How to motivate girls to go to social events!
 

I am apart of a new chapter, so its our first year and none of us know what we are doing!! We have one huge issue...the girls never go out to parties and we are getting a terrible reputation on campus for not showing up. Its so bad that some frats refuse to party with us now. What can I do to motivate girls to go out that isnt hazing, because we are new, nationals is still really involved in everything we do, so we cant do anything questionable. Thanks for the help!!

lane swerve/

In that case, does your NHQ or alumnae/regional body offer any suggestions?

What do your sisters say when you ask them why they do not attend social events?

/lane swerve

From an NPC perspective, you can't do anything questionable insofar as hazing whether or not your nationals are present.

Could you develop some sort of point system and offer prizes for the sisters with the most points? Assign a different number of points for different types of events, and tally them up at the end of the month, semester, etc.

Talk to your advisers. They will have had experience with these types of issues, and they should be able to offer some suggestions.

My Phi Sig chapter used the point system (minus the prizes) and it worked really well. Each brother had to earn a total number of points made up of a certain number of required points in each category (social, service, initiation, alumnae, scholarship, etc) for the entire semester.

Any brother that didn't meet the point requirement was brought up for suspension the following semester.

Just the title of this thread makes me sad. You can't get girls to go to SOCIAL events??? What are their excuses?

Are the events all dry? Is that part of the problem? (If they aren't dry, it may be that they cannot make them mandatory.)

Are they weeknights or weekends? Are your sisters all in very demanding majors?

When you vote on whether or not you're going to have a mixer, put it in the bylaws (if you can, if not just have the social chair state it very strongly before the vote) that if someone votes Yes - they are committing to being there. None of this "oh, I thought other people would like it, so I voted yes even though I have no intention of going." Better to have two really awesome mixers a semester with the majority of sisters there and everyone having fun, than to try and have a full social calendar and doing what you have done now, which is run your rep into the ground because no one shows up.

After typing all this, I reread your post. Do you mean MIXERS (your sorority and a fraternity having a private party, no outsiders) or do you just mean regular old fraternity parties? If it's the latter, there really isn't jack you can do if it's not a voted on event. Just think about this the next time rush comes around and don't pledge a bunch of bumps on logs.

I would also have your social chair and programming VP (or whatever she's called) contact your HQ. If this is your first year, more than likely your HQ had a part in selecting the current members of your chapter. Let them know they have selected some members who are missing a very important component of being a well rounded young woman.

This isn't clear from your post but it is something that came up when I was advising. Other chapters on campus were having Socials or Mixers - closed parties with only the girls from one or two sororities and only guys from one or two fraternities. We are going to try having more Date Parties - each girl brings her date or a Grab a Date - you grab someone on the way to the party.

Apparently we've been overlooking the fact that most of the girls already have a steady beau and they aren't all in one or two fraternities. These girls felt awkward going to parties without said beau in tow so they didn't show.

Mixers aren't hookup parties. Girls should be able to go to them without their boyfriends. If they refuse to go to social events without their beaux, that's another part of the problem.

We always had a party for Bid Day (back when you could do such things) rather than a mixer, because we did have sisters whose boyfriends weren't Greek and we felt it was nice for them to be able to invite their guys to share their special night with them. That being said, we still scheduled regular mixers.

If you let your girl child to participate in school activities since starting they will get interested in it.

ZTAmazing - my daughter is the social chair for her sorority (actually taking care of her last official social chair duty as we speak), so please understand that is my only frame of reference for what I am about to say.

To anyone on this forum, please feel free to step in and correct me if I say anyting out of bounds.

First, I feel like we aren't hearing the whole story. I can't think of many people in a sorority or in college for that matter who don't want to get out and meet new people. Particularly if they are freshman.

I understand that in any group there are some people who are naturally introverted, have steady boyfriends they are with 24/7, are double major in nuclear physics/micro biology, or are seniors who are partied out and just ready to be done with the whole thing, but unless you are in a sorority of 20 girls (maybe that's the case), the people who fit one of these categories shouldn't be a big enough group to affect you reputation.

Given that - I would figure out whether or not they don't like be socialble at all or they just don't like the sorority socials. Some possible reasons have been mentioned here, but the only way you are going to know is to ask. First thing daughter did as social chair was ask girls what they wanted to do and with whom.

