When you aren't "the best girl"
 

Okay, so I don't remember the exact thread I read this on (and it could be a few years old, even) but someone mentioned that MTSU sororities are quite competitive in wanting the "Best Girls".

The comment-er went on to explain that the "Best" were those who were Pageant winners, very athletic, dance oriented, and those with super high GPAs.

Now, I am none of these things, unless you count my 3.5ish GPA (I say ish because it is around there, but I do not wish to specify) which doesn't seem super high to me. I've never been keen on athletics. I only dance for fun and like a dork might I add. And the only pageant I've ever been in was when I was a child for the small town I grew up in (it was for some holiday for a parade or something. As you can see, I remember it so well).

This is both a question and a comment.

Comment first.

I assume I will have to work very hard to stand out and make myself look like a good asset to the sorority. Be chatty (which thankfully, is one of my strong suits) and friendly. Avoid the no-no topics and make myself memorable.

But how? How does one who is just your "average" sweet girl make herself stand out in a crowd full of over achieving, dancing or athletic pageant winners? I know there is no "right" answer, and most will say, "Just be yourself!" but.. I'm sure there are others out there who are like me, "average", who are just as scared that we will be passed over for those who are "better".

I'm not looking for a definitive answer, but more along the lines of tips and tricks to get yourself noticed.

And obviously these tips don't have to be just for MTSU, but for any recruitment (though tips for slightly to very competitive recruitment might be best).

Thanks ladies. :]

A noticeable, but not obnoxiously so conversation piece.

http://allwomenstalk.com/wp-content/...-bracelets.jpg

http://www.google.com/url?source=img...vud2grtkLzGi4whttp://www.google.com/url?source=img...ISf4mh9ZPJjsxQhttp://www.google.com/url?source=img...F78Z6v557jJCiwhttp://www.google.com/url?source=img...GEUuyR2cScdawQ



Whatever it is, make it your signature piece. That way, the sisters can say, "Oh, yeah, that girl with the cool necklace/chunky bracelet/funky scarf.

In addition to a killer accessory, make sure you have some killer (but honest!) stories to share. Look for ways to bump up the conversation from "So, what did you do this summer?" to bonding topics. I always remember the girls that talk about loving to cook, baking, or food network (don't judge!), because those are things I'm interested in. Basically, try to branch out in your conversations and open yourself up a little more than normal.

What she said.

Rehearse something for the "pregnant pauses". Often an active will get cold feet too and ask, "do you have any questions"? Ok, so that is something we train our girls not to say, but it happens. Ask about the philanthropy, why they selected the chapter, etc. If you really want to figure out with whom in the chapter you can better connect, ask if there is anyone from your hometown in the chapter or in your major.

Oh, that is actually a fantastic idea.. And as I am in the process of re-doing my entire wardrobe with some louder pieces, so I will look into this. I assume stand out hair pieces (flowers and head bands) will work?

If I may, why are they called "pregnant pauses"? I mean, I have heard about awkward pauses, but.. pregnant?

But yes, I will remember to bring something interesting to ask or talk about to the table. Thank you. :]

Specific anecdotes are good. So, if someone says "what did you do over the summer?", instead of "went on vacation with my family" you could be like "my family went to new york to see some shows and visit museums. I really loved The Book of Mormon, and the art at the Met really impressed me".

Now to actually do something that cool. Good example though, thank you.

If you really feel you are not a "best girl" ... go to a small school. The really "huge" sororities don't colonize at the small schools so you can blow them off with no loss to our self-esteem. If you are a "good girl," you will likely be pledged to a totally rockin' strong national sorority and will benefit from strong Panhellenic connections for the rest of your life.

We can't all get our letters from our great-grandma ... but you can have a valued set to pass along!

:confused: What?? This post completely baffles me. It seems like she has already decided she is going to MTSU and is looking for ways she can stand out, so your advice makes no sense. It actually seems like you are condescending to sororities who are not "huge." You say that if she's not a "good girl," she should go to a small school, where the "rockin' strong national sororities" don't colonize. It doesn't seem very Panhellenic of you to say something like that. Maybe I just took it the wrong way, but that's how you came across.

OP, just be yourself and be confident. Dress for success and look your best. Follow the tips the other posters have already brought up. Don't worry about tiers or reputations, join the sorority that's best for YOU and where you feel comfortable. After all, you wouldn't want to be in a chapter where you felt like you always had to be looking and acting perfect, right? Good luck :)

OP, talk about the things you DID do. What did you participate in while you were in high school--there are many things that can make you stand out--not just dancing & pageants.

& to Loyally Kappa--I beg to disagree, I go to a small school and all of our sororities are top national sororities, including two which are considered "top" at many SEC schools, so I don't think that's correct. Beyond that--PNMs shouldn't go into recruitment looking to join a "big" sorority, but rather attempting to find their true sisterhood.

And you're not joining letters, you're making friends. We could spend hours on why you think you are not "best girl" but most of us are not literally beauty queens, but still have something great to offer. I for one have a charming way with humor and sarcasm (:rolleyes:) and a fantastic ability to organize. But was I Gamma Phi material (on my campus)? No. Am I sorry about that? NO. I would not have wanted to be on 24/7 and I have to think there was a certain pressure there to look great all the time.

I think as rush can be such a blow to your self-esteem, it would be very healthy for you to spend some time thinking about what makes you awesome. If you are REALLY short on self-esteem, maybe you can talk to a very trusted friend or your mother. Rush is no time to be self-depricating, but knowing which of your MANY attributes to cheer about might take some forethought. Put yourself together a play list of girl power music (I Am Woman by Helen Reddy comes to mind but there are plenty that are much more current), and write out, even if for your eyes only, what makes you great. Then burn it if you have to but try to keep the message in your heart. You undoubtedly have something a sorority wants - you just have to find the right marketing and packaging so they KNOW you are who they want.

If your concern is your physical appearance, what can you do about that in the couple weeks before recruitment starts? Maybe get a rockin new haircut, a full make over (and learning how to apply the makeup), a wardrobe overhaul overseen by someone you think has awesome taste. If you think you are not rockin it now, then obviously there's something you would like to change. So change it! That can feel like a leap into the deep end, but it might be the self-esteem boost you need right now.

Good luck!

In the same way that some houses, I suppose, are only looking for "the best girls," there are some pnms that are only looking for "the top houses." Would you want to be in a house that was that superficial? I wouldn't. Go in being genuine and unique. Don't look for things that make you "best," but things that make you "different." A great jewelry piece is a wonderful idea. But look for things to talk about that make you stand out-- are you funny? Were you in any extracurriculars? Were you once ran over by Santa and his reindeer? There has to be something that makes YOU uniquely YOU.
Believe it or not the sorority members are nervous too. They aren't all looking for the "best girls" but the "best fit." Let the process work, and be confident in who you are. If you don't find a fit, that's okay too. There are lots of other ways and places to get involved on campus. It doesn't mean that you weren't "top" or "awesome," it just means you weren't the right fit! (Kind of like the awesome shoes that I saw this weekend-- but they were three sizes too small!) :)

OP, there are going to be far more average girls going thru recruitment than there are beauty queens. be yourself, use some of the suggestions from the above posters and enjoy the process. your writing is insightful and witty-if you can translate that from the written to the spoken word, you should be fine.

loyally kappa-really? there are just no words.....

I know this sounds like cliche advice, but focus on your conversations. I have been on the other side of recruitment a couple times now, and most of the girls I talked to were cute but after talking to three girls over 11 to 12 parties, I don't even remember what half of them look like. I DO remember if I talked to a girl where I had a great conversation.

As for more solid advice, I agree with the above posters that you could pick out a statement piece of jewelry, or maybe as you said a cute headband each day! My fashion advice however has always been "if you have to ask if it looks good, you probably shouldn't wear it"; wear something that you will feel comfortable in and don't try a wild hairstyle/trend without seeing how it looks on you first. You can get a natural looking (SUNLESS) tan, look up what haircuts/styles are really popular for your face shape, and work out to both make yourself healthier but it will also make you happier.

Don't overly focus on your appearance though, because there are going to be prettier girls (there always is in every situation in life) and if you value your personal appearance over your personality, your going to shoot yourself in the foot before rounds with a drop in your self-esteem. Also, even if you talk to a supermodel sorority member, don't assume for any reason you aren't good enough for them.

At the end of the day, when I am recruiting girls I'm not looking to form a "hot girl posse". I'm recruiting girls that I can see myself becoming best friends with, if you are confident and sweet (but yes, at least polished too) you should be fine :)
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And to Loyally Kappa... While being presentable is important, people cannot control what they physically look like to an extent without plastic surgery. I hope that when you recruit girls you look for if they would fit in your chapters personality as well as if they match your nationals ideals.

