2nd hand Recruitment Story at U of Arkansas
 

2nd hand Recruitment Story at U of Arkansas
I have Greek Chat to thank for even beginning to know how to prepare my daughter, whom I will call Lindsey, for recruitment at the University of Arkansas. Greek life was not an option for me due to finances, and I really wanted to give my daughter the opportunity to check it out. I worked hard this spring/early summer to help her get recs, mostly from people who didn’t know her personally. We live in another state, so that made recs more difficult, but definitely not impossible. Lindsey knows no one in any of the sororities, except a brief introduction to a girl in The Breakfast Club. This won’t be your typical recruitment story because my independent daughter will not share enough details with me to make it one.

At orientation all the rules were taught through skits which Lindsey thought was funny, if not time consuming. The next day she had all eight of her open house parties. Here is the code in 80’s movies because I’m old:

The Breakfast Club
Pretty in Pink
St. Elmo’s Fire
Better Off Dead
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Weird Science
Risky Business
The Outsiders

Day 1 – Open House - The actives kneel in front of the PNM’s to talk to them and it is very LOUD. Lindsey liked all the chapters, but her least favorites were The Outsiders and Ferris Beuller. The Outsiders are considered one of the top, if not THE top sorority by many, so I was proud of her for making up her own mind. She ranked those two at the bottom and the rest as her top six (order didn’t matter so they did alphabetical). Her mind at this point is very open. I think being from out of state helps with this. Lindsey’s roommate was supposed to go through recruitment too, but changed her mind. I’m so proud of my daughter for starting the process alone.

Day 2 – Off day for Lindsey. Just a Gamma Chi meeting.

Days 3 & 4 – Philanthropy - I thought I was going to die from curiosity because I didn’t hear from her until almost 7pm her time today. She had been invited back to 6 sororities, which was a full schedule. Other girls in her Gamma Chi group had 3, 4, 5, or 6 invitations. She was cut by Pretty in Pink and St. Elmo’s Fire. The weird thing was that she had two recs for every chapter (if everyone sent them in) except that she had four for St. Elmo’s Fire and got cut there anyway. She had four parties today and will have two tomorrow. She cried during one of the philanthropy videos because it reminded her of a family member. I insisted that crying was not a bad thing, but she said she felt like a “dork.”

The main thing that no one told Lindsey about recruitment was that is was actually FUN! In my efforts to be a good mom/coach, I probably inadvertantly sucked the fun out. Today I told her she should wear her hair down because most girls in the facebook pictures http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/University-of-Arkansas-Greek-Life/136698696356260 had their hair down. She said, “Mom, if they don’t pick me because my hair is up due to 100+ degree heat, then I don’t want in.” I’m kind of glad she doesn’t listen to me.

By the way her favorites so far are Risky Business and The Breakfast Club: Risky due to their philanthropy and a sweet girl she met from her home state. Breakfast due to their non-traditional style and how nice they have been to Lindsey. My prayers are that Lindsey finds her home in the Greek system and/or at college in general.

Ohh I'm excited to hear more!!!

Go Breakfast Club! I watched that movie almost everyday in college.

Sorry. I don't think that facebook link works. Log into fb and search for University of Arkansas Greek Life. It's public, you don't have to join or even like. There are 119 pictures from my daughter's first day. She didn't give me tons of details, so it was nice to see exactly what recruitment looked like. Wow, there are a LOT of pretty girls!

Just to give you some color... one of the girls in Lindsey's Gamma Chi group said to her, "You are the most laid back person I have ever met." I, her mother, am the opposite of laid back. I am intense, competetive, etc. and I am all hyped up over recruitment. I am not usually a helicopter mom, but this is such a big deal that I feel overly involved. I would appreciate advice from other moms as to how to relax. U of A has a drawn out two week process and bid day is not until Aug 28th. That is such a long time to wait!

vodka.

I just realized I didn't use Sixteen Candles, my favorite 80's movie! Someone needs to colonize real quick so I can add it ;) I actually did read in the Northwest Arkansas Times that Panhellenic is trying to add two new groups by 2013.

Today Lindsey goes to two Philanthropy parties and then ranks, so there won't be much to post until tomorrow night.

I am so impressed thus far by the whole system. I love the way they give the PNM's a T-shirt to wear each day. They just wear it with shorts and sandals or tennis shoes. It takes away all the drama of what to wear and allows everyone to focus on deeper issues than clothes. They will dress up for pref parties, but that's all.

Everyone has been so nice to my daughter. I know that doesn't mean she's going to wind up with a bid, but she is having fun. No matter what happens, I already think recruitment is worth doing because of the people girls meet and the skills they learn. If you can focus and answer questions about yourself in a room full of screaming girls, a job interview will be easy!

