Sisters defending pledges over sisters
 

Sisters defending pledges over sisters?
Recently my chapter has been having problems because sisters are defending pledges over other sisters b/c the pledges had a problem with what some of the sisters did to them during a pledge event. How can we teach the pledges to respect sisterhood if sisters don't respect each other over PLEDGES?? What can I do about this problem?? Its tearing my chapter apart.....

Hmm......could you be a little more specific?

YEah, what did they do exactly? Pledging is pledging, but there is a line...

you could read up on the founding of sigma chi. that might help out a little bit, if you reconsider if those sisters should back their sisters because of the sisterhood, or if they should make the right decision because of who they are.

Just wanted to note that I always think that loyalty to your Sisters is key. The situation you describe is almost unthinkable to me, so my question becomes, what could have possibly been so bad as to make them take the pledges side????

It sounds like the pledges felt they were hazed and the initiated members that did not participate in this event feel the same way. New members won't respect (and shouldn't be expected to respect) initiated sisters that take advantage of them and treat them poorly.

New members are the future of any organization - treat them well and your organization will thrive. Treat them poorly and your organization will suffer. It's that simple.

I agree with everyone who said that it's really important to stay loyal to your initiated sisters, but don't forget that the pledges are the future of your chapter. They're the ones who will keep your chapter alive when you're not there anymore so you can't afford to alienate them. It's always sort of awkward in the beginning once a new pledge class comes in because everyone is still getting to know one another and there is the tendency for the pledges to stick together and the initiates to do the same, but try to make it so that everyone isn't divided. You are all members of the same sisterhood, and just let the pledges know that you are excited to have them as your potential sisters. BUT, if they're the ones causing trouble and they don't respond to your friendly overtures, I guess you'd say, then don't be afraid to talk to them as a group and tell them that the situation needs to change. Sorry this isn't Ann Landers-calibre advice, but I don't know the whole story! I wish you luck, though!

I would need more specific information to give my opinion in your situation, but I don't necessarily have a problem with sticking up for pledges rather than sisters.

IMO, if I see a sister doing something wrong, I'm going to take the time to correct her...and I hope that they would do the same for me. If the pledges have a legitimate complaint, you can bet your bottom dollar that I would go to bat for them.

Trust me, your pledges will respect the sisterhood a lot more if they see the sisters doing the RIGHT thing instead of doing nothing because of a misplaced sense of loyalty.

Whoa, this is really interesting. We had this same problem this semester, but it was due to a break down in communication. Sisters would tell pledges one thing, knowing stuff is done a certain way according to tradition. If I had it to do all over again, I would have a meeting with sisters only and discuss inside stuff and how things were to be handled and not deviate from it. Sometimes you need to know when to stand your ground and when to back off. I agree with a lot of the other posts, as the pledges are the future of the organization, but we will be sisters for life and pledges may come and go.

more specific...
 

I won't get into the details of exactly what went on, but it was an event that is meant to be FUN for the girls, to build their bond, and it is an event that the last 4 pledge classes (at least)have ALL done.....tradition is important right? Don't the pledges have to learn to respect tradition? It is really a case of these pledges disagreeing with our pledge period (which does not haze compared to most chapters of our sorority around the country as far as our friends in those other chapters tell us) and my problem is that if most sisters feel strongly about keeping that tradition alive, how can some sisters go against them IN FRONT OF THE PLEDGES no less, and defend the pledges, who have so blatantly shown no respect for the traditions of our sorority?

The pledges were actually yelling at the sisters even after they apolgized to them for the misunderstanding, telling them they were liars and malicious....which is SUCH an over-reaction, and the other sisters did not stand up for their sisters but instead totally defended the pledges.

Plain and simple, the pledges are not initiated members and if they do not like the program, then they can leave. They do not run the organization and last I heard in most Orgs, it can take one NO VOTE to send them on their way!

Tradition can be good if it is good thing. Some chapters have a tradition that is hazing, and that isn't a good thing.

It may be true that the last 4 new member groups participated in this same activity and didn't complain, but now someone is, which is a problem and it means that your chapter needs to reevaluate this activity.

I'd say that if the sisters that are siding with the new members are among those that experienced this activity in the past, they probably felt the same way as the new members do now, but were to afraid to say anything about it back then.

If this activity is local and is not in keeping with your national's new member program, drop it. And even if other chapters of your organization haze worse than you do, that's not a good reason to justify your chapter to hazing less.

There is no reason for hazing. Period.

Even in a situation where I observe something that runs afoul of the pledge process, I have never had cross words or openly disagreed with a soror in front of a pyramid - I would do what I could to bring the session to an end, have the pyramids leave and speak with my soror afterwards.

First of all I strongly agree with PnguinTrax! Listen to her beccause she KNOWS what she's talking about.
Furthermore, you are still rushing these girls after they've signed their bid card. Just because they're pledging doesn't mean they have to stay. You should enlighten them to why they've mad the right choice and do everything in your power to make them feel comfortable, accepted and loved. Hazing is not a part of that (not assuming you hazed, just mentioning it).
Also, if your chapter is torn on the issue then it needs to discuss it in private. Your officers should lead a discussion with your advisors present and what is talked about (feelings) should be kept within the initiated members. If something terrible happened then the appropriet actions need to be taken, and unfrotunately that might mean some of your sisters will be punished and your chapter MIGHT have to decide what their stance is. It's not a matter of turning your back on your sister if they are punished - It's a matter of doing the right thing and helping them understand what it is they did wrong.
As for the new members, get their opinions on the subject and how it made them feel. If there is an overwhelming majority that felt something bad happened then you need to side with them. They are the future of your chapter and they would have no reason to lie.
Just some food for thought!
Good Luck and I hope things get better~ :)
Hootie

That's a very big assumption to make. It might just be an issue of them being protective of the pledges and their feelings. It might not have bothered them (the actives) at all when they did it, but they would rather get rid of whatever it is than have someone cry "hazing" on them.

