Improving sorority relations for mixers
 

Hi everyone. I’m a member of a fraternity on my campus that is neither here nor there so to speak. We’re not a socially awkward/dorky engineering frat or anything but we’re also not a fraternity that is really fratty. We’re kind of regarded as “nice guys” and a good number of guys are in relationships although still a lot of guys are single. I’d say we are all kind of cool in a unique way since we are not all homogeneous (i.e. we're not all preppy for example). Regardless, if you talk to people and say “I’m in [insert my fraternity name here]” girls will say “oh I know so and so, I love them” or “oh cool I love [insert my fraternity name here] guys.”

That’s just a small background of us, and I’m trying to see how we can improve our sorority relations. Again, individually sorority girls like us but as an entity they don’t really interact with us (no philanthropy or mixers). I’m wondering how we can go about increasing those relations to have mixers or other interactions.

In the past our social chairs have asked the sorority social chairs to plan mixers (through email) and the social chairs either didn’t respond or said they’re too busy etc. Is there a better way of going about this? Is calling or sending a letter a better way? I think it’s just hard to say “will you join us on such and such date” since we don’t even know if they want to mix or if they are even free that date.

I hear of sororities mixing with frats that are no better than us (as in not necessarily cooler or more attractive) and it just upsets me that we for some reason have this barrier even though people still like us. If it is the fact that we are not as fratty as some other frats, I was still under the impression that people don't only go to mixers to meet people for sex or relationships… I thought people like to go to just meet people and have a fun time… Any advice to fix this would be appreciated (if you have questions let me know). Thanks!

wow.

I'll just answer the question with a few questions.

of the girls that say they like you, are any of them social chairs? Do any of your brothers actually know any of the social chairs? Do you have a chapter sweetheart? Is she greek, can she help with a mixer with her group.

oh, and finally- are you as judgemental about the sororities as you are about the other fraternities? are you only reaching out to a select few sororities or are you trying to work with all of them on your campus?

First rule of contact: phone calls are ALWAYS better than sending an email. In my opinion, an email is one of the easiest things to ignore if you're not at the top of someone's priority list (which it sounds like your fraternity is not with sorority social chairs).

First thing is electing a social chair (or two) who has several traits, all of which are very important: 1) Socially outgoing enough to not have any hang-ups or hesitance in contacting sorority social chairs by phone and set up in-person meetings; 2) Incredibly reliable; 3) Persistent. Also, NEVER let the lack of past relations dictate your expected interactions with these social chairs - don't defeat yourself before you even get an answer.

So:
Step 1) Have your social chair CALL UP EVERY sorority social chair and invite her to coffee or lunch. Arrange an in-person meeting. For social chairs who are being flaky about committing to a time or date (remember, lots of college students are flaky, so just accept it), be a little persistent and offer to bring her Starbucks at her house for a quick 15 minute meeting.

Step 2) At these meetings, discuss mixer options that include a variety of choices with different price points and time commitments (dinner, bowling, partnering for homecoming, study marathon, beach clean up, etc.) Money and time are always factors in planning social events into the schedule, so think about ways that you can partner with them on events they are required to do, or are already planning.

Step 3) For the women who have not returned your phone calls: go to their chapter house (or whatever), and say that you wanted to stop by quickly to introduce yourself if the social chair is available. Don't overstay your welcome, just stop by to introduce yourself and see if you can plan a meeting soon. Leave your information if she's not available.

Step 4) Attend every sorority's philanthropy event with LOTS of brothers. Be a presence. Show your support. Meet and mingle like there's no tomorrow.

Step 5) Think about hosting open events - Grab-a-dates where the brothers invite all of their friends, BBQs, etc.

Good luck!

Sorry, I guess my post was a little judgemental. But a lot of the frats on campus have reputations for being fratty and they thrive on it so I didn't think it was necessarily a bad thing to say that. I'm not sure what the social chairs have done but I would try to keep an open mind about all of the sororities, especially because I have friends in pretty much all of them.

I don't think any brothers know social chairs which is the tough part.

