A Yummy Slightly Old Recruitment Journey
 

My daughter, who I’ll call Brooke for this story, went through recruitment for the first time a little over three years ago. A while back she started to write her story but stopped for whatever reason. She gave me permission to write it as long as I 1) waited quite a while and 2) let her read it before I posted anything. Since I have some time over Thanksgiving and there haven’t been many of these lately, I thought now would be an okay time to post this.


First I need to say that although there are two recruitment stories here, this is less about the recruitments than about how she went from a girl with zero interest in sorority life to active member. Along the way she and I both learned a lot. She learned it mostly through hard experience – I learned it on here. I’ve coded everything including my regular user name. I will reveal some of it at the end. Some will remain coded (but you are always free to PM me with guesses once I reveal my usual user name, and I will own up).


Despite my efforts to edit, the story is pretty long, but it is all written, so I promise to put the installments up quickly and finish by Saturday or Sunday at the latest.


Background


We live in a laid-back region. We don’t get worked up about anything….well, maybe a few things…recycling comes to mind….maybe bike paths….yeah, that about covers it.


In spite of our relaxed attitudes, the two largest public schools in our state, Metropolitan University and Party State, had good size Greek systems that kind of dominated the social scene at one (Party State) and figured prominently at the other. Recruitment was competitive but not cutthroat. Lots of girls went through, recs were unusual, most were pretty open minded, and everyone she knew got placed somewhere. She knew a few girls who decided to drop but no one who was cut entirely. That’s not to say it didn’t happen – she just didn’t personally know anyone who had it happen.


Brooke had a number of friends who were talking about rushing spring of her senior year. She had no interest, and since neither her father nor I had ever considered it in college, we didn’t care.


She had applied to only one school – Party State. We had concerns because…well the name sums it up, but it had a strong reputation in her field of interest, and it was only 1 ½ hours from Family-Friendly City where we were living, so we tried to get past the other part of its reputation. Then we found out her father was taking a job in a neighboring state, and we were soon going to be moving 6 hours away which was a slight concern since she was the baby of the family.


She did decide to try out for the cheer squad at Party State and made it rather easily (ruling out the University of Kentucky- LOL). She figured that would be her sisterhood.

August rolled around and I dropped her off. From a social standpoint, she was right, she didn’t need a sorority. Three weeks in she told me “I love it here. It’s just like camp.” Apparently she was blissfully unaware of the considerable cost difference between camp and a four-year institution of higher learning. Concern turned to some panic and several speeches to her about the importance of academics and the limits of our budget.

She soon realized that while cheerleading kept her busy, it wasn’t doing much in the sisterhood department. The girls on the squad got along fine, but once practice was over, they all went their own way. She had gotten close to two of them, and they both happened to be in sororities. They seemed to being having those sisterhood experiences she was missing.

By December she was dating a fraternity guy, so she was meeting sorority girls at his fraternity. Slowly, her attitude towards the whole thing changed. She mentioned she was considering it. Since the last piece of information I had regarding sororities was a Lifetime movie that involved a girl jumping off a balcony at the sociopathic chapter president’s insistence, I wasn’t sure what to think (although I felt certain that was an exaggeration :)). All my other stereotypes about Greek life were formed by Animal House – I wasn’t at all sure THAT was an exaggeration.

One of her cheer buddies, we’ll call her Button (actual name was disturbingly close to this), asked Brooke to come visit her sorority. Eventually Brooke told me they wanted her to join, and she was thinking about it. Now, to this day we’re not sure whether they were talking about informal or they just wanted her to consider going through recruitment next year. I don’t think the conversation got that far. Either way, the topic soon died. They told her the cost, and we didn’t realize that the amount they quoted included the cost of living in the house. We thought it was simply the dues which made it totally out of our reach (since we weren’t related to the Hiltons). In addition, she and Button had a huge falling out. Brooke was a little disappointed because she liked the other girls she had met, but she wasn’t completely sold on the sorority idea yet, so it wasn’t the end of the world.

I am getting closer to the recruitment story (code is based on desserts since its Thanksgiving weekend and food has taken over my life), but as I said - this is less about the actual recruitment that what got her there, so with that said....

Over the next few months, she got sold – down the river, hook, line and sinker – pick your water metaphor. It happened in a variety of little ways. Her boyfriend in one of his numerous but more minor classless acts, used to take her to his fraternity parties and promptly dump her to hang out with the boys leaving her to fend for herself. Since she was usually the only independent in the room, it was like being the sole American tourist in Athens. By nature she is pretty reserved, so this was awkward. It did force her to be more outgoing, and occasionally she would see someone she had met, the girlfriend of one of boyfriend’s fraternity brothers, or an old high school friend. Fortunately those girls took the time talk to her and introduce her to their friends. In a short amount of time, she knew tons of girls in sororities all over campus.

It wasn’t just that though. She and boyfriend broke up. Then things got ugly. He was verbally abusive and a little scary at times.


Through all of this, the people who came through for her were in the Greek system. I can’t list all the ways this happened, and the many times they tried to help her (particularly the boys in his fraternity actually), but I will mention a couple that had an impact on her thoughts about sorority and sisterhood.


One night after a particularly ugly scene she left the fraternity crying and pretty much beside herself. An acquaintance in a sorority walked with her. She had a high school friend and another good friend who were in that same sorority, but she didn’t know this girl well. Still, she insisted that Brooke come back to the house with her and stay there that night. This was forboten (you had to give the house mother 24 hours notice for any house guest), and the girl knew she would get in trouble for it, but she did it anyway. She just didn’t want Brooke to be upset and alone (Brooke’s roommate had moved in with her boyfriend at the start of 2nd semester).


