I just have to say it!
 

I am a Chi Omega, and proud of it! I love my sisters and have never experienced any of what is being accused here and in other places.

I have been raped. I know what it is like. I know what it feels like. I know what it is like to survive. I know what it is like to live every day with that in my brain. I was drugged, but the drugs didn't last long enough. Imagine what it is like to be awake enough to see what is being done to you, but too drugged to fight!!

I have forgiven my rapists. I pray for them everyday! I pray, because I believe that they will get their's - and their punishment will be horrible! Every moment that you give to your rapists - by whining about it or crying about it or screaming about it or simply thinking about it - is one more moment that you lose. Move on! Rape is terrible - why bother living it over and over again? Also, your acting this way is extremely degrading to the rest of the rape victim world. You act as though you have been conquered by your rape, not the other way around. Do you really want to show that world that women are the weaker sex?

I thank God for EVERYTHING that He has handed me. Everything in my life has made me the person that I am - the person that God wants me to be. God never hands you more than you can handle.

You claim to be a Christian, but try to evaluate your behaviour. Doesn't the Bible say, "Judge not lest ye be judged?" Doesn't the Bible say that you should love your enemy? Doesn't the Bible say you should forgive? If you are a Christian, don't you need to think about some of your behaviour? If something upsets you, let it roll off your back like water off a duck - you will be more serene and much more happy.

Some have said that you made everything up. I don't know. I can't know. And I don't care, really. Your chapter may have screwed many things up, or whatever. But I do know that I would never take part in what you have described.

I cannot describe the love I have for my sisters - they are part of my backbone. Part of my soul. We have prayed together and laughed and cried and held hands when we needed it. I am sorry that your experience was not pleasant, but what you experienced does not happen everywhere!

I think that you need to get help. I think that you are suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrom. I think that you need counseling and maybe medication. There is nothing wrong with either of those! Please get help! God helps those who help themselves. Wouldn't that be better than spending all this time miserable?

Ladies and gentlemen of Greekchat, I am kind of embarrased that all this fuss is being made over Chi Omega. We don't want to be the centre of attention! I am truly sorry to those who have been harassed! Thank you all - independants and greeks - that have been supportive. I know that all Chi Omegas thank you!

If any of you get upset about this brawl, remember to be a duck! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

Gracie

I'm VERY Proud of you Gracie,

You have been through a lot, and yet you are still a very strong and happy person despite it all. I commend you for being such a strong-willed woman, you are a great example for everyone!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

I agree~
Best wishes to Chi Omega!

[This message has been edited by ecukd (edited April 03, 2001).]

thanks for sharing your story and i wish you nothing but the best in life!!!!

Gracie (my grandma's name! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif),

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us and for your wonderful attitude toward life. The compassion you show is truly wonderful. You'll get your reward in heaven, sweetie.

As long as perpitrators of rape are not held accountable, it will continue. There are many in our society who will encourage a victim to be silent. This is not going to change our rape culture-indeed it will will make it escalate. In absence of accountability, abuse continues. The problem is that crimes of sexual violence are the least likely to be reported and have the lowest conviction rate: "on a national average, one rapist in twenty is arrested, one out of thirty is prosecuted, and one in sixty is convicted. During the time period from 1972-1991, forcible rape rate per 100,000 inhabitants increased 88 percent. 78% of rapes are done by people who know the victim. Here is a real show stopper--almost one quarter of convicted rapists are not sentenced to prison but instead released on probation. Rape is a pervasive fact in American life, and its incidence is growing dramatically. We will dontinue to live in a rape culture until society understands and chooses to eradicate the sources of sexual violence in our culture." All of this is quoted from "Transforming A Rape Culture."

We have to stop trying to silence the victims of rape. I really am sorry that your sorority has members who are accussed of being involved in this girl's rape, but I will not go along with stopping her from being heard. One of the things a rape victim has is rage. She has held herself up to such public ridicule and continued to speak out.

