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advise for daughter who resigned after 3rd round
hello,
i'm looking for advise on how to help my daughter with open recruitment at auburn. she did not get invites back to any houses she felt comfortable in and wanted to have the chance to continue in open recruitment. not sure how i can help. any advice? |
I'd spend some time explaining to her that she just kissed goodbye the opportunity of a lifetime because she was too good for nearly 200 girls who were going to be there for her for literally the rest of her life. She met probably 6 of those 200 girls and decided she didn't feel "comfortable" which is a euphemism for she thought she was too good for them. And I might also discuss with her about whether it is better to be superior and alone instead of ordinary surrounded by lifelong friends.
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I'd be willing to wager that if any groups are doing open bidding they are likely to be those uncomfortable chapters.
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QFP She probably pissed away an opportunity I agree with the previous 2 posters |
TRUTH.
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i did not mean to sound like my daughter thinks she's better than the others.
she was crushed and enjoyed every other sorority! that would be 14 of them. i hope that comments like what's been posted aren't reflective of the types of girls who are at auburn. i know that is not the case. just asking for idea's not judgement. have a great day! |
dsh - was she released from recruitment? It truly comes down to how bad she wants to be a part of Greek Life. Her options at this point will be minimal. She needs to realize this.
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Judging from the op's post - Daughter voluntarily dropped out because "she did not get invites back to any houses she felt comfortable in". She was not dropped. Despite the fact that "enjoyed every other sorority! that would be 14 of them", she chose not to continue in recruitment.
And while the posts may strike you as judgmental, let me say that they reflect many sorority members' reaction to pnms dropping out of recruitment. She has missed an opportunity, and the harsh reality is that she may not have another chance. Or she might. We don't know. Her chances are certainly much slimmer now. If she had her heart set on a chapter which does not cob, she has no chance now. You can't handle the truth. The advice to give your daughter? - Inquire about informal recruitment, go in with an open mind, and if it doesn't work out take advantage of the numerous other opportunities on campus. eta - Please don't play the "If sorority women are like this then my daughter is better off without them!" card. That's so last year. |
If you're asking for ideas, not judgement, then your daughter needs to enter into informal recruitment with a completely open mind!!! Stop worrying about campus perceptions, and start getting to know the girls individually, as people.
In the meantime, she should get involved in activities that she's interested in. There are so many things to do, that are outside of greek life. Find some things to be passionate about, and the rest should work itself out. |
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Please keep in mind and I'm not saying this is the case, but there is a good chance that the chapters your daughter passed up will likely be the same ones recruiting through informal. I don't know, but it is likely. |
dsh - I applaud you for coming here to get information. Check your private messages for information about Auburn COB. God knows I wouldn't post here with all these sharks!
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Truthful Sharks
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Paging the rainbow and unicorn patrol . . . |
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Wait a minute
- are you being snarky about her being snarky about people being snarky? Lighten up, folks! We're supposed to be having fun! |
I'm going to be as honest as possible here.
The groups participating in COB are likely going to include some of the groups she "didn't feel comfortable in" and very few (if any) of those that she liked better. BEFORE signing up, she should ask herself: "Is it more important to me to be in one of the certain sororities I liked best?" Or "Is it most important to me to be part of the amazing Auburn Greek community?" Either you want to be Greek, or you only want to be in certain groups. She is certainly entitled to either choice, but that's the choice you have to make with COB especially at a more competitive school. Good luck to her with whatever she decides. |
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#tooeasy |
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OP, we do not have all the facts of your daughter's recruitment experiences.
It is a fact that we do not discuss membership selection on Greek Chat. Knowing that fact should tell you that the answers for what happened are private and will not be divulged outside the confines of each Auburn sorority's walls. It's really impossible for us to offer you any words of advice other than this: have your daughter follow up with the Auburn Greek Life Office regarding opportunities for informal recruitment, or COR. Personally, I believe that everything happens for a purpose and that ultimately that purpose is for good. This is difficult to internalize when one is suffering or in pain, however, it's a lesson that took with me and has kept me sane through all the insane times. |
[QUOTE=hmills2;2081418]My name is Helen and my daughter did not get a bid at Auburn. She is crushed as am I./QUOTE]
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We already responded to this poster. Your daughter ruined her chances when she was too good for two sororities. |
I know this is cold comfort, but I am being told by some fairly sophisticated observers (i.e., upperclass AU fraternity men), that this year's PNM pool and pledge classes are deeper and stronger than in anyone's memory.