^^lol Dubaisis..or Margaritas!
I was there last year and I also am very type "A" like you.. It is hard for those of us that are a little "up in the air" all of the time (as my husband says). It sounds like your daughter is keeping an open mind, which will take her very, very far. Arkansas has a reputation for being a really tough recruitment, but it sounds like she will do great as long as she can get past the tent talk!

I will say that the 2 week schedule they have this year would put me into a tailspin..I cannot imagine having to wait that long to see where you end up!!
Good luck to your daughter and please keep us posted!!

I asked Lindsey about tent talk and she said, "Mom, our Gamma Chi said not to do it and our group is good at listening, so we are not." I'm sure there will be some tent talk before it's all over, but I'm glad it's not rampant. They had to wait 4 hours between parties in a church yesterday. I asked Lindsey what she did all that time, and she said she took a nap. She's obviously less worked up about all this than I am. Next week is going to be a killer. They end third round parties this Saturday and then wait unit the next Saturday morning to find out about preference invites. She will be distracted with classes starting, but I will be going nuts. Of course I don't mean to sound sure that she will still be in the game at that point, but if she is, I believe that's the schedule.

The pictures are charming, and it is lovely to see everyone look so relaxed and happy in their T-shirts! It's a contrast to the Bama pictures, which are stunning, but I find the spectacle intimidating even as a grown woman 600 miles away.

It is also delightful to see the director of Greek life being so hands-on and getting out there in the heat with the GXs. I love to see university administrators getting knee deep in student life instead of being closed off in an office.

Woo Pig Sooie! Good luck to "Lindsey," her friends, and fellow PNMs!

Love the pictures. My oldest daughter would have loved to wear "Norts"* and Chackos for recruitment. She was born in Little Rock, so a big WOOOO PIG SOOOEEE to all the PNM's. Wished you had used Sixteen Candles as well. The girl she spoke with there could have been code name Long Duck Dong.

*Norts= Nike Shorts

LOVE Long Duck Dong! They could have talked about Grandpa's hyena.

It was much more casual than what I had envisioned. Everyone on GC said to wear longer shorts and nice shoes. I think my daughter was the only girl in what I call "walking shorts" the first day. When she saw everyone else in Norts and tennis shoes (or Chacos) she lightened up a bit.

Go Weird Science! Love this thread and the flashback theme (Flashdance!). I'll be in your shoes in a week. Best of luck, enjoy your glass of "adult beverage" to take the edge off!

sorry Mom....relaxation comes when rush is over....

^^^Amen!

My phone rang at exactly 7:30am Arkansas time. My heart sunk because Lindsey shouldn't have access to her phone unless she was released. She sounded shaky and then started crying. She got invited back to three chapters out of a possible four. Her schedule for House Tours is Risky Businesstoday; Ferris Bueller’s Day OffandWeird Sciencetomorrow.She got to go back to her dorm and use her phone because her party today is later in the afternoon, which is a huge blessing considering how upset she was.

So why was she crying? When people say recruitment is a roller coaster ride, they aren’t kidding! She had been so pleasantly surprised by all the great groups who had invited her to the second round. Now reality had set in and she realized she wasn’t the only one choosing. I tried to convince her that there are so many possible reasons she was cut other than that the girls “didn’t like her.” Those more selective groups could have tons of legacies, friends from high school, class presidents, cheerleading captains, girls with high GPA’s (Lindsey’s is only mediocre), etc. But try telling that to an eighteen year old who just had her heart ripped out.

When I asked her why she isn’t excited that her number one choice, Risky Business, had invited her back she said, “Because now I’m sure that they are just going to cut me too.” Logic, anybody? She is afraid to risk more hope on a process that she realizes she doesn’t have too much control over. I begged her to take the risk and not drop out. After she cried some more while I kept trying to focus on the good news, she agreed to stay with it for now.

The biggest negative for Lindsey is that after House Tours she will have to wait seven long days to find out if she got invited to Pref. She said she’s worried about being distracted in class all week and not sleeping. I really don’t like Arkansas’ schedule. I haven’t heard of other two week recruitment periods. Are there a lot of schools who do it this way?

I repeated all the great GC advice I had read: Keep an open mind. You are only half way through the four rounds. The two groups you don’t think you like could really shine during House Tours and Pref. You may meet some different girls that give you a whole new perspective. Do you really think out of three to four hundred girls in any sorority that you couldn’t find three to five best friends?

I expect some negative comments from GCers regarding my daughter’s reaction. Is she being a spoiled baby who wanted a perfect rush? Yes! Is she being ungrateful for what she has, which is an almost full schedule with three great groups left on it? Yes! Please remember, she is tired, stressed, far away from her family for the first time, and lacks perspective due in part to being only eighteen years old. Please pray for her and that after the nap she was about to take, she will have a whole new attitude. Thank you!

There are schools who have two week rush periods but most of them are 1) not SEC competitiveness level 2) you don't have to wait for a week to find out your invites for the next round.

