Joint account or separate account
 

I was hanging out with a group of friends over the weekend -the group I was telling y'all about. We had a deep discussion about this. I'd rather have two separate bank accounts. Is that selfish or do some of y'all feel me on this?

Whatever you are comfortable with. There is no right answer. Joint works for some marriages, separate works for others. That's one of those dealbreakers that needs to be discussed before saying I do.

Both.

Joint accounts for joint expenses. Separate accounts for separate expenses.

That's what I have. After my husband and I were married, I frankly wanted to have one account, as that's what I grew up with and that's what my parents did. But, after thinking about it, of course they did, because my mom was (is) a homemaker. But my husband and I both work. I like being able to go to Saks and buy what I want without him hassling me. :)

:) Indeed and couples need to agree on this before getting married.

The largest percentage of incomes go into the joint account and the rest go into the separate accounts.

My significant other and I don't need to ask each other whether we can buy/afford to buy some new shoes. And, aside from discussing our calendar of events, we don't need to ask whether we can afford to go on golf trips or vacations with friends. Individual expenses are individual expenses. But, tread lightly and keep paperwork (I'm a stickler for outlining monthly expenses) because individual expenses do not trickle down to the joint account. Don't go into debt and get all crazy to the point where your investments and monthly deposits can't cover your individual expenses.

Single account. My husband does the money. I make most of the money. I spend money how I see fit, and he let's me know if we're getting low for the month and won't make our savings goals. It works for us. We've had a single account since we were dating (what were we thinking?:rolleyes:) and used to fight all the time about money when we both paid bills and managed the account. I get an update now so I know where the money has gone, but not micromanaging our money has saved us tons of strife.

:p

I commend couples for doing what works for them (meaning, both of them). I must also tip my Feminist Hat to you for being the primary breadwinner. :)

My system is similar to AOII Angel's except I handle the money and he earns the majority of it. I was counseled by my mother that when you make a lifetime commitment, you have to commit all the way, including your finances. Of course, having a separate savings account for yourself is never a bad idea. But I just find it weird when I hear friends discussing who's paying for dinner or whose turn it is to pay for this or that bill. On the other hand, peoples' marriages are all VERY different and whatever works for you is what you should do. If I didn't control the finances in my marriage, we'd be homeless, lugging around mountains of overpriced junk.

We (as cohabitators that live in sin) have a joint checking account but separate savings and personal checking. We keep the amount in there pretty low but we go through the same bank so we can transfer money in and out easily. It's worked well for us for almost 4 years and I could see the only change after we get married would be adding a joint savings account.

Since we live in a larger city with a pretty high cost of living most of my money goes into the joint account anyway, since we pay 50/50 on everything. We've talked about adjusting for our relative incomes but I actually like paying my half even though it means I might have to pinch pennies sometimes. It just makes me feel like if we were ever to break up I'd be able to take care of myself.

This is how we do it, too. But yeah, there is no right answer to the question.

Before we were married (in the Catholic Church), we went to Pre-Cana wedding counseling. They covered all sorts of everyday conflicts, and forced us to discuss it. Even if we didn't end up with an answer that day, it gave us the opportunity and guidance to start discussing it. Since the answer varies for every couple, it's hard to say that what I think is the better way, but we have found what works for us.

We do discuss purchases that would affect the household (regardless of cost) such as a new vacuum cleaner, as well as bigger-ticket items like upgrades to our computers. We also like to ask each other for opinions on things. We really trust each others eye for fashion. In other words, we both know what looks good on the other person.

Hence why everyone who's seen my hubby's new jeans (that I picked out) have made positive comments on them, with several of my girlfriends telling him that he needs to take their hubbies shopping. ;)

Yes this!

Married four years, I make more than he does. We have separate checking accounts and a joint savings account. He's responsible for paying the rent and his student loan payment; I cover everything else -- bills, trips, fun money, etc. He uses a credit card for small stuff (lunch at work, new clothes, etc.) that I pay off in full each month. Whatever's left over out of our checking accounts at the end of the month goes into the joint savings account.

My parents have always had separate accounts so I never really considered a joint checking account. I think it's important for everyone to have a little bit of their own money...just in case.

All our money goes in the same pot, but all our accounts are in my name. Husband is stereotypical Latino that doesn't like banks. He's got a credit card, but prefers to use cash for everything anyway.

Our finances work just fine because he feels like I make more, so I should be able to spend more, and I just consider it all "our money". This will get interesting when I'm in school and have ZERO income for 9 months. At least our living expense money is coming from the equity in the house which is in my name, so I'll feel like I'm contributing...maybe?

We are in a similar situation except I make most of the money and manage the finances. I couldn't trust him to pay any bills on time! It has been so much easier since we got married and decided to go to one bank account. We had separate accounts for the 7 years we were dating. Now it doesn't matter who pays for what because it all comes from the same account.

We are free to buy what ever we want up to a set limit. Anything over that limit has to be approved by both of us. It really is a check and balance with us since one day I am wanting to go spend crazy and he is in frugal mode and then the next day it switches. It works for us but I know it may not work for other people.

