"Thank you for your service."
 

When you meet someone who's in the military, or who has performed military service, do you thank them for their service? What if you see someone in uniform?

If you are in the military, or the family member of a military member, how do you/your loved one feel about being thanked for military service?

Yes, I do thank them for putting their lives on the line, and paying the price to keep the U.S. a free country, because freedom is not free. I just think it's sad that there are homeless veterans in this country. That, to me is totally unacceptable. But yes, I do thank them depending on where I am or what the situation is.

No. I live in a base town. I greatly value my friends and neighbors, but I don't bug them at the grocery store/dry cleaners/Target. Seriously. I've seen people who are just trying to grab a gallon of milk get chased down by some guy in the grocery store who wants to say "Thank you for your service." Dude, that's great, but the person you are thanking really needs to get some milk and get the kids from aftercare before it closes. Quit bugging him/her.

It's different on Memorial Day or when people are just coming back or when they are deploying or when our town has its picnic for military families. I always say something then.

A few of the people who do the grocery store thing just ooze smugness, too. (Not everyone, but a few.) It's very off-putting. I want to ask them if they do anything else for military families. Do you tell your Congress critters that long wars without a draft are really hard on families because the kids and the parents have to go through multiple deployments? Do you tell your representatives that military families need better VA benefits? Do you tell your representatives that the quality of schools in the communities are bases are very important to military families and that they should do something about education in their state? Do you tell your representatives that a new bomber program is great, but military families could really use better pay? Do you tell your representatives that military families could really use better psychiatric care for returning soldiers and that we don't have enough psych counselors for these people? Do you tell your representatives that military families that are leaving the military really need more help transitioning to a civilian job market?

No, I don't. I used to, but not anymore.

My husband is a firefighter for the largest department in the state. He does not like being thanked. He does not like being called a hero. He says it's his job, it's one he chose to do, and one he's lucky enough to get paid very well for. He expects no thanks, he just expects to be paid every week. The vast majority of firefighters he works with feel the same.

A good bunch of the fire and police personnel we know, plus family members, are current and former military. The general consensus among them is that it is appropriate to say thank you to veterans and active duty members on Memorial Day, July 4th, and Veterans Day. They don't want to be thanked when they're just running into the grocery store. Or trying to eat lunch out.

Instead, I just try to establish eye contact and smile. But then again, I do that to most people I pass by.

Funny quick story (I can't remember if I told this here or not):
About a month or so ago, I had to run into the local bank branch. I told my older 2 kids to sit in some of the waiting chairs while baby girl and I went and talked to a teller (I had left my ATM card in their ATM overnight). My son, who is 4 and has ZERO patience for anything, gets up and walks over to me and starts to ask me what's taking so long, and I tell him he needs to return to his seat and sit quietly. While he's doing that, an Army soldier walks in the front door, and goes to sit down in the same chair that my son had just been sitting in. My son says to the soldier, "NO! That's my chair!" And runs and jumps up into the chair really fast before the soldier can sit. I'm mortified, but the soldier just laughs, and moves to another chair. I finished up with the teller, and turn to collect my older 2 children. Before we leave though, I turn to my son and say, "You need to go apologize to that soldier. What you did was rude. You could have sat in a different chair." He nods at me, and walks toward to soldier. Bless his sweet little heart, he says, "Sorry soldier." The guy smiles, says, "That's ok buddy." My son smiles up at him, looks thoughtful for a second, and says, "Hmmmmmmm....... I farted."

The soldier couldn't stop laughing, and I just shrugged my shoulders... that's my boy!

I'm from an Army family and this sums up how I feel way better than I ever could have written it.

If you're introduced to someone by a mutual friend, I should think it would be OK then. But chasing down random people at the grocery store - that's crazycakes.

No. My brother, 2 cousins, my stepdad, and numerous friends have served/are currently serving, and they all say the same thing... It's awkward.

Put yourself in their shoes. If someone came up to you and said, "Thank you," what do you say back? "You're welcome"? "No problem"? It's a strange thing to have to respond to, especially when for many of them, this is just a job that they chose to do.

On a day like Memorial Day or Veterans Day, I can understand. But any other day, I just don't do it. As my brother once said to me, "I just assume most people are appreciative. They don't need to thank me."

The only times I've thanked a soldier is while sitting at a bar. I've started talking to them, discovered through a conversation that they were serving, and told the bartender that their next drink is on me. They say, "Thank you," I say it back, we both say, "Cheers," glasses clink, the end.

I saw a woman in uniform outside the mall yesterday. We made eye contact then she saw me do a double take at her and my eyes traveled over her uniform. I looked back at her eyes, gave her a smile, and waved. She smiled back and waved. She clearly understood what I was thinking so that was enough. :)

Only on those special days.. Memorial Day, Independence Day and Veteran's Day, usually at the parades.

Interesting thread & something I have long wondered about. I see a lot of soldiers at the DFW airport. How about saying something there? They are in uniform & obviously deploying in or out. If they are clearly concentrating on getting somewhere, I don't bother them. If they are not in a hurry, I sometimes say something or at least smile & mouth "thank you".

