Time Cover
 

Heli-moms, is this you?

http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Co...otoblog500.jpg

I was wondering when this would make its way here.

IMO, any mom who believes they are doing the best thing for their child with "attachment parenting" would not exploit their child or themselves in such a gauche way.

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I have heard of 'roast kid' but that seems a bit extreme.

Well, at least she's keeping her figure trim by maintaining her high metabolism due to continued breastfeeding.

I find this whole thing disturbing. I know that since I'm not a parent I can't totally understand, but there is something odd about women who do this at such a late age. I keep wondering what types of issues he'll have when he gets older. Maybe he won't have any issues, but there seems to be a reason why the majority of women stop breast feeding after a certain age/period.

Even if this is healthy, is it really appropriate to put it on a magazine cover like this? Is nothing private anymore? I get it's natural, but so is going to the bathroom and I hope that isn't on the cover next week. It's all just bad taste.

I have never had kids, so I might not have a full comprehension of this whole thing. My opinion, though, is that when the kid is old enough that he asks for a sandwich with his "milk", time to stop the breast feeding!

Magazine cover totally exploiting the situation and unneccessary.

I think the whole breastfeeding thing is such a bizarrely hot button issue. My sister-in-law couldn't breast feed because it just simply wasn't working. Having a new born losing weight is just not a good idea, so she had to stop. And the "planning to barbecue her thing" was what she got a lot of because she preferred to have a healthy child instead of an attached at the nipple one. If you can breast feed for a year, that's great, but once the kid can walk up to you to ask for it, nuh uh.

And sleeping in Mom and Dad's bed occasionally can be a treat for everyone, but a child should have their own space from day 1. Of course, how are you ever going to be a successful heli-parent if you let your child out of your reach for 8 hours a night? Maybe it's being 1 of 5 kids, but we just couldn't do it and I do think the independence we were given from birth probably lead the way to us being independent adults who don't have milk obsessions. I've known at least one adult who had an unhealthy attachment to milk. I would love to know if he was breast fed and for how long.

I find it hard to believe that a mother who "cares" so much about her child to continue to breast feed them so long thinks nothing of exploiting them by putting them on the cover of a magazine like this. The kid's going to grow up. Google is forever. He's not going to think this is cute in a few years.

If I ever have a child I may not breastfeed since a medicine I take regularly to help me enjoy a fully functioning life is passed through breast milk. I could stop taking it while pregnant since my body will probably be out of whack anyway, but with an infant now in my life functioning at the highest level possible would best for everyone.

I also can't imagine having a child in my bed with my partner and actually getting rest. I have severe sleep problems and not being rested already negatively affects me, can't imagine what would happen if a baby was added in and a dude who snores. If I was breastfeeding I might add one of those beds to the side so baby is nearby, put the crib in the bedroom, but I'd have no problem taking turns with my future baby's daddy with who is on night duty and sleeping in a separate room from the precious darling so at least someone isn't sleep deprived.

My nephew will be six this summer and he is still not sleeping alone the majority of the time, I don't know why my sister hasn't gone on a murderous rampage yet.

If moms want to breastfeed for as long as they want and if the child wants it, then that's up to them. I nursed my daughter until 3 months, and that's when my supply couldn't keep up to her needs. I was sad because I loved the time she and I shared while she nursed. It's an experience that I can't put into words. I think that that's why moms want to continue breastfeeding for as long as possible. If my milk hadn't run out I'm not sure what I would have done, but I lean more toward the "if she can ask for solid food..." side. I don't know, maybe she would have weaned herself off when she was ready. I like to think that that's what the majority of kids do - wean when they're ready.

I'm not so much disgusted at the idea of breastfeeding past a certain age -- to each, her own. What irritates the shit out of me is that cover and that question of ARE YOU MOM ENOUGH? Freaking A. Moms who don't breastfeed/breastfeed past a certain age are no less of a mother than those who do. And that kid? He must be at least 5. When kids are old enough to have memories of feeding from the tit, you probably shoulda quit a year ago.

My daughter likes to nap on my bed during the day but has slept in her own bed nightly since Day 1, with the exception of the first time she got sick. Both I and her father are deep sleepers, so bedsharing was never an option. We've chosen to co-sleep (have her crib in our room) until she is 6 months old. Earlier when she'd wake up for feedings 2-3 times a night I just picked her up and fed her in the living room, in her reclinalounger. ;) Now that she's sleeping through the night, her sharing a room with us hasn't been a problem.

