My soror is dating my ex!!!!!!
 

How would you react to your sorority sister dating someone you were in love with after you broke up?

Did she tell you privately or did you find out through a grapevine?

Well hypothetically speaking...I dont think it would matter how it came about...I think those are distinct boundaries that should not be croseed

I'm with you CuriousGreek. Not only amongst sisters, but even among my own friends, this is a definite NO! Did she bother to ask you how you felt? Dissing at its finest if you ask me.

Perhaps you should just say: "I think that what you are doing is in poor taste"
And then move on... in a year it won't matter; in two years you probably laugh; and in five years you won't remember.


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Faced with the Divine, I was asked; "What one gift do you seek?"
I answered ever so meekly; "I seek Honor, Truth, Integrity, and Wisdom, yet those are four. How am I to choose?"
The answer came as a pounding whisper; "The four you seek are but one. I grant thee Compassion; for without it the four make none."
Author - me

I agree that that is an awkward and unpleasant situation to be in. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/frown.gif

I have a small question regarding the dating a sorority sister's ex...
Can a GLO woman ever date a sorority sister's ex? (Say a year later or 6 months later)?

Is there a "statute of limitations" or anything like that?
Or does it depend more on a case by case basis?

One of my sorority sisters did this to me not to long ago, and not only did I hear it from someone else, but she had told my friends to lie to me about it because she didnt want to hurt me... hmmm guess she knew she was wrong. In my opinion their is an unspoken rule that you at least need to talk to your sister before you date anyone she has dated to see how she feels about it, becasue your sister is more important than some boy. But lucky for me I found someone who treats me so much better, and so will you. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

I would NEVER even think of going anywhere near one of my brothers ex's. My brother is more important than any girl. Plus I can imagine all the problems it might cause. Of course I'm a guy and maybe its different but I wouldnt like it if one of my brothers did that to me either.

I think this is a big NO-NO. I would not date my sorority sister, blood sister, cousin or best friends ex. It's a matter of respect.

If she came to you and asked how you felt about the situation, that would make it a little easier to accept. Timing is another issue. Is the breakup recent? If you have been separated for a long period of time, I think I still would have approached you and told you I was interested him. That would have gaven you the opportunity to access the situation.

We have the same unspoken rule in our chapter. If a sister is really intent on dating someone's ex, she should talk to that sister first. And if that sister has no problem with it, then there's no prob. But we always say "why would you want somebody else's dirty laundry?!" http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif




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Delta Phi Epsilon
Delta Gamma Chapter
University of British Columbia
Sigma 1996

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Miami1839:
[B]I would NEVER even think of going anywhere near one of my brothers ex's. My brother is more important than any girl.

Please don't tell me that you really believe this! Things can always be worked out, but PLEASE don't tell me that you really don't think that you would value ANY girl over a brother, because it doesn't sound like you will ever find someone very special.

Please don't take this as pushing the idea of trying get into complicated dating situations. Taken out of the particular situation that we are talking about, it sounds sad.

[This message has been edited by pledgetrainer2 (edited March 31, 2001).]

At my chapter, we have a rule: Sister's boyfriends AND ex-boyfriends are off limits!! It just makes life a whole lot easier that way. NO DRAMA. We try to stress that no matter what, your sisters will be around forever and guys come and go. Basically, dating a sister's ex isn't worth all the heartache, there are soo many guys around who don't have ties to your sisters! Asking permission is the best thing to do, if you feel like you HAVE to be with this boy. But honestly, dating a sister's ex could just be wierd, like at date functions and formals. It's not worth trouble!!

May http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

This will sound bad...but in my sorority I swear the motto on guys is "reduce, re-use, recycle!!" there are many sisters who I think "swapped" boy friends!! It can be nasty and definatly upsetting, but the important factor is that everyone is mature about it. It totally sucks but its not like you could "blackball" her...just hope that he breaks her heart very soon!!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

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Sarah Lyon
Sister Lots-a-Heart, #9
President, Iota Beta Chi Sorority
http://welcome.to/iotabetachi

HAHAHAHAHAHA....I can relate to that. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

If you are at a small school and the Greek community is relatively insular, sometimes it's hard to avoid. You have a lot in common being in the same sorority or fraternity, so it's only natural you would be attracted to the same people.

