Virgin Diaries
 

Hey has anyone seen the show? The preview looked hilarious.

I wanted to watch this, but then I saw the wedding kiss and decided against it *bleh*

I don't get the no kissing either. Why is that something that needs to be "saved"?

And I just saw the first kiss clip on Conan. Ick.

Yeah, that kiss was really nauseating.

I'm concerned that these couples might end up realizing down the road that they weren't really in love, they were in lust.

While I don't advocate sleeping around, I do believe that being sexually compatible is important to a long-term relationship. I personally reject the idea of pre-marital sex being a sin.

I'm not really interested in watching the show.

When I was in my early teens, my cousin got married. Most friends and family were staying in a hotel, and the bride and groom were leaving the following morning for their honeymoon. Soon after everyone had gone to bed, the fire alarm went off and everyone evacuated the hotel. I remember seeing my cousin, and she looked ill.. I had just assumed she wasn't feeling well because she was sick, or because she ate something earlier that caused her to feel nauseous.

It wasn't until a couple years ago that I found out from my mom the real reason she looked and felt so terrible - she "saved herself" for marriage and she was so nervous, she made herself sick over the whole thing.

I just think it's waaay too much pressure to put on one's self.

My mom got married at 21, right out of college, and this was always the one thing she would emphasize to me. And now that I've lived on my own, I completely agree!

She said the hardest thing was when she got divorced (when she was almost 40) and there were many basic things (like paying bills, for instance) that she had zero experience with because someone else had always done them for her.

Okay no one is going to want to watch the show if they don't make it look absolutely absurd. But abstinence comes in lots of different forms now, for lots of different reasons, and while I don't think it should be because a person feels like God will damn them if they don't remain abstinent, I don't see it as a bad thing entirely.

I was raised southern baptist and have/had plenty of friends who were "waiting" (the number has dwindled over the years lol) and there seemed to be three kinds of people among that group: (1) the kind that was really serious about it, whether for deeply personal reasons or religious mandates, and are still going strong with healthy relationships with understanding or like-minded people; (2) the kind that wasn't serious about it and has fallen away from that belief, and; (3) the kind that was "serious" about it (but had zero common sense) and it was their ultimate goal in any relationship to: get the ring, get married, make love and lots of babies ASAP.

The third category seems to be the minority, but why would TLC or anyone make a show about the rule? No one wants to see the rule, just the crazy, insane, absurd exceptions. I'm not happy with even more negative light to be cast on people who chose to remain abstinent... I know they aren't all crazy.

I DO have ONE friend who won't kiss until her wedding. She's 21 and engaged, to her first long-term boyfriend, but to her defense they have been dating for like 3 years. I still think it's weird and so do most of our mutual church friends, many of whom are very pro-abstinence... I just can't seem to wrap my head around why you can't kiss someone. I get the logic behind abstaining from sex, but kissing? (shrug) To each his own.

I'm nauseated. Like physically sick to my stomach. Partly because that was DISGUSTING...and partly because it gave me a flashback to my first kiss. Unfortunately, my boyfriend at 17 had the kissing skills of a cracked out hamster so that is how he kissed me. I almost threw up then, too.

I was going to do the "you can't lump everyone into one category" thing but immediately, 3 couples who all did this came to mind. All 3 went from friends to dating to engaged to married in less than a year and, of the 3, one has a child, one is pregnant, and one is trying. So yah never mind. :)

I think thetaj is right. There are perfectly sane, deeply personal reasons to wait but no one would want to see a show about that. I don't intend to watch.

Now maybe it's because I went to a public, state related school and most of the married young evangelicals I know come from a very secular educational experience, but I don't actually know that many people who would fall into this category. To be truthful, I only know of one couple like that that fits the description to a 't' but they were both 25 and working (the wife) and finishing his masters (the husband). So still young but a little more understandable.

Most couples I know date for around 2 years (some a little less, most a little more), get engaged for about 6-8 months, get married, and wait a few years to have children for personal and professional reasons. Call me crazy but I don't think that that sounds too unreasonable. I mean I know people who got married at 18, but they're still together now 5 years later and no kids yet. I also know those that got married within a year of knowing one another, but waited 4 years until they finished their degrees to have kids. But like thetaj said, that wouldn't make a good story, so why publicize it?

I mean while I can see your point here, most of my friends when they decided they wanted to get engaged didn't see the point of living separately (and more expensively) for a year just to 'get the experience' of it. I mean I know well that forever doesn't always mean forever, but if you look at it from their perspective-- if you're going to be together forever, it might be more useful to you to figure out how to do that together rather than separately and then try to mesh together. Just a thought.

This. If the story doesn't sell, why run it?

I've had friends like this. I don't agree with it personally but it's their choice. It does make staying abstinent easier though. I mean really, who could start having sex without kissing first? Awkward.

I 1000% agree with this. Seriously. Took the words right out of my mouth.

