How bad is it to miss your first chapter meeting?
 

I just received a bid from a sorority and I'm really excited to join. I went to a new member meeting today and tomorrow we have mandatory council meetings, study hour, and chapter meeting where we're going to do our pledge ceremony.

I already made plans for this Sunday and I don't want to get out of them. My pledge mom texted all of us asking if we were going to be able to go - so since she ASKED, I'm assuming I'm allowed to say no? What happens if I miss a meeting?

It would NOT be good to miss your pledging ceremony. If your previously made plans aren't good enough to use as an excuse, then you should probably go to your meeting.

Think about how it would look if you were hired for a job and you missed the mandatory training session for your first day of work.

You need to go to that meeting.

Are you friggin kidding me? Since she ASKED, you think you're allowed to say no? Are you that dumb?

You miss that pledge ceremony, you miss the opportunity to experience something special as a new member. I wouldn't be surprised if members will question your commitment to the sorority. I'm surprised you even think it's an option. In my chapter, you miss that pledge ceremony, you're not pledged. It's mandatory...no ifs, ands, or buts.

There are girls out there who didn't even get a bid. It's a shitty feeling to know that someone who did isn't even taking her pledgeship seriously. :rolleyes:

Unless it's class or a major religious obligation, you need to go to your pledging ceremony. What are the alternatives- not pledging, or asking the chapter to hold an entire separate ceremony at your convenience? If you are serious about joining a sorority, it's going to have to be a priority and a serious commitment. If you can't commit to that, you should seriously reconsider accepting your bid.

You gotta go to that meeting, you really don't want them to question your loyalty so early on in your greek career.

If you have to ask, it's probably not important enough as an excuse. You better go to the pledging ceremony. Here's why:

1.) If you commit to the sorority, you're going to feel extremely bad that you missed the ceremony.

2.) If you won't be committed to the sorority, you shouldn't be joining the sorority in the first place.

If you had plans with friends, you should move them around. Just tell them that you have an important meeting scheduled.

Gosh, I still remember mine and it was 20+ years ago. Couldn't imagine missing it.

Bad idea. When I was an active, we had three girls miss their planned New Member initiation. One missed because of a serious religious obligtion (not just Sunday Services), one missed because her brother was seriously ill, and one missed because she had "scheduled things for that day".

Guess which one never made it to Active Initiation?

Unless it's a major religious holiday (although I doubt they'd be holding pledging on a major holiday), a family emergency, or you're going out of town for a professional conference, you really, really, really need to be there. There are very few reasons that "other plans" would justify missing your first chapter and pledging ceremony.

Military
 

I recognize that class commitments and religious reasons are legitimate excuses for missing an initiation but, I'd also like to point out certain military events are, as well.

While I was in college, I was really concerned that I'd miss initiation because I had to drive 4 hours (one way) to my military base for drill. Getting out of drill for ANYTHING short of someone dying was like pulling teeth and it never happened for us. I'm not saying the OP is in the military but, I wanted to make sure for any pnm reading this that sometimes military service takes priority over initiation IF (and only if) you are unable to get out of drill that weekend. Unless your Commander is Greek (which mine wasn't)-you may have a hard time getting out of it. Even if your Commander is Greek, he or she may still have a problem with you not making it to drill.

Thankfully, I didn't have to worry about it because they scheduled our initiation on a weekend I didn't have drill but, my unit used to go as far as scheduling two drills a month for "special" trainings.

I just want everyone to be aware that there may also be another legitimate reason, should they chose to bid someone with military commitments.

The OP posted that she made plans that she doesn't want to get out of. Ah, yes. OP, you will have this same type of situation happen over and over throughout adulthood. Sure, I'd rather go to the movies and shopping with my bestie, but I have an exec board/conference/work/etc... meeting. Guess which one doesn't happen? (Yes, of course I'm disappointed because I would rather go shopping and hang out with friends! That's just normal.) Making the difficult choices isn't fun especially when you miss out on a more preferred activity.

Something you CAN'T' get out of and something you DON'T WANT TO get out of are completely different. If it's a can't situation, chapters understand that. It's the don't want to that make us question dedication.

Additionally, don't think that being dishonest about the reason you would miss would work. I've seen plenty of times when someone claimed "sick" to get out of a mandatory event such as a recruitment workshop or officer training and then was seen out and about town later that day/night. School campuses are not that big.

As everyone has said, you need to go. Plans with friends, parties, etc. are not reasons to miss chapter at all, especially when it's your first one as well as your pledging ceremony. Unless it is an excuse that would be valid for class or work (legal obligations, serious illness, family emergencies or funerals, or university obligations), you need to go. Your plans can be rearranged. This is not the first time you'll have to make this choice by any means, and it's a good lesson in priorities, because in the real world you'll hold down a job and you'll need to show up unless you have a damn good reason not to.

