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-   -   Alum visiting colleges with daughter Qestion (https://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=122834)

pinkturtles 10-31-2011 10:34 AM
Alum visiting colleges with daughter Qestion
 
Hi, I'm taking my daughter to visit her top three colleges one last time before she makes her final decision on which school to attend. I'd like to visit the houses of the sorority I was in. It's been so long since I was a sorority girl and I'm worried it may be frowned upon these days. When I was in school we had alum drop by all the time. What is everyones thoughts? We are visiting University of Alabama, University of Florida and Ole Miss. Ole Miss doesn't have a chapter so it's not even an option. Thanks for your help.

KillarneyRose 10-31-2011 12:24 PM
Definitely drop in! I'd love to visit my old sorority suite every time I get back to Pitt but unfortunately (or fortunately, if you're looking at it from the inhabitants' viewpoint) the security at the dorms rivals Fort Knox and I don't usually know any sister in particular I can call to "buzz me in".

But since UA and UF have houses, I say stop in and say hey.

FSUZeta 10-31-2011 12:42 PM
definitely drop by. if you can get the email address of the chapter president and drop her a line ahead of time, that might let the chapter know that an alumna will be coming by on ____date.

KSUViolet06 10-31-2011 01:37 PM
My only concern with this is just making sure it's okay with the chapter ahead of time.

And please note that "ahead of time" is not like the DAY before you will be in town.

As soon as you know the dates you will be in town, contact the president of the chapter to see if that would be a good weekend.

Collegian's calendars are jam packed with stuff and you don't want to just "drop by" on say, Derby Day weekend.

I've heard it happen where an alumna just kind of shows up (or gives like one day notice) and "drops by" on a busy weekend (ex: Greek Week weekend or Songfest weekend) the complains later that the women were "rude" or "they didn't talk to me" or were "disrespectful."

Well, you just kind of showed up at their home during the middle of a busy day. They can't suspend life to give you/your kid a tour/serve sandwiches to you/etc.

So all of that to say, remember that you are not only visiting your sorority chapter house, but the collegian's HOME as well. So just be mindful of that and give proper advance notice, as you would if you were planning to visit any other person's home.


pinkturtles 10-31-2011 01:43 PM
Thank you so much! I will definately contact the chapter president before we visit. I'm so excited to show her my sorority. I know the odds are slim that she will join my sorority, but a mother can only hope.

AXOrushadvisor 10-31-2011 01:44 PM
I will start visiting chapters with my daughter this spring. Only 1 of the 3 she is interested in has my chapter (one will recolonize the year she would be a freshman). At the one campus, we will be heading down to homecoming and taking tours of several houses with alumni we know. I would just make sure you contact the Chapter Advisor prior to heading out and find out who she be your contact at the Chapter. I think it is a really good idea.

AZTheta 10-31-2011 01:59 PM
Another concern: not all chapters may have "open visitation policies" for non-public areas of the facility. As you are an alumna, that might not matter, but for your daughter, I wouldn't expect a full house tour if the chapter's visitation policy doesn't permit non-members in the non-public areas of the facility (regardless of sex!).

That said, we love to have alumnae visit!

pinkturtles 10-31-2011 02:02 PM
:)

AnchorAlumna 10-31-2011 04:00 PM
I took my daughter to visit one of our houses. I e-mailed the president and gave her the date and approximate time of the visit. She made sure someone met me and gave us a tour...even treated us to lunch at the house!

Just make sure you have a phone number. Most houses are locked 24/7 and someone has to let you in unless you have a code.

Enjoy! They're gone so soon...

KSUViolet06 10-31-2011 04:54 PM
Another thing (not saying this is what you think, but more as a general point):

Don't think that your visit = the members are going to "look out" for my kid during fall recruitment and give her high priority.

The schools you're listing are pretty legacy-heavy. Even moreso depending on the sorority you're a member of (certain chapters see more legacies in recruitment than others just by nature of the region.)

Chances are good that many other alumnae are planning the same types of visits with their kids as well.

Chapters will see many more legacies at times than they have room for, making it impossible for them to "look out for" every single PNM whose mom made a visit, came by for Homecoming, is a member of the alumnae chapter and comes by every Founder's Day with her daughter since she was born 18 years ago, you get the idea.


Enjoy the visit of course for what it is (meeting collegians and showing your kid around college, etc.) but I just wanted to throw that out there.

I would hate for an alumna to have it in her mind that such a visit automatically = a "leg up" for her daughter in recruitment.


bluepink 10-31-2011 08:23 PM
Ok so follow their advice on this board since these are the experts but if it's DZ at UF, my daughter is now a DZ,loves it, and I could also ask her what the policy is. And I'm only guessing it might possibly be DZ since your name is pink turtles - LOL! They just had family weekend recently. The house and girls were amazing!