Single checking and savings account - easier to keep up with the balance.
He does have a small savings account at his univ credit union for when he was purchasing cars. I had one but cancelled when we needed the small balance.

We keep our laundry separate; to each his/her own. ;)

This is a problem most of my women friends deal with in Dubai (including me). Most of us gave up careers to move with our husbands and suddenly find ourselves being ladies of leisure. It sounds good in theory, but none of us had lives where we depended on someone else 100% for our spending money, regardless of how the bills get paid. It takes awhile to get into the swing of lunch, mani/pedis, outings, without 1-getting approval for everything and 2-feeling guilty about it. Even the ladies whose husbands make a LOT of money deal with these issues. We do eventually get over it ;).

Joint only -two accounts, a savings and a checking, but both accounts will be joint accounts.

Premarital counseling is important, but I just think that it’s much more to it than that. A lot of couples do seek counsel, but the bottom line -a lot will depend on aligning with the right partner in the right way at the right time if it’s going to work. I just think it’s important choosing someone who is like me, yet different –being the same in his inner core but different in function. Temperaments and occupations can be different, but our values need to be as similar as possible. Opposites attract, but in most cases, they cannot maintain a long-term connection because they are not really compatible, even if they seem to agree on things when meeting with a counselor. In order for that marriage to be secure, whether you choose a joint account or individual accounts, you (in general) and your partner must operate from the same platform. You can find that out simply by letting time do its work, because the personality that was hidden from you before eventually comes to the forefront. I’d rather wait to see those things before I even make it to premarital counseling. But that’s just me.

Agreed!

We do this too, otherwise we might buy something and screw up the budget. I have a business account as well since I get paid as a S-corp so he's always moving money around to cover this or that. We used to pay bills separately, but that always led to something falling through the cracks or to the one trip to New Orleans during residency when we were NSF because we had both paid bills without consulting each other before heading off to vacation. That's lots of fun. Vacation and no money.:mad: Thank God for credit cards! Ten years later I think we've finally paid off that bill. LOL.

I'm with DubaisSis, as well. My money is Mr. AOII Angel's money, too. We're a team. He is timid sometimes because I do make more than him, but that's only because being a radiologist is valued more than being a pediatric endocrinologist. He actually has more education than me (except he doesn't have a HS diploma and I do.:p) I'd rather have family harmony than MY money.

This.

We are also living in sin. :rolleyes: It was frustrating to always have to pay each other back for rent or what have you. The "okay I will pay this month's rent if you get next" or "I will write you my half of the rent tomorrow." It was just easier to put our halves in a joint account as well as money for bills and going out. It made budgeting easier for us. Whatever is left for the month is what the play money is for the couple.

ETA: We aren't at the sharing a credit card yet. He isn't as good about remember those payments, but he is with utility bills and rent. Not sure why.

We each have separate accounts where the rest of our money goes. That way he can buy lunch if he wants to at lunch and I am free to get my lattes and pedicures.

^^^^^
This. Sister #2 went through a nasty divorce and I come from the "Cover Your A$$ School of Philoshophy".

This. For as long as I've been aware, my mom has had a separate account because she would not feel comfortable taking from the family pile to spend on herself. I'm tempted to say that I would feel this way even if she had not modeled that for me (just because it makes sense) but who knows.
Cue obligatory semi-related link :cool: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hiUuL5uTKc :cool:

It's also referred to as the MOMO method: Money Of My Own.

Everything's put in the joint account, the budget's fulfilled, then any money left over is equally divided by both spouses/partners. That's the way we're trying it.

Live-in and I are planning on buying a home. We don't have credit cards together (and might not do that because of what happened with his parents when they divorced) but you can have a mortgage in both names which would require either the house be sold or your share bought out by whoever remains in the house. Which, when you think about it, is fair. Might be a strain, but it's fair.

Which would have to be sorted out legally, anyway.

I should add that I'm less concerned about my relationship not working out than some of my friends who are married are about their marriage, mostly because we've been together for longer than many of our married friends and any uncertainty in our relationship revolves around things that cause uncertainty in long marriages (what happens if one of us loses our job, what happens if one of our jobs transfer us, etc.) and we have contingency plans in place for that. We also have contingency plans for if we do break up, too (who moves out, who gets the animals, who takes what belongings including things we bought together). Sounds morbid but I'm a planner whose mom died and he's a planner whose parents got divorced so we planned a lot of that when we first moved in together as a way to protect ourselves and each other.

This.

We started out with one joint and two separate accounts, but then we moved and were no longer near the credit union where our joint account was- and I needed a new bank for my separate account since my old bank didn't have a branch nearby. I ended up just opening one new account, so now we have one separate, and one joint- plus we kept the credit union account as a saving type account. But I pay all the bills, so it works.

both.

