Interesting Lunch Today....Why actives should read...
 

My husband and I were having lunch today in Austin. We were seated by a group of girls from ABC (wearing their letters loud and proud) who were on what I am guessing was a break from work week. To say they were chatty was mild, but I was surprised how they were slamming their own leadership. The were going on and on about fines, and how "dumb" and "stupid" they were...etc. About how they didn't like the skit, the girls that showed up intoxicated today (and how they were angry those girls did not get in trouble...grain of salt here....no one knows what happens behind closed doors...., etc) They continued on about other house's fine structure (which I assume is just rumor...I certainly took it as such)

I guess I am just really surprised at the outwardness of the conversations in a public place, during UT move-in week. Certainly they are smart enough to know they could be surrounded by PNMs, Parents, Alums and other chapter actives. In my eyes, it made a group that my daughter has mentioned favorably, not look so great.

I know for me, had those girls represented my sorority, I would have spoken up. Certainly chapters stress that all eyes (and ears) are on them....two days before recruitment begins?????:eek:

Not good at all, especially since they had thier letters on..:eek: I guess they think no one is listening to them or that all of the PNM's arent there yet..you are so right though..anyone could be listening!

Please tell me that they weren't ADPis!! Our Pledge Mom hammered "The D in Delta is for Discretion!" into us on a daily basis!

They were not ADPis...and that will have to be last chapter I comment on or it will come out by elimination....:rolleyes: But you asked first.

Discretion and airing one's gripes is an important skill to learn for any point in life. Is it important to air one's gripes? Sure. Is it smart to do it loudly in public right before a big presentation or sale pitch? NO.

What's even worse is when a pnm's heli-mom takes to the intarwebz to further the gossip and cast shade on all the sororities at the University of Texas.

This is a recurring problem, at least in my chapter. People complaining in public about how they have to go to Chapter tonight, or even people not watching what they say when in letters (omg! so drunk last night!). People don't realize that people associate your entire group with you when you are wearing them...and even when you are not.

For instance, if you have a class three times a week, and always sit in the third chair from the right, and wear your letters often, people will not magically forget you are an XYZ they day you forgo letters. For some reason girls don't understand that they are always wearing their letters, and you should act as such.

Barbie I respect everyone's opinion here. I seriously don't consider my post from the helicopter viewpoint. I was speaking as a alum who was a bit dumbfounded that a chapter at a competitive recruitment (or any chapter for that matter) has not been properly advised to use a bit of their brains in public when they have to know the place is crawling with PNMs, actives, alums and chapter advisors.

Now a word on parenting. I will parent my child the way I see fit. So far I have sent 4 to college and their college experiences, although varied, have produced productive, independent adults. I have never been a parent of a girl experiencing sorority recruitment. I have been the PNM, the active and the alum. I know a little about a bunch of stuff and much about some stuff. I raise my children with manners, proper etiquette, and respect. Am I guilt of hovering. I sure have been. I am also guilty of pushing them off the edge with no parachute. Every situation is play by play. So as choices are made to slam parent relationships (Which this particular post has NOTHING to do with) remember you have no idea what the play by play of every situation is. So walk in my shoes and I will love to stand by as you pass judgement. Watch me walk....you have no voice.

Well said, Eightisgreat.

Extremely well said!

During recruitment last year I heard one sorority member at the school union complaining about her chapter's grade requirements that had recently been raised as well as other basic requirements of the sorority. She was also talking disparingly about the PNMs in general. She was wearing letters and was sitting at a table surrounded by women who could easily have been going through recruitment. We warn PNMs that they should clean up their facebook and watch themselves around others, I don't see anything wrong with discussing that it works the same way for the sorority women as well.

Very well said. I think eightisgreat raises a good point. Actives should be just as careful of what they say/do in public as PNMs.

What's even worse is when someone is too scared to post on her username that identifies her school and letters.

You know, the username that might even make your post semi-relevant besides just being a failed attempt at snark.

As one mother to another (with bright successful children in their own right) I totally agree with everything you said! I was accused of being a "PNM heli mom" this time last year as well, but for whatever its worth, take these comments lightly! Most GCer's are very supportive and give great advice as I think you did in the original post above! The best of luck to your daughter, this is such an exciting time for the both of you!

Texas APhi?

Amen sister! Very well said!

i think the topic is right on, and oh so timely, with some recruitments having already been completed, others taking place right now and others commencing in the coming weeks.

If she had wanted to spread rumors-how can it be a rumor if you are an eye witness?-she would have named names.

^^^yep this. In fact, I just sent a note to my board to remind the Chapter that they are not to talk about any aspect formal recruitment in public at all and that includes complaining.

If you don’t think scurrying to the internet to gossip about what you say you overheard some members of a chapter talking about is being overly involved with your dd, then there’s no hope for you. No matter what your fellow hovering fwapfwaps here have to say.

