Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater!
 

Pardon me if I missed the ashleymadison thread on here.

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationshi...=32092&lc=1033

Have we discussed the godawful cheating website ashleymadison? The author of this article went undercover on the site and it was like piranhas.

What say you, GCers?

As a frequent online dating site user, I personally wish they would all go there and be obvious about being married instead of using other sites and claiming to be single. At least then people know what they're really getting. Cheaters are scumbuckets, but at least if they are on there, they aren't lying scumbuckets ( to their "dates" anyway).

I remember seeing this on The View a while back.

I agree with Dee -- people are going to cheat regardless of where they do it. At least if they're on a cheater's site, other members will know what they're getting into.

God how depressing.

This makes me never want to get married.

You know it's interesting, one sex advice columnist sometimes discusses cheating as a way to save a marriage. He's pretty anti-monogamy in general, but his philosophy on it is that if everything else is great, and it's JUST sex that you're needing from somewhere else then isn't it better to cheat than to get divorced assuming your partner won't open up the relationship.

I'm not a big fan of that myself, but I see the point. I'd rather that people go into relationships knowing what they want AND acknowleding that they will change over time and trusting each other enough to talk about whatever's going on and whether their needs are being met. That's not reality for everyone though. And society does stigmatize divorce (some families and cultures more than others) as well as non-monogamy.

I understand why some people feel like cheating is their only option and why others just don't care about their partners, but I don't think that it excuses it. This website, eh, they're going to do it on craigslist or somewhere, in some ways they're being MORE honest like Dee noted, so you know I hope it works out for them, because it looks like they'll be unhappy to me.

You mean Savage Love?

People have had marriages that are basically business arrangements where each partner does their own thing (sexually and otherwise) for ages and ages. Like most other things, it is not news, just the openness about it is.

Also, some people do have a fetish in which they WANT to get cheated on. Wouldn't be surprised if more than a few of them are utilizing this site.

Dan Savage, yes. And while it's true that some people have that type of marriage, there's still a stigma against specifically approving of cheating rather than diligently overlooking it.

One of the lazy mail people (Yahoo, AOL, whatever) did a story on this site recently. I had to check it out and I just about fell out when I saw the statement at the bottom of the welcome screen,

"The most recognized name in infidelity. As seen on Dr. Phil, Tyra, CNN, The View, Ellen, Larry King, Good Morning America. We are the most recognized and reputable extramarital affair company. Our married dating services work."

Savage does encourage extramarital affairs in some instances, but I wouldn't call it cheating. In the circumstances he proposes, he definitely encourages the affair-spouse to TELL the other spouse that this is what's going to happen (i.e. "I really need to have sex more than once a year, and if you can't do that for me, then I will look elsewhere"), whereas to me "cheating" implies secrecy.

And yes, I bet this is a cuckold-fetishist's dream.

It's depressing to me that the men in the article "loved" their wives who were "so beautiful" and "the perfect woman," and yet they need to sneak around somewhere/someone else for companionship. Especially the guy who was only engaged... some people aren't monogamous, but I'd rather know that upfront and make an informed decision than be serially cheated on through the relationship. Blah.

He does, but he has on occasion encouraged actual cheating. And I'm not sure that saying 'i'm going to do it' and then doing it even if your partner says 'that's not ok' is much better, but eh. I'm in a non-monogamous relationship, so it's not an issue for me at this point. (Yeah you can cheat in that kind of relationship, but it's not a concern in mine.)

I wonder if this almost defeats the fetish. Like... it's too easy.
Exactly.

Well, my understanding at least is that if the spouse says "no," then you have the choice of A. leaving; B. staying faithful, maybe working out the issues in the relationship, maybe not; C. cheating anyway. None of those are good options, anyway, but at least you gave your spouse all the information.

I was in a non-exclusive relationship for a while, but it didn't work for me. I told the guy that I couldn't handle it, and we are now exclusive. Some people need/want/can handle that kind of relationship. It turns out I can't.