Another time, Brooke went to a party with a friend who was in yet another chapter and several of her friends whom Brooke knew but again, just barely. Ex was there. In no time he started saying some pretty nasty things about her just loud enough for her and the friends to hear. After about 10 minutes, one of the girls in this little group walked over to him and said, “If you have something to say to Brooke, try being a man and say it to her face.” Then she turned to the girls and said, “Come on, we’re out.” They all proceeded to march right past him.


Besides this her best friend on the cheer squad was in a sorority as well and quickly introduced her to her two best friends in her chapter and they became tight buddies.


By spring all she wanted to do was go through recruitment in the fall (well, August actually). Initially she thought joining a sorority would be a piece of cake since she was involved on campus, and she had tons of friends in them. Yeah…no. Brooke had yet to figure out that college wasn’t camp, and she was actually there to get an education. This lack of concern over that rather vital part of the experience was reflected in her abysmal grades. They had improved 2nd semester, but they weren’t great (this led to her not making the cheer squad when they had tryouts in the spring – one of the few times in Brooke’s life she had tried out for something and not made it which was quite the little wakeup call).


Also, it would be Pollyanna to suggest that her interactions on Greek row were all peace and love. If you have a crazy ex and you spend most of your time partying at fraternities that isn’t a likely outcome. She had girls she didn’t care for much and vice-versa. In short, she would be going through a somewhat competitive recruitment as a sophomore with low grades and some girls in various sororities she didn’t particularly like. Oh, and after a year on campus she also knew exactly which sororities interested her and which ones did not. Yep…she was an Amtrak train barreling toward an 18-wheeler stuck at the crossing and without knowing one single thing about sororities, I doubted this would go well.

She asked her friends and the Greek life office questions, but like many of the PNM’s that come on this forum, she heard what she wanted to hear and convinced herself that anyone giving her discouraging information was just a heartless witch out to crush her dreams. That attitude extended to me the few times I tried to suggest she should prepare herself for alternatives outside of Greek life.


Instead, she was much happier listening those friends – virtually all freshmen who had yet to go through recruitment on the other side- who assured her it would be fine because they LOVED her and were pulling for her. Again, without knowing a thing about sororities, it occurred to me that these girls really couldn’t give her that reassurance since they had no idea at this point how girls were even chosen in their chapters.


I felt like we needed a neutral source of information and that’s when I found this site which I directed her towards. I don’t think she ever wrote in and asked anything, but she did read quite a bit. I know she didn’t like everything she read, but I think deep down she realized this might be tougher than she expected. At least she seemed more willing to talk about the ‘what ifs’.


Meanwhile she had started to doubt whether even going back to Party State was a good idea (unbeknownst to us), but we would have been thrilled to know that she was rethinking and probably encouraged it at this point. We wanted her as far away from her ex as possible, and we wanted her to focus on her grades. Her advisor told her that with her grades as they were, getting into her program would be difficult, and she should at least consider staying home a semester, going to a community college, and getting them up, but in the end, despite her doubts, she was so committed to the sorority idea, she felt like she had to try.


So with all of that said, she started rush. Girls stayed in the dorms for it, and she wasn’t overjoyed to find herself surrounded by giggling freshman away at college for the first time. Her exact words were, “Mom, I remember being those girls last year and now all I can think is – just wait until your grades suck and you’re dating a psycho.” Things were off to a great start. :rolleyes:

I do not remember whatsoever which houses she visited in what order although she gave me a ton of detail at the time, so here was her run down of the houses as she ranked them after the first two days (open house I guess).


Donuts – This was the group of girls who told her ex off at the party and marched out. She loved this chapter because they reminded her of her best friends from high school. She described them as pretty girls who didn’t have to try and weren’t afraid to be goofy. She had a great time here.


Raspberry Parfaits – She had a few passing acquaintances in this chapter. They were her favorites going into recruitment because they had a reputation as the “classy” sorority on campus. They dropped behind Donuts after the first round because the girls she spoke to on this day seemed disinterested in her. However, her high opinion of them throughout the year kept them near the top. She also knew her Rho Gam was a Raspberry Parfait (she knew the affiliations of virtually every Rho Gam there), and for reasons I will explain in a moment – she loved her Rho Gam who just solidified her high opinion of the
Raspberry Parfaits. She had also met a Raspberry Parfait at a formal in the spring who asked if she was interested in rush and assured her she would remember her and push for her. Brooke was naïve – but even she knew that was a stretch - she thought it was a nice thought though.


Chocolate Cake- This is the chapter that her best friend from cheer and her two buddies were in. She loved all but one of them (ex cheating issue). Fortunately, she didn’t see her and had a great time here. Really liked the rest of the girls who she thought were “funny”. She likes people who can make her laugh.


Baked Alaska – This was the chapter that her former cheerleader buddy was in, so she was prepared for awkward (Button had been kicked off the team shortly after their falling out and they hadn’t spoken). Button greeted her like a long-lost sister, which Brooke found odd and a bit fake. In spite of this, she had always liked the other girls in the chapter and that hadn’t changed.


Ice Creams – The Ice Creams were a mixed bag for her. They hung out a lot with ex’s fraternity so she had gotten to know quite a few of them and liked most of the girls she knew. The recruitment chair happened to be a good friend. BUT one of ex’s best girl buddies was also in the house and yet another girl he had cheated on her with. This left her confused about them. She had a good conversation with the girl she spoke to, but she swears that ex’s gal pal glared at her most of her time there.


Cookies – She described this as an up and coming group. The president or the girl who became president (not sure if she was at this point) was a friend of hers and she liked them a lot. She would have been happy to go back.


