Daughter Rushing
 

My D2 will be rushing in the fall. She has recs for each house on her campus and is a legacy to one. I am nervous for her as she is not the typical, "skinny" college freshman. I am hoping all goes well for her. We have had many discussions about "it only takes one" I am thinking that it will be more stressful for me than for her.

You're nervous for her because she's not skinny? Sheesh.

^^^^^ I felt the same way about this mom's attitude towards her daughter. :(

I am sure this mother loves her children. If her daughter is participating in recruitment at a very competitive campus, she understands that her daughter may be judged initially by her appearance, not her accomplishments, gpa and personality.

And lets be honest. Weight does matter. If you are a little overweight it might not effect you during recruitment, if you are well put together and have a shining personality (heck that goes for all PNMs). If you are grossly overweight then it will hurt, at a lot of schools and with a lot of groups. If only because very overweight PNMs can have lower self esteem, and may not present themselves in a positive way. Not all, but some of them. Being in a sorority takes a lot of energy. It's fun-- but there are a lot of obligations and things to get involved with. If you aren't healthy and don't have a lot of energy, you may not have what it takes to balance college classes and Greek life. I'm not saying that it can't be done, or that at some schools it wouldn't be a big deal, but at least in my experience it's a consideration. It's sad, but it's the truth at some schools. I would urge you to be there and support your daughter. Don't take an attitude of "you're not skinny-- you won't get a bid" but use the time we have left to say "hey honey, lets try to start you off right-- lets go for a walk, and develop some good eating habits." If she honestly needs to lose weight help her do it by being supporting and loving, lifting up her self esteem. Whether or not she goes Greek, she'll appreciate that she has a mother at home that loves her and supports her, and wants her to be healthy and happy.

Very true, FSUZeta and summer_gphib! As moms, we love our daughters so deeply and when we see as long-time Greeks that they're going into a situation where they may be hurt (or heck, when we see as moms that they may be hurt in ANY situation), it breaks our hearts. All we can do is try to make them ready and pray.

Build her confidence up by making sure she has a very flattering wardrobe, a great hairstyle, manicure, etc. Help her with conversation practice. Help her be confident...don't pass any bad mojo on to her. If you think it's going to be more stressful for you than for her, don't project your pessimism. Be positive! Be excited! Make it fun! If you focus on the weight, she will too, and that will show.

The chapter officer I advise is probably 50 lbs. overweight, but no one cares. She always looks great, has a very high GPA, is extremely responsible, friendly, polite, etc.

Very true words Carnation!!

Depending on what school you attend and rush at, you could be Supermodel Suzy and have a difficult time..there are so many other factors that are important as many others have said here. Just remember that there are all kinds of girls in every chapter and the best advice you can give your daughter is to keep an open mind. Good luck to her and you! It's a stressful time, even if you are #1PNM.

Everyone's stress is realtive!

What exactly is the typical, "skinny" college freshman?

I sincerely hope you haven't shared these sentiments with your daughter.

Yes, weight and appearance do matter at many chapters at many schools, but the last thing a nervous PNM needs is for her mother to tell her that she may not receive a bid because of her appearance. Talk about a self fulfilling prophecy.

I doubt that she did. After all, how many moms want to blast their daughter away with, "Okay, Lardo, I doubt you'll get a bid,"? If the daughter is overweight, they both know it.

It seems like Mom just wants to share her nervousness with others who have been there and that's okay. No need to jump on her for something she probably didn't do.

As I said, I sincerely hope she didn't. However I have seen many mothers do and say horrible unthinking things that completely undermine their daughters' recruitments. It doesn't take something said in an evil or deliberately derogatory way to have an effect on a young woman's self esteem.

I'm going to be devil's advocate here. Does your daughter really want to rush? Or is she just doing it to make you happy?

I am sorry that you thought I was being judgmental regarding my daughter. That was not my intent at all. She is one of the most confident young ladies I know. This is also recognized by the rec writers who know her well. Her sister is in a sorority at another school and is beery much wanting that opportunity as well. She has no ideas of my concerns. They are mine due to the way many young women are judged during rush. She continues to be open to all chapters and truly wants to find that home in her new town.

***sigh*** Oh, I so understand this now.

AlphFrog, have you ever made a typo? Sorry!! I thought this was a place where Mom's could share their worries about their daughters. I did not think it would be a place to be attacked! I love my daughter just the way she is and in no way judge her by her looks, (as I am beginning to believe some of you might). As I shared above, she is going into recruitment nervous as all PNM's are, but with an open mind and excitement for a new experience. My hope is that she will find the perfect place for her. Sorry if I took your time.

I hope that your daughter has a wonderful time during recruitment. I think that most sororities will be able to see your daughter for who she really is. I love looking through some of the photos on sorority websites and seeing the girls of all shapes, sizes and backgrounds. It's part of what makes the experience so much fun.

Best wishes to her and to you (my oldest is going through recruitment at a very competitive school as well, so I understand your nerves :)) during recruitment.

Holy crap. If you thought that was an attack your logic does not resemble our Earth logic. It was an odd typo, that's all. Besides, if I was going to seriously make fun of you for typos, I'd rather make fun of your apostrophe abuse.

I saw it as an attack.

Yes, but realize you are posting on a public message board that is open to everyone, everywhere - as in GC is part of the world wide web. No matter what you post here you are going to have to be prepared for a variety of responses. Some people will agree with what you say, some won't. Take it all with a grain of salt. ;)

I know that you were just expressing your concerns. Its just that it came off as 'my daughter is fat, no one will like her.' That is probably not what you meant, but it is how I read it. As you can see, others saw what you said differently.



