The Golden Rule
 

GreekChat is a wonderful place for learning about all sorts of GLO’s. I know that many of the “old timers” get tired of repetitive questions and ignorance, but I thought I’d offer up some food for thought:

We are dealing with 18-20 year old women, most who are moving away from home for the first time and going through yet another life transition through recruitment. Emotions and tensions run high.

We’re also dealing with their mothers, most of whom are sane, NON heli-moms, but their emotions are running high as well. Both groups may not be stepping out with their best foot forward when the stumble upon GreekChat.

1) Please do not “out” someone or threaten to tank their rush because of something they say out of ignorance or frustration. A simple PM or message to “please edit your post” would suffice. After that, please step away from the keyboard.

2) Limit your QFP’s. Sometimes it feels like that person is trying to be chased off the message board when every statement they make is QFPed. Doesn’t exactly make for a welcoming “We’re so happy to hear your story and we’re rooting for you” environment.

3) Yes, they need to slow down and read historical links, but sometimes they just aren’t thinking rationally. Since they have just found Greek Chat, they might assume we haven’t been around a long time. We have, but they don’t realize that at first.

4) If someone has a differing opinion than you, please do not refer to him/her as a Sockpuppet or Troll. Particularly if that person’s start date with GC is longer than this past week. That person might have actually been lurking for quite sometime and finally decided to speak up. Also, just because someone hasn’t mentioned their GLO by name, does not mean that they are not a member of one. It might just mean that they’re trying to be discreet.

5) Can we refrain from bashing people who decide to withdraw? I get it…there are some/many/we’ll-actually-never-know-a-real-number who feel superior to certain groups and that makes me sad and angry. I don’t like the ones who come in and bash the system, either. However, if a woman chooses to maximize her options all the way through, goes through the Pref parties and STILL isn’t feeling a connection, she doesn’t deserve bashing later. By signing a MRABA on a group she’s not feeling comfortable with, she’s signing on for four things:

a. A year long attachment to that bid she’s unsure of
b. Possibly a lifetime with an org she’s unsure of
c. A financial commitment to a group she’s unsure of
d. Taking a bid away from another girl who might actually be dying to receive it

My 18 year old self would not be emotionally able to handle this sort of commitment, even if someone told me I’d get there eventually. After meeting only 10 people or so, if I wasn’t sure…I’m not signing on the dotted line. I particularly feel like jumping on them after the fact (when we can’t change it) is silly and childish. Tell them you’re sorry it didn’t work out and move on.

6) Furthermore, I’d like to contend that “dog piling” and generally being unkind to strangers is unbecoming of each of our GLO’s. In today’s society, I believe that kicking a person when they are down, on the internet, while hiding behind a username is pretty much the exact definition of “cyber-bullying”. There have been tragic cases noted in the media. Please do not become one of the headlines.

I’m not in favor of unicorns-pooping-rainbows, but I AM in favor of being kind and remembering the golden rule when dealing with all humans.

I’m also not stupid enough to believe that I’m not about to get flamed right now.

I also know someone is going to reply to this post defending something they said or did. I may or may not be speaking directly to you.

And, I also know that someone will make a snark about me and my measly 85 posts. Just because I haven't said much, doesn't mean I don't have much to say.

I’m sure there’s more – I’ll be back.

Let the bashing begin in…5…4…3…

Don't tell folks what is acceptable in their respective GLOs.

Aside from that, none of this advice is new.

This should be fun.

I didn't say what is/isn't acceptable. I said unbecoming. Totally different.

You're right, none of it is new but bears repeating. And usually when someone says something like "can't we all just get along?" There's even more of a dog pile.

"Your GLO would not be happy" = "This is unacceptable behavior in your GLO"

Anyway, this thread will undoubtedly turn into a trainwreck, but I get what you're trying to say.

Fair enough. "Your GLO would not be happy" was in reference to you (not you personally of course) becoming a headline in cyber-bullying tragedy. I'm not sure I can name one GLO who would be happy about that. But then again, I'm not familiar with the ins and outs of them all, so I will retract that blanket statement.

I hope it doesn't become a trainwreck. Really. I just think that GC is too valuable a resource for us all to not be nice to each other and generally helpful. If the consensus is that I belong in Rainbow-Brite-Unicorn-Poopy-Strawberry-Shortcake-Land, well then so be it.