My stepson's been a bed-sharer with his mom since birth and now that he's almost 7, it's been a pain in the ass to get him to stay in his room and sleep in his bed. This is why I knew I had to get my daughter used to sleeping in her own bed.

I hate it when people tell me how to parent my child so I try not to do the same to others. So far my baby is healthy and happy so I must be doing something right...even if it's not what Sears says. They can all go to hell.

[Oh, and KSU I think it was SWTXBelle you were talking about. Damn those LaLeakys]

This times 100!

A child who is thriving and is happy is what is important. There needs trump the needs of moms to engage in "mompetition". This story was only covered by TIME for sales reasons.

I had planned on breastfeeding for 6 months. I ended up only doing 3 because my daughter was not gaining enough and had severe reflux. More than one pediatrician said she would be better off on formula. After the switch, my daughter was happy and you could see the developmental change in her within 2 weeks. When I tell moms who breastfeed that, they freak out and say doctors would never say that "breast is best".

My daughter spent several days in the NICU after she was born, the nurses there said do not allow this baby to sleep in the same bed with us once we got her home. She was already used to sleeping away from me. She has been in her crib since day 1 for bedtime (that doesn't mean I didn't sleep in the chair in her room for the first few days), and she has always been an incredibly good sleeper and was sleeping 7-8 hours straight at 4 months.

(a side note: I was listening to coverage of this story on my way to work this morning, a report said mom is a former play mate and stated that she was breastfed until she was 6).

Even though I don't even have kids yet, I've been sanctimommied by AP women with whom I work. For them, it's gone beyond "mompetition" and is just another way to cause schisms between women. In a male-dominated field that's kind of effed up.

My mom was always really adamant with my sister about letting my niece and nephew sleep with her as a matter of principle...it's not just about the kid it's about your marriage/partnership! There are kid zones and there are adult zones...

Also, I don't think that 20 years is long enough to call oneself a "parenting expert," the way that Dr. Sears and some of his most loyal acolytes have.

Sweet mother of mercy, people. Just raise your kids! Quit thinking, talking, lecturing, over-analyzing every.little.thing. and just raise your kids. Be there for them when they need you, feed them, clothe them, and intervene when necessary. They will be alright, I promise you. You were alright without all of this noise, weren't you?

This requires thinking about most things.

Parenting is not a mindless and simple task. It is not even always immediately rewarding. Being a parent (that applies to motherhood as well as fatherhood) can be a very lonely and depressing process in which people assume that you just know what you're doing. Those who wish to go about parenting on pure "instinct" (the notion of a "parenting instinct" is often exaggerated) and effortlessly thoughtless actions are pretending as though parenting is as easy and as rewarding as taking an unconstipated defecation.

Afterall, an historical look at parenting around the world will find things that are considered inappropriate and unhealthy based on more updated norms and laws.

This!

Made me spit out coffee...thanks. :p

I breastfed for a few months with each child & it worked great. I started to feel guilty when I quit (I was working and it was just becoming too complicated) and then I realized that I was a formula-fed child and I turned out okey-dokey.

What I feel horrible about are the folks who try to BF and can't (either because it's just not working, or they have a medical condition preventing them) and are made to feel inferior as mothers because they're not BF their kid! New motherhood is stressful and hormonal enough without the peanut gallery telling you that you and your kid are going straight to hell for not BF.

LOL!!! I was breast fed for a year and a half (to note: I didn't get teeth till I was 15 months old) and I am VERY VERY VERY picky about milk - it has to be very cold, it has to be served in either a glass or a mug, I don't like certain brands etc etc. Maybe you've uncovered the root of it!

I thought we had all learned from the Law & Order episode where the baby died because the lactation counselor had scared the mother out of giving it a bottle.

And occasionally when I couldn't sleep Mom33 came and slept with me - co-sleeping was not an option since Dad33 didn't wear jammies. Farm folk.

What DrPhil said.

THIS.

I have what is possibly a dumb question that is in no way intended it be offensive. I'm legitimately curious since I am not a parent and really have no idea.

