Making New Friends in a New Place
 

I've gotten good advice on GC before, and I could use a hand again.

I've moved for three months to a city that I know a handful of people in. I'm not close with those people, nor am I close (proximity wise) to them. I'm interning, but the other interns are starting later than me.

Basically, I'm lonely. I don't know how to put myself out there when I'm not in classes or immersed with people who are also looking for connections. It's early, and I know to give it time, but I also don't really know how to start finding friends. All my connections at school are scattered across the nation.

So, what would you suggest?

ETA: To clarify, I've done a lot of walking and exploring, and I've really enjoyed it. And my weekends I plan on going to all the museums around here (mostly with a good friend who is up here). But it's the weekday evenings that I'm struggling with.

ETA2: This is also just a summer placement! I won't be here beyond three months, so long term commitments (many service organization) are out.

I think once the other interns start, that will help. I know the interns at my work always end up being a tight knit bunch. In the mean time, what are you doing with your evenings? Even though you aren't close in proximity to the people you do know there, it wouldn't hurt to see if they'll go do something with you. Sometimes you just have to reach out, even if it is uncomfortable at first. Can you join a gym nearby? Take some sort of "fun" class through parks & rec? Get out and explore the area! Do you have friends who might be close enough to come visit for a weekend?

Starbucks, gym/yoga (I don't even like yoga that much but great way to make girl friends which basically makes your life), dog park (if you have one), restaurants, hotel pool parties are big where I live, etc.

Day stuff

Is there an A Chi O alumni group?

I was miserable when I first moved to my current city. Between my alumnae chapter and the local Junior League, I started meeting people, making friends, and getting a better sense of the community. Also, I know this isn't true for every area, but here church and temple are a HUGE part of the social scene.

I was making this in paragraph form and it came out a mess so here are my suggestions by category:

Social/Greek groups- AXO alumnae group, Beta Sigma Phi, the Junior League.

Community groups- Community choir/band, running clubs, hiking/outdoors club, book clubs.

Classes- Community college classes (enrichment or for credit), dance classes (ballroom, ballet, jazz, tap, etc), martial arts classes, community center/school district run classes (they often have some for things like cooking, knitting, or crafting), local YMCA classes.

Volunteering- Habitat for Humanity, Meals on Wheels, the Humane Society, the SPCA, women's shelters, soup kitchens, etc.

Local attractions- bars/clubs (if that is your scene), local historical sights, trails, etc.
Places of worship- somewhat self explanatory however most also have small groups that meet as well as potentially age-oriented groups (i.e. college and career group) as well as events that could help you feel more a part of the church/temple and less like a visitor.

In all of these places you are going to have to work to feel like you fit in, for the most part. I know that it can be super disheartening (especially at a church or place of worship) to not feel close to those around you, but it does take time and honestly, some people just have a hard time making others feel welcome. However I'm sure that with your wonderful conversation and social skills learned from your sorority, you will have friends in no time. :D Just don't give up and remember that we're here (however virtually) for you. :)

A question for the alumnae then- I'm still a collegiate member (one more year of school left!). Would I still be welcome at alumnae events if I e-mailed the president or something?

And yes, I know this could vary from org to org, but it's more of a hypothetical.

Sorry, I might have missed it, but is there an active chapter of AXO at your school? I'm guessing not, and if AXO is similar to other orgs, transferring to a school w/o a chapter would make you an alumna by default typically* so contact the local alumnae chapter. If there IS an active chapter I'd assume you'd have some instant activities/companions etc. so yeah.




*YMMV, you may have dues or a ceremony to complete or a catsuit to dryclean or something

Yes, there is, but I'm several hundred miles away from my university at the moment. This is only a summer internship- therefore, this city is only my temporary home until I move back to school in August. I still would like some people while I'm here though.

Meetup.com

Maybe....???

