Involved sorority collegiate turns invisible alumna
 

A mention on another thread made me wonder: do you have members who were super-involved as collegiates, but don't participate as alumnae?

I know of at least 2 past college chapter presidents who have never ever been involved as an alum, even to the point of never having attended an alum group meeting.

In once case, I can kind of understand - her year as president of a struggling chapter was highly stressful. But the other had a successful presidency, with her chapter pledging quota, scoring high academically and earning many honors and awards.

You'd think she'd at least be curious enough to attend ONE meeting!

I'd imagine that you average super-involved and bubbly person is the type that also gets super-involved in their current task. Straight out of college, they may have a lot of new stuff to handle, such as getting settled in a job, etc. Such things may get super stressful and time consuming, and it may be a while before they have time to get involved again.

Hell, we have super-involved people on a NATIONAL level (like ex-councillors) that fall off the face of the earth.

But at any rate - yes, it can be burnout. It can also be that she liked and was exceptionally good at being an XYZ in her chapter and her school, but she has little to no interest in the national sorority as a whole.

I also would like to mention that the president is VERY often not the most liked or "model" sister in the chapter. Often, it's who wants to do it, or can be talked into doing it.

I am one!

One of the problems with being an officer of a struggling chapter is that it often gets to the point where it feels like chapter vs. HQ. After years of being on the chapter side, it is hard to turn around and flip sides, in a way. I'm sure there are others around who know what I mean.

I know that one of our most active alum chapters is Nova (Northern Virginia) and most people have said that's because pretty much everyone in it is a transplant to the area - they were looking for a way to connect with other people because they knew no one and ASA was it. That's a lot different than when you have your family, college friends and sometimes HS friends fairly nearby.

Actually, I was thinking about a part of this topic the other day. Sometimes I think Facebook has actually harmed national involvement more than it's helped. I mean, you can get on the computer and immediately be reconnected with every sister you went to college with and talk to them every day, without having to do all the backstory explaining you always need to do with new people. If you already have that support system you often don't try to search for another one.

Welllll....that's the way we rush, isn't it?

I don't think any NPC can gripe about that until rush stops =ing "the women in the sororities pick the girls they like the most and the rushees pick the sorority they feel the most comfortable with."

Aaaand that would be me.

I was SUPER involved as an undergrad and I was really psyched to be involved as an alum too. But I moved across the country to a new city where the vast majority of the alums are from one of the few chapters in the area, which are very different from mine. They're really nice women, but I went to the first few events and I haven't been back because I had pretty much zero in common with them besides our letters. Most of them were already friends with each other from undergrad and I was too intimidated to try to break in. I knew everyone in my chapter and I'm still very invested in what happens with them, but I guess I'm just not really feeling it on a national level at this point in my life... which I was surprised by since I loved the national-scale events I attended as an undergrad.

Actually, it was really heart-breaking for me, especially since I really miss my sisters and I've had trouble meeting people here. But I just don't think alumna involvement is in the cards for me here. I would still love to advise and maybe get involved as a regional officer someday, but nationals requires that I be at least 2 years out of undergrad before I can do any of that. Oh well.

I am of the same mind as littleowl. I just didn't click with the ladies I met in the local Cinci alumni group (mostly women from UC and MiamiU). Heck, I wasn't a super-involved undergrad. I participated, but never held an office. It wasn't until I was unemployed and 30 years old that I found the desire to do some volunteer work, which is what led me back to Theta. It was an added bonus that it led me back to my home chapter, but I would have happily gotten involved as an advisor to a different chapter.

Most of the gung-ho sisters from when I was an active are still gung-ho, but with current life activities. People can only do so much. I know of 4 women who were active with me who are involved in advisory roles, but not really involved with local alumnae groups.

