Pregnant Sorority Member
 

Not going to say where I'm from or what conference my school is in, but suffice it to say that Greek Life is a big deal at this school...

How do your sorority chapters address situations where a member gets pregnant? Do you let her stay, make her resign, what? I realize it's a sensitive topic and I want to try and be sensitive about it, but I'm at a loss on what to do.

Also, this girl still has our sorority letters in her facebook pictures. If she resigns or is asked to leave but stays at the same school (instead of transfer to go alum), do you ask her to remove the letters from her FB page?

Thanks for your help.

If a sorority members resigns or is terminated, regardless of what the circumstances are, she should remove her letters from her FB page, as well as any photos of her wearing or using sorority paraphernalia (which she should of course return to the chapter). Until a termination is final, a sorority member should not be asked to do this (as she is still a member).

As far as your current situation, your first step should be to check with your national HQ and see if there are any national bylaws you have to follow. If there aren't...it differs with every chapter and every school.

Is this a local or a young sorority? Would you have non-GC resources to use in figuring this out?

One of my sisters at my chapter got pregnant last year in the fall and was about 8 months pregnant during recruitment in January. A lot of PNMs loved seeing her there because it just proved that we were all there for each other no matter what. This also happened to a girl in another chapter at my school and they handled it the same way.

I don't know what your national policy on the matter is, but if there is none, I would treat the girl like any other sister and let her make her own decision as to what to do about her membership. She may need her sisters more than ever.

Pregnant member
 

So the PNMs didn't attach a negative stigma to that situation? I'd be curious to know what was going through their minds. Where is your school located, geographically - and do your students consider themselves conservative or liberal? I think our schools may differ in makeup and overall philosophy....

i doubt that the girl would have to terminate her membership-she might be offered alumna status, and frankly, she will be awfully busy and have lots of expenses-taking alumna status might be the best thing for her.

you need to speak with your chapter's advisors-they will most likely have contacted the area officer above them to make sure that they are following your national rules.

My school is located in the Hampton Roads area of Virginia which is super conservative and religious. It's a pretty small school so you pretty much know what's going on at all times.

I know a sorority at my school had a situation where a member became pregnant as an active. Their national HQ had a bylaw that forced the member to become an early alumna. Although pregnancy is a beautiful thing, I don't think that it necessarily lines up with what PNMs might expect. Personally, I would have been weirded out. It would be cool if an advisor or an alum was pregnant and helped out with recruitment, but a pregnant active seems a bit strange to me. I guess how people would respond would vary greatly from campus to campus.

This will all depend on the campus, the chapter and the national/international bylaws. Discussing it here is pointless.

Could be worse, could be at Regent. :)

When I was a collegian, a member of my chapter got pregnant and was forced into alumna status by the president of my chapter with complete disregard for chapter bylaws and international rules. The president also seemed to forget the fact that while none of them were pregnant as actives or new members, there were a number of moms who were active in our chapter during that particular time period.

While the member in question probably would have changed status herself since she was busting her butt trying to graduate early plus preparing for the baby, forcing her into it ensured that she cut off friendships with most of the active members and definitely colored her entire sorority experience in a negative way. This was particularly sad for me because she was a leading reason why I joined.

So, in addition to having a baby a little sooner than planned (which should have been a joyous experience for her, as she always wanted to have kids and did want to have them soon after graduation), and dealing with the stress of that plus the stress of finishing up school, the chapter (as an entity) effectively turned their backs on her (minus a few members who stuck by her).

The point of this anecdote is tread lightly, consult chapter advisors and international rules, and don't force her into anything if you don't have to.

Sometimes showing true sisterhood and support is more important than looking bad to a bunch of PNMs during recruitment.

I'm proud that your chapter placed support of a sister and friend over concerns about whether she would "sell well" among PNMs.

Emphasis on the bolded. If the school/Greek system is small to begin with, the entire world probably knows the girl's pregnant immediately anyway and terminating her as an act of "so no one finds out and it doesn't hurt us in rush or our rep" would be pointless. A bigger school/system, that's a different kettle of fish.

I wish every house had this sentence hanging on the wall.

Yes, but that won't get members paying dues coming bursting through the doors, and that is what the organizations care about at the end of the day. You can be friends with whomever you want, but recruitment is recruitment, and the focus is on the chapter's image.

It also doesn't do much for the image of a sorority on campus who boots members that get pregnant and/or need support in other ways, particularly if it's a small campus where everybody knows your name.

In my experience, that did more damage than letting her be.

Whoa, all the guy said was that this is a good philosophy to live by. Rather than worrying about how every PNM views you, you should take into consideration your sisters' feelings first.

I mean, geez, I feel like if I wrote "Live. Laugh. Love." in my signature, you'd say, "No, because you might die tomorrow.. And not everything is funny.. And not every guy is going to like your ass."

Or maybe every chapter should hang a banner on the wall that reads, "Our goal is to look good and get sisters/brothers who will pay their dues!"

ETA: and agzg DID start her comment with, "Sometimes..." ;)

I haven't ever been pregnant, but judging by what I hear, recruitment in my experience is the last thing I'd want to be doing if I have morning sickness/other pregnancy related ailments. This person might want to skip recruitment (which has nothing to do with the stigma of a pregnant active)

Pffft, I was healthier when I was preggo versus not. I never got sick (well, only if I smelled chicken, and that wasn't until my 3rd trimester), my skin and hair looked amazing (I love prenatal vitamins), and I was horny all the time. Pregnancy is different for everyone.