Apple Pies – She had friends in this group including a high school buddy. The acquaintance that walked her home and had her spend the night at the house was in this chapter and she had gone on spring break with some of these girls. Needless to say she liked them, but she knew them well enough that she wasn’t sure it would be the best fit (and no, in this case I don’t mean she thought she was too good for them – it was a solid chapter with a good campus rep, and she had too many friends in it to feel that way- although she does own that at the time she was caught up in how the girls in various chapters looked – more on that later – and while the girls in this chapter were certainly cute– they weren’t generally considered one of the “beautiful girl” chapters. She described them as a little outdoorsy and she was not – AT ALL. She wanted to get invited back though.


Root Beer Floats – She had a high school friend who joined this chapter, but they had gone their separate ways freshman year, and she didn’t know anyone else in it, so she had no impression other than she knew they were considered a studious, quiet group which ironically, didn’t describe her high school pal at all. She was quite surprised to find herself talking to someone she immediately recognized as a high school gymnast from Small City. Brooke had been an outstanding high school gymnast , so the girl not only recognized her, she proceeded to treat her like a celebrity which suited Brooke’s inner diva just fine, and they had a great conversation. She left liking the chapter and wanted to return.


Candied Apples – She did not want to go here. It was a popular chapter with the PNM’s and was becoming a top group, but she did not have a good impression of the girls after a year, and yet again there was ex drama (yeah, their relationship had cut a rather large swath over Greek Row). He had brought one of the girls on a couple of date dashes after they had broken up and she had made quite an impression. I’ll leave it at that. Another one was also a friend of his and had made it clear, although she had never actually met Brooke, that she didn’t like her (he had been kind enough to show her the texts she had sent). The girls she spoke to were uhmmm, “cool” to her. She did not expect or want to go back.


Chocolate Strawberries – Nice, academic – beautiful house. Would have been happy to go back, but she knew they were big on grades, and she would get cut. She didn’t really know anyone here either.


The Brownies – Had friends in them at other schools. Didn’t know anything else about them here. No strong opinion one way or another.


The Sorbets – They had a beautiful house and I don’t think there was anything negative about her time there, but she really didn’t know anyone in this house and the conversation was unmemorable. She would have been fine going back – but getting cut wouldn’t hurt her feelings.


The Blueberry Tarts and the LemonBars- I put these two groups together for the moment because for this round they were in the same boat. Both groups struggled some with numbers, and she knew their campus reputation. I would like to say she was above that sort of silliness, but she was not.


I should explain (doesn’t excuse) that Brooke considered herself a B plus in her HS’s social sphere. She did fine, but she wasn’t the center of attention. On the other hand, she found herself very recognizable in college (she was, as she put it, “the tall awkward brunette cheerleader”) and as I mentioned – her social life was usually busy. It was her “big fish in a small pond” moment. Her cheerleading days were over – at least for this year – but she really wanted to maintain that new found status. She definitely felt that getting a bid to certain sororities would help her do that and others would just cement her fall from grace. These would have been in the latter category in her mind.


It wasn’t entirely about that and in her defense she had never met any of the girls in these two sororities, so she assumed they had no shared interests or friends, but that isn’t much of a defense. They could have had scintillating conversations with her (they didn’t), and she wouldn’t have given them a second look based strictly on her superficial standards at this point. She knows this about herself, and she can look back at it all now and realize how ridiculous her attitude was.

I love this story! It's so well written. Can't wait to read more :)

Thanks for giving us a story to help bridge the gap until recruitment starts again in January! Keep it coming, greekmom2!

^^^Thank you both. I was a little afraid I was writing to myself - LOL! I will keep entries coming though!

On Wednesday she got her schedule. Let me break to say that I have no earthly idea why Brooke was even allowed to go through recruitment since I don’t think her summer grades had come in, and her GPA was well below the requirement (as it turned out , even after she got the new grades she was slightly below). She had written a letter to the Greek life office explaining she did not know what her GPA would be for sure and why that was and she asked that it be put in her packet and sent to each sorority chapter. Given that, every sorority on campus could have cut her on day 1. By some miracle akin to the parting of the Red Sea she had six out of a possible ten (I think it was 10- might have been 11). She should have been on her knees in thanksgiving, but she was used to getting most things she wanted, and she only saw that the Donuts and Raspberry Parfaits had cut her, so she promptly broke down crying in the very patient arms of her Rho Gam. Yeah, she was an ungrateful cry-baby- she knows it - and if she could go back in time and slap herself, she would.

She was invited back to Chocolate Cake, Ice Cream, Candied Apples, Apple Pies, Blueberry Tarts and Lemon Bars. This day was house tours.

I do remember that the first house up was Apple Pie. She was still emotional and she cried off and on throughout her time there. One thing that was hard for her was that the friends she would normally turn to for advice or comfort were all in sororities, and she couldn’t talk to them. At the end of the tour she came around a corner and saw her high school buddy. Friend could tell all was not well – she pulled her into a side room and Brooke lost it. Finally pulled herself together and went on to the next house.

Don’t know what order the chapters went in from here on out, but at some point she went to Chocolate Cake which was now her favorite. She was talking to her rusher, and the girl asked if she knew anyone in the sorority. Brooke said yes, as a matter of fact she had a few friends there including one of her best friends. Girl asked who and daughter named cheer buddy. Girl looked at her oddly and said, “Look behind you”. There was cheer buddy who had been sitting there a while. :o. Brooke felt like an idiot but was happy to see another friendly face.

Things went fine at Ice Cream. No sign of ex’s best buddy or the other woman, and she enjoyed her time at the chapter. This chapter and Apple Pie were probably even in this round.