I'm not sure if cuckoldry fetishists care HOW they're cuckolded. For some it may be the whole sneaking-around thing, but to my admittedly limited knowledge, a lot of the thrill comes simply from watching some dude bang your wife (or knowing that some dude is banging your wife).

Right, I just don't quite buy the 'the relationship is better together with the lie (that the partner never knows)' idea. Maybe I'm wrong, or naive, and I fully acknowledge that with the social stigmas in place, cheating may at least SEEM like the least of all evils, I'm just not sold.

However overall I fall under 'more communication is better' even if it's things you don't want to have to talk about, like.. hey I'm not sexually satisfied and I want someone who will flog me with a high heeled shoe.


Oh I'm sure it depends on the person and the individual kink.


ETA
Well, my partner was already married when we met so, if I decide that it doesn't work for me, then the relationship will likely - 99.999999% - end. I doubt there'll be a divorce, and I'm not in the relationship expecting one.

k_s watches The View.

http://i55.tinypic.com/ornv2s.png

Hehe!

I first heard about this on a Tyra episode. What made it even weirder was that "Ashley" and "Madison" were the top 2 names for baby girls in the year that the site was founded. That's how the site creator chose the name for the site. Just a little twisted.

There were several people there who have used the site and I don't remember all their stories, but one was a man who discovered his wife had used the site to cheat on him. The guy was totally in pieces and Tyra asked the site creator something like, "Do you ever think about the spouses that get cheated on? It's not all swingers and people with open marriages looking for harmless fun using the site. People get hurt every day because their spouse used your services and you're profiting off of that." The site creator (dunno his name) said something about how people would cheat anyway, he's trying to give "the people" what they want, etc. The guy whose wife cheated started yelling at him at that point so whatever he said after that was lost.

I'm leaning towards Tyra's statement on this one. Sure, people are gonna cheat if they want to and some people don't think of it as "cheating" because their relationships/marriages are open like that. But the site's slogan was "Life is short. Have an affair." I don't think the site is catering to harmless fun (for the most part). While it is definitely the user who destroyed his or her relationship/family and not the site itself, I take issue with someone who actually encourages that. There are just so many other ways to make money.

I wonder if people get on the site and lie about being married to make the "affair" more exciting.

Telling someone you're married and willing to have an affair just to make yourself more interesting? Sparking the thrill of a fake affair...that would be a whole new level of pathetic.

And now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure it happens plenty on that site and elsewhere. :rolleyes:

Considering there have been internet stories of people lying about being moms, to the point of making up ages, names, activities for their faux kids...and I don't mean people who've miscarried or lost a child and are out of it with grief either, I mean people who are quite aware of what they're doing...I think lying about being married is perhaps slightly less twisted.

^^^Was it someone on here who had a pregnant friend with a blog and some random username stole all her belly pics and pretended they were hers? Now THAT was twisted.

Depends on what they're doing, but it's not a lot different than any sexual roleplay really.

Ummmm, yes it is. Roleplay is at the consent of both partners (or it should be). "Hey honey, tonight let's go to that dive bar and you can pretend to be a hooker and I can pretend to pay you." I don't think that's what CG meant.

No, this is a bit more like going to the bar and saying you're a doctor so you can get laid. In the range of 'things to lie about' I don't see that being a big one. Particularly not when the website is for cheaters in the first place. ;)

Ideally yeah, people wouldn't lie at all, but I have a hard time garnering sympathy for the innocent victim of someone lying about being married. It might be because it's midnight though. NGL

Yeah, I read that write up in Savage Love.

To be fair, the whole concept of "marrying for love" is not necessarily universal. A lot of marriages happen for political or economic alliances. Look at all of the royal marriages from way back. You "marry" for what it can do for political or economic advancement and then you have your piece(s) on the side.... (thinking back to that movie, "The Other Boleyn Girl").