Bottom line is the member will do what is best for her and her baby, hopefully with the support of her sisters. :)

Haha, i used to take prenatal vitamins for the hair/skin benefits in HS when i wanted my hair to grow, didn't work, probably because you need to be pregnant for them to work :p

Conveniently solving 'both' problems? That reeks of 'hide the fatties in the kitchen.'

Didn't intend it that way. Wasn't a "solution" but more of a thought. Could be wrong. Recruitment wears on me physically as a not pregnant person, just thought of a different perspective.

Nope, they work just fine, even when you aren't preggo. Lord, I've even heard "ZOMG, you can't take pre-natal vitamins if you aren't pregnant, because they decrease the effectiveness of The Pill!!!!" Not true. I wasn't in a chapter that had 70% pharmacy students for nothing! :D

OMFG How dare you! Not everyone has a wall to hang a banner on! Not everyone has walls, or maybe their House Corp. won't let them hang up anything. I can't believe how insensitive you are!

WTF are you serious? I am so thankful I've never heard that before. Do people not realize that the things in prenatal vitamins are in food and other vitamins? Sure over exposure to certain vitamins could be an issue, but it wouldn't cause an issue with birth control.

Stupidity and ignorance are what decreases the effectiveness of The Pill, and possibly some antibiotics, antifungals, and other medications. It is wise to always ask a doctor or pharmacist about any interactions.

i took the liberty of changing one word in your final statement. i know of various sorority members who were totally out of touch with their situation(trying to continue with school, working, sorority and pregnant-sorority seeming to be the highest on the priority list) and tried to keep doing it all, and with all that pressure, none were done well.

Offering a pregnant collegiate member alumna status is not a punishment. it is a way to keep the member connected to the sorority, while allowing her more freedom and personal time to take care of personal business.

^ well said.

I think "offering" is the key word here. Giving her the OPTION, but not making it a requirement.

exactly. I feel the same way about groups/policies that decrease the requirements for seniors, don't allow them on exec board etc. Yes, some seniors are crazy busy and welcome the break, but some aren't and don't relish feeling like they're being pushed out. It's different for everyone.

This quote right here has me as an outsider looking in feeling like man are ya'll really a sisterhood or a clique?

Just comments from the outside.

sororities are sisterhoods but they are also businesses and have to break even, by continuing to at least replace their membership who graduate, drop their membership, transfer to another school, etc.

From being in a chapter that had almost no requirements for seniors to now requiring the same of them--- it seems like people are upset either way. Seniors were always welcome at everything when it wasn't required, but they felt like no one wanted them there. Now that they have to be there, it is like no one respects their senior status/understands they are crazy busy with other things.

Hey, I didn't have a wall to hang stuff on, either! Just because I like kicking myself when I'm down doesn't mean you have to call me insensitive!

Maybe I should just hang my banner on your face!

I understand what FSUZeta is saying, and I completely agree, however... BluPhire, this is what it sounds like to me, also. In the context of this thread, we're talking about the importance of supporting a sister through a difficult/emotional time, over caring about how a non-member views the chapter.

It's one thing if a member is getting wasted every weekend, sleeping with every guy she sees, posting inappropriate pictures on Facebook, and/or has been treating potential members with little to no respect. It's another if a member gets pregnant/is diagnosed with a serious disease/has a family member go to prison, etc.

Everyone has their own shit to deal with. Life happens. And who knows.. maybe having a baby is exactly what this person wanted. And then her sisters are going to turn their backs on her because she, as an adult, made an adult decision to have a child? ... just so non-members won't think, "That's the chapter with the girl who got knocked up"?

To me, it's like any other PNM/chapter relationship. If the PNM thinks she's too good for the chapter (for whatever reason), then she doesn't belong there. Simple as that.

Would you say the same about the image of the chapter if this were not an isolated incident? ...Say what if there were more than 1 pregnant co-ed presently in the chapter. Would that change your opinion of the particular sorority's image?

What is the issue, here? Are there lots and lots of members who are pregnant right now?

Perhaps, then, you should have some member programming covering the benefits of various contraceptive methods and where to get them.

I really hate use of the word "coed" for female college students. They're just students, the same as male ones. It's not like they're a novelty on campus. I don't think I've ever heard a female student even use the term before.

Thumbs up, exactly.

My comment was in context of the topic and this particular issue, not the NPC overall view. (I think that was already answered with people saying consult an advisor or contact National HQ.) It just seemed soo...I don't know the word, dismissive. Like hey, "We understand what you are going through, but we gotta think about the bottom line."

I know it isn't my place so take my words with a grain of salt(non-NPC commenter) I would say yes it would be different. From my experience just from an NPHC point of view, image is everything. Isolated incident is one thing, majority image problem.

What, like a pregnancy pact?

And yeah, co-ed is a word from either 1) 1950 or 2)p0rn.

Maybe we can start our own sorority for pregnant chicks! Yes!!!

When I was active we had one of our sisters pregnant and she was active at the time too. In fact she was our Panhellenic delegate. She did go alum at the end of the semester but that was because she was going to be a 5th year senior.

Although, I heard, there were some chapters that would make their members go alum.

There's at least one sorority for mothers out there, so why not?