I was involved with 3 different alum clubs when I was in grad school and later was on AAC when I taught at Auburn but for the last several years, we've lived too far from any chapters or alum clubs for me to be of any real use. When you have as many kids as I do, you can't just say, "I believe I'll drive an hour and a half to a meeting tonight, stay a couple of hours, and drive back." Too much stuff to do at home.

Ditto for helping a chapter. The nearest one is at least 2 hours away.

I'm one. I've been out almost two years and there are two main reasons I'm not involved. The first is that I'm still in school (finishing my second bachelors, then grad school) at the same school were I was an active, and the closest alum group is for the most part from this same chapter...and I actually WANT to branch out. There are a lot of girls in that group that I really like, but I'd prefer to connect with them separately because there are also many that I butted heads with furiously as an active and it's just not worth it to continue that as an alum. I'm sure down the road we'll all laugh about it, but I don't think we'll get along that well at this point. The second is burnout. I wouldn't call myself super involved because I basically showed up for only required events my senior year since I was taking all studios but before that I was pretty involved. I'd like a break where I'm not HERE so I can get away from all the drama and politics I hear about (my roomie is an active) and such before getting involved as an alum. I plan on joining a group once I leave this particular town, which will probably be in about two years. Until then I pay dues and help my old chapter with recruitment. I DO plan on being an active alumna of my organization down the road because I am very much invested in both my chapter and the international organization...just not yet.

the same thing happened to me at the first 2 cities i lived in out of college. one of my chapter sisters advised me to not join the alumnae chapter in city #1 because she had given them a chance and did not feel a connection. i should have given them a chance and seen for myself(especially because this particular sister had a bit of a negative outlook all the time), but i didn't. i did join the city's alumnae panhellenic and enjoyed that very much, but i did have friends from other fsu sororities who were members.

in city #2, i tried to make a connection with our local alumnae chapter, but they were mostly from the same college chapter and it was hard to break in. the first time, i gave up. several years passed and i decided to try again and i approached it a little differently. the first time around, i expected people to come up to me and make me feel at home, and they didn't. the 2nd time, i went in with a different attitude-i pretended that i was the established member and i rushed them. it worked. i ended up holding several offices during the time i lived there, including president. it was worth the 2nd effort and i made sure that any newcomers were made to feel welcome and wanted.

I think there are a zillion reasons for this, and I actually am not suprised that it happens. First, as others have mentioned, there is the burn out factor and I don't think that a chapter being top, bottom, or in the middle has anything to do with it. There are always issues, even for strong recruiting and award winning groups and when you have been that invested you just need to take a break.

We encourage our collegians to be super involved on campus and not limit themselves to just class and sorority, so NPC alumnae tend to be involved adults as well. However, once one enters the working world, the free time shrinks tremendously and people must decide how to spend their limited time away from work and (possibly) family. For me, I wanted to explore some new endeavors instead of just regurgitating the ones I had already been doing. Therefore, my free time was spent exploring outdoor activities, getting involved with my church, participating in organizations related to my career, volunteering heavily with the Komen foundation, and oh yeah, happy hours/social opportunities. Lots of happy hours and social activities. It was a new town- I didn't want to just hang out with women again.

And yes, agree with those who said that sometimes you just don't mesh with the women in a new city. I experienced this personally when I bravely showed up to a Founders Day event not knowing a single person. The people who were sitting at my table were of comparable age to me (early to mid to late 30s) and their very first question was "Which country club are you a member of?" This was asked in such a manner that their assumption is everyone is a member of some club, but that there was only 1-2 acceptable responses for that very large city. Whatever. You think I ever showed up to another event after that?

I now live somewhere different and have been uber involved in the alumnae chapter here. Different stage of life, different stage of circumstances, and now the time is right. I think that I had to get away from it for about 10 years to come back and appreciate it.