MissNoelle: congratulations on your bid. Hope your sister also found a home.

Since you asked, I'm answering. How bad is it? HORRIBLE. What kind of message are you sending? Think about it. Just think.

And you're blowing it right at the starting line, not even out of the gate; you're missing out on the initial stages of forming connections with your sisters. You're already a bit behind the curve, because you're not a freshman.* Now you want to step just a little further outside the circle? Not smart, girl, not smart at all.

You're hearing from GCers in many of the GLOs and we all have the same response and reaction to what you asked. There's your sign.

*ETA: your first post on GC states you're a freshman. Older than the typical freshman, but you say you are a freshman, as is your 18-year-old sister.

Seriously? You waited until you were an upper classman to pledge and the first thing you're doing is trying to get out of going to something so important? You need to reevaluate your priorities and determine if sorority life is really for you.

Whether she's an upperclassman or freshman is inconsequential, I think. Missing your own pledge ceremony is just as bad for a junior as it is for a freshman. But, based on the OP's first post on GC (here), she's a freshman. A 20 year old freshman, but still, a self-proclaimed frosh.

Maybe all the recent troll-traffic has made me skeptical, but I'm thinking the OP lives under a bridge.

Freshman or not, I'd still expect a little more commitment from someone her age.

^^ True. I guess I wondered if you had reason (aside from her age) to think she was an upperclassman (via PM, perhaps).

OP, despite your trollhood, I'll share my opinion: Skip the pledge ceremony. Tell the chapter that you've got something better planned. Then, if the chapter offers you another opportunity to go through the pledge ceremony, tell them that you already made plans that you don't want to cancel. They'll get the picture and you'll be spared the inconvenience of sorority demands.

Why do I get the feeling that she's a 20 year old freshman because she didn't get around to college until now. She probably had plans she didn't want to cancel on registration day the last couple years.

Us too...though we didn't reschedule for "I have plans I don't want to break". We rescheduled for family emergencies, student athletes who had competitions, or students who were in plays on campus. Real excuses.

UGH. I'm a sophomore! I don't know why I put freshman. I went to a private out of state university my first year, so a lot of the credits didn't transfer back to my state uni when I came back. So credits-wise I have to catch up and I'm freshman status, but I'm a second year college student. I've been overloading on credits though so that by next year I have enough to be a junior. But anywaaaaays.

I know it sounds flaky and like I don't want to commit. That's not true. I really do want to get involved on campus and be in greek life. I just REALLY don't want to go today. I can't even explain how much I don't want to. Maybe I'm not as into all this sorority stuff as I thought, or maybe it just takes a while to get into it. I think I'm just going to make myself go...I might as well. I don't want to regret it later. :/

the sad part is some girl probably got cut during recruitment who would die to be in your spot.

I agree that you need to reconsider sorority life. I have not met a single person who "didn't want to" go to their pledging ceremony.

I've met girls who were perhaps annoyed with dress requirements, but never someone who just didn't want to go. It's the beginning of everything for you and marks a really special period in your life.

Not wanting to go is a big ole' red flag saying this is not for you.

Try to explain. I'm curious. Clearly, tonight's super-cool plans don't have anything to do with why you don't want to go to your pledging ceremony. So, what is it?

QFP...

I'm with PrincessAmy & KSUViolet06.

ETA: and AOEForme as well.

Seriously, if you're having to force yourself to go at this early point you just need to quit now.

Also, what's happening with your bio sister you rushed with?

Yes, this. Please just quit.

I disagree that quitting is your answer. I think you should go, and see how you feel then. As someone who sometimes has to force myself to be social I have had that "DO NOT WANT TO GO" feeling. However you need to go now, then talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling and what is legitimately making you upset.

If you can't reconcile it, then you can depledge.

Life is full of "DO NOT WANT TO GO" activities to which you have to go. Welcome to adulthood - make the right choice.

Maybe this is lane swerving, but I would feel some kinda way if a new member had to force herself to participate in a ritual, and that would be her litmus test of seeing if this was for her. We (greeks) put a lot of energy into ceremonies like this, and for someone to be lukewarm about it would be a blow to the ego on behalf of my chapter.

I dont think "not being a social butterfly" cuts it here. When you join something bigger, you have to start checking yourself at the door for the bigger whole. It sounds like a whole lot of "I" in her team.

I just wonder why there's even an option of OP going or not. Maybe that's considered hazing, to make a PNM participate in ritual?

I suspect that the "pledge mom" phrased it as a question not to really give it an option but to sound nice. Requiring NMs to attend pledging (generally something actives have to attend too) isn't hazing.

