under total, negative stereotypes, not sure what to do?
 

Ok everyone, my house has kind of a dilemma.

On our campus, we're known as the "fat sorority." I never even knew this until a significant time after I was initiated, not that it would have mattered - I couldn't imagine myself anywhere else! The problem we have is that weve noticed in the past few years that its getting more difficult to get girls to accept their bids andctually going through initiation and enjoying their time in our house becausethey don't want to be a member of the "fat sorority." Because of this (and a few past internal problems that have since been resolved), we are now left under campus total - and we're having trouble getting girls in the door for COR events.

I guess what I'm asking is, how can we get rid of the "stereotypes" and awesome women in our door? I really love my house and its done so much for me, I really want us to have the best women for our house but being under campus total is such a huge issue at the moment that we're kind of at a loss as to where to go from here.

Sorry if this is worded oddly, I'm not that great with words. Any advice would be appreciated!

Eta: very few girls on our campus even want to go through recruitment, so that's another issue.

The only thing you can do is be well enough known that everyone else can move on from it. Participate in everything, (sadly, especially the prettiest girls need to be the most visible), make sure all members look good all the time. The "pretty house" can show up at class with mattress head, but you can't. Continue to be selective in your membership - don't get desperate!

And take heart! It sounds like you are at a small Greek campus. That means your efforts can pay off more quickly than in a system where each chapter has 150+ members. Talk about this among your sisters and gain consensus on what they all think should be done.

DubaiSis had some excellent points. Being visible and friendly is the best way to combat this. Encourage girls to wear their letters and represent everywhere. Everyone should have letters on their car, on their backpack, on their sweatshirt, etc. Have somebody show up to participate in every philanthropy event - they don't have to win, just show up, be supportive, and smile!

You might make a game of it? One chapter I advised had a "secret sister" for the week. On one day chosen at random, if she bumped into you and you were wearing your letters (and representing), you got a sticker or a lollipop or house points or something.

Another way to combat this is with attitude. Save gossip or complaints for the chapter or behind closed doors. If a PNM sees you complaining all the time, why would she ever want to join? Cultivate the girls that just aren't sure about sorority life, invite them to a movie night or to be on the softball team. (i.e. - you can have a ringer for softball and be slowing recruiting at the same time....)

This is probably not going to be a popular response, but have you all thought about starting a health and wellness program? If many of your members are truly overweight, do something about it. Do some aerobic classes together and make them fun! Even more important than your stereotype would be the general wellness of the group. Do intramurals, and other activities. Encourage healthy eating. Make it FUN (not the stupid image of fat circling) and do it for the right reasons-- to be healthy!

I don't think this is a bad response at all. We all know (looking in the mirror especially) that there is a pervasive weight problem around the world. I know back in my day, we were served a lot of beige food in the house. Non-beige food is definitely more expensive but much healthier! Try to instill good life habits now - regular exercise and healthy diet.

HOWEVER, this doesn't mean you go on a rampage and start blaming your sisters for not being pretty enough. Be supportive, try to add some positive behaviors into your activities, and make the most of positive change for the ENTIRE chapter.

My chapter went through the exact same thing, so trust me, you can get through it. To second what has already been said, you and your sisters need to make sure you are putting forth the best presentation possible on campus. This doesn't mean you should downplay any members who don't fit a certain image. This means everyone in your chapter should make sure she is looking her personal best and wearing letters everyday. I mean hair and make-up done, and flattering outfits for whatever her body type. I'm guessing that since you didn't even know that your group had the stereotype of being "fat," it probably isn't even anywhere near accurate. Getting your members out there will show everyone what your image truly is. The most important thing is to show confidence always. If you are worried about people's perceptions of your letters and your sorority then do not let it show! People are attracted to confidence and they need to see that you have a real sisterhood with values that do not depend on how skinny you are. You and your sisters need to put in a lot of hard work by participating in campus events and being seen having fun (in a classy way of course). I know what you are going through, and I hate that so much emphasis is placed on appearance in our society. I know and understand that to keep a chapter going, you do have to focus on image to some extent, but remember that your experience is defined by the quality of the people you are with. 20 years from now, is it going to be important to tell people that you had really hot sisters in college, or is it going to be important to introduce them to the best friends from your chapter who are still a huge part of your life? Showing everyone on campus that you take pride in your organization is the key. Whether your members fit the "ideal" image or not, most pnms want to know that they will have a meaningful experience. So focus on proving that a meaningful experience will be gained through your membership. Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions or want to chat!