Several people have mentioned baby sleeping in the bed with parents. I have heard that this should be discouraged due to the fact that parent can easily roll over and crush/suffocate the child. Is this common practice? It seems to have been mentioned a few times, so I was curious.

Oh, and I'm talking about baby sleeping with in the bed parents...not like 3-5 year olds or baby sleeping in a separate crib in the parents' room. I know I crawled into my parents bed on several occasions after a nightmare when I was that age--so if either of those two scenarios is what people were referring to, please disregard!

I believe most (not all) parents do the best they can with the cards they are dealt. Being a mother is both the most difficult and the most rewarding thing I've ever done.

Before I had my daughter, I was going to be the queen of all breast feeders and no way no how was cosleeping ever going to happen in our house. Guess what? Breastfeeding DID NOT WORK for me and my daughter. She's doing great now at four. As far as sleeping goes, the first two years of my daughter's life were hell, and I got so sleep deprived that I made myself sick to the point of losing my job. She was also sick all the time. I gave in to cosleeping, and I don't regret a minute of it. We are working on everyone sleeping in his/her own bed now. We'll get there.

For me, the greatest asset to being a good parent is the ability to be flexible.

Now this heifer on Time, that's just about attention.

I can understand feeling a sense of closeness with the child if you breastfeed and feeling as though you are failing if you cannot breastfeed or stop breastfeeding.

However, I admit that my eyebrow sometimes raises and my stomach sometimes bubbles when a woman says she enjoyed breastfeeding. I typically hear women say that when they defend breastfeeding at an older age. Using "enjoy" makes me wonder whether there was a "nipple feeling" going on for some of these women. Seeing this photo with the boy posing for the camera with a nipple in his mouth makes me nauseous. If he can hop on a chair and give the camera a side eye, he does not need to be sucking a nipple. It makes me think of when grown adults talk about sexual nipple stimulation. I do not blame TIME for getting the sales that they knew they would receive.

The bold.

Also I'd like to note that I had to take formula at ten days old because we were in a very serious car accident. Momma WC couldn't hold me to breast feed me for months, so I had some milk from whatever they could pump, but I split formula and milk. I think I've turned out pretty well. I don't have a criminal record or anything. :rolleyes:

Also even though my mother was stuck in bed, I rarely slept in the same bed as them. There was a crib next to the bed. I'm looking for more recent stats, but from 1993-1997 there were over 500 infant and toddler accidental deaths from co-sleeping.

I guess it depends on why she enjoys it. For example, being able to provide nourishment to your child could be enjoyable. Having quiet snuggle/bonding time with a child could be enjoyable.

WTF? CTFU! This is some funny ass shit. I haven't seen it until now.

Seriously. The thinnest I've ever been was while I was nursing. I also had a nice bust line to go with it. It was awesome! :)

I nursed my son until he was 9 months. I was working full-time also which was NOT easy to do. I would have liked to continue until he was a year, but my son got the whole family sick with the Ebola virus or something (horrible HORRIBLE stomach flu) and my milk supply tanked since I basically didn't eat for about 3 days. I was sad because I really did enjoy nursing. The benefits of breast milk are undeniable. And it's a hell of a lot cheaper than formula!!! By the age of one, toddlers are capable of absorbing nutrients from regular table foods. That's when they move onto to whole milk rather than formula since their bodies no longer need the nutrients in formula. For me personally, I've never understood nursing past the age of one. It's not really a nutritional supplement at that point since food provides it. Sure, breast milk provides antibodies but kids at age one are typically past that scary age when a little virus (like RSV) could send them to the hospital for two weeks. A lot of the AP moms say that nursing brings comfort and consolation to their children. That's what hugging and cuddling are for, IMHO. When you continue nursing well into the toddler years, I think it becomes more for the benefit of the mother rather than the child. To each their own, I guess....

That poor kid is on the cover of a national magazine breastfeeding. His classmates will never let him live it down when he gets to middle school.