You have some great ideas here! I like the coffee/lunch date idea. I look forward to trying these ideas. I'll message you if I have more questions about what you wrote. Thanks for your help!

If anyone has any additional ideas, let me know too!

Serenades. Sorority women love serenades. You don't have to be perfect or even very good for that matter; simply be sincere and entertaining. It will get you noticed in the right way.

Is your fraternity small compared to the sororities (and the other fraternities they mix with)? It is hard for a 150-woman sorority to mix with a 50-man fraternity, for example. We used to address this by having dinner mixers with smaller fraternities, so it was only the in-house women, and it balanced out better.

Also, if you are trying to get on their schedule for the first time, you may just have to foot the whole bill. That won't be a big deal if you can have a BBQ at your house or something.

Also, how soon are you contacting the sororities?

If you're trying to plan a mixer in December but you waited until November to plan it, they won't have any open dates. Sit down with your VP of Programming or whoever oversees the chapter's calendar and nail down dates that you want mixers. It also helps to figure out what dates the sororities have blacked out every year (ex. formals, rituals, whatever).

That's the biggest problem I ran into when I was Social Chair. Plan early and be persistent are the best pieces of advice I can offer.

Great ideas LAblondeGPhi.

Just to piggyback on Step 3. As LAblondeGPhi noted, do not overstay your welcome. However, if the social chair is available to talk/meet during your stop by introduction, be prepared to meet with her right then and there. You don't want to wait to set something up down the line only to find her busy.

Some Greek Life offices keep a list of the Social Chairs and their contact information for each GLO. Some schools provide that info on their campus Greek Life page/website. If not on-line, contact the Greek Life office directly and ask them for a list. Be sure to let them know who you are and why you want that information. "I'm the social chair of ABC and we would like to invite the sororities to our XYZ fundraiser."

First of all, thanks for all of the great responses!

We've actually done this! Both singing and dancing, and indeed the girls liked it (even the sororities that will probably never mix with us no matter how hard we try haha).

Most fraternities at my school are in the 50-70 person range (including us), and sororities are 150-200, and the frats and sororities that mix seem to manage. Also, I assumed we would have to pay for everything since the sororities can find other frats who they like more anyway who also probably pay for everything lol.

I remember in the fall, the social chair contacted sororities in the end of August before school started. Not really sure about this semester though, but he definitely didn't wait until the last minute or anything. I do think the problem was probably not reaching out enough though (such as calling) so I think that is definitely something we should try.

Thanks for the advice. Although none of the brothers know social chairs directly, I'm sure I could get their info from the friends who I do know.



I guess more generally, at my school it seems like most frats mix with sororities mainly in terms of themed parties. Is it too much to ask for the first time to have a mixer party?

And to girls in sororities, have you ever had frats on your campus who you just didn't want to mix with? Maybe they do indeed have cool people but also some awkward/shy guys that made you say "ehh we could do without them, we have these cooler frats to mix with anyway"? That's how I feel the situation is with us :/

At Illinois, the fraternities outnumber the sororities by a lot, so the sororities do a lot of the choosing, but my sorority was on the lower end when it came to popularity with fraternities. Therefore, I felt like we always had the internal debate: Do we want the more popular fraternity, or do we want the fraternity who is really excited to have a mixer with us? When I was younger, I thought it was all about getting mixers with the hottest/most popular guys, and then as I got over it, sophomore and junior year, I was much more interested in mixing with guys who were excited and would throw a good event.

I'm not sure how that is helpful to you, but are you getting to know the women in other situations? For example, you should definitely be participating in their philanthropy events and things like that. Can you invite some girls over for something like a mixer without calling it that? Ask them to stop by for study snacks during midterms or something. Invite them to a barbeque. Sometimes, sororities think in terms of a set number of social events, so they don't want to bump another fraternity for you, but if you did something additional, they'd go along with it.

Finally, have you considered the non-NPC groups on your campus? They may want to party with you, too.

Totally agree.

I know it's not standard, but I think it's a great idea to expand outside the Greek community: think about women's club teams or service organizations (UCLA has Bruin Belles, USC has the Helenes, etc.) I've known of sororities mixing with the business school (yes, the graduate school of business), and rugby club teams.