We talk a lot about new members not being sure, not being 100% comfortable, not really clicking with the sorority and it's entirely possible that she's one of those rather than someone who doesn't want to bother with the time. That's why it seems a bit premature to say "GTFO" without her actually talking to someone she knows and trusts about this - rather than the internet. If she's in that boat at initiation she shouldn't go through with it, but right now she could. As for ego, it's like getting the NMs who don't necessarily want to be there, hopefully the "pledge mom" or "NM educator" or whatever is mature enough to handle whatever fears, concerns or problems a PNM has without the ego getting in the way.

And I was talking more about social anxiety than not being a social butterfly. Example: If my friend has a party I'll probably say "sure I'll be there" and then spend EVERY day leading up to it trying to think of ways to get out of it besides "sorry, can't make it." Up to and including "I'm not feeling well, hope you guys have fun while I'm stuck by the bathroom." Not because I don't like my friend, but because the looming thought of a social event can weight HEAVILY on someone who isn't necessarily comfortable in a situation. The times I've forced myself to go, I've generally had fun, even if only on another friend's behalf. Her "REALLY DO NOT WANT TO GO" feelings rang that bell for me. And this sounds like, previous year or not, this is her first experience in a larger school with this sort of obligation. She does need to learn to check the I for the team, but I'm not surprised that she might not be there yet.

In absence of more detail, I rather hope she picks it up and gives it a shot rather than quitting for vague reasons. (For all we know some idiot told her a goat was involved in some disgusting pledge ritual, we don't know.)

I absolutely did not want to go to my pledge ceremony. I had to travel about an hour in near-blizzard conditions. I am naturally and profoundly shy. I was in a panic about meeting a lot of new people, and I HATED my outfit. HATED it.

But...I forced myself to go. With shaking knees and sweaty palms, I accepted my new member pin, hugged my new sisters, and went home with a sweet bouquet of white roses. More than these things, the ceremony marked the beginning of a wonderful part of my life. It was a beautiful moment in my sorority experience! I treasure those memories.

Go to the ceremony. It just might kick up your enthusiasm, or you'll see that you aren't ready for the kind of commitment that membership will require, and you can take the appropriate steps to end your association with the group.

I read it more as "Are you all able to attend that night, because if not, we can choose another night when everyone is able to make it." I don't know how large the OP's chapter is, but I know for mine, when I was active, we always had new member classes of less than 10, and the New Member Educator would try to find a night of the week when all of the new members were able to make their ceremonies/weekly meetings.

However, an excuse for not being able to attend always had to be a legitimate one (like the ones that others have mentioned here).

Ah, possible. Our classes were more 40s-ish so there was very little to no moving of events.

Two things here.
1) Why is it that you don't want to go? If it's a situation similar to what Drolefille described, this is a life lesson. In the real world you will HAVE to attend meetings and such where you WILL have to interact with others. This is a good time to learn how to. When I first got to college I had a hard time with social situations and would dread them...and usually latch on to someone more outgoing as a front. But joining a sorority quickly taught me how to get past that. I'm now able to work a room with ease and though part of it is confidence, most of the credit is due to my time as a collegian. If it's because you're lazy or would rather hang out with your friends...quit. I would say stay because you need to learn now (not when you're fired from your first job because you just didn't feel like showing up sometimes) to get over yourself, but I don't think it's appropriate to use a chapter of girls that actually give a shit to do that.
2) All that being said, no matter what your excuse is this is life. As someone else said your list of DON'T WANT TOs will get longer every year, and you'll have to do those things anyway. That's part of being a big kid. Whether you stick with it or not you need to force yourself to start behaving like an adult so that you get into the habit before you graduate and fall on your face in the real world.

For the record, it IS flaky and it does sound like you don't want to commit. Whatever you decide, if you have this little interest in the sorority come initiation, don't hurt those girls that do care by becoming deadweight.

Miss Noelle - if it was JUST a chapter meeting, that would be one thing, but it's not...it's your official pledging ceremony. Maybe the pledge educator didn't do a very good job of explaining exactly what makes this ceremony so important. Some sororities like to keep things a little quiet and preserve a lot of mystery, that's fine. So, let me explain (although hopefully you've left by now).

To miss this ceremony would be kind of like if you were getting married and didn't go with your fiance to get the license.

It's kind of like if you were in labor and your obstetrician didn't show up for the delivery.

It's kind of like if you're making funeral arrangements for someone and neglected to purchase a casket.

I think it is fine to miss a meeting if you have a legitimate reason. I also think we don't know how the OP's pledge coordinator phrased this to the new members. The chapter may not have had concrete dates in mind. Or perhaps they did. That being said, the girls I knew in college who missed the mandatory pledge ceremony (meaning it was rescheduled a few days later for them) were girls who dropped out either before initation or shortly thereafter.

ETA: If you're asking us if it is ok to miss that first meeting/pledge initation, that must mean you know it really isn't ok. Go with your gut.