Didn't get a bid, what should I do?
 

Ok so basically I rushed three fraternities during rush week at my school. At every single one, I got to know as many of the brothers as possible, I would say I was as friendly as possible, and said just about all the right things about why I wanted to be in a fraternity. I was even invited to smoke with some of the brothers at one of the houses, so this was a sign that as I was really clicking with them. I went to as many rush events as possible at each of the 3 fraternities. But once bid day came around, I was very disappointed to find out on that I didn't get a bid from anywhere. My GPA is relatively low (2.46) but I was told by several brothers that even if you have a low GPA, you can get a bid and not be able to actually pledge until the grades go up.

And I know many people on here are going to say, "ask the brothers why you didn't get a bid." However, most fraternities have a policy where they cannot provide you that information, so I am still wondering. Thats why I wanted to know if anyone else on here got rejected from a fraternity, and if you did, do you know why? Or if there are any active brothers on this forum who could tell me why they decline rushees.

And my last question, do you think I am missing out on a lot of social life not being in a fraternity. I don't have that many friends, so I was hoping this would be my way of getting a few. But now I kind of feel like a loser and a loner. I don't know what to do, most people already have their friend groups and don't want to reach out to anybody.

Should I rush the fraternities in the spring or something and hope that they reconsider me? Or is it not worth it?

B.Q: For active brothers, how often do you guys throw parties.

I'll assume you're talking about cigarettes. I don't know how that's a sign that you're clicking with them. When I'm smoking, I'll chit chat with anyone outside. That doesn't mean I want these people to be my fraternity brothers.

With all due respect, if the fraternities have a policy, how does asking online circumvent that policy?

Greek life did help me meet people, but it didn't mean OMG I HAVE MILLIONS OF FRIENDS. My letters were often a conversation starter, but I still had to put in work in order to keep my budding friendships going.

Join some campus clubs. Join an intramural sport. Talk to people. This is how you'll meet people.

Good luck.

Every time I have ever heard someone say they were invited to go smoke with people somewhere, it means that they were smoking weed. I think that's what he is talking about. I could be wrong though.

Let's not beat around the bush, that is most likely what it was. It might have bee hookah, but then they say "smoke hookah"

I KNOW he was talking about weed or hookah, but I'm trying to give him (and that fraternity) the benefit of the doubt.

The chapter is full of fucking idiots if smoking out is a rush activity.

My only point in saying that was that smoking weed with some of the brothers seems like much more of an acceptance thing than smoking cigarettes.
And I kind of agree with your last sentence.

Isn't it a nation wide IFC policy for rush to be dry? Or is that just the generous campuses that keep a close eye on Greek Life?

You received a lot of replies when you asked the same question two months ago.

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=122540

If you are still spending a lot of time thinking about this then it might be time to talk to someone at health services.


*The smoking thing can refer to cigars in some fraternities but considering his description of the school and their rush, I don't think this would be one of them.

First off there is no such thing as a national IFC. Second I don't think NIC has any rules regarding recruitment. That being said, I wouldn't be surprised if most NIC orgs have inter/national guidelines stating no alcohol at rush.

swerving here a little, you can't ask the fraternity guys what happened, but if you take a close look at yourself and your existing relationships, maybe it will tell you something. I don't know you so I don't know if any of these apply, but are you: a huge dork, a know it all, the funny guy who is in fact just obnoxious, the guy who gloms onto a conversation and can't take a hint to move on, the guy who's first in and last out at a party, always has to have the last word?

After taking a look at yourself (and since you have a bit of an obsessive streak, a mental health check up wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to do), maybe you should try again with a group of fraternities who are more like you and less like who you want to be. In the meantime, get out there and start making friends! And the only way to do that is to be involved on campus, join study groups, do the stuff Knight Shadow said. And for god's sake, don't smoke weed (or any cigarette as far as I'm concerned) at a rush event. This is the time to be a little dignified. The guys who invited you to smoke may well have been the pariahs of the chapter and their thumbs up gave you an automatic thumbs down.

I don't know the groups you rushed or their policies, but in some groups one brother can be the difference between you and a bid. Some brothers might have told you your GPA was okay, but others might have had an issue with it. Those others might have stopped you from getting in. Or you might have said or done something that raised flags to the guys. Or you could just not have been a good fit.

On a personal note, unless you were some really great person, I probably wouldn't have voted to give you a bid based on your GPA alone. Why give someone a bid who may or may not make grades? Too much of a liability.

As for whether or not you are missing out on a social life. You aren't. Unless your school is majority greek (probably not the case), there are plenty of other things to do on campus. If all you wanted Greek Life was for the social aspect, just by being in a group doesn't mean your social calendar is automatically filled.

Thanks for the replies guys. Yes, we were smoking a bong. It was not part of the regular rush events, I was just invited by a couple of the brothers to smoke with them at some dude's house.

In my experience, most fraternities don't even look at grades. I really think only colonies or fraternities that are just a couple years away from being colonies tend to consider them seriously. We never mentioned them once during rush.

My guess, like the majority of fraternity rushees, is that when you are rushing fraternities, you are the one choosing which chapters to focus on. Sometimes there can be a discrepancy between where you want to fit in, and where you actually do fit in. Be honest with yourself...were these guys who you actually are, or who you want to be?