For teams, I think hosting a day-before BBQ or spaghetti dinner is an opportunity not just to socialize, but to support the team. My high school cross country team used to skip practice the day before a meet in favor of spaghetti carb-loading.

The situation at your school is exactly the situation of mine. We have so many more frats that the sororities are not really losing out by not mixing with us (well, besides getting to know us ;) haha). Also, a lot of the people at my school focus a lot on status, so they have the same conflicts you do. One of the sororities that said that they were "too busy" was a sorority that was only added to our school fairly recently and it seems like even though we are more "on their level," they want to mix with the "cooler" frats, since that will also help their reputation... I feel like even upperclassmen still care about the status here, unfortunately. Part of me thinks these ideas about reaching out could help, the other part of me realistically thinks nothing is going to change :/.

We could try a dinner or something though. And yeah non-NPC could be a good option too, although sometimes I just think its sad that we're ignored by the NPC ones.


Good ideas! And they'd probably care less about the status stuff, though again, at my school you never know...

Oh one other thing I should mention is that our house is a lot smaller than the other frats' houses which also lessens someone's desire to go to our house for stuff I feel.

You mean the physical house?

It also depends on your campus culture. When I was in school, every sorority would put an ad in the Daily Illini that said something like "We look forward to our exchanges with the following fraternities", and so it was just as much about bragging when a good house gave you a mixer as it was actually having fun with the guys.

It seems intuitive that you would want to start with the house that is most on your level, but that actually may not be the case. It may be that a mid-level sorority can deflect possible gossip about mixing with your fraternity better than a sorority that is already struggling to recruit.

That said, if you are persistent enough with any group, they should at least give it a whirl with you guys.

Good luck! And I just want to re-iterate how important it is not to let this status stuff get to you. I've seen collegiates too many times let their Greek reputation really affect their self-esteem, both for the upside to the point of being overly-cocky, and for the worse.

It's really important that you be involved in things outside of the Greek system. As great as it is to be really devoted to your house and improving your chapter's reputation, you need to make sure that you're not attaching an unhealthy amount of your own self-esteem to the status of your house. I'm speaking from experience, and I was kind of amazed what a weight was lifted when I graduated. I was super involved in my chapter, and I wish I had been more involved in non-Greek activities on campus.

Actually, you lost me with the judgmentalism here:

Quote:

Originally Posted by gr33kfan (Post 2134934) We’re not a socially awkward/dorky engineering frat or anything . . . .

Be careful with the non-NPC mixers. This can be great to get your name out there as nice fun guys, but it can also piss the NPC women off. If you do have such a mixer, make sure it works exactly like a mixer with an NPC group would as far as alcohol, third party vendors etc are concerned.

Gr33kfan,

My daughter was a social chair for her sorority last year, so I'll give you her input (she's currently enjoying being a newly graduated lazy bum and doesn't want to type anything again ever at the moment. :)).

This is just her personal preference, but she said she didn't want phone calls or emails- she wanted texts. If she knew that for some reason, her sorority didn't want to do something with a particular fraternity (popularity of the fraternity, by the way, wasn't usually the reason for this), or couldn't do something because of timing issues, it was easier for her to deal with that via text. Phone calls where she had to say no she found awkward and texts prevented that awkwardness. For that same reason, she wasn't hyped on getting together for coffee, etc although she did it from time to time with some social chairs (usually after she had already said yes to an event and they needed to plan).

She said persistence is good, but there is a fine line between persistance and desperate - sort of the same line that would exist with dating. She said she personally wouldn't be super comfortable with someone showing up at the door and in her case it wouldn't have been effective since she didn't live in the house most of the time she was social chair.

She did agree with a lot of other suggestions that have been made so far and added a few.

1) Yes, go and serenade at pre-chapter dinners. While you're there, the social chair should introduce himself, leave his number, and suggest that you'd love to do something with them.

2) DON"T leave it up to the sororities to plan something. Call them with a plan already made or offer to help plan something together. Do something in conjunction with another fraternity.