Having said that, I know hers, like some of the ones mentioned here, gives points for coming to social events and it gives more to those who may not want to go for some reason and volunteer to stay at the house for girls who are uhmm... sent home. It isn't normally an issue- most girls want to come, but it is a motivator for the ones that ride the fence.

To HQWest -I think your point is valid and it is something the OP should consider, but I don't see why ALL events should be either with a specific fraternity or bring your own date (maybe I'm misunderstanding you). On her campus (and all the others in our area she knows about) they mix up the types of events - some you bring a date (whomever you want) and some are with specific fraternities. She tried to make sure they never did something with the same fraternity more than twice, so they did things with almost everyone's "favorite" at least once.

Otherwise I would agree with what 33girl said - Daughter has had a BF almost the entire time she's been in her sorority. He is in a fraternity. Some things they could go to with each other - some things they had to do separately. Going to a party for a couple of hours, meeting people, hanging out with her sisters, and then meeting up with him worked fine. Her reason for joining a sorority was to meet people and hopefully make some lifelong friendships. If she had refused to ever go anywhere with her sisters because her boyfriend couldn't go - she would have exactly one friend now - her boyfriend.

Oh, and 33girl - never fear - Bid Day parties are alive and well on her campus. They are (a week to a month) after the actual bid day and bid day activities- which are dry of course. They do them with a specific fraternity or two and yes, it is a party. Where there is a will, they'll find a way. :)

What kind of events are being planned? Are the mixers on campus, and can women come and go as they please? After drinking in fraternities went the way of the passenger pigeon, we did a lot more off-campus stuff, like going to minor league sporting events and that sort of thing.

Now, these were fun events, but they also required that a) women commit in advance so tickets can be purchased and b) women get on the bus at 5 and don't get home until 1 or 2. They also require $$$ from the fraternities, so they will be extra-angry if nobody shows. Personally, I thought these events were more fun than hanging in a campus bar, BUT, more than one a semester is unrealistic.

If you are just talking about women going to general fraternity parties, that's a bit tougher. You obviously can't make anything mandatory, but you can explain to girls how it affects PR in general, like "we should really show up to XYZ's big event if we want them to come out for our philanthropy tournament this year" sorta thing.

talk to your TLC- even if she is not present at your campus right now, send her an email/text and ask her for advice. do you know ZTAs in other chapters? ask them what they do.

if you were a colony, you all had a huge time commitment. things might change next semester, since you are probably now a chapter, and the time commitment will not be as big.

does your chapter have a points system? after x amount of points are earned, the member can choose which non-mandatory events she attends. it allows leeway within the system for the member to plan ahead as to which events she will attend, and also allows for working around her study schedule.

how much lead time does the chapter receive for these events? are they on the semester calendar-or are these events taking place the week they are announced in chapter?

give us more info. we may be able to offer more concrete advice.

FSUZeta - can social events be mandatory if they don't have alcohol? Or is not even that not allowed?

If your girls don't want to go to the "party" maybe it's because the guys need step up and do their part in being good co-hosts. You as your chapter's social chair can clearly communicate your expectations to your co-hosts when you plan your event, so think out what your expectations are and work together to plan an event that will be fun for everyone...which includes everyone who isn't drinking or may have a boyfriend o girlfriend not present.

Really, how much fun is it to show up to a party with 100 plus girls who dressed up and came to socialize, to arrive to a bare room, music blasting...but there is no food, nothing to drink, 30-40 guys who look like they just rolled in from washing their cars, and just stand there watching them talking to each other?

A great social event, to me, includes several elements, none of which involve hazing or overindulging in the refreshments. A great social event is held at a welcoming venue with some ambiance. There is probably a theme, which does not have to be overt but gives some cohesiveness to the decorations, food and entertainment and gives everyone an idea of how to dress and what they will be doing at the event.

A great social event involves the guests in doing something that gives them an opportunity to talk to each other. There's a reason people use games or "ice breakers" at parties- they work!

You do realize these are parties for 18-21 year old people who often don't have a lot of money, right? And that the OP never identified herself as social chair? (Heck, for all we know, everything is fine and she's just one lone person bitching because they don't mix every night with her favorite group.)

