Mom involvement behind the scenes?
 

What sort of role do moms of actives play during formal recruitment? Are they allowed inside the house during FR parties? Or do your moms simply bring up food before and then after the party schedule? I am not sure it sits well with me to have non-initiated moms in the house during such sensitive processes. Am I just overreacting?

Are you referring to house mothers?

No, moms of the actives. I have no problem with a house mom being in her apartment during recruitment events. I just wasn't sure what to think about moms (that are not a d pi) in the house during the parties.

This varies by school. Most schools have rules that alumnae have the same silence rules as actives during recruitment. Some of the SEC schools have a long-standing tradition of moms helping with things like preparing or setting up meals and small tasks like making nametags or taking out the trash during recruitment.

I can only speak for my group, but I would presume that only official advisors are allowed to be around during voting and discussion.

My chapter did have a few moms who were around helping with food prep and stuff like that, but I think it depends on whether or not you have sufficient local alumnae support (we did not). One later became an AI.

Same here. Moms might help with meals, or flower arranging, or setting up the party or breaking it down, but they would not interact with the PNMs (nor would the advisors). They would be strictly behind the scenes and would not be privy to voting or the tallying of votes.

It is especially nice for moms to assist when alumnae are not able to. I have never seen a mom try to exceed her "place"- they just followed thru on whatever their assigned task was.

At big SECs schools you just about have to have some around unless PH restricts the number of non chapter members in the house as Alabama does.

I only know about my daughter's chapter and mine.
At both, moms were welcome to come help with food, set up before and after parties, breakdown after parties were done etc. DURING parties, we sat quietly in a hallway or in the kitchen or on the second floor. We did not participate in the parties...I think a few nicely dressed ones carried trays of drinks or something out to the party floor and quickly returned.
We certainly did not sit in on nor were even near enough to hear discussion during the chapter meetings.

For instance...between philanthropy parties, we cleaned off the tables between parties, straightened items left on there, and put out new materials. Late that night, we installed draperies, stage and seating for skit parties, picked up Coke bottles and straightened chairs between parties, and then broke it all down again after the parties were done.

I think as long as moms are properly vetted, told expectations, and held to them, that things should be ok. It is up to the chapter to preserve ritual and setting some type of written standards and roles for the moms is probably a good idea if your chapter doesn't already do that. If you are concerned about membership selection being compromised, discuss this with the chapter leadership and maybe the moms will be dismissed during certain times and/or given notice that they are not permitted in certain areas of the house in order to preserve order.

ETA: At my undergrad, we didn't utilize non member moms, only alumnae, but our house mother, who was not a member, was discreet and respectful and knew when she could/could not be in a certain area where there was ritual. Good luck!!! I think it is great you have moms who can be involved and help with behind the scenes set up and assistance!

I don't know about other sororities (obviously) but for us, voting involves significant ritual. I don't see any possible way mothers would be allowed in there, or in the basement with the rush secretary and all the paperwork. But cleaning, arranging, name tags, chairs, etc., I can't imagine turning a mother away if the help was needed.

I am a mom who has helped in the kitchen for my daughter's sorority for the past 2 years. There are several other moms that come and help. We do not come out of the kitchen during parties and are not around during voting etc. Quite honestly, I don't think my daughter's chapter would be able to do it without us. We worked like trojans the whole week...:)

We only had alumnae help out but we had a large, local alumnae chapter and therefore plenty of help. I know our house mom (not a DG) and one or two alumnae would help out during the party, making sure there was plenty of water glasses, etc. It would not have been a problem for a mom to do what most of the local alumnae helped out with though - I'm sure "mom" can help clean/organize just as well as any alumnae can. As long as they aren't there for voting, I don't see a problem.

I remember some of the alumnae (I'm assuming, as they were "old") being at houses when I was going through rush too. One of them almost ripped the napkin out of my hand when it got stuck b/c of condensation as I was headed for the door! Now I know she just didn't want all those fines if I had ended up taking something out of the party!

I don't think we ever had non-Alumni moms come to help during recruitment, and the ones that did come pretty much only dealt with setting up and cleaning up food/drinks for the rounds. Usually we have enough actives who either choose to be on a food/set-up team or have to be because they don't know the cheers, etc. well enough to be actively rushing PNMs (usually girls who had jobs and internships and didn't get back to school until after spirit week/work week ended and rush started) to do things like making name tags.
It's possible other houses have moms coming to help, but I haven't heard of that from my friends in other sororities either.

I'm a mom and an alumnae. I've helped in the past at parties, but I've never even peeked into the area where collegiates were voting. That includes the chapters where I was a Chapter Development Specialist

Yes...moms are involved. A very welcome addition after long days of parites. They help "turn" the house from round to round and prepare food and drink trays during parties. They are not present for voting, etc.