If you have a mixer or unofficial - and they are hosting at one of their places - offer to stay and help clean up. She was so impressed with a new fraternity on their campus that came back the next morning to help pick up her apartment after a mixer. Yes, she put them on the schedule again - quickly.

3) Show up to philanthropies, make sure you are there with big numbers and get involved in them. If you participate in something like, for instance, a Mr. Greek contest - go all out and REALLY work at it. Impress!

4) Ask them over for dinner.

5) Have an BIG event at the start of the year - dance, BBQ, whatever and invite EVERYONE(okay, not literally everyone) - campus wide. It's a good rush event for you, it helps sororities to get to know you in a comfortable atomsphere, and you get to know girls that might be rushing before they get into a sorority and get "locked in" to certain fraternities their sorority might hang out with. If those new girls like you - they will start pushing their own social chair to do stuff with you.

One of the fraternities on her campus also has helped freshmen move in every year. Yeah, they focused mostly on helping the girls. Because of this, she liked them from the start and remembered them when she went to plan functions. That same group planned a campus-wide flag football tournament the year before that a bunch of sororities participated in.

6) Yes, invite groups/organizations over that aren't sororities. A fraternity at her first campus invited the cheerleaders over for dinner (before she had joined a sorority). She went back to hang out several times after that and as she met sorority girls throughout the year, she had good things to say about that group. Also, two of the girls on her team were already in sororities and THEY had good things to say about that group to their sisters.

7) Bring over cookies, food, send cards etc. One of the fairly new fraternities on her campus sent candy and a card to every sorority on Valentine's Day.

8) The minute I read to her the part about a lot of the guys in your fraternity having girlfriends, she said, "Yeah, and that's part of the problem, probably."

Her experience has been that if a lot of the guys in a fraternity are in relationship they either aren't too interested in socials/mixer or they don't show up for them or if they do show up they stand by the wall. Because of this, she suggests focusing on your freshman/sophomore guys who are less likely to be in relationships and make sure everyone who comes is motivated to show up and socialize (and you're right - this doesn't mean hooking up. It just means be friendly and have fun).

Hope that helps.

ETA: Oh my goodness, this ended up being way longer than I intended - apologies.

Yes, our house. Most houses are pretty large/nice looking. Ours is smaller and not as exciting for a sorority girl concerned with prestige and money...

I don't think sororities brag about it that directly here but they definitely care about the status. I'd say we want to mix with the sororities more on our level because we'd enjoy it more as opposed to mixing with a "better" sorority that may give us good publicity but maybe not the best event for us.

I definitely agree with what you said. I actually am involved with a ton of stuff outside of my frat (most guys in it are) which is what I think makes us so unique. I'm very happy I'm in my frat and I love my brothers, I just wish we had better sorority relations, that's all. The status thing does get to me in that sense but then I try to get over it by thinking about the good things I get out of it anyway.

Sorry, again. In fact many of the cool guys in my frat are engineers. Just on my campus, the frats that are dorky/off the radar (even more than us) are full of the less outgoing people and a lot of them happen to be engineers although obviously they are full of other guys who aren't engineers.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean here... Could you clarify?

I appreciate the long response! The one thing that worries me about texts is that if I'm going to go the electronic route, I'd prefer email since it's easier to write a nice message. You can't really fit that much into a text, and I feel like it wouldn't look very classy. I do agree that calling to meet up may be awkward if they are really not interested, which is a dilemma I'm having with implementing that idea.

In terms of having an idea before contacting, what if I suggest a party mixer to a sorority that would only be interested in a dinner instead and I offer a dinner to sorority that wouldn't have minded doing a party mixer? How do I know what to offer?

Although guys are in relationships, most of our new guys are still single so we could definitely make something work (guys in relationships are allowed to talk to girls still too haha). Thanks for your help!