She had no clue why she had been invited back to Candied Apples unless they wanted her to join so they could make her jump off a balcony. The girls who took her on the tour were quite friendly. She really liked them which baffled her.

Blueberry Tarts- She had already crossed this chapter off the list before she got in the door. Again, no reason other than reputation. She admits they were nice, albeit shy and quiet. She also felt like they were trying very hard to turn things around and increase their numbers which she did appreciate (they have, from what she hears, done a good job of turning things around and increasing their numbers over the last couple of years, by the way).

Lemon Bars – This was a different story than Blueberry Tarts today. Brooke’s initial reasons for not considering this group were unfair, but today they gave her legit reasons- not for disliking them – just for feeling like she didn’t have anything in common with them and it wasn’t just about it being a struggling chapter at the time.

For one thing, every girl she had met here was in the band, and the girls she spoke to confirmed that a lot of the girls in the sorority were also in the band. This chapter was small, and she knew they were kind of known on campus as “the band girl sorority”. This would be fine except that Brooke had been on drill team her freshman year of HS (dance team requirement), and she hated every living minute of it. It had been a horrible experience for her (her dad and I on the other hand – kind of liked the whole thing). She couldn’t see herself in a chapter of girls who loved something she detested.

Next, they had Star Wars memorabilia all over the walls. Now, she actually loves the movies and can discuss their philosophical implications at length, but putting the collectibles on the walls was crossing into Dungeons and Dragons territory for her. That was totally not her thing.

To seal the deal, she and the PNM she was paired with started talking about “The Hills” and asked their rusher if she had seen the last episode. Rusher had never heard of it…or any other show, music, or movie they liked. They could not find one common topic of interest. They finally gave up and just talked to each other which wasn’t particularly polite, but they were at a loss.

I asked her much later if this group wanted to increase their numbers and grow, why their advisor or someone didn’t tell them it might be a good idea to tone down the emphasis on their very specific interests, so they could appeal to a wider group of girls. She told me that she didn’t think that simply adding girls was really important to them, or at least it wasn’t a top priority. She told me (this was a couple of years later mind you) that while she didn’t share all of their interests and did find them a little different – she respected the fact that they knew what they liked, who they were, and they weren’t going to tone it down or pretend to be something they weren’t for anyone.

I love the background details. Thank you for sharing.

This is very interesting!

:) More, please.

Great story! Looking forward to reading the rest.

This is a wonderfully written recruitment story! Thanks so much for sharing!

Thank you!!!

That night was tough. Combined with her disappointment over Donuts and Raspberry Parfait, the ex texted her and asked how she was liking rush. The girls were not supposed to communicate with boys in any way, shape, or form during recruitment week, so she didn’t respond, but she said it took everything in her not to text him back, tell him she was miserable, and ask him to come and get her because she knew he would. The fact that she would even consider that – scared her. She felt like she was trapped in a situation she was never going to get out of.


She went to her Rho Gam for advice and let me say this girl should give trainings nationwide on how to be a good recruitment counselor. At this point Brooke was questioning everything: recruitment, school, relationship with ex. Rho Gam must have sat up with her half the night talking things through with her. Brooke says now they really didn’t talk much about recruitment; she just gave her life advice. That happened several times during the week.


The next day she had Ice Cream, Blueberry Tarts, and Lemon Bars on her schedule. It was philanthropy day.

She said it was hard standing out on the sidewalk waiting to go into Ice Cream while the girls next door were lined up to go into Chocolate Cake, but she realized this was the last sorority left that she liked, so she needed to pull it together. She was drained and ready to be done. She thinks that maybe she already knew that Party State was no longer for her, and she subconsciously sabotaged herself. At least that’s her explanation for what happened next.


She sat across from her rusher. Diagonal from her was ex’s hook up. Ex’s best buddy passed behind her several times. It was uncomfortable. Then she said it. She told her rusher how grateful she was to be there because she was not interested AT ALL in the other two chapters that invited her back, and if she didn’t get into this chapter she was dropping out of recruitment. :eek: Yeah, she did. Go ahead and quote it in the “What Not to Say During Recruitment” thread.


She went through Lemon Bars and Blueberry Tarts in a blur. Again, they probably could have given her a ticker tape parade as she walked in the door and it wouldn’t have mattered, but in fact, the conversations were awkward and full of lulls. She knows she can’t blame this entirely on her rushers – she admits that at this point, while she wasn’t rude, she wasn’t trying hard either.

Great story!!

wonderful story!

Thank you all again.

Next day the inevitable happened. It was preference - Lemon Bars and Blueberry Tarts. She called me and said, “Come and get me, I’m done.” Fortunately I was in Family-Friendly City on that day (we hadn’t sold our house yet, and I had some business to take care of), so I could get her fairly easily. Now I’m sure it sounds like she left school because she didn’t get into a sorority she wanted, and that’s true in part. As a matter of fact her ex told her that he heard she had told the Ice Creams she was dropping out of school if she didn’t get into their chapter (not correct, and she had a pretty good idea where he had gotten that info, but it was , when all was said and done, what happened). There was more to it than that. Her grades, her doubts going back, her need to get away from the ex, etc., but it was a moot point. She felt this was the last in a series of closed doors, and she needed to go home, rethink her options, and get her GPA up at the very least.


Brooke might have been superficial, close-minded and a host of other things common to many 19 year old girls, but I have to hand it to her on this -She didn’t do any crying or feeling sorry for herself – at least in front of me. She knew that ultimately, she had gone into this feeling like there were certain chapters she couldn’t join and whether her reasons were sketchy or solid (she would now say mostly sketchy), it hadn’t worked out the way she had hoped, she made a decision to drop, and she lived with it without wasting much time crying about it. Actually, as we were getting ready to jump in the car to go, she saw a freshman girl from her group that she knew crying on the lawn outside their dorm. She also hadn’t gotten the chapters she wanted and was disappointed. Brooke told me to wait, jumped out of the car, and spent some time with her arm around the girl – talking to her and comforting her. I think Brooke kept track of her and she eventually ended up COBing and happy in a chapter, but I’m not sure.