I doubt very much that the guys just "roll in" and the girls are dressed to the nines...if that's the guy MO at that campus, as it is at some campi, then the girls are the idiots. Put on jeans and a top and have fun. I've also heard a lot more guys complain about girls talking to only each other or keeping their heads stuck in their Blackberries than the other way around.

Lane swerve here, but I have one question: are those social events / parties things that your sisters want to do?

You are right, 33 she did not identify herself as the social chair.

However, I think a lot of us have been to the kind of "mixer" I described..and we know why maybe only a third to maybe half of the girls in a sorority chapter will show up for a social with a fraternity. I know it comes as a shocker but not everyone joins a sorority just so they can throw down beers with the bros. Frat parties have their appeal but after you have stood around bored at a party where the girls outnumber the guys 3 to 1 more than once or twice, you're probably over it and will find other ways to spend your social time. We didn't have cell phones but I can remember more than a few parties my chapter went to trying to create better "relations" with a fraternity where I would have loved to have had angry birds to entertain me!

There was a time when having a mixer or exchange meant the guys provided the location and the alcohol, and the girls just showed up. Not so anymore. Risk management policies now require chapters to put a lot more advance effort into planning any event your organization sticks its name on, and since the girls now pick up a lot more of the tab, it's fair for them to set some expectations so that their money gets used to put on an event everyone can enjoy- including everyone who isn't drinking alcohol, which is too often the only thing that anyone puts effort into when it comes to planning a social event! It doesn't take a lot of money to put on a good social event, no matter what the age of the guests. It does take some creativity and good party 'host' skills.

If the OP is part of a colony, as I gathered from the post, it could be that the chapter members are older. The majority of them could be 21 and at bars/clubs. I know that in my chapter, once members turned 21 they attended fewer Greek social events. Not sure if this could be part of the issue. And like the post above, quite possibly the social events aren't of that much interest to the members.

Lane swerving with a couple questions that have no relation to the OP's situation. Is it common to have alcohol at mixers? Also, what's the purpose of mixers between fraternities and sororities? I'm asking legitimately as I've never attended one.

There are a few things that concern me about this OP, beyond the incorrect use of apart. A new chapter should be filled to popping with girls who are super excited about everything the sorority has to offer. Burn out and lack of enthusiasm shouldn't arrive for years, especially if nationals is still actively involved in their day to day processes. First I'd say if you're having a mixer every weekend, you're probably over-scheduled. You don't have to say yes to every fraternity that asks. Second, I'd tell the girls to suck it up. When you pledged your sorority, you also joined a Greek System, and that means obligation to the whole campus. Again, suck it up. And if this colony or new chapter pledged a group of gals who have no interest in the social aspect of Greek life (which I find very perplexing) I think they may need to do some quick-fire adjustments to their MS.

33, i am not up on social event protocol, i am the recruitment adviser, and i don't swerve into the domain of the day to day chapter function, unless needed :-) !

my best guess would be "it depends"-it depends on how the awards/punishment system is set up in the chapter-if it is in their bylaws that every member has to attend any socials/mixers/exchanges/whatever they call it for at least 30 minutes or an hour, then they have to. if they have a point system, then usually after they have met their points they are not obligated to attend anything else for the rest of the semester except mandatory things, and even if they have not met their points, they can pick and choose which events they attend, as long as they meet the point requirement by the deadline.

we need a lot more information before we can really help this young woman. maybe she will come back and let us know how many events(sisterhood, fundraisers, socials, dinners, etc.) the chapter has scheduled per week. she needs to tell us the type of social events she is referring to. she needs to let us know if they use a points system or fines, or nothing.

