How often do greek life people have outsider BF's/GF's
 

How often do people that are in Greek life have boyfriends or girlfriends that are outside of the college scene. Does it work out?

I am not in college. I have a stable career. I was dating a girl for a couple months and then she joined a sorority and began living on campus in the sorority house. At 6 months into the relationship things were still great but this is when she became comfortable in the sorority and really started going to all the parties and events and hanging out with her sisters a lot.

Needless to say, we were done before the 1 year anniversary. She had found a guy in one of the fraternities that her sorority associates with. She said she was in love at 6 months, but now, her "new life" as she puts it has drawn us apart. The formals she told me I "had" to go to are now reserved for her new fraternity boyfriend.

Were we doomed from the beginning? How often does this scenario actually work out where the couple stays together?

There is nothing stopping outside relationships. Where were you at these parties? Why were you not going over and hanging around the house? No offense, but in many ways you let that happen. I know a lot of people in Greek Life where I'm at who date outside, and a lot who only date inside. Seeing how she was with you before going on the inside, you very well could have prevented the break up.

My 50 cents (because 2 cents is for the 99%)

I was never invited to the parties because she said that the frat houses frown upon inviting guys who are not in their frat.

I did hang around the house and cooked for her like 3 times up there and watched a couple movies and met all her sisters and even helped them all move some heavy stuff one day.

I will admit fraternities do frown upon GDIs, but they shouldn't upon members of other fraternities (well, I wouldn't as it keeps upon ideals of Greek Unity). What I would have done was bring something for the party ... too bad it is too late.

If I were you, I wouldn't be with her. If she turned into an elitist, that isn't the sororities fault, it is her own.

Yea, I'm not trying to bash Greek life. I think she did turn into an elitist. I mean it was like all of a sudden it was "her life". She said it with that phrase. That is a red flag to me.

I've seen it happen both ways. I know women who became so wrapped up in Greek life and elitist that they would only date Greeks. On the other hand, I know people who dated GDIs for years while being a member, living in, and being on council.

I'm sure it also varies by school. Colleges where Greek Life is more prevalent and very competitive might put more emphasis on dating a fraternity member where as schools with smaller Greek Life probably don't put as much emphasis.

Coming at this from a girl's perspective: like jazing said, this is her thing, not the sorority's.

But honestly, I would not want my boyfriend hanging around at the house, Greek or not. I mean, I guess I get the idea...but still, I know the NM period is a challenge, but if she really cared about the relationship, she would have worked harder to balance you in her "new life."

[I'm not saying she didn't care about you or that the relationship didn't mean anything to her; what I am saying is that she chose her priorities and, sadly, the relationship wasn't one of them.]

Jazing-I've always wondered, why do people call all non-Greeks GDIs? I tend to reserve the term for people who dislike the Greek system altogether, not those who aren't Greek, regardless of why.

ETA: When I started posting, WCSweet had yet to post, so I thought I was the first female poster.

I think that "in-college" vs. "not-in-college" is a much bigger divide than Greek vs. GDI.

That's also true. I didn't think about it, but yeah, that's completely right. I could see keeping up with a non-college boyfriend as a challenge; heck, I've had a hard time finding common ground with non-college friends.

Still, I wouldn't stop talking to them out of the blue because they aren't part of my "new life." Since I value the friendships, I try my hardest to talk to them as often as possible (yes, I'm a millennial, so facebook does sort of come into play here sometimes...but I try to have skype or phone conversations whenever possible) and make them part of my life. Last weekend, for example, I was studying for finals and invited one of my best friends over. She's still in high school, so she came over and gave me a little study break. It was really nice to catch up with her and hear all about what's been going on in her life lately.

Presuming you're approximately her same age, I would say the problem was more that she found someone who fit her current life and goals more than you. And if you did go through college and you're just that much older than her, she found someone who's life path is closer to hers than you. That's not snobby or elitist. We associate with people like us. That's a global we and a global us, and depending on where you put your priorities, that "us" might mean similar education, social strata, religion, race, hobbies, etc.

I think the reason long time relationships fall apart 3 or 4 months after people start college is because those priorities change and start to become more clear. It might suck, but who wants to be the same person, with the same friends, same hobbies, same outlook at 18 and at 25? Then you become THAT GUY who is still wearing his letter jacket at the bar on Saturday night wondering why the girls are all such bitches. That is of course not to say that's who you are. Hopefully you are also growing and changing, just maybe not in the same direction.