I wasn't involved for 10 years post college. Med school and residency don't exactly mesh with ANY extracurriculars, but then again, AOII didn't have an alum chapter in my area, either. When I moved to Baltimore, though, I became super-alum. I can't say that I felt an immediate connection to my alum chapter. It took an effort, just like we say to PNMs who join their chapters and as NMs realize that they aren't suddenly BFFs with every person in their chapter. I had to make myself go back to the next meeting. After the first year, it was a little better, but I had taken a leadership role. I was an advisor for the collegiate chapter we supported. After three years, I had to move to Phoenix, and I miss my alum chapter so much. My new chapter doesn't actually do meetings. After nine months, I haven't met the first AOII. :( To everyone who didn't mesh the first time, try and try again.

My reply will not add much new to the mix, except for my story. I was a very involved undergraduate, then served a year as a leadership consultant. My first professional position was in a town 40 miles from the collegiate chapter I worked to create, and for the next four years I served as an adviser. (Hi, Carnation! :) )

I took a job in another state, in a town where there was a collegiate chapter. (In fact, I'd visited it during my consultant year.) I looked forward to helping with that chapter. Not so! They had two advisers (alumnae of that chapter) who didn't want anyone else involved. I was invited to one IRD (=founders' day) in the 2-1/2 years I lived there. (The bright spot of my sojourn in that job/that town was that I met and married my husband.)

I served on two AGD international committees during those seven years.

We moved to Maine; no collegiate chapter anywhere near. A few alumnae met for lunch, which was nice. I tried starting a regional alumnae group (Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont) which had two IRDs, both very nice occasions.

We moved to another state, to a college town where there was a very strong collegiate chapter and a very strong alumnae club. Also very chapter-centric. (I remember one alum saying that she was moving to another state, mourning that "there are no Alpha Gams there." I looked in the directory and found about two dozen Alpha Gams. They just weren't the same chapter.) That chapter welcomed me and I served as finance adviser for four years. I still get their alumnae newsletter.

Since 1998 I've lived at some distance from an undergraduate chapter. I joined the alumnae club immediately and I pay dues every year. However, it is based 35 miles away and it meets the same night as my P.E.O. chapter. My schedule is quite full as I "welcome the opportunity of contributing to the world's work in the community where I am placed because of the joy of service thereby bestowed and the talent of leadership multiplied" with AAUW, P.E.O., Rotary, various community organizations, and professional associations.

I'm another one!

I'll chalk it up to a few things:

1. Burnout. I was all about the sorority in college and when I got to grad school I needed to take a break from it. I did the social things like happy hours for a few years but the alumnae chapter here skews young and at 29 I'm kind of over mixers with fraternities. Granted, I made some of my best girlfriends from the alum chapter.

2. Interest in other charities. I'm extremely involved on a national and local level with my college and that's a full-time job in and of itself.

3. Work had to take a priority. I'm taking my exams to become a licensed architect. There's simply no time.

Hm, not true.

Coming from a chapter as small as mine was, it's definitely possible. Each sister having to hold 4-5 positions can take its toll over the course of just one semester... especially when one or two members aren't pulling their weight and/or aren't willing to take on a little extra responsibility. I love my chapter, and I wanted to do everything I could to help us succeed, but I won't lie and say I didn't have those, "Why the hell won't graduation day hurry up and get here already?!" moments.

However, I also wouldn't trade my experience for anything in the world.

I definitely needed a break after graduation. I moved back home, but 8 months later moved closer to my campus again and served as Recruitment Advisor. It was nice to be able to help the chapter in the one area that we could never quite figure out (at least while I was active). Moving to NJ a couple years later ended that.

Then my new job required that I travel.. a lot.. for about 6 months. Now that I have some more free time, I would love to get back into an advisor position, however, the chapters around me are at least a half hour away - not completely unreasonable, but not a quick drive down the street, either. And the closest alumnae chapter is in NYC, which at the minimum is a 45 minute train ride just to get to Penn Station.

The only reason I'm not still involved is basically because of geography.