I think they're trying to make it so women don't drop out of the school if they don't get a bid since that did happen when all of rush took place prior to classes. It is a good idea in theory, but the actual execution is somewhat less than stellar IMO.

ps: If she was spoiled, she wouldn't have listed the top sorority at the bottom of her list. Although you can also remind her that having 3 groups left out of 8 makes her, simply by math, more awesome than some of her HS friends who rush at Bama and Auburn, are in the same stage of rush, and have 3 groups left out of 17!! Yes I know this is not exact math but it sounds good. :)

Thank you 33girl for reminding me about my daughter not caring about the "tiers" at the beginning. She sure cared a lot more when they cut her though!

Her group meets every morning at 6:50, and I know Lindsey is up late at night with her non-rushing roommate. They had a social at her dorm last night, too. I am thinking she was too tired to think straight on the phone this morning. She said none of the other girls in her group looked upset when they got their schedules, but I told her I wouldn't be surprised if there are some who drop out now.

Because we are not from the South, Lindsey is literally the only girl from her high school class rushing ANYWHERE. They don't know what it is and/or don't care about Greek life where we live. I think she is already one up on her friends from high school for going through the experience.

I still think it will turn out well for her in the end (fingers crossed).

Someone once told me you can't control your feelings, but you can control your words and actions. She was upset and spoke to you about it (an outsider, and in confidence). Then she picked herself up and moved on. Assuming she a) continues with rush and b) doesn't go bashing her remaining choices, she is not being a spoiled baby. She is being a regular 18-year-old, who is perhaps learning a lesson in this whole thing, and will hopefully find her home.

"When I asked her why she isn’t excited that her number one choice, Risky Business, had invited her back she said, “Because now I’m sure that they are just going to cut me too.” Logic, anybody? She is afraid to risk more hope on a process that she realizes she doesn’t have too much control over. I begged her to take the risk and not drop out. After she cried some more while I kept trying to focus on the good news, she agreed to stay with it for now.......


.....I expect some negative comments from GCers regarding my daughter’s reaction. Is she being a spoiled baby who wanted a perfect rush? Yes! Is she being ungrateful for what she has, which is an almost full schedule with three great groups left on it? Yes! Please remember, she is tired, stressed, far away from her family for the first time, and lacks perspective due in part to being only eighteen years old. Please pray for her and that after the nap she was about to take, she will have a whole new attitude. Thank you!"



My daughter gave me permission to write her rush story and put in on here after she finishes college, so I have it all written out and ready to go (impatiently waiting). Both of these paragraphs - the first one virtually word for word - are in it. They don't make sense when they're tired, stressed, and young (heck, I don't make sense when I'm tired, stressed and old) and it is what it is. It sounds like you are doing a great job walking her through it and encouraging her. Sometimes all the mom can do is listen. Best of luck to your daughter and you the next two days!

AXOMom - Without GC I might feel like the only person going through this! It's so great to know others have walked the same path and made it out on the other side. From your screen name it appears to have worked out well for your daughter, so that is an encouragement. Thanks!!!

Oh, absolutely - after this job interviews and approaching cute guys will be a piece of cake. (I know you don't want to hear about the guy part, Mom. LOL)

Best of luck of your daughter -- she's so lucky to have you in her corner! Keep us posted on her story. I can't imagine having the process last 2 weeks!

Hoping for the best! :)

I'm thinking of buying a plane ticket and going to Bid Day. I know it's different at every school, but at Arkansas a lot of families gather around the Chi Omega Greek Theater when the girls open bids. I heard some houses even have a brief activity with families. I know I won't spend much time with her if she gets a bid, but I could help her get ready for Pref night since her roommate isn't rushing.

Since I won't know until the last minute if Lindsey will be getting a bid, I think I'm just going to make the plans now. It might wind up being "Big Bowl of Ice Cream Day" instead of Bid Day, but I think I want to be there even more if it turns out that way. I told her that I would take her riding up and down Sorority Row to egg the houses if she doesn't get a bid. TOTALLY kidding so please don't worry, but it made her laugh.

Any other moms out there who went to Bid Day? Please describe your experience. Were you just in the way or is it a special memory?

I went to bid day at Auburn, and was very glad I did! My daughter needed that time after Pref to chill out, and talk openly about the process. It's so much easier to talk in person than over skype or the phone. Also, once I got there and saw her, I knew that she was okay, no matter what happened on bid day! (I needed that too!)

I didn't feel in the way at Auburn at all. There were lots of people (parents, grandparents, boyfriends, etc waiting for the bids to be opened.) There was a nice reception at her house as well. I didn't stay long! Just long enough to visit a bit.

So, yes, I'd say go for it!