Unless you're privvy to the workings of EVERY GLO, you honestly can't say what would or would not make them happy. And what do you consider "the GLO"? The national council? Your chapter? The alumnae? The founders? Who? I mean, some of our founders would really not be jazzed that people of color are wearing their letters.

Again, please see post above. I retracted my blanket statement of saying that your GLO would not be proud of you if they (and you) were attached to a headline of a cyber-bullying crime. You are correct that I do not know if they would be proud of you or not.

I believe that is the ONLY place I made a statement like that, but if I am wrong, please let me know.

Again, apologies.

popcorn, soda, on the sofa.

I'm sorry I complained about no trainwrecks. I really am sorry.

Thanks! I seriously don't want to be flamed, I just want people to be nice to others. It's just a reminder to everyone, that's all. It's not about me, but rather the people who come here looking for advice at a potentially fragile time in their lives.

AzTheta - I'm sitting on the couch with you and just popped open a beer.

Actually, I like the recruitment thread QFPs. It condenses the story into two or three posts rather than 20 pages of “Go Orange Julius!”

No.

We very rarely bash women who get invites they are lukewarm about, GO TO PREFS, and decide not to sign a card. The vast majority don't like their pref invites, and don't go to prefs. They are angry that they didn't get a fair chance with the "top" groups, but won't even give a "lower" group a fair chance.

Who appointed you to chair the committee to remind grown adults to be nice?

I"m not positive, but have you ever revealed your school and affiliation? If you're going to allude that how individuals act online is unbecoming to their GLOs (no apostrophe by the way), you may want to let us know which one you're in first.

You may have less than 90 posts, but if you don't care for how people behave here, you can leave or ignore those posters. If it is a problem the moderators will handle it, we don't need you to have to come down from your ivory tower where the air is 100% smug and expose yourself to our lowly snark.

http://icanhascheezburger.files.word...suggestion.jpg

Sitting on the couch with my slushy waiting for the imminent explosion. :)

Like I said, I totally agree with being upset at the ones who withdraw because they're "too good" for certain houses. I said that and I agree.

The ones I'm talking about (and maybe it's the rare ones I bolded you for) are usually someone who comes back as a Sophomore and says "well, recruitment didn't work out for me last year, I went to one pref party and decided to withdraw..." and the group jumps on them to say "Well, you missed your one shot at greek life, you really screwed up." Sure, if it's Bama, it might have been. Or it might not have, but the girl is asking for tips on THIS year, not LAST year, move on from last year.

And maybe I'm misreading. Seriously, could be. But to bash after the fact seems pointless and dogpile-ish to me. Again, I'm sure I belong in rainbow-poopy-land.

KSUViolet-STOP IT! YOU ARE BULLYING! :)

For real, I think the OP's problem is that she doesn't want to say what GLO she belongs to or what school she attended but, she thinks we should all refrain from telling 18-year-old ADULTS that they should act like (wait for it) ADULTS! AOII Angel, it's because of you that the "wait for it" will never get old. You had me laughing with that one. Thanks.

If someone is going to come on here and give advice or try to tell people how they should and shouldn't act, they should be willing to let us know a little bit about themselves. Otherwise, they come off as "sock-puppet" material.

Is it dogpiling if you're the first one to snark?

If you want to dig through my posts, I have actually out-ed my school on more than one occasion. I choose not to out my GLO only because I've recently had relatives going through recruitment and would like to not leave a giant internet footprint like we've mentioned here on this site before.

I just know what it's like to be 18 and feeling like you're being ganged up on for something you've said. Cyber-bullying is real and much of it is in the perception of the receiver. I'm just asking everyone to think before they say something that might be construed as bashing to a young adult. If that makes me a horrible person, please let me know. I think this site is a wonderful resource and just would like to see it a little more welcoming to noobs. That's all.

No. What makes you a horrible person is coming on to a website and telling everyone how they should feel and act. You actually started a thread to chastise people for not acting the way you deem appropriate.

You commented about if it was something from last year, move on. What great advice. If Patty PNM acts like a fool throughout recruitment and gives the impression that she is "better" than other organizations or she acts less lady-like than most...Chapters may have a very hard time just "moving on" and forgetting about it. So, you may think people are harping on the past but, guess what---some of the chapters may be.