Sometimes I feel like Alumnae groups need to remember they had to work to get members as collegiate. While they are already half way there, heck we all are members, but it is still about wanting to join and belong. When I moved to across the country, the first thing I did was join the alumnae chapter. I went to the first meeting and aside from being recognized when they asked new members to stand, I was invisible. I walked in, no one welcomed me. I left, no one said good bye. I felt like the odd girl out. It completely turned me off to the chapter.

I gave it another go halfway through and forged my own welcoming committee (I started a happy hour club every 3rd Friday of the month) and found a few other newbies who felt the same. Then I promptly moved abroad...and thats the end of that.

I was extremely "Polly Pi Phi" as an undergrad, multiple offices, ect.
I started working on our chapter's alumnae advisory committee in my 3rd year of medical school and other than a 2 year hiatus during residency have continued to service as a chapter adviser in various positions.
I really love continuing to be involved with the chapter and watching it continue to thrive.

The downside to this is that I have really never been very involved in alumnae clubs. I just don't have time to do both.

I used to feel bad about this, but now I think that we all have ways that we can contribute to the organization that means so much. My way is continuing to help the undergraduate chapter. Being a "slightly older sister" to 115 chapter members and watching them grow and change through their 4 years me feel very connected still to Pi Beta Phi, which is great. I have made amazing friends along the way with the women I have met in the chapter and my fellow alumnae serving as advisers.

True story. In addition, comfort level differs with different chapters. The closest alumni chapter to me is filled with women who are much older than me and married with children. In addition, I don't have time for weekly meetings, teas, etc. So, I am currently not in an alumnae chapter.

However, I am still really involved in my sorority as an alumna. I'm working as a colonization consultant and a PR advisor. These are jobs that I'm comfortable doing and that fit the craziness of life as a first-year medical student well.

I don't know about other orgs, but mine discourages very young alumnae from being too involved with the collegiate chapter. Certainly we were welcome to come down for recruitment and hold trays of punch and what-not, but being on an advisory committee while there are still women in the chapter with whom you were a collegian is a bit sticky. I definitely understand why they'd look for women further removed from college, or at least from different chapters, but it leads to a sense of "oh, we don't need you" followed by "please come back" four years later.

Also, I don't really feel like my region of the country is big into Greek life. Even as a senior in college I left it off of my resume because the odds of a hiring manager having negative stereotypes about greeks are pretty good.

Also also, I don't really know what the alumnae chapters are, outside of their support of the collegiate chapters. Social groups? Service groups? Professional networking groups? All of the above? There are several groups in the area, and I don't feel that any of them could explain that well what they offer.

It's always surprised me, too, that the leaders of my chapter never got involved as alumnae, not even the chapter president when I was a pledge (and later instrumental in restarting the Panhellenic Association on campus), who just embodied KD to me back then.

On the other hand, a woman who joined as a second-semester sophomore (not that unusual on our campus) and thus had few opportunities for the big positions has been a terrific leader at an alumnae group, one that's supported a couple of our newer chapters. I wonder if you get more mileage from the tortoises than the hares.

This is so important. Whether it's because they have been part of the group for years or all come from the same chapter, it's really hard to remember to be extra-welcoming to newcomers. I have never felt not-welcomed- and really the members of my local association have been very nice and interested in talking to me at events. However, the programming does not work for me. The business meetings are during the workday, many of the events are during the workday, etc. I started an evening group a few years ago but it's only had limited success. Most people from the closest school here join a different association, and there's a sort of stigma- one group is young, one is not. I just don't have the energy or desire to fight traffic to go further away from me to join an association where the majority of the members are from one specific chapter.

So welcoming should really encompass two things- personally welcoming, and programming/systematically welcoming.

Got that too. I'm looking at long-distance advising because of that.

This is one reason I've always said that NPC alum chapters should be much harder to charter. We need a very small amount of members to do so, and theoretically, they could all be from the same pledge class, let alone the same chapter. No matter how friendly and welcoming a person you are to women from other chapters, it's human nature to have inside jokes and such in that situation. If you restrain yourselves from it, the chapter's going to be very "clinical" and probably not much fun for anyone.