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Here's the first bit of advice: Learn the difference between "advice" and "advise" if you are going to start a thread. Here's some more advice, if your daughter thought she was too good for the sororities that didn't make her feel "comfortable" or "make her heart sing" (I will NEVER get over that ridiculous excuse--in case anyone has noticed), then she did the various organizations at Auburn a service when she chose to drop. Auburn is full of incredibly intelligent and beautiful girls with very impressive resumes/ grades. I'm willing to bet that the "lesser" or "lower-tiered" sororities have INCREDIBLE ladies in their chapters that your unique snowflake thought she was too good for.
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I have my snarky moments, but then I am overcome with shame and have to do penance by starting a non-snarky thread. :D |
Keep in mind that the ones she didn't want WANTED HER. And now that she's tossed them in the weeds, they will possibly not be inclined to give her another chance. And they are most likely her only options for COB....
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There was no chapter at AU who was inviting every girl in desperation to get SOMEBODY. If she was on a list it was with intention.
I'd love to see a system where the chapters are advised that these girls have been cut completely. Can you reconsider inviting them again? If she wasn't actually cut, but just not high enough on the list, maybe a chapter or two would make an exception. Of course this would have to be done without the knowledge of the rushee, and maybe would open an ugly can of worms, but maybe it would keep a handful of hearts from being broken. I can see a chapter inviting back 5 more girls, spread out over all of their parties, and nobody knows the difference. What would be interesting to see is if that girl, cut completely, might suddenly have a full schedule because everyone from her previous days says, sure, we'd love to have her again. Am I being ridiculous? (I mean about this particular topic. I know I'm ridiculous otherwise) |
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No you are not being ridiculous, Panhellenic at my school did this, I was actually surprised it isn't common at other schools. |
Threads like this are no fun when the OP doesn't come back several times to complain what big meanies we are. :(
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According to a story that Carnation shared in the "Weird Rush Stories" thread, Auburn used to have the policy that pnms who got completely cut were given invitations to a couple of chapters. Maybe Carnation can come on and give a better explanation. |
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Yes it sucks that girls get cut completely, but if Panhel wants to butt in, they should have a pre-rush weekend that pulls no punches about RFM and heavy cuts. The problem arises when women aren't told to expect the worst along with hoping for the best. ETA: As Titchou said below, the individual groups do always have this option of going back and saying "wow, we screwed up cutting her, let's have her back." I just believe that it should come from the group, and not as a nudge/suggestion/dictate from Panhellenic. |
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I would think Panhel making this decision on behalf of the chapters would be unforgiveable. Going back to the chapter and inquiring is one thing - making them do it is something completely different.
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If anybody remembers the story of Batwoman (Orange and Purple Girl), that's how we ended up with her the second day, dressed as the Star Spangled Banner.
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As someone who dropped out after third round and was later able to join one of the groups who invited me to prefs, I'd like to ask that we keep in mind that although we've had the opportunity to observe people dropping for superficial reasons year after year, the girls doing it are typically experiencing recruitment for the very first time.
They probably aren't thinking very rationally and are operating with very hurt feelings and some of the lowest confidence they've ever felt. We might hope that their moms would have a little more perspective, but in these days of hyper-involved parenting that's probably not the case, especially if they weren't members themselves or haven't been closely following recruitment at the campuses where their daughters rush to see other really great girls get results they weren't happy with. It's a hard time whether you get cut out or drop out, and when we know that we have additional bad news to give them in terms of the realities of COB, maybe trying to think of people we actually like in real life who have made dumb decisions will help us not be as annoyed. |
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[QUOTE=ree-Xi;2082174]Just wondering, why aren't the daughters the ones coming here?]
Because she's too embarrassed or thwap, thwap mom is more upset than Susie Snowflake.... |
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