I think the larger problem is that it will be obvious to the fraternity men that the women don't want to be there.

so a lot of people are saying I wasnt clear so heres some more info, our sophmore class all goes out, but we only have 15 in that class...but we have a huge junior class that refuses to go or do anything. We wont have pledges for another few months. And we have trouble getting these girls to go to anything!! including regular parties with frats that arent dry and it doesnt even matter which frat it is!! Some frats are refusing to party with us and the situation is just getting worse and worse ever day

are these events where your chapter and a fraternity have a party? or are you meeting up with fraternity members at a bar? is it a designated chapter activity(on your calendar) or is it just sort of understood that you all will be at jack's bar on thursday night and the abc fraternity will be there too? how often are these get togethers? are the events mandatory?

have you talked to your officers or with the juniors to see what the deal is? do these juniors go to sisterhood events, fundraisers and philanthropy events? is it literally every junior that does not do the social thing?

does your chapter issue fines for non-participation in mandatory events or do you have a points system?

Okay I have read this thread like five times. And, ZTAmazing, please tell me if I'm wrong, but what I gather is that these girls are not going out to bars or frat parties... is this correct? if this is right, STOP ASKING ABOUT MIXERS. No one really cares about mixers. The frats don't care anyway. They do care about their regular parties though. If these girls aren't going out, then the fraternities are going to know them as the boring antisocial girls. And they will not want to have mixers with them.
I suggest maybe inviting some of the juniors to dinner before a party. Maybe arrange a pregame somewhere and bug them about going. If they feel wanted they may be more likely to show up. Then have everyone go to the party together, including them. This might not work, but it's a possibility.

If this is how things are at your school, fine.. but don't assume that's how it is everywhere. Trust me, many fraternities DO care when you don't show up to their mixers.

Well, yes, if they show up they want the girls to show up. But in general, guys don't care if they never have mixers. They'd prefer to just have huge parties with as many girls as they can get.
And seriously, read her posts again. It never says mixers or date parties. it says PARTIES. When people say parties, they generally mean just that.

So, you know what ALL guys want, at all types of schools, all over the country? Campus cultures vary.

Well, no. I do, however, have an idea of what the average college guy wants, though. If you all want to live in a fantasy world where you believe guys between the ages of 18 and 22 care as much as you do about mixers and date parties then you go right ahead. And maybe some do. But I can tell you that around here, and at every school my friends go to, they put a hell of a lot more effort into their normal Friday and Saturday night "frat parties" than they do to either of the others. Maybe the sample I'm going from is completely wrong though. I mean, ztamazing, don't listen to the girl who is actually in college, it's probably better to listen to the women who have been out of college for at least a few years.
Sorry if I offended you, ladies. I just call them like I see them.

In my dino-experience, girls always paid for half of everything (even if it was under the table). This is yet another reason why the NPC groups' rules on alcohol blow and foster a culture of inequality between males and females. At any rate, mixers were always a mutually planned deal - theme, location, etc. This isn't "new."

Translation: My sorority can't get guys to mix with us or come to our date parties and/or I don't get any play at them, so I'm going to act like they're irrelevant. Just calling it like I see it.

As far as the original post, I agree w/ DubaiSis. These girls joined a Greek SYSTEM. Suck it up and do what is expected. If you can't do that, either have some really amazing input to change it or drop out.

The guys generally show up. Just no one is nearly as excited about it as normal frat parties.
But like I said, I'm pretty sure this girl is speaking of normal parties.

Just adding something off topic here.

Do you all realize how hateful and mean spirited you sound? I am completely aware that I do not say everything in the nicest tone, but in general I do not start out completely attacking you. When I, or anyone for that matter, say anything that you do not agree with , the immediate response never seems to be to try debating it civilly. It turns to "oh so i guess you know everything don't you" or something along the lines of 33's comment.
There are girls who are reading this site who are not yet in sororities. They may be reading this at some point thinking "wow, so if i say something they don't like in a sorority, they're going to completely attack me." And what makes it worse is that many of these comments are coming from alums. Grown ass women who should know better and have the patience and decency to at least be civil about everything.
I am 20 years old. I'm a college student who is still trying to figure everything out. I am not the most patient person in the world, nor the most polite. But I have throughout my life improved in both areas. I see what people on this site post to me and to others and it is extremely disheartening. I begin to wonder if it was a good decision to get involved in the greek community. Maybe all the movies about sorority women are right? Maybe they are all dramatic and hateful and never grow out of it.
If I said something in a rude way and someone was to respond politely pointing out that I came across as rude, I would absolutely, without hesitation, respond in an equally polite way and apologize profusely for appearing rude.
None of you know me, and my general way of speaking and my bluntness can seem rude over a computer when it would seem more light hearted in person. I don't even notice it most of the time, so if it is pointed out nicely I will fix it.
Maybe someone will respond accordingly next time they are offended by someone's post.