I sincerely hope your daughter does not become the second Texas PNM to have her recruitment torpedoed by her mother’s behavior here.

Oh, take a freaking chill pill. If she had named the sorority she encountered it would have been gossip. She didn't. I think it's pretty clear to everyone but you what her intent was. She's a concerned alumna reminding collegians to watch what they say in public.

If that's a threat, you really need to get a life.

^^ Looking for a LIKE button!

Oh for heaven's sake. This is a cautionary tale that can be used for many aspects of life-don't whine in public about your sorority. Or job, boss, family, mother in law, friends... I guess I'll just have to get in the fwapfwap line.

Scurry---to move around in an agitated, confused, or fluttering manner. Let me clarify; when I logged onto Greek Chat this afternoon, I was not agitated, confused or fluttering......

Secondly, my daughter has NOTHING to do with this. I was not at lunch with her, I was not in downtown Austin for her, I was at lunch with my HUSBAND. My perspective came from the active/alum standpoint. If I did not have a daughter at UT this year, would you even have called this out? I have no idea where you went to school, what letters you wear or what your motives are. I can only control my own behavior and I know my motives were honest and clean, and my post was intended to serve as a reminder to everyone involved in recruitment to honor their creeds, their sisterhood and to behave with integrity. If you feel this is..."fwapfwap" then so be it.

Team Eightisgreat.

I have no children, so kindly try not to make a blanket accusation about me being a heli-mom. I've read and lurked and sometimes posted on GC for a very long time, and I've seen my share of heli-parents. This is not one of those situations. This is not gossip mongering, or being overly involved in a daughter's recruitment. I think you need to take a step back here, because *your* comments are the most inappropriate thing about this thread.

OP, your post was timely and spot on, and a good reminder for all the sorority women who are actively participating in recruitment at the moment. Thank you for that.

:rolleyes: Thanks DrPhil

Food for thought:

I think, for me, it would have been appropriate to have gently spoken to those young women and cautioned them about their conversation at the time it was happening. That was a teachable moment, if done with respect. And, if I were the advisor for that chapter, I'd be very grateful to another woman who, in Panhellenic spirit, watched out for my actives.

Two nights ago I was in a local restaurant, and I watched two NPC groups from the UofA eating dinner, laughing and talking and teasing each other. Bear in mind these two groups are "rivals" in recruitment, but you'd never know it from their behavior at that restaurant. I called both chapter's advisors and let them know how well their actives represented their chapters while wearing their letters in public.

If you're going to flame me, please save it for later. I've been battling dragons and minotaurs for weeks. My spear has gotten quite a workout. I'm simply offering a different perspective, based on years of supervision and interaction with college-aged people.

For the life of me, I can't begin to see how it has anything to do with her daughter. At all.

I was with you on a certain other Texas mom, but on this one, I really think you need to give a rest.

AZ: You had the NERVE to compliment people on their behavior?

Eight: You are posting something that all of us should remember or learn about our behavior in public?

Fie!!! Fie on both your houses!!

Team Fwap fwap!! whatever that means...Lol!

OMG...Just looked up the meaning of fwap fwap, according to Urban dictionary, I sincerely hope thats not what we are!

In this context:

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...bhjPWIK5TMZLry

The more common reference is what you found on Urban Dictionary. I had to learn that GCers were talking about the sound of a helicopter.

I think this is yet another example of people needing to take a deep breath before touching the keyboard. There was ZERO reason to take the OP out of context. Now, if she'd said, I'm not going to name the sorority, but they were wearing kites (or keys, or quills, or fill in the blank....) then THAT would be snarky and unnecessary.

I would request that if it was Alpha Xi that you'd contact someone at the chapter. I would hate to think our members were that clueless.

The girls were just blowing off steam, but they do have to learn that you can't talk about that stuff in public. I can totally hear the tent talk - the Alpha Beta house is drunk during rush. Can you believe it? Yes, I heard it myself - some girls were saying how their sisters were drunk during rush! Not good.

ellebud, I know I owe you an email, but really - do you have to shame me on GC? :o I was just channeling my best friend the PiPhi who is, in every sense of the word, an Angel and she would have not only complimented the parties in question, she would have made flower arrangements and baked cookies. I myself woulda gone primitive with the spear, reverting to form; but I'm working on self-control.

ETA: KSU, you not talkin' to me, right? OK, I'm going to sleep now.

For real.

If I came to GC or contacted a chapter every time I overheard or saw a member of the Greek system say something I don't think they should I'd be doing that all day and night, and that's not even counting accidental facebook discoveries. I'm on a college campus in a college town, and frankly there are bigger concerns than a venting session that isn't even from my sorority, let alone chapter. Do I think people should consider time and place? Yes. Do I think it is my business to police a sorority or chapter that isn't mine when it isn't a discussion of something illegal or unsafe, but just a poor choice for in public? Hell no.

I do have no problem informing on a perp though, which is a whole separate situation.