I would not initiate a conversation for this purpose, but may add it to an existing conversation. For example, I ride the Metra line that goes from the naval base to downtown, and I get asked for directions a lot when riding on weekends. So, at the end of the conversation, if someone thanks me, I'll respond with "no, thank you" or something like that. I think that acknowledging military service is as good as any other pleasantry with which someone ends a conversation.

This isn't the case. My brother is in the Army and he's only had to wear his uniform while traveling by air once - when he was going from basic training in SC to his advanced training in AZ.

He actually didn't even need to wear his uniform when going to Iraq. The requirement to wear a uniform while traveling depends on multiple factors, and it can also vary by military branch.

This also seems ok to me, and doesn't make for an awkward situation. Like with the bar example I provided earlier, if they thank you for something first, I don't think it's awkward to say it back.

But I would never make it a point to go up to someone I've never talked to and say "Thank you."

Same here. I grew up in an AF town, am the child of a Vietnam-era veteran, and volunteer heavily with service-related organizations, and no, it's just weird and intrusive any other time. If you did that in my hometown, you'd never get anything else done!

I'm sure the people who do it at the grocery store are doing it in part to make themselves feel more virtuous when they don't do shit for veterans, active duty, and their families at other times.

This. If you really want to show your appreciation, volunteer at a veterans hospital, adopt a soldier, or donate money to people who have a family member serving overseas. Make a difference, rather than simply going out of your way to say something that the rest of us are already thinking, and which that soldier probably already knows.

I started this thread mostly to see if anyone else had this issue. I also live in a base town. Husband's in the military. He used to work RIGHT BY the grocery store but would refuse to swing by there on the way home for fear of well-intentioned people stopping him while he was trying to pick up some dinner ingredients. I had no idea it was such a constant thing before dating him. I've had people come up and thank me when we're out together.

Like ASTalumna06 was saying, he is of the mind that it is a job same as any other and he doesn't like the gratitude. How are you supposed to respond?

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma...u1vyo1_500.gif

*LOVE* hahaha

I should suggest to my brother that he respond this way!

Wow, when this country overcompensates, we REALLY overcompensate.

There is a happy medium between spitting on the guys coming back from Vietnam and gushing all over a complete stranger in the pasta aisle.

This may be part of the problem right here. For the most part, the people I see running up to soldiers to say thanks are those who were alive during - and are old enough to remember - the Vietnam War, and the way that returning soldiers were treated. Instead of receiving cheers of support at the airport, they were met with protestors. They were called names and refused service at restaurants. Movies, television, and the news media portrayed them as monsters.

Now maybe people are overcompensating for how the soldiers were treated back then.

But the soldiers of today aren't the ones who fought in Vietnam. Some may have read history books about the subject, but they have no first-hand experience of what it was like to return from war at that time. And now they're being thanked, and they don't know what to do with that.

I wouldn't either.

I wonder if there is a correlation between children of maltreated vietnam veterans and the gushers.

.. or even between Vietnam protestors and the gushers.

(maybe they had a change of heart)

I thought that was a myth.

No. :(

I heard they even had urine thrown at them.

I do on very rare occasion. It's rarer now that I moved out of a base town and rarely see men or women in uniform. The one I used to hear occasionally that really bothered me was when someone would start up with "No one appreciates what you guys do..."

Really? No one?

Not always by any means. Yes, there was indeed protesting, spitting, refusing service and other indignities -- enough that we were all aware of them -- but they weren't the norm in most places. And movies and television didn't always portray returning vets as monsters. As for the news, well it reminds me a little of the protests in the Muslim world now -- to watch some news shows you'd think everyone is protesting, rather than the small number of people it actually seems to be.

I'd say the bigger problem was indifference. People had such conflicting feelings about the war that when the vets came home, after having lived through some horrific circumstances. the general public just wanted to act like the whole thing hadn't happened. All too often, there were no parades, no "thank yous," no indications of concern for what the vets had gone through or what they needed, because the general public here didn't want to deal with it all. The result was that the only thing many of the vets did hear was the insults. But most often, Vietnam vets weren't demonized; they were simply ignored.

I think a lot of the motivation for "thank you for your service" stems from a determination not to let vets feel ignored again. I supsect that at least some of the gushers are just saying what they wish someone had said to them. But I completely agree that there are times when it is appropriate and times when it is way overboard.

I feel like this time around, people realize you can disagree with the war and still support the vets.

One thing to remember is that we have an all volunteer military, regular and reserve/guard. No one expects thanks for doing the job we all chose to do. If I see a soldier in uniform I will nod but not engage in conversation unless there is a reason to do so. On the other hand, if I see a soldier or a veteran who is wounded I will often say something like 'tough break man, but thanks for laying it on the line when it counted".
dekeguy
MAJ, USAR

This is more what I was aiming to portray. I'm not saying by any means that ALL soldiers were treated poorly, but more that the general feelings toward the soldiers then was completely different than they are now. A person's level of support for the war doesn't directly correlate to their support for the troops.

And if anyone tried to protest at the airport today, I'm pretty sure they'd be looking at a punch in the face, at the very least.