I missed it and can't find it online. :(

You know, I do have one friend who will not kiss before marriage and I've never asked her "Why?" I've always wanted to know but somewhere in my mind, I hear Gretchen Weiners say "OMG CG, you can't just ask someone why they won't kiss!" :p

Virginity is no laughing matter but this show apparently is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCv3c_DWhq0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yw8AN...eature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhtXW...eature=related

http://popwatch.ew.com/2011/12/05/vi...remiere-react/

I agree. I totally don't see anything wrong with kissing, either. I mean, there are all kinds of things couples can do with each other sexually without actually "doing the do".

But that can get to the point of being only "technically" a virgin.

Phrases I have heard people use about "technical virgins":

1. "Everything but slut"
2. "Only takes it in the booty, cutie"
3. "Oral sex is safe sex"

If people are going to engage in sex stuff without "having sex," they are bullshitting virginity. Just do the deed and stop playing with it.

A friend of mine was a born again virgin. She and her husband were abstaining until their wedding day. Or...so we thought until the bachelorette party when we had some liquor and she told us that they do 69s. They gave each other "good head" so they knew what each other had to offer. They did everything except copulation. I was like...well damn...alrighty then.

Kids will try to find loopholes to "sort of do" a lot of things in life because everything feels better when you think you're getting around a rule. I realize there are adults who also do this, but an adult is more likely to know that not having sex makes you no less of a sexual being and that you can enjoy physicality without compromising yourself.SPEAK. The advice I give to my young ones (at church) is to stop at the point where they feel they are compromising themselves and their values. If you get all the way to sex and don't feel that way, then you need to ask yourself why you're waiting in the first place.

Ugh. I leave for camp in 2 days and I'm sure this will be a hot topic during cabin time. :rolleyes:

...uhh, doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of waiting? Heavy petting, oral sex, and even anal sex* ARE SEX. Just because they don't make the babeez doesn't reduce their significance as sex acts. It's still an extremely intimate act with another person.

It seems like Christians are the craziest about this. I know plenty of Muslims and Orthodox Jews who didn't have sex before they were married...at all. There was kissing, but none of this "everything but, including up the butt" nonsense that Christians seem to come up with. There's this really weird shame about adult human sexuality. I don't think you'd just automatically shed it after marriage, either.

*I knew people who took those G-d awful chastity pledges and still had anal sex. :eek::eek::eek: Unprotected, of course, because only slutty sluts bring condoms and therefore PLAN to have sex.

I'm not trying to get all in your business, but would you be cool with anal?

Born again virgins, virgins, or what not, that's all good, and I can respect that, but I really don't see why folks do everything but sex. Either do it, or don't do it all. But at the same time communicate that to your partner, because some folks aren't down with that.

LOL I feel you on this.

She didn't mention any of that which is why I asked. She could be talking about something different.

See, this is what I don't like. Why start if there isn't going to be none? I hate that shit.

You're still here? :confused:

Let me clarify--I tell them to decide where the line is ahead of time. Not be hot and heavy with someone THEN say "Oh no, I want to stop here. This is where I'm uncomfortable." Of course these young girls (and boys, too) have the right to call stop time WHENEVER they are uncomfortable. But it's important to have a line and communicate where it is before even getting started.

Munchkin--Is there a reason why you think chastity pledges are "God-awful?" Because that's a pretty strong word for something that is actually a nice sentiment (if you're serious about it, which the people you knew CLEARLY weren't). The pledge should be an affirmation of what one has already decided because your signature on the card alone will do precisely jack if you hadn't thought about it before someone handed the card to you.

Ewwww! NO!! I think that's disgusting. To each its own, but I wouldn't do that with my husband when I marry. And I never said anything about oral, anal, or whatever. Yes, I was referring to something different, but that isn't any of your business.

I don't know, I feel like you're lumping together the extreme situations you've heard about and that you probably just haven't heard about the normal, healthy behaviors lots of Christian young adults have. Like I said before, I grew up southern baptist and NEVER had friends who were "everything but, including up the butt." I seriously can't name one person, and I went to a very large church. If anyone was, they would be true pioneers in the field as far as I know anyways.

(sigh) I'm just tired of people getting shit for their traditionally Judeo-Christian beliefs. EVERYONE is a hypocrite. EVERYONE. But these Christian teens get it thrown in their faces and it's not helping anyone.

For the record, since this thread is not just about the show, abstinence is not only a Christian thing.

The most interesting thing is that this topic isn't either/or. There are "lots of" Christian young adults around the world who are "everything but virgins" just as there are "lots of" Christian young adults around the world who are "normal, healthy virgins." This is all based on what these people have been taught is or is not appropriate.