At District Days (ASA's district-wide convention), I attended a session that brought alums and collegians together to discuss alum/collegian relations. It was an excellent session. Over and over again, we learned that the collegians had absolutely NO IDEA what an alumnae chapter was. Many of them believed that being involved in an alumnae chapter would be as time-consuming and business-oriented as operating a collegiate chapter (paperwork, deadlines, etc.). They were shocked to learn that our alum chapter gets together about once per month for social event like a happy hour, a pool party, or scrapbooking, and we do two major charity events each year. Blew their minds! Yes, many of these women are super-busy, active, overachievers, and the thought of doing MORE of that after graduation does not sound good at all but going to a movie with a few recent alums sounds fun!

Perhaps alumnae and HQ need to better communicate to collegians the realities of alumnae life. I've also been surprised and pleased at the wide variety of volunteer opportunities. Our volunteer cooridinators can find you a position that will keep you busy 5 to 7 days per week, or they can match you up with a once per year commitment.

I see what you're getting at, but alumnae chapters =/= HQ. Alumnae are just...alumnae.
I was going to say that's all the better reason to join, unless you end up in a city where most of the alumnae are from the same chapter, and the culture is totally different.
Yeah, our DC chapter (of which I am an officer) is like that. We have members from SO many chapters/cities, no one feels singled out because it is such a mix. Most of our members are single, young professionals, often recent transplants. I'd imagine our NYC, Boston, Chicago, and LA chapters are like that too, since large cities usually=lots of transplants.

How would you suggest changing that for the better? Each NPHC group has stereotypes, good or bad, that are pretty consistently agreed upon. I don't think there are 26 unique niches to be filled, nor would I want my sorority to have a national stereotype.

I think one of the best ways to increase the chances of alumnae involvement is for collegians to attend Convention/regional conferences/other events with other chapters. I know this sounds cheesy and idealistic, but the beauty of the NPC is that each group has a variety of chapters and they all take on different personalities, but you all took the same Initiation vows, and that is what binds you. Once you meet women from tons of different chapters, you realize that despite your different experiences, you probably do have a lot in common. I was astonished at how many women I click with from so many chapters of my sorority.

Unfortunately, it's a vicious cycle. We can't expect our members to become super-involved alumnae if they don't see examples of involved alumnae as collegians.

Programming that attracts every member is important but hard to do. When I was in the Arkansas and Honolulu alum chapters, about 10% of us were under 25 and the rest were blue-haired. When rush was over, it was hard to find much common ground!

If i actually end up moving out here we're going to have to meet :D

One of the recently graduated girls from Gannon went to alum Panhel with me (I was an APH member at large before there was an ASA alum chapter here) and she was like "do we recite the Panhellenic creed?" I had to tell her many of the current APH members probably didn't remember it. She had the same fears though - that it would be too much to do and take up too much time to get involved as an alum.

That's what I would suggest too. Unfortunately, there's usually only a few collegians that get to do that, and as far as the rest, they really can't process it. It would be nice if there were just purely social events that whole chapters could attend to get to know each other.

Quite frankly, there are times when XYZ at State U is the "cool" chapter on campus and wants nothing to do with XYZ at Cuckoo Colllege who is the "nerdy" chapter on their campus if they come to visit. You can talk to them about vows and bonds till you're blue in the face, but it doesn't always work that way. I wish it did.

This was pretty much my experience. The president made sure to come chat with me for a minute, which was sweet of her, but everyone else quickly formed their groups and I didn't feel confortable breaking in. After the first event I resolved to try harder next time, but at the next event when I did join the conversation it turned out that I didn't really have much to contribute. The younger set (my age group) was all from one of the chapters in the area and since they all knew each other they were talking about mutual friends, their chapter, etc. The rest of the women were older and were talking about their husbands, kids, etc. I had, quite literally, nothing to say.

