It was all good, but you hit a deal breaker
 

Have y'all ever been dating someone, and everything was all good? You enjoyed their company, liked being around them, but later on down the line you ran into a deal breaker where you wanted to stop seeing that person on a dating romantic level. They were cool to be around, but you just couldn't get past the deal breaker. I'm going through that now. I usually notice the deal breakers early on within the first few dates, but this is the first one where I'm been kickin' with her for a minute, almost on an exclusive level. But, I'm starting to see signs of this thing not working. Anyone ever been through this?

I have never experienced a deal breaker after establishing an exclusive, longterm relationship with someone.

Unless you are talking about growing apart or specific incident like cheating. Life happens and sometimes people are removed to make room for the more important person who you will spend your life with.

Are you already in a relationship with someone? Weren't you just meeting some overspending woman at the local bar and pub?

http://www.lookscloudy.com/media/5-C...ker1_thumb.jpg

I have nothing else to contribute.

It's the same girl. We've been getting close, but it's the game playing that I can see causing a problem in the future. I was talking more of a deal breaker when you've been dating the person for a few weeks to months, before it becomes exclusive. Have you or anyone else experienced that problem, and then broke it off? That's what I'm feeling right now with her.

Dealbreakers (from when I was dating):
- Cheater
- Wants me to change religions
- No career
- Dim bulb
- Cheap
- Criminal history
- Truly strange hobbies (I once had a guy tell me on a third date that he was a "furry"...I had no idea such a thing existed until he started explaining it to me, and once he did explain it, it was just too strange for me to deal with and I told him just that)

This was too cryptic for me to not ask.......what is "furry" ??

Google the term "plushies and furries" and all will be revealed about this (ahem) "lifestyle". CSI did an episode on it maybe 5-6 years ago.

Here's the link to the MTV documentary:
http://www.lildobe.net/gallery2/v/Fu...K_paf.flv.html

Also, more here:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=furry
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Back to OP: yeah, deal breakers -- if I can't move past it, I guess that makes it a deal breaker , for pretty well the same reasons given above.

I would definitely have to think long and hard about the "wants me to change religions", but I could possibly do that one.

I started seeing this guy around this time last year. For New Years he was having a party and on the facebook event page had "guys no dress code, girls dress slutty" or something very similar. So I certainly wasn't going to attend...(Not into dressing that way anyway.. Let alone in a cold garage with a bunch of guys I didn't know.)

Here's the dealbreaker: when he texted me that night and asked where I was I said "At home with my (1yo) nephew. Staying in tonight"
then he tells me I have to choose between HIM and my NEPHEW.
I told him that 100% of the time, no matter who it is, I will choose my nephew always.

Haven't spoken to him since.

Two weeks ago, I went on a second date. The first date went really well (my best first date in years) and I had no reason to believe that the second one wouldn't go at least as well. We bonded over real things--and not like, favorite TV shows or less important stuff like that.

We were discussing sports and he mentioned the Bernie Fine thing at Syracuse (he's an alum). He started going on and on about how the kids made it up, they were just in it for the money, and that if it turned out to be fabricated, that the alleged victims should go to jail for child molestation. :eek::eek::eek: He was just so deadset in his judgmental rant that there was no room for me to even try to change the subject.

He didn't know if I or someone close to me had an issue with being molested, or what my view on it was. He just kept on saying terrible things about these kids--liars, charlatans, thieves. Plus, it's not a date topic. Dealbreaker! He sent me a text message on Thanksgiving and I just deleted it.

...and I'm sure he's ruminating that he's SUCH a good guy and all of us shallow bitches won't give him a chance.

We weren't dating yet but there was a time a guy and I were considering dating (we had known each other for awhile) and hit a dealbreaker--not mine but his. He asked if I was ready to get married. :confused: He didn't mean to him, just in general, but I still found that to be an odd question to ask someone before even a first date. I jokingly said, "Not unless it's to Jesus--why do you ask?" He was all aghast and said, "You would marry Jesus? How would you do that?" I told him I was just joking and he told me not to joke about Jesus, it's blasphemy. He was really upset and told me I didn't take my religion seriously enough. He cancelled our first date and we didn't speak much after that.

This thread has been done before, but I'll bite. I'm good as long as she's pretty, has a great personality, loves God etc. I can pretty much put up with a lot, but this is always a deal breaker for me. I just can't do it, no matter how pretty/nice she is. I just can't.