I know I'm going to sound all fuddy-duddy bemoaning the downfall of today's society, but I can't help but think that issues like this make divorce more common. Not just the actual financial issues, but the fact that we have trained ourselves to CYA in regards to marriage. We go in with contingency plans and ready to bail if we feel it necessary. We make it easy because then if things don't work out, we can shrug our shoulders and move on. What would happen if people once again treated marriage of less of an experiment and more of a serious commitment? I feel that if you're seriously ready to make that kind of commitment to someone, you should be ready to tie yourselves irrevocably to that person. And this is coming from someone who many people would feel has had plenty of legitimate "excuses" to throw in the towel and not look back.

/soapbox sermon

I think money is the number one reason couples argue, so if covering your ass makes you feel more comfortable about money so you don't feel the need to fight all the time about money, this may be the best way to preserve your marriage/relationship. Not everyone views marriage or money the same. It can be very difficult. I have friends who fight over money all the time because the husband makes more than the wife because she stays home part time with their child. He's controlling with the money and criticizes her for buying stuff they don't need but is fine going out and spending extravagantly for himself. This even applies if she's spending "her" money. If couples can find a happy medium, then that's great...no matter what motivation gets them there.

That is one aspect of it, in addition to the "trial marriages" that people are doing now to see how long their marriages last. However, since life is more complex than the A + B = C explanation for things:

Being financially prepared in the event of marital failure is nothing new. For generations, women who were able to do so were encouraged to be financially prepared for whatever life brings. Back in the day that often meant keeping money in the cookie jar or in your bra. There were cultural, social class, and racial and ethnic implications for this because many communities were accustomed to men being unavailable either due to employment or "spread your seeds and multiply mentality."

I hope more women do not revert back to the days where patriarchal rules told women to put their everything into their spouses and children. If that's what some women want for their lives, FINE. But that isn't hardly "the rule" and it definitely isn't the recipe for a happy life and a successful marriage. Some people have a happy life and a successful marriage that way; and some people have a happy life and a successful marriage the other way. It is also important to note that encouraging women, in particular, to not have a safety net is correlated with domestic violence, depression and suicide, and prescription and illicit drug use for women who felt trapped in unions and marriages.

So, yeah, cover your ass women. Men have covered their ass across societies for generations. Children need people to give them permission and resources for everysinglething they say and do. Adults do not. And that includes stay-at-home husbands and wives who eventually aspire toward finding their own identity (and resources) outside of their spouses and children.

Stop it. You're taking all my feelings and writing them better than me. Stop doing that.

I have always been a quick typer. My apologies. :(:o

You also caught me mid-edit. :eek:

Fixed.

If you're that far apart on money, IMO you shouldn't get married in the first place. It's SO much heavier than people realize. Even if you have separate accounts, if you're saying every other day "it's MY money and I'll do what I want with it" that's not a healthy relationship. Maybe you're not fighting-fighting, but you're still feeling the disapproval of the other person.

(Thanks heaven that I learned this lesson in my very first serious relationship.)

I agree. That is why people need to communicate prior to establishing a union; and throughout the union to make sure there is still an understanding and agreement.

I believe that MY money still has guidelines not only for myself but for the sanity and sanctity of my union. That is what my second post in this thread addressed.

I agree w/ the sentiment behind your post. Married couples tend to argue about the trees rather than the larger philosophical forest. Rather than the money, it's usually differing (more than likely previously undiscussed) philosophies on need vs. want spending.

Of course the thread's answer is basically whatever works for the couple, but I've never been in favor of "mine vs. hers." Joint account, then individual needs are met, according to the couple's agreed upon limits about how much you're trying to save.

As to separate "rainy day" funds, let's complete the circle. I've heard lots of women say their grandmothers told them to keep one and keep konwledge of it private. Cool, but then could you, or grandma say a word if you found out hubby was doing the same thing? IMO, it's just another breeding ground for distrust. If I can't trust you, then I don't need to be married to you.

What, we can share our bodies and all that entails, but my dough gotta be separate?

This is pretty much what it is.

I like the idea of having two accounts, but I'd rather "divy up" the whole thing. She has her account and I have mine. I also believe in splitting up the bills. I pay half of the bills and she pays the other half. I could see later opening up a savings if we had kids, but I'd rather do two separate accounts because bills and other expenses can be handled that way, too.

As I was reading about this topic, I found all the comments to be interesting, but they all were saying the same thing except you two. I think these comments were cool back in the day and worked for people back then, but the world is different now. Both women and men are working, and more women are doing better than men financially now, so I think it's natural for both men and women to have their own just incase. It doesn't mean they don't trust each other, and it doesn't mean their marriage is going to fail, it's just a safety net because like the saying goes "shit happens" LOL. I laughing but it's true.

You're still two individual people so you might go in thinking "I'm not going to bail" but how do you know he isn't going to do in with that attitude? Why do you think people get prenups? It's a safety measure. I see what you and Cheerful Greek are saying, but we don't live in that kind of society anymore. If that's working for y'all then I'm all for you doing what works for you, I just don't see that as covering yourself very well.