I doubt many of the members are truly overweight. Having 5 fat women in a chapter of 100 is enough to get the reputation.

That kind of reputation doesn't really have anything to do with girls who are overweight and more to do with a campus with a sick Greek system. Think "Mean Girls." Someone out there started this. Why? To reinforce their own position, to make themselves feel superior? That was the best they could come up with.

Don't play their game. The smallest chapter can fall victim to this and girls start blaming each other. Who died and made them the cool girls? Be the nicest or the smartest or the sweetest girls out there, and no one will believe them when they talk smack. :cool:

Thank you all so much for your answers!

HQWest and DubaiSis, all of your advice is awesome! We do try and be as visible as possible, but often it seems like the same girls doing everything all the time, which can get frustrating! The women we do have are incredibly passionate about our chapter, though, which is so awesome. I think as a whole we need to work more on being visible, rather than the same few girls doing everything, so thank you for reminding me of this!

summer_gphib - I don't think it's a bad suggestion at all! As another poster suggested, we are actually the smallest chapter on campus, so I feel like a lot of people like to 'pick' on us. We have maybe 2 or 3 girls that would qualify as 'overweight', the rest around the "average" or "normal" range - I do like the idea of implementing some kind of sisterhood exercise program though! Every girl could probably stand to be a little more in shape, and I am certainly no exception!

PizzaLove - thank you so much! It's really nice to hear other chapters have been through the same thing - even though you know it, it's still nice to be told it, you know? I'm sure we'll get through it, it's just really frustrating because it seems like we're doing everything we're "supposed" to be doing, and it's not making any difference!

I think a lot of our problem is that we're just trying to do the same things year after year, when we need to switch it up a bit! I'll definitely be doing some searching on here for COB event ideas, as well as keep checking back to see if there are any new ideas! Thank you all so much! :)

It saddens me sometimes to see women whose sense of self-worth is set by what others think, but I recognize it happens.

In addition to suggestions you've been given, I'd encourage you to reach out to those for whom the "ideal" isn't 150 picture-perfect women. Many women may be avoiding rush, or greek life in general, because they see the group rather than the individuals. If your sisters relish their individuality, don't try to hide it.


And please don't push your sisters to an exercise routine. Making it available is wonderful; making it required takes all the motivation out of it.

Why do you feel the need to be at total? Is it pressure from a headquarters? Filling a house? Other financial concerns? It may or may not make a difference, but you have to understand the motivators among yourselves before you can change things.

All of the bolded.

Noticing the issue of getting members, I realize that some women who go through recruitment tend to be a certain type. Most have an idea of a sorority and if the real thing doesn't match, they won't stay.

My chapter was one of the smaller chapters on campus, but the members who recruited me turned those "bad" characteristics into advantages.
You are smaller? Better sisterhood, easier to get to know the sisters, closer bonds, whatever.

If PNMs bring up bad reputations turn it into something good! There is a plus to every negative.

We didn't have a bad reputation per say, but just didn't have much of one. So my chapter had mandatory letters day. Letters meaning the stitched bold letters on T-shirts or sweatshirts. We also required girls to look polished (hair touched by some tool or product used no matter how straight/curly/whatever your hair was) and some make up. Not every woman wears make up, but you couldn't look like you had just rolled out of bed. The sisters who didn't wear make up usually put on some mascara and a little concealer, maybe lip gloss. This got our letters out there and had us look amazing. We were really noticed, especially when there were multiples of us in class or walking together.

Also, in the words of Wayne: YOU'RE WORTHY! Go out to different fraternities besides the old reliables. Of-age sisters, be visible at the popular nightclubs or bars. Participate in campus activities - including those that are bordering on beauty contests. Fat used as a stereotype often doesn't truly mean "fat" but rather "dumpy, shy and boring." Get out of your comfort zones and take risks. It makes ALL the difference in the world.

You mentioned the same girls doing everything all the time. If you have dead weight in your chapter, CUT IT. If girls aren't showing up for sisterhood events, meetings, or mixers, bring them in front of standards board and tell them they either need to show up or get out. If it's not that, but just girls who are shy and need a push - push them. Again, get out of that comfort zone.

If the school is having a problem getting girls to rush in general, probably what is happening is that most of the girls rushing ARE the stereotypical type. You need to reach out to other girls through COB and through meeting them in other activities. Once you have the members, ask your HQ for help in conducting formal rush (as in sending another chapter to help you practice). Too many groups get their numbers up through COB, then don't know how to formal rush, suck at formal rush, confidence plummets, and have to scramble and COB again. You need to be skilled at BOTH types of rush to succeed.

do you all require your members to join at least one other org. on campus? that's a great way to show others how great you all are, and an easy way to meet pnms.