Again, I know that she realizes that not every member of Chi Omega are rapists of some kind. You have to care about what this chapter did to your ritual, especially if it was used to harm someone. I don't understand your not caring about that part-even to protect Chi Omega.

Here is another statement from "Transforming a Rape Culture": Of course, twisted Biblical interpretations seem to confirm women's subjugation to abuse as well. In a search for the meaning of her abuse, the victim may see Jesus' suffering as a model for her own and think that she must accept her cross( especially if this is what her clergyperson exhorts). She may think sinfulness lies in her assertion of self and believe that she must become more self-denying. She may conclude that forgiveness is required by her toward all who have hurt her. Our culture encourages the sacrifice of women. The perceived Christian emphasis on sacrifice as something good matches the way girls are taught to consider others rather than themselves to be self-sacrificing in a social situation. THE RELIGIOUS MEANING OF SACRAFICE IS THUS LAYERED ON TOP OF THE SOCIAL VIEW OF WOMEN AS SACRAFICIAL. Biblical teachings entrap women are misinterpreted-therefore even encouraging a rape culture. If Jesus was here today, he would not tell women to continue to suffer, he would say end the sufferring-NOW.

[This message has been edited by bdricp (edited April 03, 2001).]

Yes, but what about forgiving?? I know that you have to get it all out; but this has gone on way too long. Now she wants to hurt people that she does not even know. Now that is not acceptable.

Two of my best friends were raped. I think rapists should get the death penality. But, I still think that hating everyone who doesn't agree with you, and using that as an excuse. Gracie, you go. I agree with you. People should move on.

Gracie--

You are exactly right! That story is ancient news, we're sick of hearing it repeated, and the members of this board are tired of being targets of revenge. Good post!

GracieChiO,

Thank you very much for your dignified post.

I have much respect for Chi Omega, both on the national and individual chapter levels. I know many XO's personally and professionally, and have many childhood friends who became members in college. These women are not satanic rapists. This controversy, steeped in fallacy it may be, is only a minor setback for the illustrious women of Chi Omega. These people are bastardizing the plight of raped and battered women everywhere, and I will no longer stand for it.

Much panhellenic love.

Gracie- You are an unbelievably strong woman & I am more than proud to call you my sister. Your clearheadedness and ability to forgive are amazing assets. Best of luck in everything you do!
LICO
Heidi

Ma'am, no one wants to silence a rape victim or deny her the right to tell her story. But regardless of what happened to the woman in question, it doesn't give her the right to threaten and harass other members of this online community who have no affiliation whatsoever with her chapter, her sorority, or any Greek organization at all.

Gracie,
I agree with you 100%. I too have been there. I too have survied and forgiven my rapist as well as myself and because of this, I feel I am a happy, well adjusted person. Pointing the finger of blame for as long as it has been is only hindering her recovery, in my opinion. Inner peace and maturity comes from forgiveness and taking responsibility for your own happiness, again in my opinion. Gracie, you have demonstrated this with your post and I am proud to call you my Sister.

LICO,
Amy

I think that until you pick up the book and read through it, you speak very uninformed about rape. It isn't asking much to ask that you do it-it might even save your life or that of your future children. Every man and woman needs to read the most comprehensive book on the subject. It is not written by one person, but the top minds in our country on the subject. Without knowledge-you are perpitrating a rape culture until the end of time. Again, the book is "Transorming a Rape Culture".

Your comments come straight from the book as being the very ones that are helping to continue the victimization of women in our culture and around the world. Gives one room for thought. Take the time-read it.

[This message has been edited by bdricp (edited April 04, 2001).]

Is this a plug for this book?

I think that until you pick up the book and read through it, you speak very uninformed about rape.

People have opinions. It's not up to anyone to tell someone they are right or wrong.