Titchou 10-31-2011 09:33 PM
BTW, Alabama has a spring PH Preview Day. If she decides on Alabama, it's almost imperative that she attend that event. And all these schools are on the MUST HAVE rec list as well

pinkturtles 10-31-2011 10:37 PM
:)

pinkturtles 10-31-2011 10:42 PM
My last post was meant for KSUViolet. New to this. Everyone else, thank for the kind answers. I even had a very nice private message from someone. Advice is welcome but politeness is always a must when giving it.

33girl 10-31-2011 10:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkturtles (Post 2103621)
With all that said, I didn't realize my simple question would have such a harsh response. I thought your first response was a little curt, but wow you really slammed it with the second one. As a moderator, you should be a little careful with the tone of your responses. As a mother, I worry how your harsh responses could affect a young girl if you answer their questions in the same manner.
First off, being a moderator has nothing to do with "tone." Moderators are all different and we all communicate differently. That includes regional differences. Sorry if it isn't what you're used to in day to day life, but that's how the Internet works.

Her response was hardly harsh - she was simply speaking in a straightforward manner so you didn't get any wrong impressions. Here on GC, we have MANY MANY MANY mothers of prospective sorority members who think that legacy status is enough to secure a bid - never mind that they've been completely out of touch with their sorority since graduation day and have no idea how recruitment, pledging and most especially the role of legacies in sororities have changed. They don't bother to help their daughters do the homework that's necessary to get ANY bid at a competitive campus and then come on here yelling that XYZ has completely forgotten its alumnae and what sisterhood means and that they'll never donate again (even if they never donated once to begin with).

If this isn't you don't take offense. If it is you, well...yeah.

southernbelle14 10-31-2011 10:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkturtles (Post 2103621)
Thank you for your advice. I wasn't taking my daughter to get a "leg up" but rather for my enjoyment of seeing the DZ house as a proud alum and for my daughter to experience a sorority house for the first time with me. We unfortunately have never been able to visit my school and sorority house for alumnae events.

As I stated in an earlier post, I know it's a slim chance that she would join my sorority..... Even in my day, legacies were cut. Of course we had to have a VERY good reason to do so. I remember all us girls heartbroken when we had to cut a legacy because she just wasn't a good fit. I wouldn't want my daughter to be in a sorority that wasn't a good fit for her just because it was my sorority.

From what I've heard, being a legacy may not even get you an invite back for the second round. In some ways it's better. Who wants to get in a sorority just because their mother was. Some sororities might pass on a girl that's a great fit if she's a legacy to a different sorority. Visiting has nothing to do with having the members look out for my kid and to give her high priority. Some of us are very proud of our chapter and just want to visit for the sake of visiting.

With all that said, I didn't realize my simple question would have such a harsh response. I thought your first response was a little curt, but wow you really slammed it with the second one. As a moderator, you should be a little careful with the tone of your responses. As a mother, I worry how your harsh responses could affect a young girl if you answer their questions in the same manner.
While this is America, free speech is not part of greek chat. You are not to disagree with anything the moderators do. Or any regular member really.

Good luck to your daughter in making her decision!

33girl 10-31-2011 10:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by southernbelle14 (Post 2103630)
While this is America, free speech is not part of greek chat. You are not to disagree with anything the moderators do. Or any regular member really.

Good luck to your daughter in making her decision!
pinkturtles, just to let you know, southernbelle14 says that a size six girl is fat. So the phrase "consider the source" is particularly apt here.

pinkturtles 10-31-2011 11:08 PM
:)

southernbelle14 10-31-2011 11:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 2103632)
pinkturtles, just to let you know, southernbelle14 says that a size six girl is fat. So the phrase "consider the source" is particularly apt here.

actually... I said at my school it is considered fat. Everyone here took that as me saying I think it's fat. I was just stating my school's standards.
But no one here actually reads accurately. They just read what they want to hear.

KSUViolet06 10-31-2011 11:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkturtles (Post 2103621)
Thank you for your advice. I wasn't taking my daughter to get a "leg up" but rather for my enjoyment of seeing the DZ house as a proud alum and for my daughter to experience a sorority house for the first time with me. We unfortunately have never been able to visit my school and sorority house for alumnae events.

As I stated in an earlier post, I know it's a slim chance that she would join my sorority..... Even in my day, legacies were cut. Of course we had to have a VERY good reason to do so. I remember all us girls heartbroken when we had to cut a legacy because she just wasn't a good fit. I wouldn't want my daughter to be in a sorority that wasn't a good fit for her just because it was my sorority.

