Personal ad gripe. Who should pay? Him or her? He's not worthy if he doesn't pay?
 

I was a bit disturbed at what I was reading on the thread about the personal ads. That's some ol' bullshit. I have to ask this. What's wrong with going dutch on a first date? Why do dudes have to pay for everything? Why is he not a gentleman if he doesn't pay? I don't pay for the first date, we can go dutch. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I believe this to be true in most cases. How do yall feel about this. Agree? Disagree? Is it some ol' bullshit? For real.

Dear troll, SHUT UP.

For real tho? Answer the question.


Wtf is a troll?

Yes, no, you are crazy.

QFP.

The stereotype that a man's heart is linked to his stomach has nothing to do with your rhetorical questions. You and your dates will work out the payment system. There are women who don't care whether a man pays. At the same time, there are men who get outraged and feel as though women are shrinking their scrotum if we pay or even offer to pay. Figure it out.

/ignoring that this may be troll

You should always pay for the first date as compensation for the accidental sex. You never know where that penis will end up.

LOL.

By the way, I forgot that women are prostitutes. Pay for dinner and you might get some. If you don't get some on the first date, you better get some by the third date. If you don't, it's the same as paying a prostitute who refuses to fulfill her end of the bargain. Don't let these prostitutes/women do this to you. Forget sex workers' rights which are synonymous with women's rights. Get yours.

And women who pay the tab either don't want your sex and wish you'd go away; or consider you the prostitute. Don't be her prostitute, women were born to be your prostitutes. Smack dat ass.

Oh gods, it would be funny if people didn't think it were true :(

Troll or not, I had a huge issue with this during my latest personal ad sojourn.

I would much, MUCH rather go dutch or pay every other date. I tried this and the dude got offended. I'm not trying to emasculate him, I just don't like to be beholden to anyone - especially someone who I just met.

If the guy has that much of an issue about me buying him a f'ing beer (and I don't even mean a damn microbrew for crying out loud) it doesn't say gentleman to me, it says controlling jerk.

I almost always make the gesture of getting my wallet out. 9 times out of 10, he says "I have it" and I don't make an issue out of it. With The Talker, after he paid for dinner and movie tickets on our second date, I offered to cover concessions at the movies and he declined. The next few dates, I didn't make a gesture. I wanted to see him for a quick dinner on Thursday and I picked up the check when the waitress dropped it at the table. He said "I'll get that" and I told him "Look, we're in this thing together, you don't have to shoulder the burden every time" and he smiled and said "Ok". Ultimately, eventually, it should be a partnership in my eyes.

After a while, I feel kind of weird letting him pay all the time. I belong to a private club--if it's getting serious, I don't mind taking a date there so he can see what he's getting into with me. :D Everything is automatically charged to my account so I can say, "Oh, it's on me...seriously. It's already paid for. Let's go."

Also, if he's visibly intimidated or makes weird assumptions about me based on my membership, then he's probably not going to fit in well with the rest of my world.

----

Do people get offended when they look at personal ads that indicate that the writer has a racial preference? I mean, the heart wants what it wants. It doesn't have to say, "I only date white women who look like Blake Lively," just that he'd prefer a white woman. Does anyone really care about this?

On the individual level not necessarily, when that's what you see day in day out... based on the experiences of friends and acquaintances, it hurts. For a non-racial example of this, see Dan Savage's bit on This American Life about liking "sissies." Link. When gay personal ads include a lot of "looking for straight acting" it's wearing.

As for the individual, when someone puts out something on OKCupid, say that excludes me, "must be skinny" for example, I tend to say a mental "fuck you, you don't deserve me anyway."

That doesn't bother me a bit because I have certain preferences that I stick to myself. I'd rather know that I shouldn't waste my time with that person. For them it might be weight, for me it might be age.

Seriously? This is so dumb. I think the world has somehow gotten us to believe that "the way to a guy's heart is through his body".:rolleyes: That's a lie. But the bigger lie is buried in the center of that statement because it implies that we women have nothing else to offer except our bodies.

I'm old fashioned. As we date, I believe in taking care of one another, but on a first date? Uh, uh...he'd better pay for me or there won't be a 2nd date. I don't expect him to wine and dine me at an expensive restaurant on the first date, but I expect him to behave like a gentleman.

It's different when it's about race or something though than age or weight even. But that said, I'm realizing that it doesn't work that way for me so much. Unfortunately I think I'm going to be one of those people who identifies as an orientation that will always require an explanation unless around similar people. :p

/sapio, right now at least. Work in progress.