Again, this message board is open to everyone. Believe me, I've said stuff that I thought was not a big deal and it turned into 20 pages of back and forth.

Just know that this is the nature of GC. Don't come here expecting everyone to give you comfort and support that you want. If you keep that in mind, then you will enjoy posting here. If you expect everyone here to be a shoulder for you, then this is not the place. I'm sure there are specific message boards for moms with daughters going through NPC recruitment who will offer you the kind of encouragement you want. GC ain't it.

I too saw it as an attack on the OP. Mom: you have to understand that weight-y issues can be a hot button for some people.

Bottom line: If a house wants only size 0 girls your daughter might not fit in there. Your self confident daughter will do fine. You helped make her that way...self confident. There are times when it is harder on the moms than the daughters .

Also, you and your daughter should remember that a house full of women who are not the traditionally attractive pageant queen types can still have an awesome sisterhood. Very few women get dropped from recruitment entirely if they have recs and make grades. The far more common outcome is that they are unhappy with their options. The best thing you can do for your daughter is help her to be excited about all of her options.

Best of luck to your daughter and you too! Have fun with the whole process. Many people on here are very helpful and without some of their kind words I would've been a bundle of nerves for my youngest. (I lived! she lived! it was thrilling!)

This!

I understand the OP. In this uber competitive world of recruitment (mom says she is at one of those schools), we know that cuts can be made for very silly and superficial reasons - which is hard to swallow as the parent OR the PNM. So you start to worry and agonize over every little thing that could possibly go against the PNM. Vey understandable imo.

^^^ Like!

Anything that gets a super hot pic of The Rock on here is fine with me, attack or not. :p

Momto2girls - I understand that you are worried for your daughter, but think how she would feel if she has "no idea of your concerns" and then sees them written here for tons of strangers (and possibly people she knows) to see? How does SHE feel about her weight? Has it ever hindered her before? If she's made a point to develop her personality and intelligence, and has been an involved and stellar student, she may have a leg up on all the size 0s who have pretty much made it through high school on their looks without having to really try too hard.

Just be sure you aren't sublimating your own issues onto your offspring.

I feel like every year at pretty much every school, there is one girl who goes through recruitment who is drop dead gorgeous. She's like a size double 0, has the perfect hair, and wears really nice clothes. But she's verbally handicapped. She just stands there at the recruitment parties looking pretty thinking that's enough to get in. And usually, she has a very unsuccessful recruitment. I'm sure she's a nice girl, but she never shows the sororities what she has to offer them.

As long as your daughter is confident in who she is and shows that she would be a great asset, there's a good chance that even the "top" sororities would prefer the girl who is a little larger but brings a lot to the table than a pretty dud.

This. And it isn't just sorority recruitment. There have been studies which show that skinnier applicants are more successful in job interview situations.

While waiting for bids to be opened at Auburn a few years ago, I struck up a conversation with another mom. She pointed out which girl her daughter was and this girl did not look like the "traditional size 0 sorority girl." Mom also mentioned that daughter had tried to keep an open mind but really had her heart set on a particular chapter--one that lots of girls really wanted (and one that had dropped my size 2, but rather shy daughter.) Sure enough, that's the chapter she got a bid from. Mom's personality was big, open and fun to talk with so if daughter was anything like Mom, it was easy to see why she got a bid from a "top house."

There's also a big difference between being a size zero and morbidly obese. Most girls are somewhere between, even in top houses. She needs to keep an open mind and open heart and find the chapter that really wants her for who she is.

All this! OP please keep us posted on your daughter - this is always tougher on the Mamas than on the daughters. We're rooting for her!

It amazes me how some sorority women on these boards attack posters. The majority don't but those "snarky" women really give sorority women a bad name. Mom, I completely understand your fears and hope and pray she finds her sisterhood. Please keep us posted and if you need to talk to another mom, please feel free to pm me. there really are some very caring women on here. You just have to ignore the women who have nothing better to attack others.

I am chiming in: Good luck to your daughter!!! I hope she has a wonderful recruitment and a fabulous time in college. Keep us posted...AFTER recruitment.

No one "attacked" her. Think of how you would feel at age 18 if your mother wrote on a message board for all the world to see that she was worried you were going to fail at something because of your weight. I would be mortified if my mother said such things to our next door neighbor, let alone the whole internet.

No one attacked you lady, you overreacted in that thread last fall. You also hold onto a grudge longer than can be healthy. Good luck to your daughter.

We just bought a cute black dress for preference. It looks great and she feels good in it. Now she just needs to find shoes she can walk in. She wants to put all of her outfits into ziplock bags so they are all together. I will keep you all posted.

Yes to this! Clear plastic garmet bags work best. All those years of dance recitals...this is one thing my daughter has down pat. :)

That's how I packed clothes for my kids when they were little and we were going on a trip. Those itty bitty socks are so easy to lose! It sounds like a great idea for recruitment too! Eliminates the possibility that the earrings the PNM wanted to wear for round 2 parties are not buried somewhere and can't be found, not to mention the possible freak out if the earrings are not found!

When my daughter went through 2 years ago I did a similar thing. Packed each outfit in a clear garment bag. We labeled them with which party they were for. We also attached the jewelry in little tie jewelry bags (I had saved my ones from J Crew) and also attached the shoes. Before we went we took a pic of my daughter all dressed as if she was going to that party and attached it as well. Also sent a couple of different dress choices for each party..just in case! I knew it was going to be stressful (she went through on a VERY competitive campus) and we wanted to make sure that she was as organized as possible. She has said over and over again how great it was and we have suggested it to many.