Charity Cases
 

What is your opinion on Charity Cases. Would you rather help someone who doesn't fit your chapter out ("possibly" changing their life) while possibly ruining a chapter, or not give a bid and feel sorry for someone?

I can remember having cases of guys who came off as a little shy. We usually took a chance and extended them a bid, talking about how we would help them build their confidence.

As for someone who didn't fit the chapter....can you explain a little more?

Are you talking about:
- someone who isn't a brainiac and everyone in the chapter has a 4.0?
- someone who isn't athletic and the chapter only wants guys who played varsity in hs to help with intramurals?
-someone who is ugly as sin and the chapter is full of A&F models?

iChuckled :p

A new chapter at my school did this. They took a girl (who had rushed us multiple times - our sisters knew her from band, so they were well clued in on her actual personality) because they felt "sorry" for her. Within a year, they were all bitching and complaining about her. Turns out the pathetic little churchmouse they thought they'd bid was actually a headstrong, overbearing pain in the ass.

Feeling sorry for someone or trying to "help" someone is one of the WORST reasons to give a bid. You condemn them to life as a second class citizen in your GLO because everyone knows that's why they're there. Or, as illustrated above, sometimes you get something different than what you thought you were getting. What you should do instead - be a FRIEND to them and help them to find a place in college life on their own. You can be a friend without being a brother or sister.

:)

33girl, even though that is sorority related, we came to a similar decision. A friend doesn't have to be a brother.

My main concern was he has Asburgers, meaning he blurts of secrets without knowing. Other than that, none of us were able to converse. It would have been a guilt bit, kid has a dark past.

*Aspergers

I kept reading your post as "ass burgers"

Jinx....I was just going to point out he used the Eric Cartman spelling. jazing - it's Asperger's. :)

For the record, cases of Asperger's vary but it is sometimes (and perhaps, often) not the case that people with Asperger's truly do not know what they are saying.

Yes. Sympathy bidding is bad, bad, news. Not everyone is cut out to be a member of XYZ just like not everyone is cut out to be Greek.

I'll share on example of it.

My big is driving us to a rush event, and the kid blurts out how he hates gay people. My big is gay, openly.

:eek: Why in the world would you later consider giving him a bid?????

It may be Asperger's that increases the likelihood of his doing that but I would not put that solely on Asperger's as though Asperger's causes it. There are different levels of Asperger's just as there are different levels of autism (which Asperger's is a form of). People, and especially adults, with Asperger's can be more functional which is how they are often able to live relatively "normal" lives with a few quirks here and there. Some people with Asperger's have no more quirks than those without Asperger's.

Many people with ADHD and Tourette Syndrome also blurt out things that they do not mean to say. From my experiences, there are cases where ADHD and tourettes can be more difficult to control than more mild forms of autism and Asperger's. By the time someone gets to college and has received a bid to an NIC fraternity, it is safe to assume that the person with Asperger's is functional enough and tends to know what he is saying. No level of EEOC and diversity initiatives can encourage non-profit, private organizations to bid and initiate people whose illness makes them uncontrolled.

Are you sure it's not Tourette Syndrome? Or maybe he has multiple diagnoses, but the blurting is more associated with Tourettes. Not saying that it's not possible that it's caused by Asperger's.

I know that cases of both of these syndromes vary greatly in manifestation, but I would think it would be extremely challenging for anyone with a generally inherently anti-social syndrome to get along in a social GLO.

I have Tourettes, I'm sure the guy doesn't have it. TS is usually not verbal, only about a fifth have verbal tics. He didn't get a bid, but we'll still try and be his friends.

Oh ok.

Since you have Tourettes, I will not debate you about the syndrome. However, it is considered one of the more verbal and physical (facial, hand, and body movements) conditions.

I've heard people blurt stuff out and what was said was not attributed to any illness/disorder. It's just the person being socially awkward.


For example: We had a PNM come through a couple years back who said that because our chapter was on the 11th floor of our dorm, it was harder to hide bodies and push them out of windows without being noticed (yes she really said that). Turns out this PNM had a history of saying inappropriate things at inappropriate times, thinking it was funny to help her cope with insecurities and assumed others automatically got her humor. She was socially awkward.

;)

As others have said, that is not at all what Asperger's means. If anything, what it tends to mean is that he says things without understanding how others will hear or react to what he says -- which is more along the lines of the example you gave anyway.

Yes to all this. FWIW, my understanding is that when an Asperger's diagnosis is being made, Tourette Syndrome is one of the diagnoses that needs to be ruled out.

That is quite correct, Tourettes needs consistent motor tics above everything else (which comes with Autistic disorders). If that is not met, then other options are looked at.

I will just say this is still on going (spoke too soon earlier), but thanks for all your input.

As for secrets, I don't trust him. In order to give a bid, you need to have trust the person will not reveal anything. Sure pledging has aspects of this to test, but dropping someone can feel a lot worse than not giving a bid.

I'll agree with those who said that you don't have to be a friend to be a brother. I'll just throw out there -- as a parent of a kid with Asperger's -- that I don't think you'd be doing him any favors to give him a "charity bid." I fear you'd be setting him up for some major difficulty. People with Asperger's can certainly learn to navigate socially, and I suppose it could happen in a fraternity context, but I think it's more likely that it would be terribly stressful for everyone and wouldn't be the way for him to develop social skills. It could make things worse for him.

The ability to keep secrets is certainly a reasonable expectation for a brother. I just wouldn't assume that any inability to keep secrets has anything to do with Asperger's -- frankly, I've never encountered that as an "Asperger's trait." If anything, I think it more likely that someone with Asperger's -- who tend to want to follow rules and have everyone else follow rules -- would probably be fairly careful about keeping secrets. My kid is.

But, as others have said, Asperger's can be very different from person to person.

And see, I would have thought that was extremely funny.

I thought it was a joke. LOL.

Those kinds of things are case-by-case basis. It depends on the people involved, how they are feeling at that time, and how the joke is relayed.