One of the things that sororities want is committed members. If you end up in a sorority, is it going to be your number 1 extracurricular activity? If so, tell them that!

I am hoping that LoyallyKappa is being sarcastic. If she isn't, she should probably revisit her sorority's chapter list and realize that they've chartered at quite a few un-huge schools.

I took it the same way, victoriana, so it probably isn't just you..

And what you say makes sense. I will find the chapter that fits me best regardless of stereotypes or "tiers". Thank you. :]

Thank you very much. :]

I couldn't have asked for a more perfect response and piece of advice. Thank you for everything you said. I will take most of this to heart and really "beef up" my personality and confidence so I really shine. :]

OP just be sure to not make what I think of as "closed statements." The vacation example is a good one!

Even if you don't do "cool" stuff over the summer, tell enough information about what you did so that the recruiter can ask follow ups!

Ex:
Recruiter: "What did you do this summer, MTSUHopeful?"
You: "I worked most of the summer. I'm a lifeguard at an outdoor pool, and I taught swimming lessons. I really love to spend my time in the water."
Recruiter: "Are you on the swim team?"
You: "No. I like to play sports but organized sports aren't really my thing. But, I grew up on a lake, and spent most of my summers growing up swimming and boating, so being a lifeguard is something I enjoy because it reminds me of where I was raised. What do you do over the summers?"
Recruiter tells you a short story, you haven't dominated the whole conversation and have given enough info but not too much, and have told more about yourself than the actual things you did. This'll help you stick out in the recruiter's mind - "Oh, yeah, MTSUHopeful, the lifeguard that lived on a lake!"

A bad example would be:
Recruiter: "What did you do this summer, MTSUHopeful?"
You: "I worked most of the summer."

Give enough for a follow-up!

Also, this was an actual conversation I had with a recruiter in my chapter (full disclosure: I went through informal recruitment, but the conversation aspect is still the same).

Ooh, good explanation. Thank you. And it is amusing how much that exact example fits me and my situation. I work a lot to help pay for school and I actually did grow up near a lake!).

So thank you!

I actually looked at MTSU when I was in high school and seriously considered going there. Even if you don't end up Greek, I'm sure you'll have a fabulous time. But I hope things work out for you, you seem to have a great personality :)

Honestly, above all, a sparkling personality is the best accessory. Sincerity, friendliness, confidence, and an open mind are important, too.

Keep in mind that sororities DO things - throw parties, raise funds, build floats, put on musical reviews, update their websites, etc., so if you are talented or even just enthusiastic about things they need, it may be considered a plus.

What were you involved with in high school? There is actually skill and value to running the prom, making costumes for the school play, organizing a local charity walk, making signs, working on a website. Let them know that you're not just another cute girl - that you're a tutor, or a website designer, or a float-builder, an artist, a seamstress, a golfer, a pretty good cook, a carpenter, a singer, or someone who can run a meeting.

Let them know that when you join something, you have a track record of bringing something to the table. There are too many girls going through recruitment for status or because mom wants them to, or their best friend wants them to. Communicate to them that you're doing it because you want to use your skills and contribute, just like you did in high school, in your church group, or wherever.

[QUOTE=33girl;2079253]I am hoping that Loyally Kappa is being sarcastic.

How could I have not been being sarcastic?

A kind nod to the moderators here (because for years I have admired how gracious to everyone you always manage to be), but for someone to post pictures of interesting chunky jewelry as "advice" just sorta rubbed me the wrong way.

[QUOTE=Loyally Kappa;2079934]I don't really see how that's a problem or even bad advice. I mean obviously not everyone would be able to pull something like what she showed off, but there are the select (and lucky) few who can wear things like that and it just works. Are all of those my style? No. Could I pull most of those off? No. Maybe one of those pieces could fit into my style and it would work, but those..

And, as I was asking for ways to stand out in a crowd.. I mean, she answered my request.

Perhaps this is one of those times when you watch as the Greeks work things out.

Advice: Wear a conversation piece that's noticeable.

Pictures: Examples, so she doesn't think I mean to come to rush with a pizza on her head* for a conversation piece.


Nevermind, being sarcastic is obviously much more helpful, so I'll defer to your excellent advice. :cool::cool:


*Does anyone get this reference, or am I officially old?

That seems a bit rude of you to say.

I mean, it is my thread. And I'm pretty sure I have a right to disagree with people.. Not trying to be rude here, but telling me to mind my own business in my thread seems contradictory.

Good luck.

Thank you. :]