Candle Pass, Lavaliere, Dropped
 

I'm new to the board so I'm not sure if this is the right thread to post under. Forgive me if I am wrong. I also looked for a thread similar to this and couldn't find what I am looking for.

I just got lavaliered/dropped by my boyfriend. Yay! :D Candle pass! Dropping someone is a huge deal on my campus. It's seen as a pre-engagement sorta thing.

I know the routine of the candle pass-how many times it goes around and what each rotation means-but I don't know the set up of the ceremony. Mainly, who makes the candle itself? Is it your big, lil, your best friend, or yourself? Also, who tells the president a candle pass is going to happen? Do you just pick a person?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a long time so every time there is a candle pass people assume it's for me. I want to make it somewhat of a surprise by limiting the number of people I tell. But I don't want to hurt anyones feelings by not telling them before. If there is an unofficial rule on who makes the candle, it would help me a lot.

These things are different for every sorority, but I know we just had a plain candle with a ribbon around it. Making a candle puts me in mind of those giant things in churches that you pay for.

This is also different, but for our chapter, usually someone very close to the person, or sometimes the person herself, tells the chaplain (or whatever you call your ritual person). Like any other chaplain, she's expected to keep her mouth shut until the ceremony. Ditto if the person you tell is the president.

Paging Blondie93! She just gave me invaluable help on organizing a candle pass at the chapter I advise.

And shhhhh! don't tell anyone except your President. You want it to be a surprise.

Our chapter was similar to those above. You told one person, and that person made your candle (although ours were not made to represent the person- they were more sorority specific- lavender and maroon, pearls, etc). Usually the candle would just "show up," usually a few days before meeting, to really get everyone's curiosity up! The sister who made it would sneak it on a table in the foyer, or at the mailboxes, or, if day of, conceal it in a bag to sneak to the president before meeting. You tried to avoid letting anyone know who made the candle, as usually that would be an indication of who's candlelight it was.

at my chapter, we left an anonymous note on the presidents desk and she made sure a candle and matches were downstairs for the ceremony which took place after dinner. our candles were not decorated, but a fancy sign(designed at the discretion of the passer) was posted to notify the chapter that there would be a candlepass that night.

at my daughters chapter, they have beautifully decorated candles that are made by someone close to the "passer". like oneheartoneway, they tried to decorate it secretly, so that no one would guess whose candlepass it was. the candle was decorated by the big sister, the little sister or a close friend in the sorority-it was up to the passer to ask whomever she wanted.

congratulations!

We just told one person who would let the president know there would be one at ___ day and ____ time, and our candle was plain. Super simple.

I wish Gamma Phi would go back to a tradition I found in an old "The Crescent" - you announced a candle pass by putting a big ol' box of chocolates in the house!

I was my chapter's ritualist for a while.

We always had some candles on hand, so we used one of those.

Generally, whoever had been lavaliered or pinned or gotten engaged would notify the ritualist directly, or would notify the president who would then notify the ritualist. The ritualist then announced at the start of chapter that there was going to be a candle pass, and she would light the candle and start it off.

I managed to confuse the hell out of my sisters when I had my own candle pass for getting engaged. I was ritualist at the time, so I was both the beginning and the end of the circle. They couldn't figure out if I was engaged or pregnant. :p

I did, too. I was completely surprised by my big when she did hers. I mean, no clue.

I never had one because I didn't get engaged til I was 30, and never dated any fraternity men in college.

At our house, the intended would send a single red rose to the house with a note that read "Candlelight Tonight". It was always fun. There were always a slew of them after Summer Break and Winter Break.

I had one but it wasn't very surprising (I'd worn my lavaliere to a NYE party and forgot about Facebook and pictures) to about half the chapter but they usually were and it was fun to sit around and try to figure out who it was going to be.

I loved Candlelights! We'd do the same thing, try to guess who. When I had mine for getting engaged, I only told my Little, and she made me a candle (I still have it). She had it arranged at the house one night after a meeting. When it came to me, I actually passed it to her, she then acted like she was going to pass it on, and then she turned around and passed it back to me, then I blew it out. I surprised everyone. :)

The biggest surprise my chapter had was when the sister had a florist deliver the candle in a fresh flower arrangement so there was no one else who knew, but the sister. The florist she used was about 12 miles from campus so that offered no clue. For our candle passing, the President always started it.

what is a candle pass?

A good, though obviously campus-specific, description can be found here.

Thanks for sharing this.

I'm searching through Sixty Years in Kappa Alpha Theta and We Who Wear Kites but haven't found (nor do I recall) any references to candle passings. There are very old songbooks at the Chapter and I'll go through some of those to see if I can find any fitting "older" songs. Another active has become engaged so there'll be another candle pass in a few weeks.

Back in the time when dinosaurs walked the earth: The girl would order flowers with a candle. She would then inform the chef who would receive it at the back door prior to Monday night dinner. Just prior to dessert the Hashers would suddenly turn the lights out and bring out the candle. As if by cue we would all start to scream. We then stood in a circle and the candle would go around: twice for a pinning, three times for an engagement. If the candle started its third go round we would start to scream. The sister would then blow out the candle and we would all start hugging and crying.