:rolleyes:

Yes, don't listen to us.. Alumnae don't know anything.

:rolleyes:

Not putting in as much effort for mixers =/= not caring at all. And again, maybe at your school (and even the ones your friends attend) things are different. But I highly doubt you have at least 1 friend in every Greek system across the country, so please don't speak for everyone.

You said all guys don't care about mixers. A couple people told you that's not true everywhere. Then you said you know what "average college guys" want and said we live in a fantasy world, and continued to try and justify the fact that what applies at your school (and the ones your friends attend) applies everywhere.

And WE'RE the mean ones.. O..k...

Will you please quit this attitude? I get it-your campus does things a certain way, and you're incredibly closed-minded about the idea that things happen in other ways outside of the insular bubble you call "school." I'm sorry, but you're far from the only person around here who's a current/recent collegian. I'm pretty sure I can speak for what guys our age enjoy, too.

ZTAmazing, on MY campus, mixers are huge. The frats don't have that many "big" parties of their own, and since we have so many frats, they enjoy mixing with the sororities. The guys get really into it, actually, sometimes moreso than the girls.

[Heads up: my sorority has not had a date party since I joined, so I can't comment on those. If I understand correctly, you have to find a date and a costume? I can see why those would not be as enjoyable for guys. I'd love one because I'm a dress-up person, but I can't imagine guys getting quite as into those.]

How would I encourage girls to go to social events? I'm probably not a great person to ask, but I agree with the suggestion that you should ask girls what they want. Maybe you've been having them on a bad day or an inconvenient time (there is such a thing as a particularly inconvenient time-for example, if they're on weekdays at 6, maybe people are still in class). Maybe the location is not a place where girls feel comfortable (I know I'd freak if someone told me we were going to some locations-most of which are very near campus!). Of course, you can never please everyone, but maybe there are small tweaks you can make to make the event more attractive.

As for the junior class, find out what's keeping them from going. It may be something very changeable.

Finally, remember that you will never be able to please everybody, nor is their any way to guarantee 100% attendance at every event (you just can't. When you discuss attendance with girls, you'll hear some very legitimate reasons. For example, someone's job, IMO, takes precedence over social activities).

Depends on the campus, obviously. My campus had a tradition of "pledge dances", wherein the new pledge class would throw an event shortly after initiation for the whole chapter. Both fraternities and sororities did them, and the level of participation in costumes and such usually depended on the theme. If the pledge class did a good job of picking a theme everyone liked and really hyping it up, the guys would go all-out as much as the girls. One of the best I ever attended was "Psi Up-Saloon", but c'mon, who can't find jeans and a cowboy hat? By contrast, my own pledge class did Ma-Phi-a, and guys aren't all that keen on wearing a suit to go out to a bar.

southernbelle14 - I think you may get the response you get on here because of your tone. I'm not sure you get how you may come across. Bear in mind that campus traditions vary from school to school.

Of course, the "I'm 20 and you're old" stuff doesn't help, either, but to your credit, you didn't start out that way.

Okay. My point in posting on this thread was that you all may be giving completely irrelevant advice. Say she's talking about normal fraternity weekend parties.
You're all like "schedule it on a different day," "ask what they want," etc.
The sorority has no say in these events.
Also, If no one had been like "oh so you know what every guy wants right?" or whatever, I wouldn't have gotten nearly as pissy. That being said, I think I overreacted to the response to my first post on this thread, so whoever that was (I forgot to look), I am very sorry. I was out of line.

lol yeah I definitely realize that I can come across as way harsher than I mean to because I have a rather aggressive, but joking/sarcastic kind of personality and no one can read that through a post. And I am sorry for that. I also tend to type things and not read over them before submitting so I don't tend to realize my tone. I'll work on doing better with that.

This is what I'm thinking. How sad! What are these ladies doing instead?

It's good you're recognizing some things here, but it's kinda hard to take an apology seriously when the apologizer doesn't even know, or bother to find out, who she is apologizing to.