One last thing about being invited to smoke weed. I think many fraternities will have at least pockets of stoners. Often times, this group can become almost a subculture within the fraternity, and their top picks may be widely different than the top picks of the fraternity as a whole. Sometimes they may be perceived (rightly or prejudicially) as the "slackers" of the group, and their favorites may be strategically ousted by other groups of guys during rush.

And to everybody saying fraternity rush should be dry...come on...at the overwhelming majority of schools in this country, rush has never been dry and never will be. Not agreeing with it, but let's not be the ostrich with our head in the sand.

Add to this fraternities that are under close scrutiny by their HQ's for other reasons, or who didn't make grades last semester, and I totally agree.

Let's just put it this way. I even know of a fraternity that had TWO voting sessions one rush when nationals sent out an adviser. One when he was awake, and a secret one when he went to sleep. During the first, they talked about grades/leadership/involvement. During the second, they talked about what they really cared about: is this kid fun, is he going to bring around girls, do we like him, is he good at sports, etc.

As I've read posts on this board, it seems like most (if not all) sororities have built in points for grades. Maybe the girl gets extra points in membership selection if her GPA is above a certain standard, maybe the bid list is ordered by GPA, if her GPA is low she gets cut automatically, whatever. Fraternities don't have any of these (to my knowledge) and voting is largely based on chapter decisions, not national guidelines. I have never, ever, ever heard of a guy being denied a bid based on his low GPA if the chapter wanted him. Also, I have never once heard of a kid's high GPA being brought up as a positive during voting. (Colonies excepted). So when guys get on this forum and talk about their GPA, and all these GCers come out of the woodwork and talk about "Well, maybe you were cut because you were a grade risk", I think it's just as misguided as me giving advice about SEC sorority rush. It's very safe to assume your grades played little, if any, part in being cut when rushing 95% of the fraternities out there.

Speak for yourself. One of the first questions I was asked at rush was what my high school GPA was. I intend to ask the same. I've seen good people get a bid, then have to either drop, or wait out another semester because of grades. These people unfortunetly were wasted on, and they wasted their time pledging. My pledgemaster even said grades are the most important thing, and when he was pledging he had the highest GPA of his pledge class (of 20).

The fraternities with good GPAs get more stuff done. If I were you, I'd want to join one that puts grades first. And also one that doesn't go against what their national office wants.

Passing the dutchie on the left hand side, that's one thing. But bringing out a bong? Jeez louise. Then again, who wants to look a gift bong in the mouth?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gs4Nz6EjDA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFtLONl4cNc

(I have never smoked weed but I love good music.)

^^ That's what I thought 33girl's YouTube link would be

Same here! 33girl failed us. :( :)

How you can say a Facts of Life clip where Tootie is still on the roller skates is failing you in any form is f'ing beyond me. :mad:

LOL. Okay, a Tootie rollerskate clip is no fail. It just wasn't the music reference we were expecting. LOL.

We bring grades up anytime we rush anybody. If you are under a 2.50 our policy is that you don't get a bid, except in extremely rare cases. So far this has worked out for us, as we have a good range of guys from jocks to geeks. Also, we have a Zero Tolerance Policy written into our bylaws that is strictly enforced, if you are found with drugs, then you are instantly kicked out. But, these things came about because at one point, years ago, our chapter went 4/7 years on probation for doing stupid shit.

This^^^^

Many Fraternities have rules in which it takes only one dissenting vote for a person to not receive a bid. I think you were trying too hard to fit in.

Geez, I thought the old rule regarding bids was: ONE BALL - THATS ALL. All you have to do is piss off one active, or in some cases an alum, and you are history. This is a tough situation but it is a double edged sword. If you are friends with an active he can always send you a discrete message to the effect that:
a. You might want to try again (meaning only one or two balls were dropped on you and he/they graduated so give it a shot, you have a reasonable chance)
or
b. sorry you didn't get a bid, but there are plenty of other things to get involved with (meaning when your name came up they had to odrer a truck load of black balls just to take the vote so you haven't got a prayer).

As to weed, while I agree with all that has been said on this, one might also consider this a set up for a test. If you were a 'possibility' but some weren't sure about your judgment and reliability this might have been the land mine placed in your path to see if you would step on it or around it. There is a time and a place for everything and where they might not have cared what you did privately among friends what you did semi-publicly among strangers might have set off warning bells.
You won't get all the info you would like but I would ask someone I had gotten to know well enough to ask whether he could tell you if you were close and it was worth a shot or if you tried again you might run the risk of tar and feathers compliments of an angry mob.
Some fraternities are super strict about any comments but in my experience most allow SOME leeway in advising candidates about their realistic chances for a second shot.
Good Luck.

Pissing off a brother might not be a shot in the foot, but it most certainly can be. It just depends how you pissed said brother off, and what state the brother was in (drunk/high and you are probably not in trouble).

My experience when rushing was I had little interest in anything but AEPi, so I cannot really help. A friend of mine was rushing another group and didn't get a bid, but I think that had more to do with him not showing up to places. Get out there and show them you want to be a member. Be nice and connect and they will get you that bid.