Nice memories.

Thanks for taking me 'back' to a great time/event that we shared with our sisters!

We ONLY did candle passes for engagement. Laveliering/pinning/dropping was unheard of on my campus. We had the same candle for all passes, and whoever it was told the president. When the chapter got to the chapter room, we were told to stand in a circle, which is how we would know it was a candle pass. The ring would be on the candle and it would go around once so everyone could look at the ring, and then on the second time whoever it was would blow it out.

My favorite candle pass story actually happened before I was active. Apparently the candle went around the second time, and the girls two best friends' we on either side of her and blew it out for her... and then her boyfriend jumped out of the closet and proposed. Cute.

I was walking on earth with Ellebud and the dinos.......We would tell our house mother who had stockpile of candles with ribbons. If she rang a bell at the end of dinner (never knew how she would sneak that thing in) we would all jump with glee because it meant a candle light. We got really excited when she was carrying multiple candles because that obviously meant more than one candle lighting. If it was blown out on the first pass it was a lavalier, two passes a pinning and three an engagement. In the olden days all three were very common but the engagements seemed to flow after Christmas and Valentines Day. A lavalier in those days on our campus meant you were going steady, pinning was a "pre-engagement". However, those were the days when we actually wore our pins to class so women that were pinned looked as if they had on chest armor if they wore their pins, with pin guard as well as their boyfriend's with a pin guard! Good memories!

Many years ago, these were much more common, and were the first step in a serious relationship. Pinning was next, and then getting engaged.

Someone (usually the person who was lavaliered/pinned/engaged) would slip the Pres. a note and ask for a candlelight. The President would stand up in the dining room after dinner, before everyone left, and just say "Candlelight". Of course we all would be very excited.

First time around the circle you pass the candle for friendship. Next time around, for lavalier. Twice around, she was pinned. Third time, everyone got excited cause it meant someone got engaged.

I had one candlelight, at my engagement. My boyfriend/husband was in Sigma Chi, but it was more social with him than anything because he was on the football team and not very involved with his fraternity. So we never got pinned. When I took the candle on the third pass and blew it out, everyone said "Oh my God, it's about time". Ha ha. It was January of my senior year and we got married that June right after we graduated.

And that was how it was done back in the day, kids!

I attended a mother/daughter event this year at my daughter's house. There was a pinning. (No, I could not, unfortunately watch. DGs only.) One mom thought that it was her daughter. It wasn't, but she was jumping out of her skin.

I heard the girls scream when the candle came out. For a second I was seventeen again.

In Beta Sigma Phi, we bring a box of chocolates to a meeting to announce an engagement or pregnancy. I got to do it for my first pregnancy!

Thanks for all of your help! I got a lot of ideas on how to announce it. I'm probably going to get my lil and big to help with the candle. I'll let you all know how it goes. :)

Daughter got pinned last night.:)

It's all been an eye-opener for me-before she joined her sorority and I found this board, my only reference for pinnings was an old "Happy Days" episode (yes, sadly I AM that old).

I'm a little surprised that comparatively speaking, her school seems to make a big freakin' "ta-do" about pinnings - which is odd since unless its a football game or a protest march they pride themselves on being laid-back about everything and I think "We will be non-traditional at all costs" is written into the school mission statement somewhere.

After reading these I was curious to hear how they did the candle pass part. For her chapter the boy buys flowers and has them sent to the back door of the house on the day of the pinning. The president puts the candle with a ribbon around it in the flowers and brings them out during dessert. They take the candle out and it goes around - girl blows it out. At least I think that's how she explained it.

On another note - I've decided after this little event - someday, if and when she gets married- she's getting a ladder and tickets to Vegas!

Down deep in the heart of each Alpha Chi girl... *singing the sweetheart song as I go to bed*

This is one of the nice things about being Greek at a laid back school. You don't have to put up with a lot of the BS that occurs at ginormous systems, but you can still enjoy the pretty things as I put it. :)

Congratulations to your daughter and her sweetie!!

Thank you!

I'll have to ask her about the sweetheart song Axoalum. She has a nice singing voice but she hasn't sung for me in ages. :(

33Girl- Good point! It was a little hard to think about it in that light when I was getting stressed out phone calls from her while they planned the whole thing, BUT she had a wonderful time and I know it will be one of her best college memories. :)

We didn't do candlepasses at my chapter but when I got involved on the national level I got exposed to them and was hooked! And eventually I got to have my own candlepass at a national event to announce a pregnancy. In my case, the actual candle (plain with a ribbon) was the least dramatic part of the whole thing. It was a pirate themed event, and at the kickoff social event all the national officers were dressed as pirates to get people in the right frame of mind. I was 5 months pregnant and seriously working to camouflage the baby bump so no one would guess. After blowing out the candle, I opened my buccaneer jacket to reveal a treasure map on my shirt underneath, with the "treasure" right over my bump. Boy, did that cause a sensation!!

Ah... good times.