Also, if Patty PNM is a sophmore at Bama (or another SEC school) and turned down one of the ONLY chances she could have had to go Greek....Next year, when she's a junior, it may be hard for chapters to "move on" past the fact that she is now a junior. So, maybe you shouldn't just hand out advice like that.

"That place isn't even around anymore!"

/Jim Gaffigan

Can we seriously stop with all this talk of cyber-bullying? Its ridiculous.

The only thing that we do on here is tell the truth. Unfortunately, a lot of people can't handle it. If someone says to a PNM, "You just turned your back on 3 chapters at Auburn that truly wanted you, and in turn, PROBABLY blew any chance you had at being Greek," and the PNM can't deal with that, then oh well. That's life.

Right, if the PNM goes all the way through, doesn't sign a MRABA, or even suicides and doesn't match, and decides that she will get involved in other things, she usually is not jumped on. It's the ones in the same situation who complain how they "want so badly to be Greek" when they had their chance at one or more chapters.

I get what you're saying, but you misunderstood me a little. I meant that she went through as a freshman, is now a sophomore. I'm not dispensing out advice so much as dwelling on the fact that she dropped out last year. Can't change it, so let's give advice on what we can do now moving forward.

I get you disagree with me on this whole concept, and that's fine. I'm not demanding anyone do anything except maybe think twice and be more polite. That's all. Sorry you think I'm a bad person.

I thought so too, but apparently not. www.orangejulius.com

I just had one in Edmonton :-)

Be a little less demanding. Who made you the polite police?

P.S. als463...I'm glad I entertain you!:D

There's one in the mall of my town. I should totally go get one since I can't start drinking wine yet.

Hahhaha, you totally did entertain me. I will have to use that, now.

To this, I refer back to:

And yes, I know those were nice posts.

This post reserved
 

This post is reserved for my reply to be made when I'm no longer at work.


Your post is important to us. It will be answered in the order it was received.

Please hold.

Wow, I too thought they had all gone out of business. Looked at the site and found there are 4 within 25 miles of me.

DaffyKD

Is it wrong of me that I am really looking forward to your post? This whole time I was thinking, "Why hasn't Drolefille said anything?" I also looked forward to reading something from MC, KS, and DrPhil.

Now maybe it is because I haven't been having the best day that I'm responding thusly, but instead of a passive aggressive finger wagging thread, why not just call out the individuals who are sugar pops mean girls and you think are poor examples? Why make a thread that the majority find insulting and ridiculous, and therefore make yourself a target for the horrible behavior of all of us?

Do I think a lot of posters, both PNMs and their mamas need to get a grip and step away from GC? Obviously! However I find the whole intention of this thread exponentially more ridiculous and ludicrous than things that have allegedly been said. I'm not going to tell someone to go to Happy Pony Rainbow Land (get it right if you're going to mock it and us) I'm going to tell you that if you're this butt hurt over GC you want to call us out and throw some shade, perhaps you need to learn about the ignore function or log off from the internet for awhile.

Call individuals and their behavior out by name, or keep it to yourself. If that statement is going to hold in the recruitment forum for a certain mama, daughter, and what not when people get accusatory, it is good enough for the Greek Life forum.

All right. My $0.02, for what they're worth:

I think threads like this rarely have the desired effect. Even when motivated by a sincere desire to improve things, they tend to come across as patronizing and preachy. People do not usually respond positively to what can come across like pontification. So the result is that more often than not threads like this produce the opposite of the desired effect. This is a fairly foreseeable outcome.

I think that is particularly true when legitimate opinions are minimized. For example, to ask that someone with a differing opinion not be called a "sock-puppet" or "troll" diminishes the valid criticisms of real sock-puppets and trolls by dismissing those criticisms as "you just disagree with/don't like them."

I also think it is particularly true when someone suggests in any way that others aren't living up to the ideals of their fraternity or sorority. I learned that the hard way many years ago. Judgmental observations are rarely appreciated.

Yes, many here go overboard sometimes, me included I'm afraid. But sometimes the harshness is, if not polite, understandable. The actions of some posters have taught others not to take everything at face value, or to recognize signs that something isn't on the up-and-up.

No, it's not always pretty. But I tend to think these things have a way of working and evening themselves out, and the best way for that to happen is through dialogue -- challenging specific posts that one thinks are out of line and letting the community, with moderator assistance when necessary, police itself.

Passive-aggressive threads like this, on the other hand, fan the flames and become part of the problem.