You might try the alum group even if you can't be a member. It wouldn't surprise me if they'd be really happy to get to know a collegian, especially if there isn't a local collegiate chapter. Fair warning: this isn't going to be partying with the girls every night, but it will get you out of the house for a couple hours. If there IS a local collegiate chapter, maybe you can connect with them (Facebook maybe?) and do the actual partying with the girls thing.

And do join a gym and hit some of the classes. Even if you don't make any girlfriends in the process, you'll be more fit and sleep better for it. And check out meetup.com. There may be something of interest there. I met some of my very best friends through there.

And PS-I've started over in new cities more than I can even count. In addition to the above, I took up quilting. Now I'm pretty good at it and people have gotten some awesome gifts from me over the years. I have a friend who, while moving all over the world with her husband, started taking painting classes. She now sells her paintings for real money! So the flip side of finding friends is to use your lonely time more effectively.

Go to church.

That's the only reason I go.

That's why I didn't suggest an alumnae group. A lot of alumnae groups are not really active in the summer either. It could be a good resource to inquire about things in the general area though if there is something specific you're looking for... a great ____ restaurant, a good inexpensive gym, etc. They may help you meet some younger alumnae or may have college age daughters themselves too.

Do more of whatever it is you do. Spend time in the venues you'd be doing were you at home -- church, the bookstore, the gym, etc. you'll likely meet people of like mind and interests.

Also, not knowing the inner workings of your sorority, use your connections. Ask your local sorors what sorors they might know in the city where you are, that might help connections as well.

As we say in Alpha, when you go to another city, a) find a church home, then b) find the bruhs.

I don't know where you are interning this summer, but I know that my alumnae chapter is fairly active in the summer, and collegians who are in town for the summer have attended events. My chapter does skew young, however, so if you're in a place where the chapter has a lot of older women with children then the chapter might be kind of dead during the summer. Have you looked at the AXO alumnae chapter's website (if they have one)?

Also, if interns from your college regularly end up in specific cities, then the alumni association may or may not put together happy hours or networking events for them.

Good luck!

I have met a lot of people at literary events, like bookstore readings and things like that. There is a small literati in many cities, so if you go to a few events, you'll see the same people again and again.

That's what I was going to say. When I was freshly moved home and hadn't made good connections yet, I found a great Meet-up group for movie lovers. I'm thinking of joining one that plays softball on Sundays. It's a great tool with the right group!

"Right group" is key. I had someone pushing meetup to me and when I looked, 60% of the groups were "mommy" meetups. The one that I did have an interest in...classic movies...it didn't seem like there were any group "events." It was just individuals looking for someone so they didn't have to go to a movie by themselves. Which, if you are a true movie buff, is stupid.

OMG story of my life right now. Thankfully the other intern showed up this weekend and we're being housed down the hall from each other and she's a lot of fun. Before she got here I was walking around taking pictures for FB for fun and going to the movies and to eat alone.

I can't think of a single interesting thing I did that didn't scream ALONE though. If the other intern hadn't showed up, I might have gone home to visit and stayed! lol. It was hard to be alone all the time, sitting bed watching tv got old fast. Red box too. I ran out of movies to watch. The town where I am is so small that I'd have to drive a long distance to do something fun and I'd have to do it alone! I tried contacting the local alumnae chapter, reading the newspaper for events, etc. I envy that you at least have museums to go to. I just got my webcam, so Skyping helped.

One thing I did do, when I was invited somewhere I didn't turn down an invitation. Also if you don't have a boyfriend, online dating (safely and resposibly) is a nice way to get out once in a while. If you do, then some just have friendship match ups as well.

Thanks for the advice guys.

I joined Meet Up today- probably going to a trivia night next week. My good friend and I are hitting Navy Pier tomorrow. The other interns are filtering in and we're already trying to schedule a hang out time.

I'm still terribly homesick, but I can (kind of) see a light.

Once again, thanks.

I joined the local "live music lovers" meet-up and the guy who started it just uses the monthly meet-up to only promote his shitty heavy metal band.

Woah, are you in Chicago??? If so, you should find plenty to do and plenty of people to meet.

Just sayin'