From what I've heard, being a legacy may not even get you an invite back for the second round. In some ways it's better. Who wants to get in a sorority just because their mother was. Some sororities might pass on a girl that's a great fit if she's a legacy to a different sorority. Visiting has nothing to do with having the members look out for my kid and to give her high priority. Some of us are very proud of our chapter and just want to visit for the sake of visiting.

With all that said, I didn't realize my simple question would have such a harsh response. I thought your first response was a little curt, but wow you really slammed it with the second one. As a moderator, you should be a little careful with the tone of your responses. As a mother, I worry how your harsh responses could affect a young girl if you answer their questions in the same manner.
What in the free world?

If you'd be so kind as to go back and read, I STARTED my response by saying "NOT that this is what YOU are thinking, but just a GENERAL comment" about visits."

It wasn't my intent to say that that's what you're doing. Which is why I started my post with that...

It was more of a general comment because yes, there are parents who will take a daughter on a visit thinking those things and I like for people to know (not YOU, but others) that that's not how it works.

BTW, I'm probably the least offensive human being on this site. If you think I'm offensive, you should stick around.

DrPhil 10-31-2011 11:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by KSUViolet06 (Post 2103642)
What in the free world?

LOL

33girl 10-31-2011 11:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by southernbelle14 (Post 2103641)
actually... I said at my school it is considered fat. Everyone here took that as me saying I think it's fat. I was just stating my school's standards.
But no one here actually reads accurately. They just read what they want to hear.
If you go to school there and you don't find this offensive, which you didn't seem to from your subsequent posts, it is to be surmised by any reasonable human being that these are YOUR standards as well.

pinkturtles 10-31-2011 11:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Titchou (Post 2103591)
BTW, Alabama has a spring PH Preview Day. If she decides on Alabama, it's almost imperative that she attend that event. And all these schools are on the MUST HAVE rec list as well
Thanks for the info. If she chooses Alabama, we will definately go. She will be pretty good on recs, there may be one or two sororities we will need to go looking for. Of course she will have excellent references from her DZ Aunts and Mom:) Should she get only one rec per sorority? Is it frowned upon to get more than one? Thanks.

southernbelle14 10-31-2011 11:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 2103645)
If you go to school there and you don't find this offensive, which you didn't seem to from your subsequent posts, it is to be surmised by any reasonable human being that these are YOUR standards as well.
Yeah I came in bigger than everyone else (about a size 6 when all my friends were a size 0-2). I now have an eating disorder. It obviously doesn't affect me at all ;)
These unfortunately are just the standards I have to live with.

WCsweet<3 10-31-2011 11:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkturtles (Post 2103651)
Thanks for the info. If she chooses Alabama, we will definately go. She will be pretty good on recs, there may be one or two sororities we will need to go looking for. Of course she will have excellent references from her DZ Aunts and Mom:) Should she get only one rec per sorority? Is it frowned upon to get more than one? Thanks.
While I am not an expert on the schools you are referring to, I believe have 2 or 3 is acceptable at Alabama and Ole Miss, however having 4 is a little excessive. I am not sure about UF. It is important to have rec letters to all of the chapters from women that know your daughter. A great thread to read about this is the general advice thread located at the top of the sorority recruitment section.

If I am wrong about the amount, please someone correct me. It was what I have gathered about the schools over GC. Schools in the South are not my exact lane.

33girl 10-31-2011 11:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by southernbelle14 (Post 2103653)
Yeah I came in bigger than everyone else (about a size 6 when all my friends were a size 0-2). I now have an eating disorder. It obviously doesn't affect me at all ;)
These unfortunately are just the standards I have to live with.
You're awfully cavalier about eating disorders. That's disgusting.

southernbelle14 10-31-2011 11:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 2103661)
You're awfully cavalier about eating disorders. That's disgusting.
You're an awfully judgmental bitch for knowing nothing about me. You disgust me. You have no idea what I'm dealing with or how I feel about it. So keep your reprimands to your self.

33girl 11-01-2011 12:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by southernbelle14 (Post 2103664)
You're an awfully judgmental bitch for knowing nothing about me. You disgust me. You have no idea what I'm dealing with or how I feel about it. So keep your reprimands to yourself.
Then don't put winky/smiley faces on your posts about eating disorders. If you don't understand what something means, don't use it. (Translation since you don't, apparently) Winky/smiley face means "ha ha, just kidding, hope you liked the joke." Your post said to me (and most likely to most people) that you were kidding about having an eating disorder and found the whole concept of EDs a great giggle. If that isn't what you meant, you really need to edit your post or delete it.

southernbelle14 11-01-2011 12:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 2103672)
Then don't put winky/smiley faces on your posts about eating disorders. If you don't understand what something means, don't use it. (Translation since you don't, apparently) Winky/smiley face means "ha ha, just kidding, hope you liked the joke." Your post said to me (and most likely to most people) that you were kidding about having an eating disorder and found the whole concept of EDs a great giggle. If that isn't what you meant, you really need to edit your post or delete it.
It was used in a sarcastic way.