Reading a book doesn't make ANYONE an authority on any subject. How can someone who has gone though and survived rape be uninformed? That's absurd! This isn't the only information on rape available to the public--there ARE other sources. Various sources say various things, give various conclusion, various options. There is no right or wrong way to deal with rape. All people are different and have to deal with it in their own way. If it's working to get past it--fine. If it's speaking out against it--fine. If it's therapy--fine.

There is no right or wrong way. As long as those people can live with themselves and the world around them, then their own way of dealing with their problems is the right way for them.

I'm sorry if I came across as someone who has some interest in the book-I don't. But, it is through misinformation and age old ways of "handling" rape that it is allowed to continue. Like I said, read the book, you might come away with a totally different attitude. If we women are to blame for the continued victimization of ourselves-we are plainly stupid. And, like I said, the top professors in sociology, psychology, legal issues, etc,have put their works together to expose what has gone on far too long.

As an assault victim, I can say this-we tell ourselves a lot of lies to get through it-even that we have forgive our rapists, etc., and have gone on. No rape victim "just goes on" without a lot of scars.

Men contributed to this book, too. I find their grasp of the problem very profound. It definitely isn't just for women. In fact, if the men would read it, we would get a lot further down the road to change for the better-a lot faster.

This book has just come out and has received the highest reviews throughout the country that any book on the subject ever has. Like I said it comes from the most learned scholars on the subject-and it isn't about any particular case you are now discussing. On another note, being a rape victim does not make you an expert on the subject of rape. It means that you are a victim or survivor, not a expert. Any assault victim would have their best interests at heart taking the time to read this great new book.

[This message has been edited by bdricp (edited April 04, 2001).]

But, it is through misinformation and age old ways of "handling" rape that it is allowed to continue.

I don't think anyone here is 'handling' rape. This is a discussion board and we are discussing the issue of rape. The particular case that has come up here, time and time again, (I'm not sure if you're farmiliar with this particular case) is not about trying to surpress the girl. As a matter of fact, I believe most of the people here have said that if she really was raped that they truely are sorry. The fact is, most of the people don't believe her. Her particular case has had some media attention which was loaded down with tons of contradictory information. It's not a matter of trying to surpress her and keep her from talking, it's a matter believing her story.

If we women are to blame for the continued victimization of ourselves-we are plainly stupid.

I didn't read anything about anyone blaming women for victimizing themselves.

we tell ourselves a lot of lies to get through it-even that we have forgive our rapists, etc., and have gone on. No rape victim "just goes on" without a lot of scars.

I also don't think anyone has said that people DO go on without scars--of course they do. However, at the same time, life DOES go on. You either move with it or you don't. When I say Move on, I don't mean 'forget about it' or 'get over it', people can't do that. BUT, you can't sit there and feel sorry for yourself and live in that moment for the rest of your life. You have to move on--and in moving on--you can learn to deal with the scars, ease the pain, and learn from it--even teach from it. Doing these things DOES require people to continue with life.

On another note, being a rape victim does not make you an expert on the subject of rape. It means that you are a victim or survivor, not a expert.

I didn't say it made them experts, I said it didn't make them uninformed. They know what it's like to go through the situation. They are very informed on the feelings, the scars, the fear, the hurt, the legal, the medical . . . they aren't ignorant to the situation--or misinformed.

Well said, mgdzkm433! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

Are we still trying to pretend that we don't know who bdricp or big drip or whatever her new name is?

Carnation--I was wondering the exact same thing!!!

http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

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~A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition~

<<soror6 in her best Homer Simpson voice..>>

DOH!
OK, well what was it about? Can you give me a brief summary? Thanks dzroze! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif You're a gem!