I don't blame the chapter since I don't really see a way to change things. The only thing I can think of is more structured activity that forces people to mix and mingle, but I think participation would go down if you were making a group of grown women do icebreakers every time they got together. It seemed like everyone just wanted to relax and chat with their friends, which I completely understand... it just doesn't leave much room for newcomers. One of the other members told me they had a hard time retaining new members because they complained that the group felt "cliquey" and I didn't have the heart to tell her that was why I wouldn't be back next time.

My org is the same. I do understand the rationale, but I wish there was a way I could get involved, even minimally. I hate to complain about my org, but it's tough when you're expected to contribute so much for so many years and are suddenly told your help is no longer needed as soon as you graduate - especially when it's burned into your brain as an undergrad that "sisterhood is forever" and alumnae are such highly valued members of the org. I do think this varies depending on where you are, though - I have sisters my age who have been able to assist with recruitment or chaperoning, or have become "assistant advisors" at chapters in other parts of the country, but when I tried to get involved in these ways I either never received a response or was told I couldn't do anything at all until I was two years out (which I'm pretty sure is incorrect).

I do still want to advise (when I'm eligible) and get involved with an alumnae association, but I can see how many members would get discouraged by all this and never re-connect with the org. To be honest, I haven't really had any positive experiences with my org since graduation (except for interactions with friends in my own chapter). I would love to have the opportunity to work to change that someday because I love my org and it seems like such a waste to lose alums who want to stay involved.

ETA: It IS reassuring to see other women posting similar experiences to mine. I was beginning to think I was some kind of freak since normally all you hear about is super-positive alumna experiences...

I am unfortunately one of the slackers. I was VERY involved as a collegian. I was on Exec for 2 terms, very involved in the chapter, even took a small position on our Programming Council my last semester on campus (Greek Week Chair), I was a Rho Chi, etc. Our chapter WAS a struggling chapter, but I don't think I burnt out or was a us vs. IO mentality for me anyway. I went to an event with our local alumnae chapter literally 2 months after I graduated but I quickly moved to a new town, and while the old chapter was close enough for me to still go to stuff, my work schedule got in the way. I looked into the chapter in my new town, but again, work. And it was like that for the next few years (I didnt have a normal 9-5 schedule, I worked 10-7 and many of the events were in the evenings and on the weekends I was just too tired to really do anything LOL) I REALLY intended on getting involved in our local alumnae chapter and became a member in Fall '09. This chapter is small and didn't have a whole lot going on programming wise. THEN I got accepted to nursing school, and now that I'm in nursing school, I have NO LIFE. Its and evening/weekend program and literally all of my evening and weekend time is swallowed whole with class/clinical/study. I want to be more involved. Hopefully when I graduate this can happen, but who knows. As a new grad RN I'm not likely to be working very normal hours either.

Hi, AGDAlum! :) Was that the A&M chapter?

People have touched on another problem with alum chapters. I've actually known women from many sororities who quit going to alum meetings because some alums made it clear to them that their chapter wasn't one of the "preferred" ones. Like: "Those of us from AB and YZ chapters are the cool ones in this group and don't you forget it; you ladies from MN chapter (who we feel don't deserve to wear our letters) may sit on the sidelines and observe our greatness."

I wouldn't say I'm a slacker -- I started advising a month after graduation, though not my chapter of initiation. But I'm not active in an alumnae association. It's kind of funny that others have referenced their DC alumnae associations as very diverse, collegiate chapter-wise, as I've found that ours is almost all Maryland and GWU grads.

My reasoning is mostly time -- I work long and erratic hours, I'm married, and I have a time consuming hobby (marathon training). Any extra time I have left over is going to go toward the commitment I made to the collegiate chapter. But as others have referenced, I don't really have that much motivation to try to break through the cliques in the AA.