Dropped as a Pledge
 

I just got word from my Pledge ED that was I dropped because no one wanted to pick me up as a Lil Bro. I really have no idea what happened and I'm honestly surprised that no one wanted me. This comes as a big blow to my confidence considering the only type of social life I had was with the fraternity. I put so much time and effort into being a member of the fraternity and then to have that bomb dropped on me really hurts. I was really looking forward to the brotherhood of lifetimes with my pledge brothers and now here I am at home upset that they'll be having a great time while I'm missing out. Crappy thing is that one pledge was arrested as a pledge, yet he remains and I'm out. If anything, it was seen as something positive because it makes for a great story (go figure). That just confuses the hell outta me.

I'm stumped as to what to do now. I guess I'll just focus on clubs and school. This sucks.

If this really is the case, the pledgemaster should have taken you as a little. That's part of his responsibility. But that alone should not have gotten you booted.

This sounds like only half of the story.

It actually is the entire story. I didn't do anything wrong except for losing a pledge pin (although 3 others lost theirs as well and they remain). Not only that, there was a swimming event that I had to partake in because some actives weren't able to do it. It was completely last minute and I was sick as hell too, and I still managed to pull it off with the rest of the members. The Pledge Ed said some BS about how "he loves me" and that I'm his "kid". Yeah, right, but I understand that he was just trying to be nice.

I'm sorry, but I call BS. I find it hard to believe not a single Brother wanted you as a little. Also, I don't see the point of this thread.

The point of the thread is to see if me being dropped for the reason I stated is legitimate. And apparently that was the case(no one wanting to by my big bro) as I was told by my Pledge Ed/Pledgemaster. That is why I'm completely dumbfounded and disappointed. I'll call him up and discuss what happened and why I was dropped.

Well every single fraternity, and most chapters have different rules requiring the forced depledging of somebody. So we really can't tell you if that is a legit reason to drop you. But it doesn't smell right at all.

ETA: Also it's possible that he isn't allowed, or doesn't want to discuss the real reason and is making up this BS story.

That's not really his responsibility.

No, there's probably something else that was going on.

I spoke to the Pledge Ed and he said it was simply that I wasn't outgoing enough and that I didn't allow them to get to know me (It's just how I am. I suppose it's an area I can improve on, but it's tough for me to open up) However, one of my close Pledge buddies spoke to one of the officers in the fraternity and that it was because I made out with a girl on the dance floor during one of our exchanges and that she didn't like it. Although she gave me her number after it happened(Didn't call her considering we were both drunk as hell) I'm not sure what the true reason behind for my drop. Maybe it's both or just one of them. Anyway, this sounds like a recipe for disaster and I just wish that he would have been brutally honest from the beginning.

Every pledge class has individuals that are considered less desirable to have as littles. It's just the nature of the game, however there is no way you can be dropped because no one wanted you as their little. The way my fraternity does it, is that whoever has lowest pin rank in the pledge class (you are given a rank immediately before the initiation ceremony for how well you performed in pledgeship) has to take a twin or maybe even triplets if no one wants to take the last couple of pledges.

As far as your situation, no one here can really give you advice unless you give the full story. It sounds unfortunate but at the end of the day you did something that caused the active members to think you should be dropped. Warranted or not it happened. If this story about you and a girl at the party really occurred, I can imagine the scenario, if you crossed some boundaries. Was it really just dancing and making out? Did you try to force yourself on her or be disrespectful/sleazy toward her? Fraternities take their relations with sororities and the female population very seriously and if you are jeopardizing what people think of the fraternity as a whole, than you could be seen as a detriment to the fraternity's reputation and therefore dropped.

Yeah it sucks. I would be devastated if I was dropped during my pledgeship. The best thing I can say is to try to learn from this. Maybe there are some aspects of your personality you are exuding to others that you don't even see. I'd take some time for reflection, and maybe you can try to spring rush or rush in the fall with a different fraternity. You might have to rebuild your reptuation depending on the campus though.

First thing I have to say is: ouch.

Just like what the others have said, each fraternity has their own rules on what's legit and not. However, I do have to say that I felt the reason was perfectly legit in the sense that you just don't quite seem to be the type of person they're looking for. Fraternities are not all-accepting clubs, and you have to actually fit in.

What basically happened is that they probably didn't find out enough about you during rush (this is very common especially with the way several fraternities do it), so they gave you a bid. Then, during the pledging process, they didn't see you as a good fit. If they had been more careful, they probably shouldn't have given you a bid in the first place.

In any case, if you're really not up to fixing that not outgoing enough thing, just take a look at some other fraternities in the spring. You might find one that's a better fit.

With some groups, you get a bid during rush because they think don't see anything wrong with you and think you'll be a good fit. Pledging is when they actually determine if you are a good fit and would be a good brother for the chapter.

But you said you never received a big brother? I can't speak for all groups, but mine requires big brothers to be figured out before you can begin pledging. That seems a little strange to me.

Yeah that was the case. I asked her to go upstairs, but she said no and I didn't push it any further. She then dialed her number into my cell phone after I said that she shouldn't because she was way drunk (after I realized this girl was shitfaced). As far as representing the fraternity in a positive light, I don't know what their standards are. A pledge was charged with aggravated assault and battery, sent to jail, and it's seen as something hilarious.

