Moms & Recruitment
 

Couple of questions....when I pledged...way in the day :rolleyes: actives actually came to our dorms, put a t-shirt over our head and took us to the house. I have very little memory of the actual bidding process, but I do remember the "kidnapping" of bid day....so....as I have been reading a few threads, I have noticed that some moms go to bid day activities. Is this common? And for reference, I am speaking about competitive southern schools. My daughter asked me if I was coming to bid day and frankly, I am not sure where my place would be (assuming she gets that far) Also...how do you keep your PNMs nerves down? The shopping stress is bad enough...couple that with the crisis of confidence that is sprinkled in here and there...it is shaping up to be a long 5 weeks.

I can't speak to Moms on bid day, as my campus didn't do that.

As far as keeping your daughter calm, make sure she knows exactly what to expect! Have her come here are read, read, read the threads about recruitment. Make sure she understands that she is never "cutting" a group, only ranking her preferences, and she must always keep an open mind! Also make sure she knows it's normal not to have a full party schedule, and it only takes one bid. If she is prepared for a realistic (not perfect) recruitment, she will be far less nervous, and it may eliminate some tearful phone calls along the way. The more she reads here on GC, the more she will know what to expect.

At Auburn, it's getting pretty common for moms to take a hotel room in town for the week. Some are there from the beginning, others go if their daughters are having a bad rush. With the heavy cutting that some AU sororities have to do with the new rush figures, it seems like there are more moms down there every year. Tons of parents are at Bid Day.

lane swerve/

Are these Greek parents or parents, in general?

With this type of parental presence and involvement, does it ever become difficult to draw the line between this and helicopter parents?

/lane swerve

Probably both. At Auburn and a few other schools, it has become a tradition and now a lot of women hope their families and friends will be there for them. These parents don't spend the rest of the year with their noses in the chapter rooms (unless they're asked to be on parent committees) but Bid Day is a big deal there.

I think this is something that has REALLY changed over the years. I would have DIED of embarrassment if my Mom would have shown up on campus while I was in rush, but it sounds like now it's sort of a welcome to the sorority for the parents as well, which isn't all bad since they're likely the ones forking over a wad of cash. But personally, I think I'd have Mom show up for bid day, and not before.

Bid Day is a huge deal at Alabama, as well. Moms, DADS, and siblings show up for all the festivities. Most all of the houses have lunch for everyone, including the families of the girls. I live an hour away, so no need to spend the night, although I always did if I helped out during the week of recruitment. So...if it's a big southern school, I say YES, go to Bid Day...don't forget the gifts!

So I guess this is where I get confused. When looking at bid day pictures of the University where my daughter will be attending I see photos of the girls all standing proud with bids in their hands (behind their backs) but I don't see any moms. Maybe the moms are the ones taking the pictures, but my understanding is that the girls run to their respective houses so I guess I am unclear on where a mom's place would be? I don't want to be one of the fews moms not there, but I don't want to be the only one there either:eek: Oh the fine line.

Since I don't know where your daughter is attending, I can only speak about the University of Alabama to give you an idea. Everyone is crowded in the street outside of the stadium. Believe me, your daughter will text you which sorority she gets. When the girls come out, they are already grouped with their sorority and go to the house together. You would then make your way to that house. There will be lots of picture-taking by everyone....the pros will be there to take their pledge class pictures, as well as the entire chapter. It's lots of fun!

Out here, in the wild west, the parents do not routinely show up for bid day. Yes, it is possible if an alum mom has a daughter in the house AND one going through recruitment AND the mother has worked in the background throughout recruitment.......but here it's for the new members and the actives.

have you gone on the panhellenic website for your daughter's school? does panhellenic extend an invitation to parents to join their daughters on bid day?

Where is your daughter getting her information, that parents attend bid day? did she hear about that during her orientation? was it in information she received about recruitment?

parents do not typically attend bid day activities at my daughter's school, so i made the decision not to show up on bid day. even though it appeared that she would end up pledging the zta chapter at her school, i did not want to put any pressure on her, in case it did not work out that way. it also helped that we live 12 hours away, so it would have been a calculated plan to be there. she did join zta and i attended her initiation. looking back, i think that if i had attended bid day when the majority of parents were not there, it would have been an awkward situation for her(a brand new member, who is going to feel awkward enough until she gets to know her brand new sisters) and for me. she had enough to deal with, without me being there.

There are some moms at the initial bid day celebrations at the houses at Texas but your daughter will be far from alone without you. Although I'm sure it varies between groups, a lot of the moms present seem to have a legacy relationship or are involved alumnae or local. I'm sure there are more moms around behind the scenes especially waiting to console daughters.