She moved on. Really quickly. On the drive home she talked about things she wanted to get involved in and schools she wanted to visit. Of course there was some aftermath. Ex called wanting to know why she was really doing this. That conversation brought on some tears. Her Chocolate Cake friends called after bid day and asked how things had gone and where she was. She cried again then. A few months after this (spring actually), the Cookies emailed her and invited her to some informal events. Apparently, they weren’t aware she was no longer at Party State. I think she had a “what if” moment, but by this time she was pretty sure she needed to head in another direction as far as schools went, so she didn’t dwell on that for long.


The next year was hard, but here is my message to moms who come on GC after a disappointing recruitment looking for answers. I had never cared a thing about sorority life, but I still spent the entire week my daughter went through recruitment virtually unable to eat I was so stressed out. I listened to her cry daily and my heart broke. I couldn’t sleep. I cried all the way down to get her. I had the advantage of knowing some good, completely non-personal reasons why she MAY had been cut (of course we will never know for sure), and it still hurt me for her. She’s my child after all.


My heart continued to break for her the following year. She was in a city where she knew no one. She watched her friends at Party State go on with their lives via facebook. She felt forgotten with the exception of ex’s fraternity brothers and her Rho Gamma (they sent facebook messages regularly to see how she was doing and what her plans were).
We want our children to be happy 24/7, but as hard as it was to watch – she and I both know because we’ve talked about it a lot since, that the year she came home was the best thing that could have happened to her in terms of her own personal growth.


Slowly she joined some activities, found a job, started taking classes at a community college, and brought her grades up. More importantly, she learned that when it comes to friends – quality beats quantity and having lots of people who “know” you can’t replace a few people who love you. She figured out who she was and what she wanted. She learned to go outside of her comfort zone and take some chances. She learned how to study and remembered how much she had once loved school (the academic part that is). She started to understand that you have to work for things – they don’t always just work out because you want them to. I guess what I’m saying is that while its fine to hurt for them – it really is best not to try and “fix it” for them. They will miss out on those all-important opportunities for growth.


She also visited schools. She considered going back to Party State, but she fell in love with my alma mater – University of Tie Dye. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to go through recruitment there, but when she visited she did ask me to show her Greek row which was interesting because Tie-Dye doesn’t have much of a Greek row (it’s more like a Greek block with other Greek houses scattered randomly), and that just mystified her. She actually got a bit frustrated with me assuming that there must be some type of larger Greek row somewhere, and I was just clueless or forgetful. Since I didn’t spend any time at Greek events/parties when I was in college, I admitted this was a possibility, but this was all I knew of the Greek houses at my school.


Through facebook, she found out a friendly acquaintance from high school was also at the University of Tie Dye. She got in touch with her to ask about the school, and it turned out friend was a Candied Apple. She asked about recruitment which UTD did shortly after school started. Being a sophomore wasn’t a big deal (she would be a junior by age and a sophomore by credits), it sounded more laid back, and friend had good things to say about all the other chapters which all seemed more well, I guess, even is the word. She was also relieved to find out that while Greek life there was growing and healthy, it wasn’t the end all be all of the social scene on that campus by any stretch. She felt reassured that no matter what she decided, she could find plenty to do there.


She went down to visit the school a couple of times and on one occasion hung out with friend and visited the Candied Apples. They seemed like nice girls and the house was beautiful. She had learned a lot in a year, and she knew she needed to be much more open minded if she decided to do this again, but her heart started leaning a bit toward the Candied Apples.

At the encouragement of her cheer coach (she joined an international cheer team during that year) and myself, she sent in a tape to the coach of a new sport University of Tie Dye had just started (Title IX thing). It was a type of competitive cheer with a few variations. She got a spot as a recruited walk on (scholarships had already been awarded) and signed an LOI. She wasn’t exactly thrilled, but she figured it would be a good way to meet some people at a school where she didn’t really know anyone, and if she didn’t try recruitment or it didn’t work out, at least she would know she had something else. I just saw scholarship dollars down the road.

Loving this story - and the cheerleading part is an interesting bonus!

^^^Yeah, well that part added a bit more of a twist.:)



She started at UTD in the fall. One evening she and a teammate (we call her Amy) decided to tag along with Amy’s boyfriend to a fraternity party. Amy introduced her to a guy from her high school. They talked a bit and he asked if she was going to go through rush. She said that yes she was, but she was pretty nervous about it. He told her he was sure she would get into any sorority she wanted.:rolleyes: She thought he was cute, sweet, and completely clueless (not in general – just about how sororities work). Still, she was impressed that he didn’t say one negative thing about any of the sororities (at least not then).

This time around she had a much improved GPA but not stellar (her grades from the previous year were great, but they were averaged with her freshman GPA). She didn’t have any preconceived notions about the sororities. The year off had given her time to seriously consider what she had to offer a sorority and what she wanted from it as well. Her viewpoints changed; while I don’t think she was flat out rude to the two last sororities on her list at Party State, she knew her attitude there wasn’t good, and she was embarrassed about it. She still didn’t think they would have been good fits, but she understood she was lucky to have been asked back at all.


She was actually more embarrassed about her behavior at Apple Pie. As she put it, “Mom those girls were never anything but good to me and I should have been thrilled to go back, but instead I cried most of the way through the house tour.”