What do you mean by stable career? TBH I woudn't date a girl who wasn't in college, didn't go to college, or didn't plan on it at all. It may sound elitist, but it's a fact people who went to Uni. are socially different than people who didn't. You guys just didn't have much in common anymore and that ended the relationship more than the sorority, though I'm sure that help.
Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth. Like someone said before, I have a hard time finding things in common with friends who didn't go to school let alone a gf.

and i hope you user name does not reflect on your personality...please don't stalk her and hurter...it may come off as rude/funny, but i'm being anything but. This happens all to often.

This.

Fixed your post for you. ;) As has been mentioned on GC before, there are lots of us who dislike that term and do not ever use it.

Another red flag is when she agreed that if she hadn't joined a sorority, we would probably still be together.

She's not your sleep around kind of girl though. She's not the type to have one night stands or anything. I think, as was mentioned by others, she found someone who has more in common with where she is in life. We were compatible in the long term. We agreed on just about all social issues and how things should be.

But, she's young and wants to live like the college girl she is I suppose. You're right, if the relationship had meant enough to her, she would have been more acomadating. She sure put on a good front for me though.

She just wasn't that into you. Not hard to imagine if that user name means what it looks like. Time to let it go.

You're hurting...we get that. However, I wouldn't put too much stock in the comment about still being together if she hadn't joined a sorority. The sorority was most likely a symptom and not the cause of your relationship problems. Either way, she's moved on and it's time for you to do the same.

As an aside, my husband did not go to college - in fact, in his culture kids were expected at around age 13 to get a full time job and help support the family - and it can be difficult to share a similar viewpoint on things, namely social activities. Even as an adult, in general I see a very different set of social activities in those who went college and those who didn't.

ok my username is just an old gamertag. I am not a creep. lol.

I do have a new girlfriend now but I'm just trying to get a better understanding of Greek life at this point since I didn't join a frat in college. I did go to college but the job I chose is unusual and doesn't require a major college or a 4 year degree.

Do you think that when two people, who are dating, and are in the same college and Greek life circle, tire of each other from seeing each other all the time? Or does the interesting dynamic of new events/parties keep things fresh?

Do you guys/girls who are living in your sorority/fraternity house get tired of Greek life in general by the time your last year comes around?

Do you find that most people marry the man/woman they meet in their college or in their Greek life circle?

Okay people on here have attempted to be very nice and accommodating to you. But I'm just going to tell it how it is: you are obviously pathetic. Not because you aren't in Greek life or didn't go to college, but because you are sitting on a Greek life website posting continuously about your EXGIRLFRIEND. She is your ex. She did NOT want to be with you. So get over it! I feel sorry for whatever girl is dating you now. Does she know that you're still obsessing over this ex?
And people in Greek life have the same range of emotions and reactions as those not in Greek life. IT IS NOT GOING TO BE THE SAME FOR EVERYONE. So stop asking stupid questions, stop being creepy and obsessive, and go live your own damn life.

I feel sorry for anyone who ever gets involved with you with a clam that tightly packed with sand.

Again, I'm just trying to get a better understanding of Greek life. It's something I've been interested in since I was in college but I didn't have the opportunity to explore it.

That was incredibly rude.

No, you're not trying to get a better understanding of Greek life. You are obsessing about why your girlfriend broke up with you, and the only change that you acknowledge is that she joined a sorority. I would be willing to assert that joining the sorority didn't cause her to want to break up with you, despite her agreeing with you that it was the reason. People who are doing the dumping will often agree with almost anything just to get the upset dumpee to leave them alone.

I am happily married to a non-Greek man. I know several Greek men and women who are in relationships with non-Greek people. When the relationship is right for both people involved, that kind of stuff really doesn't matter. While it may have been right for you, it wasn't right for her.

Well...look at what he was responding to.

OP - If you have a new GF and she has a new BF, just move on. "Real people" are in fraternities and sororities, and just like with "real people," sometimes relationships run their course.

Focus on your new GF and call it a day. The end.

This.

This thread is starting to get a *plumburrito* feel to it, and I don't like it.

I had a non-greek bf when I joined a sorority. We broke up shortly into my new member period. I said it was because I joined the sorority and I didn't have time for him. That wasn't the truth - I just didn't want to be with him anymore, but it was easier to lie at age 18.