It can be a "what the hay, it's all in the family!" type situation or it can be a total trauma, or in between. It also depends on how close you are to that brother or sister. So I wouldn't want to say "don't ever do it" but tread lightly if at all possible.

First, I'm going to be respectful and tactful about this. I'm not exactly sure where this came from and it sure came as a shock to me. I'm going to try to answer this as best I can. Maybe you misinterpreted what I was trying to say. I'm saying that I would never go after a girl that my brother was going out with or my brother's ex. I wouldnt do it. Ever. What you believe is what you believe and I respect that. I'm not really sure though what makes you think I'll never "find" anyone special. I dont really think anyone would truly know that answer and this IS the internet. I've never met you and you dont truly know me or my Brothers. I definitely dont know what your talking about with the idea of dating situations and me. I know where your coming from but it just seems like your putting this forum in left field. Again, I respect your opinion, but that doesnt mean that I think your right.

Kevin


[quote]Originally posted by pledgetrainer2:
[b]

I think it depends upon the nature of the relationship, etc. At my school, the guys seemed to have an iron-clad rule about it....once a guy dated a girl with any seriousness, no other brother would date her after that. If it was just minor hanging out, that was different. The girls, however, kind of followed that "reuse and recycle" thing, as long as it wouldn't jeopardize anyone's feelings. Where it can get awkward, though, is in the situation I was in. My husband had dated a girl pretty seriously who was a DG. They broke up but were still hanging out, doing a lot together and there was always that possibility of getting back together. Then I came along, and we started dating exclusively very quickly. As it turned out, a DG sister of the ex was a close friend of my bf's from high school, and she soon started dating one of his frat bros....the 4 of us were together a lot and naturally a friendship developed between me and the DG. Her friend, the ex, was not happy! It was very awkward but my friend just explained that she was going to be friends with both of us and if either of us couldn't handle it, too bad. Well the ex couldn't handle it, and there went their friendship. I always felt kind of bad about it but then again it was her choice.

Gosh that is horrible..I cant believe a sister let alone a president would say something like that"oh well if we switch around..hopefully he'll break her heart soon" I know for a fact none of my ASA sisters would ever try and get one of my ex loves and I would never do that to any of them...and if for some screwed up reason they did go after one of my ex's...the last thought I would ever have would be"hopefully he'll hurt her too" I would never want any of my sisters getting hurt in anyway and if that is how your chapter is that is pretty sad and I would be ashamed to be part of it!

We were told by our new member educator that this type of behavior-in certain circumstances- is grounds for not meeting "good moral standing", which is one of the requirements for membership...
Unfortunately, we had a sister act in this manner last year and it caused one of our sisters a lot of heartache. To this day, many sisters still have a quiet bitterness about her actions.
Personally, trust and loyalty are the most important things to me and having a sister date my ex would be a horrible betrayal. I think that at that point she will no longer be my sister. I am not necesarily proud of this- but I do not forgive betrayal. But that is just my personal viewpoint.


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DZ sisters never end!

I guess I'm kind on the other side of this . . . I dated a member of Kappa Sig for almost a year, and after being broken up with him for about 3 months, I started dating another Kappa Sig from the same, who I've been with for about six months. It is indeed a very, very difficult situation. And moreover, although it sounds really, really hypocritical, I don't know what I would do if my ex choose to date one of my sisters.

That happened to one of my sisters and she was devastated. She couldn't be in the same room with the other girl for fear of either crying or killing her. I don't know the situation now, but I think the one that did the act after the two broke up is not with the guy anymore. Anyway, it made me really mad because it's common courtesy, even for friends that you don't go date your friend's or sister's ex-boyfriend. It's just wrong.

I actually had a chapter sister MARRY my ex-boyfriend. I think that it was very weird and uncomfortable. I always look bok and remember her always asking how things were between "bob" and I. She also ripped me up and down one time because I was not jewish and "bob" is (so is she)

It isn't bad, until alumni weekend and I get to see them both. It is just twilight zone weird!