She was facing one serious difficulty. Recruitment started at 5 pm on one side of campus and her team practice ended at 5 pm at the athletic center off campus and on the other side. To make matters worse, UTD apparently felt cars were the work of the devil or at least greedy, corporate industrialists out to destroy the environment and life as we knew it, so they made parking as limited as possible. Her coach, whom she normally liked, wasn’t budging an inch. Fortunately, Greek life was, and they told her that while it officially started at 5, the groups wouldn’t actually get to the first house until 6, so they let her know which chapter her group would be visiting first and were willing to let her meet the group there.


This still made things tight by the time she got ready, drove over, and found parking. She wanted the sorority thing to work so badly that I worried she would quit the team, and I imagined all of those future scholarship dollars floating away. I also worried she would quit, recruitment wouldn’t work out and then she had given up a team for nothing. At any rate, I became a helicopter mom and offered to drive down the first two days, help her get ready, drive her over near Greek row, and drop her off so she wouldn’t have to worry about the parking which would make her the only PNM that year getting dropped off by her mom. Surprisingly she agreed to this.

Great story, love your telling of it. Believe me, I found myself as a mom of a collegian, nodding my head in agreement with your observations.

^^^One of the reasons I love reading recruitment stories and reading threads from moms whose daughters are going through recruitment is just knowing she wasn't the only one and neither was I!!!

*****

Again, I don’t remember the order of the groups she visited (well I do remember who was first). I know she saw eight groups over two days and heard a presentation from a new colony.
As I mentioned, Brooke had done a lot of growing up in her year with us. Because of that, the things she was looking for in a sorority had changed radically. All she wanted this time was to find a chapter where she could make friends with people she thought she would like and whom she felt liked her.
Here were her impressions in ranking order

Root Beer Floats – LOVED! She thought the girls she spoke to were funny with sarcastic senses of humor. Always a winner for her. They seemed like straight shooters and she liked the fact that there didn’t seem to be one type of girl in the house. She had great conversations with all the girls she spoke to – it just felt like home right away. She was also impressed that they made sure their outfits were all coordinated. It seems like a silly thing – but to her it said they were putting a lot of effort into this.

Raspberry Parfaits – She loved this group as well largely because they seemed very similar to Root Beer Floats in that they had similar senses of humor and again, the girls seemed diverse – not all the same type. It also helped that she had such a good impression of them at Party State even though this chapter’s personality was different (still good though). They came in slightly behind Root Beer Floats.

Apple Pies – She enjoyed her conversation here, but she only spoke to one girl. She wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing. It wasn’t love like it was with the first two but she liked them fine and she did want to go back.

Candied Apples – the group she expected to love here and….she liked them. They were very nice, but she and her first rusher spent 10 minutes discussing toothpaste. No, she wasn’t that interested in toothpaste. She had no idea how they got on the topic, and she couldn’t get her rusher off of it. When she left, they all said goodbye to her by name which was sweet. They seemed young. She would be happy to go back, but not going back wouldn’t hurt her.

Chocolate Cake – She liked them fine. The conversation with the first girl she spoke to was a bit awkward but the second conversation went well. They seemed like the “very involved in student leadership and academics” types. Totally different than the chapter at Party State. She didn’t think their personality fit her, but she also thought they might be good for her.

Donuts – She had walked herself over to the Greek life office during summer orientation to ask some questions and the Donut president happened to be there, so she talked to her for a minute or two. She thought she was gorgeous and seemed to know her stuff, so she had a good impression of this house to start with. She liked them and thought they were nice girls who seemed to have a close sisterhood. They struck her as the type of girls who would love to curl up on couches together on a Friday night and watch movies. She would like that once in a while but not all the time. She wanted to go back though.

The Sorbets – This was the new colony. Initially Brooke was resistant to the colony idea. She felt she would be missing out on some important elements of the sorority experience that she really wanted, but this group wowed her. They brought up a group of girls who clearly knew what they were doing. They had an incredible presentation, a good plan, and they were freakin’ adorable. She stared thinking this might be something to consider.

The Brownies – the Brownies were the closest thing her campus had to a struggling house (she had figured out that much), but they weren’t on death’s door by any means. She thought the girls were nice, and she did keep an open mind. They weren’t like the Lemon Bars at Party State who interests were just odd to her. Instead she would have described them as genuinely nice girls who were introverted, but close to each other – kind of a more extreme, not quite as put together, version of the Donuts. She didn’t think it was her, and as with Donuts, she thought she wanted a group that was more outwardly social (that word has come up at least 15 times in this story. It was a big part of Brooke’s personality and important to her), but she would be happy to go back.

Ice Cream – This is where who is rushing you comes into play. Her roommate was also rushing. She and roommate had immediately clicked because they had so much in common, BUT they had completely different reactions to this chapter. Roommate LOVED it. Brooke had a bad vibe the minute she walked in the door that she never shook. Didn’t like it at all and really would have preferred not to go back.

I asked her much later why she thinks she got such a bad vibe. As it turned out – this was the first house she visited. She had barely gotten there on time. She was already exhausted from practice. There had been some miscommunication between Greek life and her Rho Gam’s, so they had reported her absent to the house and they had to correct that when she got there. It was just stressful, so she thinks that affected her outlook somewhat. In addition, while she thought the house was beautiful on the outside, the inside was very dark and modern looking which she didn’t like and didn’t seem to match the outside. It was really crowded which bothered her, and she says that to this day, she cannot remember one thing she talked about with her rushers.

I'm curious about one thing. You are using the same codes, but are the groups the same or different?

Really fun story. You had me hooked at "my daughter"! I also like the fact that your not stringing this out:)

I am guessing that the groups that she uses the same names for, they are the same group.