I just e-mailed a reply to your address. Check it out and feel free to e-mail me back if you have questions! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

Hearing horror stories such as this initially made me decide that joining the Greek system was not for me. I changed my mind when I found a Fraternity that was secure and proud enough of their beliefs and ideals to make them known to the public rather than hide them away in a shroud of secrecy. Secrecy works against Public Relations. I realize that your secrets are a part of your heritage, and I respect that. However when your organisations began, the secrecy was necessary. Greek letter societys were a persecuted minority. Today that secrecy has become obsolete and counter productive. Hazing was also an obsolete and counter productive tradition, but today many if not all GLO's are Anti-hazing. Just proof to show that no matter how old a tradition is, it can be changed. I hope to see the day when other GLO's realize these truths. Eliminate the secrecy and the public will be less likely to believe the horror stories.

Secrecy has absolutely nothing to do with hazing. Secrecy=tradition. Any non-Greek who is threatened by our "secrets" or any part of our heritage has got to be some uneducated loser because if he's not part of the Greek world, why should he care what we do?

Diakia,
Yeah, you're right, secercy does work against public relations. But it is also what initially atracted me to the greek system. Sharing a ritual that only your brothers can experience. That bond is what I'm after, and I think keeping it secret makes it all the more stronger. This obviously speculation, since i'm still GDI (gamma delta iota??), but based on what I've heard from others, I think that a fraternity ritual would be one of the greatest things someone could ever be a part of. I don't know, but I tink it'd be weird having people watching who weren't members.

I'm only going to post this to clear up some misinformation, not to flame.
According to my pledge manual Chi Omega and many other women's fraternities were started because the women longed for the secrecy and unity they saw amongst the men's fraternity. It wasn't started as a plight to make everything secret, but it was something they found they could have that men couldn't.
So in a sense I believe all of us women should be PROUD of our heritage, regardless of secrecy or not. You must remember what brought us together and gave us strength...secrecy.
That's just my two-cents worth!
Hootie


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What do you get when you cross and Alpha Omicron Pi and a Sigma Phi Epsilon? A beautiful Chi Omega!!!

Haha, Billy you crack me up http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif a GDI is a gosh darn independent (god damn intependent)! But i have to agree with you - the secrecy part of greek life drew me in too. having secrest and rituals that only my sisters across the world know is an amazingthing to me. they've come to mean so much to me, and maybe i'm being selfish (no, i'm really not), but i'm not willing to share them with people who don't understand their meaning or importance to me.

Eliminate the secrecy? I'm sorry. I don't understand the logic here. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but you have to realize one thing. Our beliefs and ideals are no secret. They never have been. Ask any Delta Zeta and she will be proud to tell you the principles upon which our sorority was founded, what we stand for, and what we believe in. Want to know about our chapter history? We'll be glad to share that as well. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif Secrecy is not the problem here.

The fact of the matter is that the public will always choose to believe the "horror stories" because they are more interesting than the truth. That's why the National Enquirer is read by so many people. That's why the 5 o'clock news has a double murder as the top story instead of a piece about a police officer who was cited for bravery, or a group of kids who did something good for their community. Negative news sells - period. Making every little thing that happens in a particular GLO open to the public isn't going to change that fact.

I didn't say secrecy had anything to do with hazing. I simply pointed out that both are/were counter productive practices that ought not to be continued. Still, you have to admit that being a secret organisation makes it look (at least to ignorant prospective Rushes such as I was) as if you possibly have something negative to hide. Hence the negative effect on PR. I learned when I joined Delta Upsilon that most other GLO's are in fact not as bad as they are made out to be by the public. Had I known that earlier I may have joined a Fraternity much sooner. Still, I'm proud to say that I can share my Fraternity's beliefs with others.

Yea for the DZs above and Hootie! Secrecy enriches our traditions and makes them special to us. If someone told me, say, the Delta Gammas' secrets, it wouldn't be thrilling, I'd just say, "Huh," because I wouldn't have experienced all the fabulous traditions that go with their sisterhood. Where's the thrill?

And can you imagine having an audience during initiation? The pledges and officers would be turned into performers, not participants. What if a high schooler attended her older sister's initiation? Why would she bother to go through it if she pledged that group later?