Again, although things vary by house, there isn't a huge long event at each house at least compared to places like Bama etc. So the part where moms would be present wouldn't usually be the biggest part of the day.

All the PNMs will gather to receive their bids. Then they get to come back to the house to have some fun with their new sisters. Usually it involves food, games, photos, getting gifts, going on an outing etc, but the activities vary by chapter. A lot of chapters will take their new members back to their residence hall to change into something more comfortable once the photos are taken and things are ready to get more casual. Then it's off to an off site event.

It was mentioned above that at Auburn, it's getting pretty common for moms to take a hotel room in town for the week. This isn't really true. In the past, there have been a few moms who have come to town for the week, but it's not common or encouraged. The potential members are kept very busy and there is really nothing for the parents to do. When a handful of parents show up at recruitment events, it's awkward for them and their daughters. Rather than appearing supportive, they look like (using a phrase from above) helicopter parents.

However, parents are invited to bid day and bid day events. Those are fun and intended to introduce a new member and her parents to the organization. The events only last a couple of hours, though. The sorority will work hard to reinforce the connection made during recruitment, so parents who can't be there shouldn't be discouraged. Still, only about half of the new members have parents there, and those who don't have family there will not be lonely.

?? There were 42 moms staying in one nearby hotel alone last year.

At most SEC schools, the parents are there. As another poster said, check the school's PH web site or just call the Greek office. They'll tell you. At Alabama they actually have activities for the family to familiarize them with Greek life and that chapter in particular.

Let's clarify that we mean for bid day, right?

And let's also clarify that even in the SEC, it's pretty recent, isn't it. Wasn't it only moms who were members of the chapter who might have attended bid day before the millennials got to college?

Has this really happened anyplace historically other than Auburn and Alabama?

ETA: I think the advice to check with the greek life office is perfect.

There weren't moms at Arkansas, Auburn, or Mississippi State during rush or Bid Day that I remember back in the day. Not sure when Bid Day became a family event there.

One of my daughters went Greek at Jacksonville State and their Bid Day was a family event (for those of you who remember the Baby Berry Rush); I went with Ballerina.

I don't think it's a big parent event at UGA, even now.

I think this is may be a generational change even within the SEC. That probably underscores the point that parents should call Greek Life before they show up on bid day.

I don't like the helicopteriness of parents feeling like they have to be there for recruitment itself, but some aspects of family bid day seem pretty cute.

At Ole Miss it is a family affair. I had not planned on attending as I thought it would "cramp her style". However, after a week at school DD called and asked for me to be there. I was totally shocked at the dads, grandparents and siblings waiting at the house as well as the moms. I was trying to imagine me explaining to my husbands and sons why they should miss Sunday football for Bid Day. Heck, I was not even sure what house she was in and would never have presumed to go to her 1st choice and wait without knowing, but somehow all these parents were aware ahead of time.

Anyhow, I would be there if your daughter asks. It is probably because she has heard that so many others will have family there. BTW, no one stuck around for long, just the picture taking, the initial welcome and a parent meeting where they welcomed us and explained how the meal plan worked, etc, but the girls were definitely off doing their own thing and parents were not included.

When I was a student at UGA, mothers didn't attend bid day events unless they were members of the same sorority as their daughters. It was more common for parents to send gifts to the house or their daughter's dorm. Then again, I rushed a whole decade ago... you never know if things have changed.

I echo the advice to contact the Greek Life Office if you are not sure whether to be there.

I thought from reading GC that parents at SEC bid days far predated the fwap fwap phenomenon.

I don't know anything about the culture at some SEC schools, but I think it's been going on at Alabama for a while and at Auburn a somewhat shorter period than Alabama. But if you look at the experience of the average member in her (mid to late?) 30s or 40s or older from those chapters, I don't think they had non-legacy parents at bid day.

But it pre-dated the rise of helicopter parents somewhat, I think.

(I kind of wonder if it changed about the same time that Auburn switched to semesters. Instead of parents sending their kids off for a week and seeing them at the first home football weekend practically the next weekend, on semesters, classes start a couple of weeks earlier than football. With recruitment being before classes, the first big campus event is probably bid day.)

I know that both Oklahoma and Oklahoma State the parents go up for Bid day. (have friends that had girls going thru at both schools last year)
I also have a friend who's DD went thru at Alabama last year and she did not go to bid day and her DD really missed her mom being there.

There are definitely moms,etc at Arkansas for Bid Day.