THIS is amazing. Thanks so much for sharing. As a transfer, there's a lot I can relate to in the story.

I'm also curious- is a Donut at this school the same sorority as a Donut at the last school? Not that it really matters, but I'm just curious.

And all this dessert talk is making me hungry! :eek:

1) Yes, the code and chapters they represent are the same. University of Tie Dye doesn't have a chapter that isn't also at Party State. It was interesting for her and proof that even schools that are fairly georgraphically close (8 hours) can have chapters that are significantly different in personality.

2) No, it's too long to drag out. I've been the victim of drug out recruitment stories that end abrubtly. I promise I will finish this one today.

*****
Saturday – At 11:03 I got a call (yes, oddly enough I still remember the exact time). “Mom, I think I’m going to drop out. I just don’t think I’m meant to be in a sorority. “ I asked her what happened. They could have six on their list. She had four which was fine given she was a sophomore by credits, a junior by age, and she had something like a 2.8. One was her first choice, the Root Beer Floats. She also had Donuts, Chocolate Cake (both of whom she liked fine) and the Brownies (whom she wasn’t sure about but wasn’t against). I wasn’t seeing the problem. I knew she was a little disappointed about Raspberry Parfait, but she had gone into this with much more realistic expectations, and without a group she was dead set on getting.


I asked her why she wanted to drop out when her favorite group was still on her list. She said it was because this had happened before, and she was sure they would drop her tomorrow. She figured it would be easier for her to drop before they cut her. Okay. :confused:


Two unlikely sources changed her mind. She had a break at the beginning this round, so that left her with about an hour to decide for sure whether she would drop out of rush or stick with it. Amy, the teammate who went with her to the fraternity party had a brother named Jason in another fraternity. Brooke had met him, and they had all hung out on a couple of occasions. Amy lived in Brooke’s dorm and they had gotten close. Brooke called Amy to tell her that she was thinking about dropping out and why.


Amy, the independent, told her to rethink that. She told her that Jason hadn’t gotten a bid to a fraternity where his HS buds ended up, but had gotten one to his present fraternity. He wasn’t going to accept, but their mom told him to give it a chance, and now he didn’t want to be anywhere else. She told Brooke she could drop out any time before she signed a bid card, so she might as well see it through until pref. 30 minutes later Jason called. He reiterated the same story. He asked what sororities she had. When she mentioned Chocolate Cake he told her how much he respected (yes, I swear a 20 year old college boy did say respected) that group in particular and liked the girls. She started to think she needed to give this a little more time, so she decided to give it another day.

I keep checking back at my laptop almost every hour for updates on this story. Thanks for posting in a timely manner and please keep them coming!

She got ready and headed out for philanthropy day

Here is the summary in the order that she ranked them

Root Beer Floats – Once again, she loved them. She loved the girls and she really loved the philanthropy. It was something she knew she could get behind.


Chocolate Cake – She had a great conversation this time. The girl she was paired with had been a gymnast like Brooke, so they had a lot in common. She was glad she came back to this house. She didn’t like it quite as much as Root Beer Floats, but she definitely liked it. She liked the philanthropy too, and they seemed very into it.


Donuts- She liked Donuts as well. She still wondered if they might be too quiet, but she wanted to come back. The girls were sweet, and she thought the conversations flowed. She liked their philanthropy as well.


Brownies- The girls were nice again, but the conversations were just okay- nothing that stuck out, and she didn’t feel as strongly about the philanthropy. She would still be fine going back.

I love this thread. That is all.

+1
ditto
me too!

*waves @ ellebud!!! :D

love love love!

More, please!

Me three!

Thank you! Glad you're liking it. I know it's long. Believe it or not I did edit, but like I said - this was more about the journey than the recruitment and kind of what she and I both learned through it, so...it was hard to cut out too many details. Two more entries after this one and I'm done - I'll post them pretty fast.
******
Sunday - I got a call about 11 (actually during a Sunday school class). “I got back Root Beer Floats, Donuts and Brownies.” I figured that since she had lost Chocolate Cake, she would be completely discouraged and ready to quit again. I asked if she was okay. She seemed annoyed I would ask. “Well of course mom, I still have Root Beer Floats. They’re my favorite and I can’t believe I still have them, and I like Donuts too. Why wouldn’t I be okay – I feel really good about it!” I was done trying to figure her out. :rolleyes:
Sunday was house tours.

Root beer floats – She loved the house. It was huge, and she could totally see herself living there. She liked that there was a sleeping porch, but also double and single rooms. She loved the girls. Hadn’t met one she didn’t feel connected with yet. There was not one thing on any day she didn’t love about this chapter.

Donuts – Their house is my personal favorite on the outside. I think it fits the campus culture perfectly. She liked some things about the house, but didn’t like the fact that everyone but the president slept on a sleeping porch. It wasn’t a deal breaker though - she had a good overall impression of the chapter and felt she could be happy there.

Brownies – Outside this house is pretty – very English cottage looking. Inside she thought it had the most potential. It was old and had some unique rooms, but she didn’t feel they had done much with them, and she thought it was in need of a remodel. (which I believe they have done at this point) Actually she spent most of the tour playing interior designer in her head and thinking how the rooms could be redone. She had kept a pretty open mind this time, and she did understand and appreciate that they didn’t have to invite her back and did – so she assured me she made as much effort here as she had at every other chapter, but taken as a whole, she just wasn’t feeling this one. She wanted to join a sorority but not at all costs and after her last year, she felt confident that while she would be disappointed if she didn’t find a home – life would go on, and she would have other things. Given that, she had started thinking that she wouldn’t feel comfortable accepting a bid to this chapter.