This happened to me one summer about 6 years ago. She was cool, pretty face, great personality, but her feet were jacked. Nope, couldn't do it. Is it shallow as hell? Yes, but I just can't...sorry.

^^^As soon as I saw red font, I knew where this post was going. :rolleyes: :p

*bump* And yeah, Cen1uar aka Iota Dude aka man of a million screen names was talking about the woman who is now his WIFE. Guess it wasn't a deal breaker after all :)

:)

Among my deal breakers:

1. Self-impressed men who confuse confidence with corniness
2. Men who seem not to have a sound personality and are lost in insecurities rather than seeking to understand insecurities
3. Men who act like little boys who just discovered their "hard pointy thingie"
4. Men who haven't realized that there are a lot of adult vaginas and adult penises in the world. Whooptydoooo....
5. Hegemonic masculine, sexist men
6. Men who are not feminists/gender egalitarians
7. Men who unequivocally conform to traditional gender identities

Dr. Phil has me over here lmao. I haven't given it much thought. I take it that this one isn't the superficial deal breaker thread. This one isn't nearly as funny as the other one. I haven't really given mine a lot of thought. I think I just need to date more when I'm done with school. I'll have a better list I think.

No Kappas, Ques, or Sigmas. How 'bout you start with that? :rolleyes:

TonyB06 ain't got no sense!

Diamond Girl, I spend more time with the personality and lifestyle stuff. The physical stuff is obvious for me and it is easy for me to figure out who I don't find attractive and therefore I don't even waste a first date with a man who doesn't have my physical desires.

It is the personality and lifestyle stuff that are more easily hidden and/or you don't know it is a deal breaker until you come across it. If I think I will spend a lot of time rolling my eyes, arguing, or even trying to change something about a man, I know that is a deal breaker and I need to move on. :)

I don't know how I missed this thread. I responded to the superficial thread, but not this one. I'll have to respond to this one when I get home from work. My list is much like my superficial post.... long. :p

My non-negotiables for this thread are as follows:
1. He must be plugged into God, and not just simply being "spiritual" or saying that he "knows" The Word of God. I'm talking about the accountability factor of it.

2. He must be a working man (he should have a job). He should know and understand his purpose, have a vision for his life, and be actively engaged in pursuing it. The alternative is a deal breaker, and isn't good, especially when it begins to affect the economic quality of my life. When I was single and dating, if I asked a man what he wanted to do with his life and he said he didn't know, I wouldn't walk away, I would run. Life cost money, so I can't afford to be so romantic that I don't care what a man is going to do for the rest of his life. :p

3. He must have integrity. Therefore, he should be true to what he was designed to do and be true to me. There should be no question about his intentions toward me and his ability to deliver what he promises. He should have no problem being transparent with and accountable to me.

4. He must have good current relationships. Meaning his connections --like, his family, because I believe where a man comes from has a lot to do with how he will function in relationships.

5. He must have good past relationships. To me, a track record of numerous short-term romantic, platonic, and/or professional relationships could be evidence that he is unable to commit long-term. It was important for me to ask these questions early or find out through the dating process, so I would be able to decide if I wanted to invest in him or not.

6. His friends and who he spends his time with is also a big one. His pals are extensions of him. Friends (to me) reveal a lot about the person because they can be considered duplicates. Birds of a feather really do flock together, I believe.

Not every man I dated was husband material. If he was easy to get, then he was more likely than not hiding defects that I didn't want to deal with. I considered men like that to be "discounted" or "on sale". I just believe that you get what you pay for, and there is a "price" attached to love. :)

lol. You and your "Alpha only" posts are too much.

Lmao! I'mma have to use this one lol. That is so true though about a price being attached to relationships.

Deal breakers that I remembered from my discussion with a friend:

1. People deal with stress differently. One of my deal breakers is men who crumble to stress. I cannot be with a man who acts out against the people who love him OR who distances himself or disappears altogether. It is normal to need space. It is not normal to only be able to function if life is perfect.

2. Paying respect to Maya Angelou "never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option". I don't believe in "I will take care of this relationship when I have time" so I have low tolerance for a man who has the arrogance to think he can put people on hold until he feels like being bothered or gets around to it.