You need to move on. She's just not that into you.

I'm sorry if you think I was rude, but this guy is getting really creepy. And it needs to stop.

Same. I never dated another greek. Ever. When I started dating the man who would become my husband (he had a 2 year associates degree, but worked a full time 40 hour job when we met), the most problems always arose from us being at different points in our lives. It took a while to find a median place where we were both happy, and accepted that I wouldn't be in college for ever.

My same thought.

Is your new girlfriend a college student who is in greek life, or wants to be? If not, then don't bother trying to find answers to those questions. Just let it go, and focus your time, energy, love and attention on what is in front of you.

I laughed.

I laughed harder.


Ditto. But the rudeness was funny.

k_s is smart AND hot!

Yes, the OP is creepy. But, you correcting someone is rather ironic.

*****SNARF****

OP - When I first started college, I went out with a guy who was a senior. He was my first boyfriend. I thought this would be like the HS relationships I'd seen - date a few months, then move on and call it a day. Oh hells no. This dude wanted to get married. All his friends (who were among my only friends) were in couples and it was a very tight knit group. The autumn after he graduated I pledged my sorority. We broke up the December after I pledged. I'm sure he told everyone "she went Greek and dumped me" but as Maggie said, it was the symptom, not the cause. I didn't have any other friends and needed to find some. My chapter was THE most accomodating as far as non-Greek and non-college boyfriends were concerned. I just didn't want to date him anymore. He did not understand that I wasn't ready to cut myself off from all other men in the world at age 19.

You're done with school and you have a job. This would have been just as likely to happen if the girl didn't pledge a sorority. Trust us.

Not quite sure why since I've never been a stalker? But okay, I get it, I'm always wrong.

To the question do we get sick of Greek life by the time we graduate? In my case, HELL YES. But I think that's part of the growing process. I personally could not have gone on to any graduate school without some sort of newsworthy violence happening eventually. Others have a greater tolerance for crowds, groups, social requirements, etc. And some just refuse to ever grow up, and instead of being the pathetic guy who never moves beyond high school becomes the pathetic guy who never moves beyond college. The 2nd semester of my senior year was painful, and probably twice as painful for my sorority sisters who had to tolerate me.

If I can offer a little advice on how to deal with lack of closure? Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. There are 900 times in your life you're not going to really understand what happened - relationships, job loss, job not gained, deaths - and no matter how much time you spend dwelling on it or asking strangers for the answers or talking to psychics, you're NEVER going to understand. Force yourself to stop thinking about it and eventually it will go away. But it's NEVER going to stop haunting you if you keep dwelling on it.

Cool.

There's a big difference between being sick of the requirements of Greek life, and being sick of your brothers or sisters. I'm sure the same thing happens with athletes, student senators, etc etc. The OP seems to be asking/hoping if the moment we graduate, do we just leave Greek life on the floor like dirty underwear and never revisit it or the people we met in it again.

This also varies by council and conference. What it means to "get over it" and "grow up" tends to be different for members of NPHC orgs. The structure and membership dynamics of NPHC orgs tend to be based on the expectation of a lifetime commitment that hopefully means lifetime involvement for post-college adults.

I don't really feel like backreading, but I would say that a fraternity member dating a sorority member is more common than a frat member dating someone who is unaffiliated. It is not frowned upon though at my college.

One issue that pops up a lot though that I've not only noticed but experienced with dating unaffiliated girls is a jealousy/trust issue. A lot of girls think that just because you're in a fraternity you're always getting tail. So they never want to leave you alone when there are other girls/liquor involved which can be a problem in any relationship but also when there are mixers with sororities, etc.

It also gets kind of tough when you're trying to balance a relationship, academics and fraternity life. If you choose to attend a brotherhood event rather than hanging out with your squeeze then she won't be too happy. If you continually hang out with your girl instead of your frat bros then they'll start not liking the girl then eventually be a little pissed with you.

If you date a sorority girl, she understands all of this and she is facing the same sort of stuff so I feel like the relationship is a lot more smooth.

uFail. iLaugh.

umm ok...cool

I'll give you points for honesty, her and everywhere especially.

Dude if you had bothered to read the thread you would have relized what you said had nothing to do with the actual subject.

I thought it was on-topic. We went on a tangent, but his response was not off-base.