The Masons have secrets. I couldn't care less because that has no bearing on my life and is none of my business.

I'm proud to say that, too... That's my point. All GLO's can tell someone what they BELIEVE. How do you think we get people interested enough to join? A ritual, however, is a private ceremony that has special meaning to the participants. To open a ritual to the public would be like planning a wedding, sending out invitations to 50 of your closest friends and family, and then having 600 strangers who you've never laid eyes on show up just because they wanted to see what was going on. How special would your wedding be then? Same goes for a Greek ritual.

Well it's actually worked out quite well for us. As a matter of fact, I attended an initiation while I was still a rush. Most rushes are quite impressed by the fact that they are allowed to sit in on our meetings and initiations. They're like "Wow! I'm allowed to stay to see this? You mean, I don't have to leave or something?" It gave me a real feeling of welcome and acceptance. It's good PR for parents too. They can come out and actually see first hand what their son's are becoming a part of. As for 600 strangers showing up to witness an initiation, it hasn't happened yet, but it would be pretty kewl! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/tongue.gif We've never had more non-actives than actives at an initiation.
But I suppose I'll stop posting now cuz it's getting kinda cold in here... You know?

Dikaia,

Not trying to make you feel unwelcome here. I'm glad that the way your organization is run seems to work for y'all. I just don't feel like you should be acting like your GLO is better than the others because you have no secrets and we do. Maybe that's not what you were trying to imply, but it sure sounded that way to me. And that's what opened the whole proverbial "can of worms". People feel very strongly about their rituals and traditions, so you can expect some criticism when they are made to seem trivial.

Anyway, all I'm saying is that for the vast majority of GLO's, opening up a ritual to non-initiated members would be a break with tradition, and basically a slap in the face. Being able to watch a ritual before you can even understand the underlying meaning behind it seems pointless and, for me at least, would make the ritual itself seem trivial. It seems very disrespectful. I guess I shouldn't really expect you to see it that way, considering the organization you are in and the way they conduct their business. But, on the other hand, I guess you shouldn't really expect us to see it your way either. So, let's just agree to disagree on this topic, okay? http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

Its kinda interesting, but I really dont think any of our rituals are secret. Sure, the exact specifics might me a private matter, but if we are living our lives by the principals it sets forth, people who know us, know our ritual by the way we live our lives by it.

I always tell our new members and prospects when they ask about it, that they know it already. They just dont know they know it. If we are living it, they can see it in our thoughts words and deeds. Usually after initiation, they agree that it was right there before their eyes all along. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

my bits and pieces.

I think secrecy is very important to my fraternity. Its what separates other fraternities from each other. I would not tell anyone what my letters meant unless it was to a brother. It what makes them so sacred to me. For example, I would not be happy if someone wore my letters if they weren't my brother, plus they didn't know what they meant. Ritual is something that is sacred and you cannot witness it unless you know what everything symbolizes and it has more meaning. I'm not trying to downgrade or to be disrespectful to anyone, I'm just stating that secrecy is very important to my fraternity.

People are begining to believe that the secrecy is why there is so much hazing. It looks like we have to make sure everyone is "up to standard" to be able to "know" the secrets. Like you have to test them to make sure they won't break. In fact, I've seen posts to that affect, here and elsewhere-more from the guys than the girls, though.

I think we've all got the same theory here, ladies! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif Not very good at being incognito is she??? http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/rolleyes.gif

<<soror6 looking at her watch...must be late>>
Hi everybody! Kudos to you, Gracie http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif! OK, there is something I would like to say about this post, but I don't know what this is stemming from...Yeah, i guess I'm late! Can someone tell me what book or post started this discussion, so I can be up to par? Many thanks! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

soror6

Hi, soror6... To find out what we're talking about, you can see a brief summary under the thread in Greek Life called "Threatening E-mail." It has been closed but you can still read it. I posted the summary - just scroll down to see it - towards the end of the thread. Thanks! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif