Why Rejected from a Sorority?
 

Where I go to school there is Panhel sororities and IFC sororities. Recently I attempted to go through the Panhel sorority recruitment. The way it works for my school is that we go to each of the five sororities the first day, then the next day it drops down to the four that you like/have picked you, and so on and so forth until the last Bid Day.

So I attended the first day, loved it, couldn't wait to go back. Second Day, I got a phone call saying I did not get an invitation back to any of the sororities. My question is simple, why?

I felt like it had been a good day, I was honest and myself. Let me tell you a little bit about myself and then maybe you can give me an answer. I'm a sophomore and I just transferred in. I live off campus but just down the street from the sororities. I am not a social butterfly but I am also not too shy. I talked to all the girls and was friendly and sincere. I enjoyed talking to all the girls and thought I had met some great people. I couldn't wait to come back the next day. Everyone had been wonderful.

My downsides. I'm overweight and I'm multiracial. Was I socially awkward or something? I don't know, I don't feel like I was.

I am really confused and I just want an honest answer of why people think I got rejected from ALL of them. I'm really hurt and I am taking it to heart. If someone could give me an answer I'd love to know. I just want a good honest answer.

I'm sorry that you are feeling down about this right now. Nobody here knows the exact reason why you didn't get invited to any of the sororities. Membership selection is different for each chapter, and very private.

If your Panhel doesn't have a GPA requirement to sign up for recruitment, the individual chapters still have requirements for membership, and a lot of GPA cuts are made in the early rounds. Having a low GPA could make you ineligible for membership at every house. At least on my campus, that's usually the main reason a girl won't get invited back to any of the houses after just the first night.

I have a 3.9 GPA

Oh. Then I second DeltaBetaBaby's sympathies and comment

Well as much as I appreciate your apologies, that doesn't tell me anything and it leaves me just where I am. I have said it before, I want just an honest answer of why. If you feel more comfortable private messaging me that is understandable. I just want the truth.

What are IFC sororities? Was that just a typo, Libertylove?

No one here knows the answer. They weren't in the membership selection meetings and even if they were they couldn't tell you about it. Truth is you'll never know.

So sorry you had a disappointing recruitment. Of course you feel hurt; everyone understands that you would; just don't let that start defining you.

My first thought was also GPA, but you cleared that up. It is possible your sophomore status worked against you. At a lot of schools, freshman really do stand the best chance of receiving bids. Sophomores and upperclassmen can and do receive bids at some of these schools, but usually if they have been involved on campus and gotten to know some sorority members. Being a transfer, it sounds like you did not have that going for you.

As stated, though, nobody can give you a for sure reason as to why this happened. As for being overweight and multiracial, I want to believe those were not the reasons. I have known, and do know, girls who are overweight and/or multiracial who have enjoyed sorority life. ANY organization that would not accept you for those reasons is probably not a group you would to be associated with anyway, right?

Every year, there are wonderful women who are released from recruitment. They don't know why exactly, but WILL tell you that life does go on and better days are ahead. Find other ways to get involved on campus, and if you're still interested in being in a sorority, contact the Greek Life office. See if COB events may be available and sign up.

Best wishes to you.

Does your campus require recs? If so, did you have them? Is there something else in your backgound that could have excluded you???? You know what I'm talking about. Did you talk to the Greek Life office?

Do upperclassmen normally get bids at your school? You see, there are a host of reasons that could have caused you to be released the first day.

And membership selection is private so you'll never know the exact reasons but some of the above COULD come into play.

And IFC is a male organization...don't understand that comment at all unless of course you are transgendered....and that may have been the issue.

I wasn't asking it to be fixed now was I?

Perhaps you could understand that (or maybe you didn't read thoroughly) that I got rejected from all five sororities on the first day of rushing, so I am just looking for some constructive criticism. I of course already understand that

1) You wouldn't know what the sororities, this is obvious
2) Other sororities are not allowed to talk about why they would reject me.

I am not moping, I am just wondering about reasons someone would be rejected from a sorority especially in my case when I got rejected to all five in one day.

Can anyone give me an idea on that?

Yep, like everyone else said: we don't know, and even if we didn't we couldn't tell you membership selection processes. best thing for you to do, if you badly want to join a sorority, if to talk to the Greek Life office on your campus and ask about COB or informal recruitment events.

Do you have BO? Did you shower and dress nicely? Did you smile and look the other women in the eye? Did you use proper English and not use swear words? First impressions are everything.

IFC is coed at my school, and I have a completely clean record. I'm not transgendered. I don't even drink.

Yes.

Your needs and interests weren't compatible with theirs.

That is my idea.

Are you sure that your grades transferred to your new school? If they didn't, that would have more than likely been a reason why.

Also, I think you mean ISC, not IFC. I know there are schools that have Panhel for the nationals/NPC groups and ISC for the locals. Is that what it is?

GPA and lack of recs are common reasons for being cut so early in the process. You answered the GPA question. Titcheu asked a very important one -- did your school require recs?

From ALL five?

Do you mean recs like extra curricular activities? I do ballroom dance, I am part of YAL, Socratic Society, PreLaw Society and starting a radio program with the radio station at my school.

Formal Rush

I signed up in advance

We weren't required to give recommendations. Our application is online so there is no way I could've put them in.

What the fuck?

I read that and I don't know why, but it immediately turned into a Garth Brooks song. "I'm not transgendered, I don't even drink, I love you so baby, I cain't even think."

Recs are recommendations from alumnae of sororities. They do not = extracurricular activities.

And I don't know how IFC could be coed at your school, unless you have coed groups, but coed groups are usually called fraternities, not sororities.

You don't understand the question about recs. Recommendations come from alumnae members of the various sororities. They are like letters of introduction. Are they required on YOUR campus? If so, did you have them for all 5 groups? If not, then that's why you were released.

Do upperclassmen typically receive bids on YOUR campus?? That's a very important question which you also haven't answered.

We can't tell you why those groups released you but we can help eliminate some reasons...if you reply to the questions.

Do you have BO? Did you shower and dress nicely? Showered right before hand, wore nice pants and shirt, but wore sneakers because of all the walking

Did you smile and look the other women in the eye? Did you use proper English and not use swear words? Yes I did, I'm very articulate and proper when meeting new people.

My recs - Ballroom dance, YAL, prelaw society, socratic society, and I am starting a radio show with my school's radio program.

No recs are not required for us.

I have talked to many girls, many rushed their sophomore years because they were hesitant their freshmen year.

Please wait a minute to read the posts before replying. Recs have nothing to do with extracurricular activities.

When I refer to IFC, I am referring to the sororities that are on the United Greek Council and are not Panhel Sororities

OMG! Well, that was a HUGE faux pas! Seriously, you should have brought dress shoes to wear into the parties and just worn the sneakers from house to house. I know what you are going to say but you wanted to know so I am telling you this was a giant mistake. This was equal to a job interview...and I certainly hope you would never wear sneakers to a job interview of any kind.

Since you are obviously new to all this, I'm cutting you some slack. IFC stands for InterFraternity Council. So United Greek Council might have IFC under it but as a female you are not eligible for membership in IFC fraternities.

As materialistic as it sounds, it could very well have been your shoes. Granted we don't know what campus you're at, but even at places with very casual first rounds, tennis shoes worn by a PNM should be a no-no.

I get it now.

Ugly shoes + fat = rush killer

Was that the kind of answer you were looking for?

OK. Then that's UGC, not IFC. IFC is boys. Are these UGC sororities local or are they culturally based? or both?

I was looking for honesty, we were actually asked to dress casually and comfortably so that is the only thing I would question but, I suppose that is the answer.

UGC is culturally based for us.

OP, we're not being coy. We don't know. We've never met you. We haven't seen your information. We didn't see you at rush. We weren't in any of the membership meetings where you were cut. Women get cut for a lot of reasons, and it's always specific to that woman. We don't know.

BTW, recs are references from sorority members or alumnae. They are required by some sororities. At some school, it is not possible to get a bid if you don't have them. The fact that you don't know what one is means that you didn't do even a basic amount of research or preparation before recruitment.

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.

Libertylove -- as you know by now, we can't tell you why you got cut, but people have been generous in offering you possibilities. The thing is, you can drive yourself crazy trying to determine an answer.

As said, GPA and lack of recs are the two most common reasons someone is released (cut by everyone) early in the recruitment process. You have ruled out GPA with your 3.9, and if you're absolutely certain the sororities did not require recs, you can scratch that one off the list too. I will add, tho, some girls still secure recs even if they aren't required. They can't hurt, so just something to think about if you decide to go through formal recruitment again.

I still think sophomore standing might have worked against you. I know you said other girls pledged as sophomores and that may be the case -- but were they transfers like you? Many times (not always) girls who pledge as sophomores have campus involvement under their belts and have gotten to know some women in sororities. As a transfer student new to your campus, you did not have those things going for you.

If you still want to be in a sorority, my advice is to get out there -- get involved on campus, meet sorority women and show them why you would be a great asset to Greek Life.

P.S. I just saw what KDCat said about recs -- she has a good point about you not knowing what they were. ARE YOU SURE THEY WERE NOT NEEDED? They are at a lot of schools, not just the big SEC schools. I've done recs for girls rushing at schools that, like yours, had six or less sororities.

So those of you that are yelling at me and saying that there is no way you would know, I obviously know that so please stop, no need for that.

For those of you that have tried to help me and give me some idea of reasons why I would be rejected thank you, I appreciate your input and suggestions it has given me a better idea of what it takes.

All I was looking for people to tell me is an idea of maybe why girls haven't gotten into your own sororities, input like that to help someone like me out. I wasn't looking for anything else so please cool it. I gave my feedback of how different things probably wouldn't be the case, example my high GPA just to get more information on what else it could be. Some of you are being very obnoxious about this, if this forum is annoying you so much I really don't know why you are still posting to my question and frankly, I don't really want you to be.

Well after careful research, including calling the Greek Life office at my school it seems that we do not need recs. I am planning on attempting to rush again in the spring so maybe I'll learn more then.

It has been said before, but all we can do is guess since we know nothing about your particular university... Regardless of what your Greek Life office may say, many sororities require letters of recommendation in order to offer a bid to a potential new member.

We can't tell you this, as it membership selection, which is considered ritual and confidential to members only.

All we can say is we're sorry it didn't work out, and best of luck during spring informal! Get involved on your campus, makes friends with some sorority women, and hope for a better outcome in the future.

The reason GCers were being "obnoxious" is because you were the one acting that way first. You didn't seem to understand the first time someone said so that WE CAN'T TELL YOU WHY YOU DIDN'T GET A BID. We can tell you that things like GPA, extra-curriculars, and conversation skills could be factors, but beyond that, we're done.

But you just kept going on and on and on looking for a reason, and getting frustrated when no one would give you one...


Let it go.