I'm not an AP mom, but for the sake of adding to the conversation, The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding until age 2. The American Pediatrics Association and/or other similar organizations here have lowered that to make 6 months/ 1 year the "acceptable norm" in American society. From the (limited) research I have done, in most other developed countries, the "acceptable norm" is much closer to 2 than 1. As far as why most/many moms say breastfeeding is enjoyable, it's not because of nipple stimulation or anything like that; the woman's body releases pleasure hormones (endorphines, I believe) while breastfeeding- it's nature's way of trying to help moms be okay with having a baby attached to the nipple every 2-3 hours! :)

Now, all that said, I breastfeed exclusively for 6 months, and then quit completely at 9 months when pumping became too much for me as a full time working mom. My plan (funny how most parenthood related plans fall by the wayside when the time comes!) was to breastfeed until 1, and continue to pump and give in a sippy cup as long as my supply lasted. I, while recognizing everything I stated above and the proven nutritional benefits, was also "grossed out" by the thought of my baby walking up to me and asking for milk. I'm pregnant again; I guess my plan will be the same as last time, and who knows how long I'll go this time.

I agree that the greater discussion here is that every parent should do what's best for them and their child(ren). I also agree that I take much great offense to the headline than the actual picture- we are ALL "mom enough." and most of all, I agree that I just feel sorry for that kid when he's older and that picture is discovered by his classmates!

Since it is the WORLD Health Organization, wouldn't they take into account when making this recommendation that safe and healthy formula is really really hard to find and completely out of the price range of mothers in many parts of the world? I mean obviously if you're in the middle of an insect-ridden swamp with no running water it's probably best to breast feed as long as you can. That isn't the case here.

But it cannot only be about that.

Societies have what are considered normative behaviors and laws. If a mother (in societies in which breastfeeding is such a hot nipple topic) said that she breastfeeds her 12 year old child, would people say "well, that must be what works for them, as long as the child is happy and seems healthy"? I think people would challenge this notion that the child is both happy and healthy despite what the mother claims.

When my Mom was raising her children, breastfeeding was NOT cool, and her doctor kind of went against common trend in saying she should continue to feed us formula longer and delay the introduction of food to limit allergies and stuff. What I'm getting at is parenting is dissected and contradicted every several years. Think about baby on back, baby on stomach, baby on side, baby in parent's bed, baby absolutely not in parent's bed. Those have all been the absolute mandate at one time or another.

And I think there is a vast difference in what the WHO recommends and what American women need to do. First of all, the water you would mix with the formula could kill your baby in a lot of countries.

Obviously having a special needs child ups the ante with that stuff, but I've seen it ramp up big time because women are waiting later to have kids and they're focused on it in ways that younger mothers aren't necessarily. Becoming a parent, for my circles (educated women who focused on a career for nearly a decade before having a very planned child), is this major PROJECT, way more than it was for our mothers' generations.

It's kind of a luxury to compete with other women over this stuff--I don't see a ton of teen moms pulling this stuff. :rolleyes:

I also think it's sometimes overcompensation. I've noticed many extreme cases of AP where the mother has thought nothing about putting her newborn in the care of strangers so she can quickly resume her career or doesn't think it's necessary to have an involved father in the picture, but God forgive you if you get in the way of her whipping out her boob to nurse her three year old in the middle of Starbucks.

I'm a bit close to this issue at the moment, probably because I was feeding my 5 week old when I pulled up the thread. :) He is exclusively breast fed, and I hope that he will be for a while. But we've had a number of issues in his first 5 weeks, all of which have lead to an incredible amount of pain for me. Breastfeeding him has been the most difficult and painful thing I have ever done in my life. (Note that I had a med-free birth. Yes, I am saying that breastfeeding him has been more painful and difficult than childbirth itself.) Because of my experience I will always do my best to never ever judge a mama who cannot breastfeed her baby. (I will still judge people like an acquaintance of mine who expressly said she wasn't going to breastfeed because it would interfere with her social life, aka her ability to drink as much and as often as she wanted to once her baby was born. But that's a whole other issue.)