Now she had a quandary or thought she did. She had decided that if she got Root Beer Floats and Donuts for preference she was going through with this thing all the way because she would accept a bid to either one. If she got Donuts and Brownies she thought she would drop out and apply(? not sure if that's the word) for the colony because she didn’t see herself at Brownies and she liked Donuts but she didn’t think she felt strongly enough about them. She had no idea what she would do if she got Root Beer Floats and Brownies for preference. She was worried that if she went to both preference parties, but got a bid to Brownies (which she felt she would turn down), she couldn’t apply for the colony. She thought (she doesn’t know to this day if this was the case) that if she single preferenced and didn’t get a bid, she still would not be eligible for the colony. I don’t THINK this is accurate from what I remember reading on here, but she thought it was at the time. :confused:

She spent Monday morning in class, stressed about it. Her Rho Gamma had to let her know before practice where she was preffing, so she could meet them at the chapter house. She texted at 2:30 – Root Beer Floats and Donuts. She called me happy and relieved for once. She knew that one way or another she would be in a chapter she liked tomorrow.

I know from the stories on here that sometimes preference changes minds. In her case it solidified what she knew. Donuts had a lovely ceremony, and she knew if she got a bid here she would be good, but she felt special at Root Beer Floats. She felt like they went all out. They called the girls in individually. The layout/food was beautiful. Her rusher talked to her about why they liked her and what they loved about their chapter. She isn’t a crier, so she didn’t do that, but it was meaningful to her. She wanted Root Beer Floats badly.

Aaannnd without further adeiu- here is the last entry for this very, very long rectruitment story.



Let me just say that I am a lifelong Baptist tea-totaller, but after two years of this I was in need of … a BIG bottle of vodka or scotch…or maybe Jack Daniels. :) On bid day I had morphed into a full-blown stressed out fruit-cake mother, and she was fine. She told me that they would go to the rec center for dinner, and they would open their bid cards after dinner and the Rho Gamma reveal. She warned me that they would go immediately to bid night activities, so I probably wouldn’t hear anything from her until later that evening. Longest evening of my life outside of my children’s birth. Around 10 I got a call. I heard happy voices all around her from excited girls. She was walking back to her dorms with some of the girls in her new pledge class….


..........













Root Beer Floats.


On that night I wrote my first entry on this forum…a thank you for all of the great information we had gotten. It wasn’t always what she wanted to hear, but it helped her. It still helps me understand her world a little better.

Under my regular user name I am AXOmom and my daughter is an AXO at the University of Oregon.


The first thing she did was send a facebook message to her Rho Gamma at Party State telling her how much her support meant to her and how well it all turned out. The Rho Gamma wrote back and told her how happy she was for her and that the message made her cry. She and the Raspberry Parfaits were Kappa Kappa Gammas.


The Donuts that she also preffed at U of O and loved at Party State were Kappa Deltas. Her roommate pledged them and was very happy there.


The Apple Pies were the one group very close to their code name – Alpha Phis. When her boyfriend asked to pin her, an Alpha Phi was with her- she, along with Brooke’s KD roommate and a Candied Apple, were the only non-AXO’s that Brooke invited to that pinning.


The Chocolate Cakes were Pi Phis. A very different group on her two campuses but she she liked both.

The Sorbets/new colony were Tri- Deltas. They got a house the following year right across the street from hers, and as expected did a beautiful job with it. They are doing well as far as she knows.


Two years later the Chocolate Strawberries were added as a colony. They were Kappa Alpha Thetas and next fall will be their first formal recruitment.


Jason, who gave her the good advice, was an SAE.


The first boy she met on campus- cute, clueless boy(about sororities at least) - was a Beta Theta Pi. He’s the guy who pinned her a year and a half later.


There have been members of many, many other sororities and fraternities who affected, influenced and changed her outlook on the whole thing during this last few years and whom she counts as friends.


She had her ups and downs in her sorority. There were days that she loved everything about it and days she thought she made a big mistake (those were rare). She had girls she loved and girls that from time to time drove her up and down every wall of their chapter room (I’m sure she drove more than a few up the walls as well). She became social chair one year (hence the emphasis on social priorities), and it led to a change in her career path. She decided she wanted to become an event planner and she’s pursuing that. It isn’t an experience she would give up for anything and although the road to get there seemed eternal (like this story), she’s always been glad she made it.

Amazing story :)

hooray!!! i loved this story. thank you so much for sharing it with us.

I enjoyed this story!

I had an inkling that it might be a Pacific Northwest school from your comment about recycling and bike trails, lol. I adore the state of Oregon, but am sorry to say that that love was born in Corvallis!

Thanks for sharing! I'm dying to know, why do you say the KD house "fits the campus culture"?

Great story

DeltaBetaBaby - because to me it always looked - from the outside at least - sort of like a big, beach house - kind of a rounded, sweeping porch and just a very, casual pretty as opposed to traditional, colonial. Not that I don't love seeing pictures of the traditional, big houses- they are beautiful, but U of O is a very, casual, easy-going sort of atomsphere and as I've mentioned in other threads - non-traditional, and not far (an hour) from the beach, so it all fits for me. I just really like it. WCSweet has put pictures of it on here somewhere.

Gusteau - it's hard for me to believe that someone's first experience in Oregon would be Corvallis and they'd still come away loving it - but hey, to each his own. :D Actually, I know the least about OSU's greek system, but my favorite co-worker was a Kappa Kappa Gamma there back in the day and her daughter was a DG (and now their chapter advisor, I believe).

I have so many positive comments on this thread: I love your dispassionate maturity. The this is how it is attitude. I completely respect the way you did it the old fashioned way: you named houses...real houses aligned with real people. Wonderful.