How would you handling seeing people who don't like you while rushing
 

I plan on rushing in the fall and I do not know who is in greek life, but i have a feeling I will see people already members in the sororities who went to my high school. I didn't have many friends in high school and a lot of people picked on me and didn't seem to like me and I would just give them attitude in response which of course made me look worse. However I have grown since high school and I hope they have done the same.

I want to make sure that me getting a bid isn't influenced from high school years and if I do get a bid that there isn't so much judgment and dislike as I become a member in the sorority from girls that may have known me and misjudged me back in high school.

In case this does happen how should I handle it and not make me feel discouraged into not rushing or pledging?

Here's my question. If your HS years were such hell, why on earth are you attending a college where lots of your former HS classmates attend?

I second 33's sentiments. However, if it's something you cannot change (it's the city college and you have to live at home, whatever), then you go through recruitment and be a nice and polite person. If you see them, you smile and say hi and be just as polite as you are to the ladies who don't know you. It's not that hard, and chances are, if they hated you that much they won't WANT to rush you.

Because I cannot afford out of state colleges. I don't know if I will see every single one because it is a decently big university, however I do know quite a few people who go there that went to my high school.

You don't have to go out of state, just not to the "favorite" college of your HS. Every school has one, you just have to figure them out and stay away. If there's a state school system in place, pretty much all of them cost the same.

That being said, if it's a flagship university (like Penn State, Indiana University etc) it'll be huge enough that you may never run into ANYONE from your HS unless you or they make it a point to. At a huge school like that, it's doubtful that one girl in a sorority is going to say "oh well when we were in 7th grade this girl did blah blah" because she knows it'll make her sound like an ass. The same goes for a small school, for that matter. I wouldn't waste too much time worrying about it.

I am already in my last 2 years of college so i'd rather not transfer anymore, but thank you. I just needed advice on how to handle it being where I am now. Transferring over and over won't help me overcome it because I know I will see and meet people that don't like me or that I don't like no matter where I go. And okay thank you for your advice! Hopefully all goes well

My own personal opinion is that it WILL affect your recruitment. You just need to make sure you are making the best first impression both in your appearance and in your conversation. I would also make sure that you secure recommendations for every chapter on campus because that will SOMETIMES get you an invite back to round 2 with SOME chapters. A second look and more people who have gotten to know you can only help you in this situation. Good Luck!

Thank you! And i was told by someone who is in a sorority there that graduated that we do not need recommendations but she said she would talk to the main people that run recruitment there for me and said i had nothing to worry about as far as getting in. I hope she is right.

At the risk of being Debby Downer I need to say:

No, she is not right. If she is an alumna then all she can do is write you a recommendation and talk to actives. It is the ACTIVES alone who will decide on whether or not you are invited to parties or given a bid.

On the upside - unless you were actively involved in a negative relationship with members they will probably barely remember you. There's nothing you can do about the past - work on what you can do to present yourself in the best possible light now.

Unusual for someone going thru "recrutiment" to use the term "soror" as that is usually used by groups who do "intake" not "recruitment." In other words, it's usually used by NPHC groups and not NPC ones.

In either case, the way you handle it is very simple - like a lady.

Okay thank you.

No comments for me because I told you to act like a lady? Hmmmm

Sorry I just read that! I was so preoccupied with the rude commenter. And thank you for your advice as well. In regards to the comment about knowing somebody in a sorority who does not go to the school anymore she seemed really confident she could help me out. Its not a school like Ole Miss where we need reccomendations. Its not a small school at all but its not a really large in demand school either.

It's unlikely that if you see those girls from highschool they'll be outright rude to you during rush. Even if they still harbor ill feelings for you, they'd be stupid to say anything snarky or catty in the presence of other PNMs.

A girl that ruined my life in middle school pledged the same sorority as me- I saw her at a local ice cream place a few weeks ago, both of us in letters, and we just sort of laughed about how we possibly ended up in the same group and chit chatted about our experiences. Unsurprising to everyone but us, we have a lot in common and have hung out and crafted a few times since then. Unless you have serious issues with these girls (like, they can say "in high school she threw rocks at old people and slept with three of my boyfriends and came to graduation on coke) then it's probably not that big of a deal.

And if you go thru NPC recruitment, DO NOT use the term "soror" - you won't like the reaction you get. We are sisters. NPHC female members are sorors. Please do not insult them.

It can be a HUGE deal. If these girls look at her as an "enemy", they can keep her from being invited back to the next set of parties, not only at their own sorority, but at others too. It just depends on the amount of animosity they feel toward the OP.

Very, very true. But she cannot undo the past, so she has to put on her best attitude and face the music.

You're definitely right, I guess I didn't convey that in what I said. If someone did something bad enough (I was exaggerating with the throwing rocks bit, but I meant "something really awful or scandalous") then a small group can keep someone out of a group, absolutely. But if it was just stupid high school stuff like "she was lame and I don't like her" then it's not the kiss of death, I would think. Though I did not go through a competitive recruitment, so perhaps it could be that way at other schools? I could incorrectly be assuming that doesn't need recs = not that cutthroat. I could also be underestimating the degree of hate between the OP and the actives, or the positions of the actives. If a girl actively hates you and she's the recruitment chair, that's a whole 'nother thing.