DrPhil 11-01-2011 12:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by southernbelle14 (Post 2103675)
It was used in a sarcastic way.
I know you were attempting sarcasm but it failed miserably, not only because of the subject matter but because of your short tumultuous (LOL) presence on GC.

33girl 11-01-2011 12:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by southernbelle14 (Post 2103675)
It was used in a sarcastic way.
Well, it didn't translate. Being sarcastic on here (or in real life) when no one really knows you or your manner doesn't usually go over too well. Just FYI.

southernbelle14 11-01-2011 12:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 2103677)
Well, it didn't translate. Being sarcastic on here (or in real life) when no one really knows you or your manner doesn't usually go over too well. Just FYI.
I've witnessed many of you being sarcastic on here. And I figured that by saying a way in which I was drastically affected by the standards on my campus then following with "It obviously doesn't affect me at all" was a pretty obvious indicator of sarcasm.
DrPhil, you use LOL in a very interesting way....

DrPhil 11-01-2011 12:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by southernbelle14 (Post 2103680)
I've witnessed many of you being sarcastic on here.
LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by southernbelle14 (Post 2103680)
And I figured that by saying a way in which I was drastically affected by the standards on my campus then following with "It obviously doesn't affect me at all" was a pretty obvious indicator of sarcasm.
So, you did have an eating disorder? That is interesting considering how you responded to our posts in that other thread. You responded to us as though we were being judgmental grownups who cannot possibly understand the plight of college students.

Titchou 11-01-2011 07:02 AM
PinkTurtles: 2 or 3 for all 3 campuses is good. And as for DZ, I'd try to get one from a non relative as well. Nothing against you and the aunts but all coming from family might not be a good thing. After all, why wouldn't all of you think she's great? The chapters prefer to hear from someone "independent."

DeltaBetaBaby 11-01-2011 10:06 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 2103681)
LOL



So, you did have an eating disorder? That is interesting considering how you responded to our posts in that other thread. You responded to us as though we were being judgmental grownups who cannot possibly understand the plight of college students.
I was about to post that we should stop feeding the troll, but now I see that DrPhil and 33girl are just trying to help her maintain a healthy weight.

AZTheta 11-01-2011 10:24 AM
DrPhil! you used "tumultuous" which is one of my top ten all time most favorite words EVER.

See? the little bird on a string is dropping down from the ceiling, and Groucho Marx is giving you a prize! Yay Team DrPhil!

ETA only other word I love more is "tempestuous".

SWTXBelle 11-01-2011 10:44 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by AzTheta (Post 2103730)
DrPhil! you used "tumultuous" which is one of my top ten all time most favorite words EVER.

See? the little bird on a string is dropping down from the ceiling, and Groucho Marx is giving you a prize! Yay Team DrPhil!

ETA only other word I love more is "tempestuous".
"Tempestuous" always make me think of Robert Herrick:

Delight in Disorder
A SWEET disorder in the dress
Kindles in clothes a wantonness:
A lawn about the shoulders thrown
Into a fine distraction:
An erring lace, which here and there 5
Enthrals the crimson stomacher:
A cuff neglectful, and thereby
Ribbands to flow confusedly:
A winning wave, deserving note,
In the tempestuous petticoat: 10
A careless shoe-string, in whose tie
I see a wild civility:
Do more bewitch me than when art
Is too precise in every part.

HQWest 11-01-2011 11:00 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SWTXBelle (Post 2103735)
"Tempestuous" always make me think of Robert Herrick:

Delight in Disorder
A SWEET disorder in the dress
Kindles in clothes a wantonness:
A lawn about the shoulders thrown
Into a fine distraction:
An erring lace, which here and there 5
Enthrals the crimson stomacher:
A cuff neglectful, and thereby
Ribbands to flow confusedly:
A winning wave, deserving note,
In the tempestuous petticoat: 10
A careless shoe-string, in whose tie
I see a wild civility:
Do more bewitch me than when art
Is too precise in every part.
Trust SWTXBelle to bring us back to something more civil. :D

AZTheta 11-01-2011 11:00 AM
SWTXBelle! You now have me picturing Sophia Loren. Or Gina Lollobrigida, or Raquel Welch. Someone like that. And I'd completely forgotten that Robert Herrick poem.

Well, not that it matters, but I think "another thread derailed" has been added to my "naughty" column. Sigh. Back to the bleachers, again.

SWTXBelle 11-01-2011 11:24 AM
This was my English professor Dr. Peterson's favorite poem,which he would recite at the drop of a hat.

AzTheta - I personally love a good thread derailing.


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