I've now gotten to an age that when I go help any Alpha Gam chapter with recruitment I'm asked "whose mom are you?" Never mind that my oldest child is in high school.

Moms are more than welcome to help with food and decorations in my experience. They are not present for any voting, or anything that is ritual related.

Frankly, many chapters near me couldn't do it without mom/alumnae help.

And frankly, I know several moms who go to help their daughters' chapters with a vengeance! They are star mom helpers--because their own chapters cut their daughters.

This is very true...:)

My daughters chapter has a very active mothers club. They halp in the kitchen during rush week. Of course they do not go out of the kitchen and have no contct with PMN's or even members. I helped one year but there were so many alums there I felt kind of in the way. We also decoroate the house for bid day,fall/ halloween, and Christmas. Each semester we have a special treat night after one of ther chapter meetings. We organize a mother daughter luncheonin the spring with a silent auction. All money raised is used to purchase something special for the house. One year I believe we bought a wide screen TV and a cabinet for it. I believe we were recognized at Phi Mu's convention as one of the top mothers clubs. We are very involved with the chapter but in no way do we have anything to do with any ritual/ membership private chapter matters.

I would say that basically if your house/rush is so huge that you need mom involvement to make things work, your house is probably also huge enough that the moms can be comfortably cloistered away from actually interacting with any rushees, or from any room where voting takes place.

LOL you guys are always wondering how we make the 1000+ PNM recruitment work down south.....

Question..
When my daughter goes through recruitment, can I still assist my chapter at that campus?

Also, if your daughter wants to join your group, is it better for her to go through Formal recruitment or COB? I'm not even really sure how COB works since its been so long. Do all groups do COB?

ADPiEE - I'm not sure if it was school/chapter specific, but we politely asked alum moms of PNMs to not volunteer during recruitment.

Your other questions would depend on the school.

All groups do not COB. Formal recruitment is likely the best way to go, with an open mind to all chapters available at that campus. Legacies are not guaranteed anywhere. I can name a number of chapters with more legacies than quota going through recruitment.

Can you assist? Likely. Should you is the better question.

I have helped out many years at my home chapter, but if my daughter goes through recruitment at that school, that will be one year I don't help. I will already be a nutcase at home - the last thing I would want to do is impose that level of nervousness on my sisters or my daughter. I also don't want anyone thinking I'm trying to sway the process - particularly my daughter. I want it to be her decision, and I will support her and celebrate any way that decision pans out. Please know I'm not saying you wouldn't do the same. Just speaking from my own perspective.

My $.02. Your mileage may vary.

Maybe there's another chapter in your area you can volunteer with at that time?

And I'd never recommend choosing COB over formal without extenuating circumstances (you need to get your grades up, you physically can't be there, etc.). COB is a great alternative if you've missed out on formal for whatever reason, but I wouldn't choose it in lieu of formal. It's too risky and with quotas being what they are these days, I think depending on informal is a very risky idea.

I don't have a home chapter, because mine closed. Fast forward to 1997 and my oldest was a PNM. I sweat some blood and tears through that recruitment and finally, just before bid cards were signed, said "if being part of the greek system is most important, list all options available.". She didn't. I was part of the volunteer service team at the time, so I was being very panhellenic. She chose to suicide and the next day I was so proud to call her sister. 2 years later, at the same school, daughter #2 went through. I was still panhellenic. She wanted to be an XY. OK, I just stayed out of those conversations and let her talk to her dad. I couldn't be NPC. Next year, # 3 went through. Iwas no longer VST, but would have never suggested that she tell the pres of XY that she didn't care... Now, all three are my sisters. Then came #4. I warned her that she would probably be cut from XY and AB. Why carry her when it was obvious? She is also my sister. The other two did invite her back to pref, still not sure why I helped a lot during those years, but I also gave up my VST position because it was just too awkward to be a mom/alum/VST member. Every year there were hurt feelings because I was at Initiation and their moms were't. The mom's from other GLOs are the best!

I have helped in the kitchen during recruitment at my D's house and there are very detailed and specific rules ( 12+ pages) about what we can and cannot do. We have no interaction with the pnm's and must stay out of sight. The parents are all gone before any membership selection occurs. I honestly don't know how it could be pulled off without help. There are many alum's involved as well but my D's house has no actives in the kitchen so they need 20 or so helpers each day of recruitment and double that for pref

Thanks for all the feedback Recruitment has changed so much from my day so this is really helpful information! I totally see your points.

I'm really, really confused by this whole post.

Thank you, I thought it was just me (after I read it for the 3rd time). Maybe the OP can clarify?

We always had moms/alumnae helping between parties. It was really nice to be able to take a breath for a few minutes rather than scramble to clean everything and get ready for the next party! It was usually alumnae, though, and their involvement was strictly behind the scenes, and they certainly weren't around for voting or anything ritual.