I would hope that, in return, I would be given the same courtesy of not being judged if I manage to continue breastfeeding him past an age that others consider appropriate. I doubt we will make it that far, but who knows? Don't judge an AP parent and in the same breath criticize the AP parent for being judgmental. I don't consider myself an AP mama, I think I'm more in the middle. But I definitely see the judgmental attitudes going both ways

Breastfeeding was very painful and difficult for me also and I only lasted a few weeks with each child. It turned out that both were lactose intolerant and felt uncomfortable almost all the time so they screamed for hours on end. They both wanted to nurse every 1.5 hours or so. Because of my size, the only position I could use for nursing wasn't comfortable or bonding to me. I reached a point where I was so exhausted I thought I was going to collapse and I couldn't handle not being able to leave the house at all for weeks on end because I had to be there to feed the baby. Maybe that was selfish and a lot of people tried to make me feel guilty but I bonded much better with my babies when I fed them hypoallergenic formula (yeah, her allergies are why she picked that username..lol) and we all got to sleep for more than an hour at a time. When I could rock with them in the rocking chair while giving them a bottle, I felt closer to them. While nursing, between the pain, the sleep deprivation,the weird position and the inability to do anything but nurse a baby and try to sleep, I was just growing resentful, not bonding. People need to do what is right for them. I have great admiration for women who can do it, but I couldn't do it. Nutramigen and mylicon drops worked wonders for us.

The mom is a model... and forgive me for saying so, but as a whole, models tend to have a pretty healthy dose of self esteem. I can't believe that they had the picture of the boy's face full on and didn't at least have him turn to her so his face wasn't so apparent. I echo that Google is forever and he will not appreciate it when he's older.

I don't have kids, so I don't have a dog in this fight. That being said, I know way too many people that are fans of attachment parenting. Two people I grew up with are doulas. Another sleeps with all 3 of her children (I think the oldest is around 8). Yet another still breastfeeds, and her child is 6. SIX. If they're in first grade, I don't think they still need it.

AnotherKD, holy shit. Do I know these people?


I multi-quoted a bunch of things yesterday, but then decided not to post. I'll just share instead today.

My baby girl is almost 4 months, and we are still breastfeeding! That is huge for us. My older two were unsuccessfully breastfed. I was miserable for a plethora of reasons. They were miserable, too. We started supplementing at 5 or 6 weeks, and completely stopped BFing at 10 weeks. For whatever reason, #3 kicks ass at breastfeeding. We tried formula once, and she screamed her blessed little head off. She has boob when I'm home whenever she wants. I'm pumping more than enough at work to keep up with her demands, too. It's my goal to at least BF until 6 months, possibly one year.

Now... there was nothing more demoralizing with my first two than hearing "it" from other moms when I told them we were not BFing. The LLL types made me feel like shit for quiting. This time though, I've found the LLL website to be a good resource, and I think it's part of why we're doing such a good job. I'm all for BFing a baby as long as possible IF that's what the mother chooses to do. However, once the psychological impact trumps the physical benefit, it's time to stop. (Like this case). I am also more offended by the title of being "Mom Enough." Fuck that shit. Just because her kid is still on the tit at the age of nearly 4, she is not a better mom than I. Just different. I am more than MOM ENOUGH.

FWIW, I was NOT breastfed. Formula for me from the get-go, and I'm a damn genius. ;) That argument is moot. (I was also put on my belly to sleep. I let our baby girl doze off on her belly today during tummy time, and my husband about shit a brick).

Co-sleeping is a different story. Often times, co-sleeping deaths are a result of poor planning or other influences (drug or alcohol impairment). We co-slept with #1 and #2 a little bit during their first few weeks. #2 was a loud sleeper though, so we really didn't get good sleep. I was always very paranoid though and dozed more than really "slept". We had a large, overstuffed, soft pillow top bed, which made me paranoid. #3 co-slept more than the other two because we have a better bed (memory foam, very firm), slept with fewer blankets and pillows, and it was easier for me to just roll over and pop a boob in her mouth when she woke up for those middle of the night feedings. I would doze, she would eat, and she would fall off when she was done. We were happy campers.

This was the only reason we co-slept with either of our kids. Had I not be BFing, I would not have co-slept because I would've had to get out of bed anyway to prepare a bottle.

I don't want to judge either way - I'm amazed that some women want to (and can) BF for so long. I'm also more than understanding of women who only do it for so long. And even more understanding of women who choose not to BF at all. And, if one of the reasons is because she doesn't want to have to either avoid alcohol altogether or pump and dump, so be it. She shared her body for 9 months - I don't see it as unreasonable (and certainly not worthy of judgment) to opt for the bottle.

The woman on the TIME cover, though... it's hard not to judge her simply because of her poor decision to exploit her kid.