Odd thing is that the Pledge ED said I can still party and hang with them whenever I wanted (excluding exchanges/formals). Maybe he's just being nice. It is devastating, but at least I can put my focus into other things.

When this other pledge was charged, was it anything to do with a girl?

You obviously crossed a line somewhere and while they like you alright, at this juncture they just don't want you wearing your letters. Also, they may have had a problem like this in the past and are being extra cautious.

So, yeah, it was more than "no one wanted to be my big brother".

You're going to get different answers because A. not everyone knows what "really" happened or B. they aren't allowed to talk about it.

It doesn't seem like they are willing to take you back. I would find ways to move on. This is a cautionary tale of people who ONLY make/stay friends with people in their fraternity/sorority.

Join some clubs, find friends in classes or the dorm. We can't tell you what your chances are in joining another chapter (in case you were going to ask). If you are interested in pursuing another fraternity, you need to BE FRIENDS with people first. Not for the reason of possibly pledging at some point, but for the sake of simply creating relationships.

Good luck.

He was charged two days ago and I suppose it involved a girl. He was chasing some down in his underwear. I was there the entire time and tried to get him back into his dorm room. It was my intervention of holding him down that avoided him from being an a real altercation with the RSO in our building. The funny thing is that this guy is a good buddy of mine since we live close to each other.

As far as rushing another fraternity I'm undecided. I really like these guys and I've accepted the fact that they probably won't take me in again, which sucks. Then again, I did feel a bit like an outsider during the pledge period. I felt more at home with my fellow pledges than with the actives. Thanks for the help everyone. I'll use this experience to better myself and maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Perhaps I'm not ready for a fraternity at this point.

The decision to kick someone out isn't usually taken lightly. The chapter probably discussed the entire situation. No one knows what happened that night except you and the girl. She isn't here to tell her side of the story here, so who knows what actually happened. Plus you were both drunk. If the girl felt threatened by you, I would definitely apologize to her, just for your own sake.

If everything happened the exact way you said it happened, I find it pretty hard to believe you would get kicked out for not being outgoing (though to go to mixers/parties and get wasted and make out with a girl on some levels is being outgoing) and getting rejected by a drunk girl. Did you go to fraternity events? Were you hanging out with the brothers? Were you meeting all the education standards? Did you actually fit in with the guys?

I'm going to go with they're just being nice about hanging out with you.

I admit that I've told people, who we didn't extend bids to, that we would still hang out and I have no idea how they didn't get a bid. When in reality, the guy was a huge asshole and I had no plans on ever hanging out with him again because I just didn't want to deal with the drama that would inevitably occur.

Oh come on. His user name is "cool guy." Who would ever blackball someone like that? It's totally unfair! He's cool!

You have received good advice so far- it is safe to assume you were not depledged because noone wanted you as a little brother. While it is entirely possible that in the process of little brother selection a discussion was had that led to you being depledged, I have never heard of a rule that would say any pledge who does not have an active want to be his big brother is automatically out.

The more details you reveal, the more possible reasons for you being depledged come up. If you spent a week thinking deeply about every detail of the last few weeks I am sure you could come up with 100 reasons why you were let go and 100 reasons why every single one of your fellow pledge brothers should have been depledged instead of you. And for every reason you come up with, someone somewhere will find a reason to agree or disagree with your findings.

At this point it is best to let it go and move on. As I and others have said, the chapter is clearly not going to tell you the real reason. And since you will not get the honesty from them that would make thinking on this further worthwhile to you in your future life plans, it is best to just move on and think to the future. It is not an easy thing to say- and a less easy thing for you to do- but that is what I suggest.

This would be a good time to disappear for a few days and take a rest. Go home, check into a hotel, go stay with a friend- whatever you want. Get away from things for a long weekend and take time to think in whatever manner best suits you. That will help I think.

Best of luck to you.

We will never know all of the reasons why this young man was dropped, but it is certainly within the chapter's right to do so. Hopefully he can accept this and move on - perhaps to a fraternity that is a better fir for him.

Regarding the big brother situation, the fact that no one was willing to take this young man is a strong indication that he is perhaps not the best fit for the chapter, and it is certainly not the new member educator's responsibility to make up for that.

Thank you for this post. It's been quite some time since I've seen my family and it's a good a time as ever to see them again. I appreciate the words from everyone on here. It's really opened my eyes and I'll reflect on what aspects of myself I should improve on. My realization to improve myself for personal growth rather than simply joining a fraternity can hopefully pay dividends for me in the future.

I appreciate the posts from everyone.

That's a good attitude. Good luck, whether you decide to go Greek again or not. I'm sure you'll have a great college experience either way. :)

I've learned, through GC, since PanHell was strictly, 'no guys' and their Rush was a mystery to us, that Sorority Rush was so intense, that they could get a very good view into the PNM and whether she was a good fit.

Fraternity Rush has always been much more laid back, and so we had much less insight into the Rushee. Many houses, mine included, would give bids to guys who looked like a good fit, even if they weren't the classic Fraternity Guy, think Stork in Animal House. Almost always, they were great guys and it worked out well, but every semester, a few pledge pins were pulled for various reasons. It was always sad and the meetings went on forever, since their big brother always stood up for them, but we aren't the dorm, and a certain percentage was needed to go on.

Happily, a few of these guys found another house where they were a better fit, and I hope that they are as happy in their new home as I am in mine.