Fight the stereotype. As KSUViolet said, even if a few people in your chapter are size 10 or 12, "tent talk" will be "ZOMG they're the fat sorority." (Believe me, I'd kill to be a size 10 again. :( ) So, represent, and look good. Have a letter day once a week, and encourage your sisters to wear letters on one or two other days during the week as well. When wearing letters (and even when not), encourage your sisters to look like they didn't just roll out of bed - you don't need to go all out and do full makeup, hair products, and jewelry (ok, except on pref night ;) ) but at least run a comb through your hair and put on some lip gloss. And have a day, from time to time, when you wear your badges/pins and dress up. You will catch people's eyes when you walk into lecture wearing a blouse, slacks or a skirt, and tasteful makeup, jewelry, and hairdo, and everyone else is slouching in wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

As for recruitment, informal is a different animal from formal. With formal, you have short parties, lists, bid matching, a lot of rules, and a lot of stress. With informal, you can (and should) take the time to get to know a PNM in a low-key manner. Have a few sisters befriend her before you even get into selling your sorority.

All the best to you and your chapter.

I'd focus on having fun as a chapter. Send out a survey to find out what kind of activities your sisters want to have and plan them. That will increase participation. If you are having fun as a chapter, and your sisters get to know each other better, PNMs will naturally be attracted to you.

This is a good point. You could encourage women to sleep around a bit, so that you'd be known as the slutty chapter instead.

(kidding, of course)

I'm in a similar boat as OP. I know formal recruitment is eons away, but our sorority is known as the house that would take anyone it could get, and it isn't that way anymore, but we still have that rep.

My question is, how do you encourage girls to get cute(r) for class and what-not without seeming shallow and bitchy?

Maybe this isn't the case where yall went tot school (and obviously when you're older, you gain weight, so this is not relevant to alums), but here, unless you're 5'10" or taller, a size 6 or 8 is considered fat. In this case, "xyz" would be accurately labeled.

No, not "accurately." The fact that people at your school would consider those women fat doesn't actually make them fat, much less appropriately "labeled" fat.

It may well be accurate, however, to say that these labelers at your school need a reality check.

Start with letter and badge days. Members are required to look appropriate while dressed in this attire. If you have weekly letter and badge days, that cuts down on the number of days that sisters can go to class looking shabby. Beyond that, it takes making your members understand that recruitment is 365. You never stop. Sure there are days that you wake up late and run to class in whatever you can grab, but making the effort pays off.

It's attitudes like this that perpetuate the unhealthy expectations. I pray that my teenaged nieces keep their heads on their shoulders and don't try to starve themselves into size 0 because, OMG, they are size 4 or 6 and teetering on obesity!!1!11!Eleventy!!1!

Some bodies are just made differently, and sizes are NOT uniform across designers.

I have a visual of your campus and, in addition to being a bunch of "high schoolers who happen to attend college," your campus probably lacks true diversity. It reminds me of my college days when the majority of the campus population used to form these informal rules and labels that tended to exclude those who "look/live a certain way."

The rest of us responded to that by not giving a damn and forming our own social groups which included NPHC GLOs. That is one way in which GLOs (through a supportive Student Activities and/or Greek Life Office) can find their own population to cater to regardless of what the idiots across campus are saying are doing.

I am 5'10, a five time marathoner, and I cannot imagine my body ever EVER fitting into a size 6. I'm a size 10 on a good day, a size 8 if the pants are mislabeled...but I can't imagine being a size 6.

Whoa so since I said 6-8 would be considered fat, there's nothing left but 0? No, 2 and 4 would be about normal. And that's rarely maintained in an unhealthy way. And in college, "fat" does not mean obese. It means overweight or chubby, just in general that there is more fat on the person's body than is desirable.
People who constantly complain about those of us who have realistic standards of what should be thin are the ones who perpetuate obesity in this country. You can't tell a chubby kid that they are "normal" just so their feelings aren't hurt. That's not helping them in the long run.
Also, if you're 5'6" and a toned/fit size six you probably wouldn't be considered fat. However, if you're a flabby size 6-8 then it's best to start making healthier habits. But yes, it does depend on body type. However, most people are not so curvy that a 6-8 would be their ideal size at age 19-20.