I think it's okay as long as

(1) a reasonable amount of time has passed since the breakup -- 6 months at the least, more if the relationship was fairly serious or long-lived,

and (2) the girl pursuing the ex-boyfriend gets permission from the ex-boyfriend's first girlfriend beforehand.

I know from experience that I wouldn't mind my sisters dating some of my ex-boyfriends from years past, but if it was a really recent ex-boyfriend I'd be pretty angry.

Granted, I have an out-of-the-ordinary view on this because right now I'm dating one of my ex-boyfriend's best friends. However, it's a unique situation because I am really good friends with my ex, he and I broke up a long time ago (almost four years), and the guy I'm dating didn't become friends with my ex and didn't know me until long after my ex and I had broken up. It's still really weird and sometimes awkward for everyone involved though, and I think it could definitely get messy if we hadn't talked through it as much as we had.

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: Oh we would have to fight...WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would be like, "have you lost her ever loving mind?"
That is the cardinal freggin rule! Never date your soror's ex-man!
Don't matter how long it's been...don't matter how serious you were...

Although I agree with a lot of you on this thread about dating a sister's (or brother's) ex, a lot of you may not have actually been in the situation yourself...

I've been dating the ex of a sister for almost a year and a half now. We kept it quiet for a while because I didn't want my sister to be angry with me. Once I finally got the guts to talk to her about it, I felt stupid because she didn't mind at all! She doesn't have feelings for him at all (they broke up about a year before we started dating), and she knows that he and I were friends before they started dating.

Granted, I'm very thankful that this sister has no hard feelings about my dating her ex, I don't think I would be so happy if he and I broke up and he started to date another sister. I know that would never happen (he sees it as, you have a limit of two from any given sorority, but that's just how he feels), but if it did, I would be extremely hurt. My situation is different than the situation was when he dated the other sister... When they were together, it was for only 2 months and they weren't serious at all. Their breakup was a given. I've been with him MUCH longer, we have a serious relationship, and it would kill me to see him date another of my sisters!

So although it may be slightly disrespectful to date a sister's (or brother's) ex, sometimes things just work out for the better!

now, you guys talking about chapter soror or just in general?

If one of my Brothers wanted my cold used left overs . . . well I guess.

But I might scare him a little or give him more information than he wants . . .

Buw what why would I want his leavings, a totally known quanitity. Someone we all know failed? When there are plenty of good looking girls out there. Hell the chapter probably knows stuff about her that would make her fear to go into public ever again. Especially during the break-up.

Remember Sheila in the devil's outfit with the pitchfork and the bottle of hot sauce? Well . . .

Also.

It usually means that the brother/sister was kind of waiting for them to break up. Like maybe had a little crush.

Or the that the Brother/sister gets out so little they couldn't pick up anyone else but the Ex, who is probably kind of a groupie anyway.

Have you confronted her about it yet, have you told her how you feel, because if you haven't then you should instead of just holding a grudge, or being up set and not letting her knwo why. I know if one of my brothers was mad at me for any reason I would want to know why no matter what the reason.

Guess there are major differences between males and females. I don't think I'd mind one of my brothers dating one of my ex's. Can't really say until it's happened to me.

If it was a messy break-up then just out of common sense and courtesy she shouldn't. But, as far as my chapter goes, we've had brothers go out with another brother's ex. We've also had brothers go out with sisters of their ex's.

You have to think about it for a minute, you may be heart broken, but, how can you say as a hard and steadfast rule that the 2 people may be meant for each other? How can you say that they aren't supposed to fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Just because things didn't work out between you and your ex doesn't mean they won't work out for your sister(or in a guys case brother) and your ex. It's alright to be hurt. But aren't we also supposed to be happy for our brothers/sisters if they've found someone, whether we like them or not.

What if your brother/sister went out with someone you just couldn't stand, not an ex, just someone that you know that you absolutley hate, how would you feel then?

Have you confronted her about it? Did she ask you for your permission before she started dating your ex? Because if she did, then I say its fair game, if she didn't . . then well, that's just plain disrespectful.

God help the mister who comes between me and my sister,
God help the sister who comes between me and my man!