be said that sorority membership prepares women for just about any challenge life brings! ;)

But my suggestion is save that list for later. For now, do what others have suggested and drop the subject. After you have been accepted to one or more colleges and have decided where to go, that's the time to have the discussion again.

But I wouldn't approach it as something you need to convince your mom about; my guess is that will just get more push back. In my experience, your best bet is simply to respond to her concerns about what happened to her friend with something along the lines of "Mom, you know that you and dad taught me how to make good decisions and how to do the right thing. Trust me to do what you've taught me to do."

Point well taken, MC.

Thanks for the advice everyone! I really appreciate it!

I thought I'd give a bit of an update for those who are interested.. I have let it go for now, like some of you have suggested, but some plans have been discussed. First let me say that My grades were bad freshman year, then went up to not so great sophomore and junior year, so I need to go to community college to raise my gpa (and get in-state tuition), then transfer to the school I want... I recently mentioned to my mom that I was looking into community colleges in California, near where I want to go to school, and she said she'd have me live with my grandmother (my dad's mom), and that she'd even be willing to go down there and help me clean up and set up my aunt's old room if my grandma said I could live there (which we knew she would.. she used to always tell my mom to send me to her for at least a summer). Anyway, my mom even said something about being willing to pay for everything but gas! I talked to my grandma either later that day, or sometime the next day, and she said I can live there!! I'm one big step closer to what I wanted advice on, considering that not only was my mom against me wanting to join a sorority, but she used to tell me that she wanted me at the local community college (30 minutes from our house) and would get upset when I said I didn't want to go there..