The PNMs are taken to the Greek Theater in their gamma chi groups. The moms,sisters,fathers, friends, etc are all waiting in the Greek Theater. PNMs are taken to the middle and then there is a countdown when they are allowed to open their bid cards and join their respective houses who are waiting in the stands.

Also do not show up empty handed. The Greek stuff sold that weekend would blow your mind. Even if you can't be there (and let's face it, not all moms can be) Get in touch with one of the stores selling Greek stuff and send her something. You can call that day or later in the day once you have heard where she pledged and they will get it to her.

My experience at UGA in the 1990s is that if your Mom was an XYZ, and you pledged XYZ, she would certainly be there for your initiation, and if she lived nearby, maybe she'd be there for pledging.

Our experience was that Mom and Dad would come for the next home football game, or even Homecoming, and we'd encourage our pledges (because that's what we called them in the dark ages) to have them come check out the house, meet the sisters and make sure their baby hadn't sold her soul to the devil.

We had a nice parents weekend in the Spring, and we encouraged parents to send flowers to the house during Rush (which is what we called it). But bid day was for the pledges and the sisters, who all needed time to decompress.

This is very true.. I has several friends whose girls go to OU and OSU and they all went up for Bid Day. It is much more common there than at Texas, although I think it is becoming more common at UT.
I did go to Bid Day last year because my daughter asked me to come. She was down to one house that she really loved and one that she didn't. I wanted to be there with her in case the news was not great...I am one that believes that you should at least go to the house and give the chapter a try, even if it's not the one you had your heart set on. I felt that I needed to be there to encourage her, just in case.
Luckily, she got the one that she wanted and it was a happy day. There were several mom's there and most of the ones that I spoke with were not legacies..they just wanted to support thier daughters. In fact, I rode down with 2 other mom's and neither were legacies.

One of her OOS friends was not so lucky and was very distressed about the bid she got. She was on the phone with her mom wailing...it was not good and I'm sure her mom felt helpless..we did however encourage her to give them a try.

Basically I would feel out some other moms from that particular school that have been through it before to see what they had done. In our case, I had talked to some that went the year before and they were glad they did.

I currently have a daughter in a greek organization at Auburn. Personally, I have never talked to any mother who stayed during the full week of rush, not to say it doesn't happen. Most mother's help with move in then leave the girls to fend for themselves. In my opinion, I don't really understand how the mothers could help during the week. The Pi Chis are great at guiding the girls through recruitment and mothers would not be allowed at rush events. If moms want to provide emotional support, this can be done over the phone if needed.

Families are however, invited to participate in bid day activities. Most sororities have a reception for family members after bids are given out. These festivites usually last only a couple of hours and the new members are then whisked away to participate in activities with their new pledge class.

Personally, my DD would have been horrified had I opted to stay the week of rush. Being on her own, she made new friends and bounced her questions off of room mates, her Pi Chi and friends in her rush group. Isn't that how it should be? The best thing mothers can do for their girls is be sure they are prepared for the emotional realities of recruitment and encourage them to have an open mind.

Parents also attend bid day at LSU. It seems to be about the same as most other SEC schools. I definetly didn't feel as if I was being a helicopter parent. It was just part of the tradition of LSU. As a matter of fact I barely saw my daughter. I visited with other parents, signed up the the mothers club, got info about fees. etc. In all I would recommend it.

It's great that parents are included for bid day, but it's funny to me to use the word "tradition" for something that's less than one generation old at most SEC campuses. Something that's a Greek tradition at Alabama, for instance, could go back to the early 20th century for some NPC groups and pre-Civil War for some of the fraternities.

All that matters today, of course, for bid day is whether parents are invited this year, not how far it goes back.

I live in GA and know that at UGA the Moms do not go over for Bid Day, unless she is a legacy (maybe then but not always). I know several Moms who were bummed that they could not go over to watch their daughters get their bids! Auburn and Alabama encourage parents and siblings to come to bid day and they even have their first parent meeting at Bid Day and introduce the parents to the sorority! Usually they do have refreshments or lunch, depending on the time of day.
As for parents staying all week, I have never heard of that at Auburn unless they have daughters presently in the sorority and many Moms (of sisters) do go over and help out at rush, preparing meals/getting catered meals ready for the girls, helping decorate chapter rooms, and providing snacks and cool drinks from the kitchen between parties. The moms are NOT allowed in the parties at all or in selection sessions. I have lots of friends whose daughters have gone through rush at AU and never have any of them booked a hotel room to stay during rush. But they do go over for bid day, and most of the Dads do too!