I've seen LOTS of people who enjoyed this or that pledge activity and then 2 years later, were against it not because they didn't have fun doing it but because nationals newly deemed it "hazing" and their butts were on the line. One of my sisters loved doing interviews during her pledge time, then became prez and had to enforce nationals' new program that didn't allow interviews. Did she agree with it? No. Did she enforce it? Yes. But she definitely wasn't saying "this is my revenge on you for hazing me!"

Plus, it might have nothing to do with something local...it might be a national requirement the pledges are objecting to.

Tradition is good......but sometimes tradition can be crap. When it comes to older chapters, especially. My campus GLOs are all very old nationally, and some of the things they see as important because they are tradition are hazing. Just remember...tradition cannot hold up in a court of law.

"tradition should be a rudder, not an anchor..."

No excuse or tolerance for hazing... sounds like it to me...

Support Sisters Always...
 

...in front of Candidates (pledges, new members, etc.). Even if there is a difference of opinion with my Sisters, and even if I agree with the Candidate(s). HOWEVER...I may choose, after I have respectfully informed my Sister(s) that I disagree with their opinion/action, to profess to the Candidate that I see their point of view. I will even assist them in facilitating change - but only with the full knowledge and assent of the Chapter and my Sisters that I plan to take this action. And at that point, it's really something that the entire Sisterhood is unified for - thus making division a moot point.

I think this is a workable solution to the Catch-22 of respecting one's bond while nurturing the rising generation of Sisters.

2 thoughts ...

1) Tradition
Tradition is something that is respected, honoured, and enjoyed by all. Also, tradition isn't something done by the last 4 new member classes.

2) "Voted out by one vote" by Tom Earp
It takes a lot more for sororities to terminate a pledgeship - in fact, it can be pretty hard. (most NPC groups require a supervisory approval to even conduct a vote which must pass by 2/3s)

3) Reality ... bites back....
In this day in age, women (and men) have many more options to spend their free time than being yelled at or feeling forced to do something that they would be embarassed to tell their moms about. The Greek community really needs to wake up and see that we are becoming the exception, not the rule.

A good rule of thumb is if you are having an event that you wouldn't want your parents, advisers, or Founders to see/participate in , maybe it's not such a great after all .....

Tamba, I hope that your chapter realizes that althought it may not seem like it now, you have strong women as New Members who want to be proud members who cherish their time with you all, instead of just walking away with no explanation. In time, your chapter will be stronger for it. Good luck!

Re: Support Sisters Always...
 

EXCELLENT answer

This is one of those areas that has a LOT of grey. equeen, sounds like you have a very close group that others could strive for and envy. You are really lucky.

Sometimes I think there are just down right "_itchy" girls who complain about anything and everything. You could ask them to hang up their coat and they'd cry HAZING!!! We all know people like that... In fact my own KIDS can be like that! There is a young female pledge who is singularly disrupting her pledge class. EVERYTHING is hazing, right down to the chapter information she is expected to learn. Events that would be defined as "ice breakers" are curtailed because of this one person. She is NOT liked, she is NOT promoting unity. She is diversive. All because she can holler HAZING at every turn. I am sure she isn't an isolated example.

However, a rule is a rule, and that MUST be the greatest consideration for the wellbeing of the Chapter.

I just think some of the guidelines (or interpretaion of the guidelines) are too stringent. From drama class in college to training exercises in the Junior League, what we did by today's standards could be deemed hazing.

Re: more specific...
 

Now that right there, that is something that I can't even much fathom. :eek: :eek:

Pledges yelling at MEMBERS!! boy has the world changed, in my wildest dreams i would have never...

:eek: :eek: :eek:

Would not have been a thought in my head!

Woulda been shakin that funky attitude for a long, long, time, probably out the door!

Re: Re: more specific...
 

I thought it was just me! :confused:

Re: Re: Re: more specific...
 

You have to remember the differences in new member programs between the NPC and the NPHC groups.

Most, althought not all, NPC groups now give new members full voting status (with the exception of officer elections) and full membership rights (with some exceptions for wearing of the Crest, letters, etc.) from the get-go. The new members still work very hard to learn the history and principles of their chosen organization, but the way new members are viewed in the sorority is much different from they way new members are viewed in the NPHC. At least, that has been my experience in reading and speaking with NPHC members.

Yes, there should be mutual respect between the initiated sisters and the new members. New members chastising sisters after an apology had been made is just rude.

Thanks, Penguin. I figured that was the case so I didn't say anything at first.

I love my girls, and...
 

Thank you, justamom...I do feel lucky. My Pride is a few good women. :)

I think it helps to treat Candidates as women you trust on all levels except where the sorority's standards, history, traditions, etc. are concerned - ie., treat them as people, not as children. :) Basic human respect helps.

Barb, I had no idea that New Members in NPC sororities had voting privileges except officer elections. I always assumed that Pledges/Candidates/New Members etc. had a voice, but no voting priviledges until after initiating.

Re: Support Sisters Always...
 

Even though I couldn't imagine this happening (like PnguinTrax said because of the differences), I agree with equeen.