I'll keep this one shorter. Maybe:)

1) Regarding emails versus texts - again, she said that you need to think of it like dating - email's, unless it was formal event of some kind, is a bit much for a mixer - this is an area where she said a text comes off as more of a casual, play it cool, no big deal kind of thing. Sending an involved email for a mixer would come across like a guy asking you out for coffee and showing up in a suit with roses and candy - it's overkill and too formal for the event. Maybe that's just her and other social chairs would feel differently, but for the simple mixers....keep it simple. Don't sweat it this much.

2) When in doubt, start with the dinner. If they like your guys, they will stay and hang out. Move to a mixer for the next thing.

3) I don't mean to suggest that guys in relationships can't be social (she mentioned her BF did a great job of going to socials and being social while respecting her), BUT there were times when they did things with some fraternities and if a lot of the guys had GF's they seemed to stick by the wall and not be terribly social. Just be sure your guys understand that all they have to do is be friendly and meet people- regardless of their status.

4) If the mixer thing is stressing you out (in terms of how to ask, when to ask etc.) she emphasized starting with big "invite everybody" parties and have a lot of them. Rent out a venue if your house is too small or use a live-out. Takes the pressure off of you in the sense that no one has to say yes or no - they just have to show up. It doesn't have to be a theme. Just invite people. If your guys have GF's have them invite their friends over. Have date-dash cocktail parties or dance parties. Again, keep it simple and don't sweat it at first.

Okay, that wasn't much shorter. Sorry. I'm an English teacher. I can't shut up. ;)

Thanks again! Anyone have any input on the email/texting situation?

Dinner sounds like a good way to start.

We do have open parties for people to come to and they're usually pretty good/crowded, just sorority girls don't really come unless they have friends in the frat. If we are having something going on for a weekend, surely a sorority will be able to find parties at the "better" frats or will have mixers etc. so this idea has already been tried I guess :/. So I think we need to start with more personal things to expect them to show up.

The grab-a-date is a good idea. The attached guys can bring their girl. All the unattached guys can grab a friend (who is in a sorority) and help get the word out about what a fun group of guys you are. I recommend something easy like BBQ or flat out goofy like disco bowling or paintball.

If the sororities are all a lot bigger - you might try having a Swap. Only invite their new member class for a fun no alcohol activity like an ice cream social

[QUOTE=gr33kfan;2135421]Thanks again! Anyone have any input on the email/texting situation?

Dinner sounds like a good way to start.

We do have open parties for people to come to and they're usually pretty good/crowded, just sorority girls don't really come unless they have friends in the frat. If we are having something going on for a weekend, surely a sorority will be able to find parties at the "better" frats or will have mixers etc. so this idea has already been tried I guess :/. So I think we need to start with more personal things to expect them to show up.[/QUOTE]


Is the problem that its only girls that already have friends in the fraternity and you want to meet more/new girls? In that case, you need to publicize your events better and encourage the girls who do come to bring friends.

Whether or not they would choose another event over yours would depend, I guess, on your campus culture. On her campus, fraternities tended to each have some type of "BIG" event or events they do but not every fraternity has a "BIG" event or huge party every weekend, so not many overlap. Other fraternties and sororities may have smaller parties on the same weekend as some fraternities big party, but girls will head to the "BIG" event first and then go to the smaller parties later or vice-versa. In other words - they don't choose between yours and someone else's -they make the rounds, so unless things are radically different on your campus (they may be), they aren't choosing between you and someone else for these things - it just adds you to the list of things they will do that night as opposed to ignoring you entirely.

She agreed with HQWest's suggestions and added one - a weekend date dash to the beach/mountains/lake/river etc...Rent some cabins/houseboats/a small hotel or block or rooms and take friends/dates/girlfriends. Very few people will say no to hanging out with friends at any one of these places over a weekend.

Most NPC sororities have rules that mixers must be alcohol-free, or if not alcohol-free, held at a third-party vendor like a club which then takes responsibility for carding underagers, etc. When this rule first came out, at some schools, there was a problem with non-NPC groups like service sororities or dance teams not having these rules...so naturally the fraternities started blowing off NPC groups to mix with these other groups because girls drinking are more fun than girls not drinking.