Also, is it possible the "everything but, including up the butt" friends did not share that with the people they thought would ridicule them? When I was a teenager, the teenagers who were doing the sex, drugs, and drinking stuff would not have told me about it. I wasn't doing that stuff so I only hung with the other teens who weren't doing those things--and, if my friends were doing that stuff, they too would not have shared it with those of us who they thought would label them. I heard about a lot of stuff through listening to loud talking teen boys and girls telling their business and everyone else's business in homeroom, by the lockers, or at gym.

Uh...what?

Yep, these types of shows are meant to entertain. People who want to understand the plight of the Christian Virgin need not turn to TLC.

It's most comfortable for being a Christian. I have overheard people ridiculing Christianity and instead of getting offended I have reminded myself that almost everyday there are Christians around the world who ridicule agnostics, atheists, Jews, Muslims, etc. So, BOOM, fellow Christians. We need to get over the fact that we too say and do things that are considered ridiculous by other Christians and nonChristians. Our response should not be "EVERYONE is a hypocrite. EVERYONE" (;) @ thetaj) because that type of response to any form of criticism is almost always silly. Plus, we certainly do not consider the "EVERYONE is a..." routine when we're busy giving our Biblical and nonBiblical opinions of Christians and nonChristians whose beliefs and lifestyles we disagree with.

I still find it funny that this has become about Christianity when it was really about virgins who happen to be Christian. The average Christian in North America (and the world?) is not a virgin despite how Christianity has been used as the "model for virginity."

^^^And not everyone who is an adult virgin (whether waiting for the "right person" or waiting until marriage) is a Christian or is doing so due to Christian values.

Violet, I'm not gonna pick apart your post but I notice that each of your points has more to do with the person/people involved in the pledge than something being wrong with the pledge (or concept of the pledge) itself.

In the context of this thread, I would say this is happening moreso than "Christians getting sh*t." That either will happen or already has been happening a lot in response to this show outside of GC. But that is what happens when you take one particular group, portray it at its most extreme, and throw it out there for people to mock.

:) Yeah I said that in the other post.

Purity pledges gross me out when they consist of father-daughter purity balls, etc. I think that has been discussed on GC before. Just typing about it makes me want to vomit. The problems with those types of pledges are about the concept and something being wrong with the pledge, which is correlated with something being wrong with the adults who urge those types of pledges and the trickle down effect on the children who are encouraged to do those types of pledges.

I am also grossed out by purity pledges that are essentially about people being afraid of their own bodies. "THE DEVIL IS IN YOUR VAGINA!!! DON'T LET THE DEVIL OUT!"

I also consider it ridiculous that chastity pledges are more common for girls/women than boys/men. If this is truly about (insert whatever it is about), why is it more encouraged for girls/women?

I see nothing wrong with virginity and, for the people who are old enough to know about sex in the first place, I think it should be based on an understanding. It should not be based on scare tactics whether religious, bodily, etc.

CTFU! You expected me to leave or something? I feel you on this, though. I misread your first post.

I keep getting you and christiangirl mixed up. Your names look similar and y'all post alike.

Sex toys? LOL it's all good if you don't want to post it. Some people aren't cool with anal, but that doesn't make it 'disgusting' like you think it is, especially of you've never tried it. 'Don't knock it til you try it'. What's wrong with oral?

Then you should have been here for the CG vs. CG battles of years past. They were Mortal Kombatting it! ROUND 1, FIGHT up in this piece!

How did this thread become THIS? Oh yeah, because cheerfulgreek talked about sexual intimacy without copulation.

Maybe cheerfulgreek is talking about those mental sex episodes that some couples are doing. You lay down together and mentally stimulate each other to the point of physical orgasm. I call it "brain drain." I had a college friend who did this with her boyfriend. She said it was like actual sex without any oral, vaginal, or anal stimulation. Whatever floats their boat.

You might want to do a search. If not, here's a couple of recaps.
http://youtu.be/phEhGqsPeK0
http://youtu.be/rWepTvC6y8Y

"Can't the two CGs just get along?" -Rodney King :(

^^Do you save those clips in a file so you can break them out once a year??
It has and I agreed that makes me wanna throw up a little. I allowed my dad to put my ring on me (standing in our kitchen when it came in the mail) and he kissed my forehead and said he was proud of me. That's the most involvement he has had in my (non)sex life. Anything further would have me creeped the eff out.
Obligatory pillow pants clip (nsfw): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYLt-YSiz0Y :cool:

WTH? :confused: People do that? I'm imagining some cross between guided imagery and some kinda sex hypnosis. That sounds....weird.

(no longer directed at Phil) Honestly, there about 100 steps from 0 to sex. A couple can be physically intimate on several levels but people who have had sex seem not to ever think of them because they go straight for the gusto. Then there are those who won't even kiss for fear they'll get horny and skip steps 2-98. It isn't all about finding loopholes--you get to explore each other and find out what the other likes in the simplest, most innocent ways. If you feel so inclined to see what I mean, try it out.