Hang in there MomofPNM11!! I was in your shoes last year :) You sound like a caring, loving mom who just wants her daughter to be happy, we get it! My daughter too was out of state and had no idea about any of the 17 houses she went through. Since she was from out of state, she also knew Nobody in any of the houses. In the end, she pledged a house, became an active and now can't imagine her life without her sisters in it! Whichever house your daughter ends up in, she will find her niche of friends and will form a bond like no other. But, I totally understand her feelings right now, as well as yours. And no, she isn't being a spoiled brat etc., her feelings are very real and rejection is hard to take from anybody especially at the tender age of 18! Stay strong for her, and yourself. I think the idea of being there for Bid day is a great idea. My husband and I were there for our daughter, as were many parents. It's an exciting time! And, as a mother, it will be special for you to be there for her no matter what the outcome! P.S. Agree with the glass of vodka! Or in my case it was a nightly glass of cold chardonnay!! Good luck, keep us posted :)

When I went through rush back in the stone ages, I had two favorites after Round 2 and I was so nervous for similar reasons. One did cut me but the other became my home.

MomofPNM11 - You know that I am pulling for you and "Lindsey." Hang in there with parties today and the week long wait! I am so glad that I didn't have to go through that!

I agree that the rejection aspect of recruitment is one of the hardest things to deal with as a PNM (and I am sure as a parent as well - thank goodness my legacy is young and I have a little time to work on that). For most of these young ladies, it could be the first time that they didn't achieve something that they really wanted. It also is hard if you are comparing yourself to those around you, like your gamma chi group or friends that you have made at college. If they seem to get all their favorites inviting them back each round, girls do feel the "what did I do wrong" or "what did XYZ not see in me." Understanding a little about RFM helps the head, but not always the heart. The only advice I can really say is be confident in yourself, bloom where you are planted, and be the change you want to see in your group. Take it from me, the faster you can get over being rejected in any aspect of life (sorority, job, etc); the faster you get to exactly where you are supposed to be in life. Looking forward to hearing more!

Virtually all of us have been through to some extent or another just what your daughter is going through. It is exactly normal. Once she's been to the other side she will see that to a freakishly large extent, it isn't personal. I mean, yes, there are girls who are cut - we don't like her, she's outta here - but mostly it's just where they fall on the list.

This split rush system is being used on a couple campuses - Illinois and Iowa are two I can think of. My understanding is that retention rates go up a lot by giving the girls a breather. I think a lot of girls who say screw it, I'm done, will have a different opinion after they've had a chance to return to normal life for a few days. That house that seems completely unacceptable seems perfectly fine when they see chapter members walking around on campus and they don't have horns or tails.

Thank you so much for wonderful support and advice, Wavy and Dubai!

Lindsey called me when she was about to get ready for her House Tour party today. She was a totally different girl! She is fine now and happy to be going forward. :)

If I weren't posting in real time, I probably would have left Lindsey's emotional breakdown out of the story, but that wouldn't give other PNM's and their moms a realistic view of the ups and downs of recruitment.

Anyway, this thread is serving as my therapy, which I won't need after recruitment is over. I have no one else to really talk about it with. My husband wanted Lindsey to pick a certain sorority because they have the same colors as his favorite football team. Umm... yeah that's how it works.

My daughter is at Univ. of Iowa. They break rush into two weeks as well. It will all start next week. I think your daughters reaction is perfectly normal. My oldest went through rush several years ago at a mid-size mid-western school. Even though the greek system wasn't huge, she was still cut after first rounds and she also felt like quitting. She stuck it out, got 3(!) pref round invites (two houses she really liked and one failing house) Got into her first choice! oh and that "failing house?" it closed that following January. Very sad.

It's 5 o'clock somewhere! Hope that all you anxious moms can relax for a bit!

Ya know, Tigerfan, it is Friday and I think I'm going to pick up a lovely bottle of Pinot Grigio. It's been quite a week. Poor PNM's can't even have a drink (mine BETTER NOT anyway).

Good! You deserve a nice glass of wine (or 2!) Did you get your plane ticket?

I haven't said this in any of my posts -- I really admire these girls! I don't have many memories of my own rush experience, and I certainly don't remember tears or stress. This is an exhausting process from both sides. Your daughter is doing great, and has such a wonderful attitude! (I'm sure the apple doesn't fall from the tree!)

I believe this is the first time Arkansas has extended their recruitment into a second week and I would think the vast number of girls going through is what brought on the change.

My dentist's daughter went through recruitment at Arkansas last year and her mother was there on bid day. I say definitely plan on being there bid day.

I bought the plane ticket, so I am going to be there next weekend! I'm so excited to see my daughter no matter what happens with recruitment.

Good Luck to Mom and to daughter. I am in the same boat but at a different university. On the outside I am sunshine and flowers...on the inside I am really nervous. I dont remember my mom being like this but then again, everything wasn't so dang competitive. I am glad I only have a boy left. All he worries about is his next meal. Take care!