Yes, college in general happens to be a bunch of high schoolers who attend college. Graduating and moving into a dorm does not make you suddenly way more mature.
It seems that most of you on this site are older. You are probably lying to yourself about how you were in college. I guarantee you were at least somewhat judgmental and immature. It's part of life. We all go through it and most grow out of it. However, you all sit behind a computer screen and often pass judgement on the people on this site, whether you actually know the whole story or not. So I'd say that's not much better.

We are older but don't waste time trying to assume things about us. This is not about us saying we were mature saints in college. You are getting ruffled and trying to defend the stupidity at your college.

This discussion is not just about being judgmental and immature. It is about this specific type of immaturity that would not have flown at my college. If you read my post, you would grasp that.

LOL. Are your feelings hurt? Keep the information to yourself next time.

You are clueless just as I thought you were. Your campus lacks true diversity (including culture, race and ethnicity) just as I thought it did. Get out of your bubble.

I agree. 180 pounds is a normal weight range for some one who is 5'10". That person does not fit into a size 2 or 4 and is NOT fat. So says the person with the MD behind her name backed up by her endocrinologist husband.

Most do grow out of it. Seems from your posts, though, that you're content be one of the ones who doesn't grow out of it.

Show off! :)

1. "just in general that there is more fat on the person's body than is desirable" Desirable to whom? I'm guessing that most women who are a size 6/8 do not "more fat" than is healthy. I know people who, even at a healthy body fat percentage (women aged 20-40, is 21%-33%) aren't sized 6/8. (Note that Body Fat Percentage is not the same as BMI.)

See PheonixAzul, for example.

2. I was waiting for the "you must be fat or you wouldn't complain about me calling people fat" card. Sorry, honey, I'm not perpetuating the obesity culture in this country. I've never been close to obese. But even if I was "chubby" or "overweight," what gives you or anyone else the right to judge? I'd rather have a sweet, "overweight" sister than a bitchy, skinny one.

Judging people solely or firstly on weight is just wrong, in my opinion. Sure, health is important, and so is looking your best, but you are seriously missing out in life if appearances are the key to your friendships and sisterhood. I have a sorority sister who has a medical condition that makes her allergic to food proteins. As in, everything she eats. She is on high dosages of steroids. She is also probably a size 14. I cannot imagine not having her in my life. If people had judged her solely on her appearance, she might not have become a member, and 20-something years later, still one of the nicest people I know.

I don't think you'll get it until you get a bit older and break out of your bubble. Life is pretty simplistic for some 18 years olds. Thankfully, not everyone belongs to that mindset. Good luck.

She does not need to wait until she gets older/after college to get over it. She just needs to meet more people or pay more attention to the "often ignored" people on her campus.

I'm a fan for eating healthy and exercising. I think people should do so. But, I also thought the "size 2-4 for 18-20 yo is normal" myth was debunked years ago when medical experts and laypersons began to learn about different body types and different cultural norms.

I now see why southernbell14 is so ruffled over this. She was not speaking generally about her campus climate. She was talking about something in which she is an active participant.

Have you ever shopped at Old Navy? You might be a 4 at Old Navy!

I'm about 5'11", and my size seems to have gone down over the years at most clothing stores, while my radius has stayed mostly the same.

Anyway, back to the questions at hand. As 33 pointed out, "fat" often means "not well-regarded socially". So, as important as it is to get out on campus looking good, it's also important to make friends in fraternities and be seen at whatever places are popular on your campus (bars, parties whatever).

There's Dr. Phil being a meany again!:D;)

You know what's hilarious? Many of you are middle-aged women. I can say anything-ANYTHING, true or not- and you will get "ruffled" over it. You are in your 30s or 40s. My god, please go get a life! You all post on here throughout the entire day! I am a 20 year old college student, and even I hope I do not end up posting constantly on an website when I am your age.
Half of the things I said have been fake just to make you all freak out. The other half may have been true, but I said it in an abrasive way, once again, to see if you'd freak out. Big surprise, you did.
Please, ladies, calm down and do something productive. Just because someone says something you don't agree with doesn't mean you can be rude to them. Try getting your point across in a respectful way.
I have been reading this site for a while. Some of it is good, but there's a lot where you all attack people for one thing they say. This is why I made an account.

Have a great day, and go outside, do something fun.

LOL

Be as productive as she is as she posts on GC along with the rest of you.

As I post on GC along with the rest of you... but am 20 years younger than many of you..... I mean if as a middle age woman you want to act like a 20 year old then okay...

I'm not middle aged or a woman. Am I allowed to post here all day?