I won't ask if the NPC groups at your school follow this or not, that's not the point. The point is if you mix with a non-NPC don't take advantage of their lack of rules. If NPC groups have (example) a rule that mixers must end at midnight, then you should end your mixer with the flag team at midnight as well...even though they don't have that rule.

Get it?

[QUOTE=AXOmom;2135440]I think our campus culture is one where people are choosing between events and don't pick us. Also, most frats here don't really have "BIG" events like you are describing, at least not on campus.

Yup! Sounds good, thanks.

I guess I'm wondering that if in the past social chairs haven't been able to get something to happen between us and sororities, what's going to make them change their minds? How do we stick out enough for them to want to include us in their already busy schedules?

Be nice guys (without being bootlicking pussies). Be visible. Be sociable. Support sororities in their endeavors. Don't go overboard trying to appeal to the "top" sororities. You will come off like 90% of the fraternity (and non-fraternity) dudes on campus, someone who wants to sleep with a girl in a popular sorority just to get a notch on their belt. Concentrate on the girls who will be more likely to accept your invitations and just have a fun time without constantly comparing you to FratttyFrat ABC.

More than anything...your social chair should be the cutest, nicest, most sociable, most visible on campus member of your fraternity. This works wonders. Even if this guy already has an office...even an exec board office...the invitations and contacts should come from him.

As far as events with the sorority's new member class only...I thought this was considered hazing (pledges doing something initiated sisters don't have to do, and putting the pledges "on display" for fraternity men). I would stay away from this unless it is an established tradition on your campus and the sororities' HQs look the other way about it.

Ditto everything that has already been said, ESPECIALLY attending philanthropies. I can't think of anything that has my won my chapter's allegiance quicker than a fraternity showing up in full force to our event. If your brothers show up in letters with a smile girls will notice (one house came to our event this year in matching shirts. It was humanly impossible not to notice them.) Likewise, if you get paired with a sorority for any sort of competition be the BEST partners you can be. There are plenty of "top" houses on my campus that aren't worth squat as partners and nothing is more frustrating. A couple of other things that haven't been touched on as much yet...
1. Do you ever plan community service events with sororities? This is a fairly common thing on my campus and seems generally successful at improving chapter relationships. It's a nice way for people in relationships to meet members in other chapters in a "friendzone" setting and everyone has hours to get done anyways. My boyfriend is the service chair for his chapter and has made a point to arrange things with sororities that they're not on great terms with as a way to gradually build up ties. The last one led to the group all going out to dinner together afterwards. Also, if you can build up a reputation of being reliable and always sending a solid number of guys then sorority service chairs will pick you every time over chapters that are "fratty" but flaky.
2. How do you interact with other campus leaders? Do you have anyone on IFC Council? Is your president close with any of the other presidents? Close ties with other social chairs is great, but I've noticed that it's common for chapter to to chapter relations to happen from the top down on my campus. It's always interesting to see who mixes with who after the President\ IFC & Panhel Council retreat. Now don't get me wrong, a chapter leader should never force their brothers\sisters to mix with someone, and if the chapter is deadset against it they probably can't anyways. But more than once I've seen a leader come back to a chapter and say "This weekend I met the President of XYZ. He\she was awesome, why don't we ever hang out with them?" That endorsement can be enough to get a chapter to give you a chance, if only by starting out with something small like a service event or a dinner.
3. Oregon is big on dinner exchanges. Social chairs will coordinate and decide who is hosting. Our chapter sizes are on the larger side so it's by no means an all-house event . Due to our smaller dining room we usually go over to the fraternities. We'll send around 30 girls and bring desert if they're providing dinner. Sometimes they have cheesy themes like "boardgame" night, trivia night, etc. These almost universally lead to a function with the chapter afterwards.
4. Come recruitment time offer LOTS of encouragement and don't be afraid to volunteer to be guinea pigs for sororities during work week. I can't speak for everyone but when a fraternity stepped up to do that for us this year my chapter was THRILLED for another opportunity to practice conversation. Sorority women put an inordinate amount of work into recruitment and anytime fraternity men show an appreciation for that, be it with cookies and nice card or just some words of encouragement, we notice.
5. People above are right in that a new member pledge class only thing would be hazing (at least on my campus) but whenever possible try to put your new members on display and encourage them to get to know other new members. It's easier to show new additions to the Panhellenic world that you're nice guys worth socializing with than it is to change the minds of upperclassmen.
Good luck!