Or even if she's a member--she can just collect some "no" votes from her friends and the girl is gone.

I understand where you are coming from, but the person who made the rude comment could have messaged me about the username instead of saying that, hence why i responded with the same level of respect that was received. And sorry that's not how i meant to come off. Like i said i just made up something to quickly be let in the forum. And thanks for your advice.I am glad you made friends with her.

Thank you I wasn't plan to do so. I just wrote that on my username to shorten the word. Like I said I wasn't aware that it was an actual term. This is blowing way out of proportions and going off topic. However, thanks for heads up for future reference.

Thank you for explaining that, that is exactly what i was worried about. I'm not as worried now reading some of the others' comments.

I don't need recs so competition isn't as cutthroat, but that doesn't make some females any less cutthroat lol. Unfortunately, although we are in college I have seen many people hold grudges from high school towards other people. That kind of animosity just worried me I guess.

Thanks you are right. That is what I am going to do then. Go in with a positive attitude and a smile.

Maybe my high school experience was different and therefore my perspective is totally jacked up, but someone would've had to do something extreme in high school for me to still be like "No, no, absolute no! Ugh I HATE her," as a junior in college. There are girls that I would be hesitant of if I saw their names on a list of PNMs, but I'd just let my sisters evaluate- if they were dumb and awful and annoying in high school, I'd think that either they'll have grown up and be fine or their awfulness will be apparent to the sisters rushing them.

Very true. Thank you for taking the time out to give me advice. I feel a bit more confident that if I am just myself I should be fine. People tell me I have a great personality and that I am friendly so hopefully I will find a sorority right for me and hopefully they will think I fit them nicely.

A couple of questions because I think we are not clear on your situation... having so little information makes it hard to properly address all of these questions.

1. are you planning to rush an NPC organization? or some other type of GLO?

2. why are you just now rushing as a junior? This is definitely a question that will be asked in some form at rush events. You need to have a good response... and understand that it may make it tougher for you to get a bid.

Yes i do plan on rushing an NPC organization.And i know exactly what i am going to tell them as my reasoning for joining as a junior and at first it was a concern of mine, but i have talked to someone in a sorority there and they said i will be fine because it is not a competitive school and they take a lot of juniors and seniors. My situation was just being scared that i won't get a bid due to having past issues with members if I happened to see any there.

Someone is lying.

She doesn't seem like the lying type, but i guess i will see. At this point there is no point in worrying about something I can't change.

She should not have said this to you. She can't guarantee that for her GLO and she can't guarantee it for another GLO. I've seen women who were BFFs with a member of a group not get a bid because someone else didn't like them.

You can't do anything about what happened in high school. Smile and be as gracious as you can be to those members. Make a point of being nice to them.

OK i will keep that in mind. Thanks :)

She gave you a recruitment answer. It's rare that an NPC/IFC member will say "lol no you can't join because you're old." You'll get something like:
"We look at all of our candidates fairly and equally. We have had members join in the past as Juniors, so you have just as much chance at getting a bid as a Freshman does."

Good luck.

That isn't how she said it though. I mean she really stressed the fact that i had nothing to worry about. This was while having a casual conversation. I guess you would have had to be there. Either way I guess I will see what happens. Thanks!

People are full of shit so often in these types of conversations because they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Take it with a grain of salt. Also, no single person can guarantee you getting a bid. Otherwise, my oldest and dearest friend wouldn't have been cut by my sorority when she rushed as a sophomore.

A word of advice, you really need to stop the frequent posting and do some more reading on the SORORITY recruitment threads. Newbies with who start posting a ton often get called trolls. Read more, then ask more later.

That is true, but she has brought it up to me without me mentioning it so i don't think that was the case. It really depends on whether or not the school is competitive i hear. Like i said i will see soon enough.

i've posted 3. I wouldn't call that a ton and i just have a lot of questions. This can be a bit overwhelming. And okay i will use more of the search engine then. Thank you!

Stop arguing with people here about recs and upperclassmen getting bids. You asked for advice. The people who have offered it are much wiser and more experienced in this area than you. So if you don't want to hear what they have to say, don't ask.
The advice you've gotten is basically be polite and smile, don't get too cocky, and get recs. Take it or leave it.

If you're going to be a junior in college and you haven't made your mark enough/feel comfortable enough there to kind of laugh about the jackasses from high school, I hate to say it, but rush probably isn't going to go well for you.

A girl from my HS who was a couple years younger than me rushed and pledged (another sorority, not mine) and one day was shit-talking me for being geeky in HS to a mutual friend in a fraternity. He read her the riot act. Considering his nickname was "Snake" and he could be damn scary when he wanted to be, she learned her lesson.

Have you had any interaction with the girls from your high school at all in the past two years? If it's a small school, I kind of don't get how you haven't run into them to know whether or not they're Greek...and if it's a big school, it's not going to be "noncompetitive" and they're not going to "take lots of juniors and seniors."