Yeah, I'd have to say that racial preferences don't bother me. I think most people have some sort of preference but it's not politically correct, especially if you're part of a minority group, to admit it. I just wondered because I've read articles where (mostly Black) women will complain about Black men being vocal about their preference of White or Asian women.

At least they're being honest, so you don't waste your time sending a message to a man who's not attracted to you?

I'm just realizing that the more experience I get, I know what I want and more especially what I DO NOT want, so I can't really hate on someone for expressing it.

Eh, I can get a general preference, or a pattern of dating, but "I'm not interested in you because of your skin color..." eh. I've only dated white guys, but I'm not going to exclude black guys up front. I think the only real 'preference' I have in my okcupid profile is the ability to type in full sentences. The acknowledgement of my current relationship(s) is a standard requirement, but I'm just making them self-select for it by putting it out there.

The men who are so particular about their women and are not of the same caliber are a hoot. That goes for body and everything else.

I've found that I can't really set a preference about men because it is all so variable. There have been mostly white guys, but that has been a factor of where I have lived, as well as work and education, and perhaps who is mutually attracted to me in those places. It is really hard to put into words what I look for or avoid as I see each guy as an individual and he may have the right combination of qualities that can over come a factor that would doom another guy, and then there's the me component thrown in there as well.

Of those white guys though, majority Irish/Scotch Irish with brown hair/eyes. I swear some unknown force that causes Irish men to get all hot and bothered by my Nordic charms (or my ginger genes?), that includes my fellas and those who would like to be my fella. My father was blonde, and had blue eyes so it isn't like I'm subconsciously dating my father.

Aka Sharp Knees Syndrome.
http://i.imgur.com/5yMTv.jpg

I thought that was Dwight at first, oh my.

When I was in college there were lots of cheap dates, and usually he'd pay since we were students but then I'd cook us a meal or something. I think it depends on the two people and their financial circumstances and how they suss out gender roles and money. I've never paid for a first date but I do like my sister Dee does and offer some reciprocation or contribution until there's an agreed upon pattern or standard. I dated a guy who always paid when we went out, my money was worthless and it was an insult to offer but he was accepting of me cooking, buying or making him gifts, getting take out, but if we were in public together, he paid. He didn't have a problem with my driving or taking my car, because that would have been unacceptable.

I'm really not that into dating right now anyway. I'll be making a change in location or career in the next year and it doesn't seem like a good time to start something. It isn't that I'm closed off, but I'm not in hot pursuit like Roscoe P. Coltrane either. If I meet someone, great, if not no worries. This guy I used to see keeps contacting me but I think he's tied to the area and I stayed here in support of two relationships and I am beyond ready to go.

I don't really have anything to contribute to the conversation at the moment - I just wanted to compliment you on the Dukes of Hazzard reference. :)

.....Kelly :)

Hahahaha thanks Nupe. I'm feeling you on this.

I'm still down with going dutch and I wouldn't just hit it the first night.

Why is that dumb? No offense, but if some girl told me I better pay for her or no 2nd date, I'd call some ol' bullshit on that. I'd just move on to another girl if that were the case. There are more of yall than there are of us. Plenty of fish in the sea to worry about the demands of just one.

^^ Perp

Why do yall keep thinking I'm a perp. I am really a Nupe. For real. Where are the rest of the bruhs?

Really bad perp.

Are you a Nupe? I didn't think so.

Hey, look we have something in common.

Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.

You and I are both Nupes. Kool.

I always wear a jimmy hat.

Why were you calling me a perp, Phi? Where did you pledge?

The same place you pledged.

You rolled at Gamma Phi? What year? You know Philly Phil?

Philly Phil is my LB. Notice the "Phil." Tell him I said wassup.

Still smackin hoes and punchin negros nose in 2011. Holla.

Hahaha that's wassup. What was your Number so I can let him know?

Perp Manual:

LB = line brother = same line

I meant number. I changed my post. I'm not a perp, I know what LB means.

I dated a guy who named his best friend Boss Dog, sadly it was not a Basset Hound.

Talk about a horrible place to date, Hazzard County. Really who were Daisy's options? Her cousins? HELL NO. Roscoe is a creeper, Boss Hogg may be rich but he's gross inside and out (though short life expectancy), Enos & Cletus aka Tweedle Dumb & Tweedle Dumber. Really Cooter was the best option as he had a real job as a mechanic and owned the only garage in a county where insurance rates must have been sky high, and he ended up a Congressman! Obviously if Waylon Jennings wasn't just the narrator, he'd be a great choice

Crazy Cooter is the most eligible bachelor in Hazzard County by far.

This has gone from mildly entertaining to womp womp.

DEAD

http://www.gifsoup.com/imager.php?id=784859&t=o