You've gotten some great advice here. Come back later and tell us what you think worked for you, what didn't and what you think you're going to try next. Pay it forward with information!

So I've talked to a few girls in sororities, and they said that a lot of it has to do with who the social chair is friends with. There have been mixers where no one wants to show up but the social chair planned it anyway because they have friends in that fraternity. Similarly, some more "up there" frats couldn't get mixers either for the same reason even though the sisters themselves wouldn't have minded mixing with them. Is there any way to solve this problem?

Also, I'm still wondering what people think about calling the social chair/meeting up with her. Is that too much?

Ummm, those chicks are feeding you a massive pot full of BS.

Social chairs don't have that kind of dictatorial power. If they kept scheduling mixers with groups that no one wanted to mix with and not listening to anyone's input, they would get kicked out of their office in a New York second. The social calendar has to be voted on - whether it's week to week or far in advance, the chair can't just say "we have a mandatory mixer with ABC" and no one else knows about it or has had any say in it.

This is the equivalent of girls in sororities telling disappointed rushees "OMG, we all LOVED you, I don't know how you didn't get a bid, the computer must have screwed it up!" No, the computer is working fine. They just didn't give the girl a bid.

Forget the sororities and try mixing with the dance team and such. If the above attitude from NPC women really is the norm at your school, you'll have much more fun.

The bolded was, concidentally enough, daughter's response virtually word for word.

Now granted, gr33kfan, the girls you spoke to may indeed have the one social chair, who, for whatever reason, has that kind of power and hold over the rest of her sorority. Daughter only dreamed of that much absolute power (God help her sorority if she had ever actually gotten it :D).

In her house, the one difference to what 33girl stated was that they did not vote on events unless a change to the calendar had to be made. Otherwise, she and the executive board set the social calendar - but she wouldn't have lasted anytime if she had limited it to fraternities she liked - especially since her taste in fraternities differed significantly from most of her sisters.

She made it a point to do things with as many different fraternities as possible knowing that her taste wasn't everyone's taste and figuring girls should have the opportunity to meet a variety of different people.

So, in short, the girls are, in all likelihood, not giving you the whole story and using their social chair as the fall guy/girl.

I know for my sorority we like to plan our calender a semester ahead (so in the last month of the Fall semester we plan out our whole spring semester calendar). If you contact the social chairs early enough then they don't have the excuse of being "too busy".

I don't like working with the frats on my campus because they would contact me wanting to do a mixer but not have any ideas or wouldn't help at all. So when contacting them make sure you have at least an idea of what you would like to do and actively help in the planning.

Like some people have mentioned before serenading is a good way to get the sororities more interested in mixing with you. Especially if you do it for their founder's day or charter day.

Hang in there. When I first joined there was one frat that we didn't want to mix with or when we did most of the sisters wouldn't show up. But now we like them better than the other one.

That's encouraging!! So do you think it's best to start reaching out now just to discuss ideas for the fall?

Also what's an idea for a mixer that wouldn't be too intense for having one for the first time?

You should throw a Miracle Berry tasting party. It would be totally unique, that's for sure!

Grunge. Play lots of Pearl Jam and everyone wears flannel. (Skip the heroin though...lol)

Throw down for your home town? I have seen it two ways. Either everyone wears a T-shirt from high school or (more costumey) everyone wears something that represents your hometown.

Yes. Now would be a perfect time to get in contact with them. I personally like the My Tie event. It's an easy way to get to start to get to know people better. But something with games and activites is a good way to get people to interact with each other.

If you're at a very big school, planning for next semester is probably more the rule than the exception. If you're trying to do it in the same semester, you're really at the mercy of them having a free window of time. Now, if a sorority has had a cancellation or they're struggling to have a full calendar they may be thrilled for a short notice invitation, but I wouldn't plan on that.