Honeymoon Registry
 

Has anyone ever seen this before?
My cousin is getting married next month and I just got an email from her maids of honor-not sure who all got the email, but anyway-it contained a link to their honeymoon registry, aka stuff we can buy them for their honeymoon-like, an upgrade to a suite, massages on the beach, etc. The email was encouraging us to do so.

I have never ever ever seen this done before. My gut reaction is that it's tacky as shit. The couple can afford their honeymoon (trust me, there is no $$$ issue)-so why the hell am I being asked to fund their honeymoon?? Is this a new trend that brides are doing?? Is it acceptable?
I mean-really, it probably shouldn't annoy me as much as it is, but I think it's the rudest thing. Buy me a shower gift, and wedding gift, and honeymoon gift?? NO. Fund your own shit.

Ok, vent over.(It's been a bad week). But I was just curious if this is a new thing??

It ain't just you! That's BEYOND tacky!

Wait, is the implication that this is instead of a typical wedding gift or on top of a wedding gift? (or shower gift?) Because if it's just another registry site where you buy them a massage instead of a toaster, I don't have a problem with it. Otherwise, I think it's annoying and wouldn't participate.

I have started seeing information about setting up honeymoon registries on a lot of cruise/resort websites. It seems to be a new trend targeted towards couples who want to register/may feel pressure to register, but may already be "established" and not need a lot of the typical registry stuff.

Not a fan, and I won't be doing it.

No, I believe it is in place of a wedding gift.

Yeah that doesn't bother me. It depends on how well I know someone whether I do the registry gift or put my own thing together; but where someone registers, whether Walmart or a resort, why would I care?

If it's instead of a wedding gift, I could get on board. I know for some couples that already have all the house items they need, this might be more useful to them. If it were in addition to a wedding present...they could suck it.

One of my best friends is doing this in lieu of a traditional registry. She's lived with her fiance for a few years, and aside from some new linens and things, she'd rather have some experiences on their honeymoon that they wouldn't normally have (like excursions, spa treatments, etc.). It's a lot more useful for them. If they just didn't register, people would take the liberty to buy things they don't want.

Yeah, I don't think it's necessarily tacky (IF the couple is doing it in lieu of a traditional registry), but for some reason I don't think I would be comfortable doing it.

But hey, more power to those who do. I'm sure it beats some ugly vase or something equally useless.

I've gotten a lot of advertising about these. It's sort of tempting, because between my fiance and I we have all the "house stuff" we need. I've heard of people registering for sporting equipment or other "offbeat" stuff, so why not?

But this would definitely be for a regular wedding gift, not in addition!

No, no, this isn't in lieu of a traditional registry-this is in addition to the 4 places they've registered for standard house stuff.

^^^Well, in THAT case.....

Then yeah, that is damn tacky. I wouldn't feel obligated to gift from both.

OK, still confused. If it is just option 5 of options for their wedding registry, I shrug and say ehh, ok. Gives me more possibilities on something to give them. IF it is something extra, on top of the wedding present, like a wedding party extra gift, then it is crass, crass, crass. I have a feeling that Miss Manners would not be amused.

Agreed.

My cousin and his long time fiancee wed last summer and established a honeymoon registry. They've been together almost 10 years and bought a home a few years ago so the usual wedding registry items were not needed. Still I threw in a bunch of gift cards just because.

They went on a month-long honeymoon to Japan (they saw the entire country!) and kept a blog so we could keep up with them.

I don't think it's tacky at all but it really depends on the couple. They're not wealthy, but they're not money hungry people either. Had it been one of my cousins I absolutely cannot stand, I probably would have been all F-U!

Registering in 4 places is bad enough. I would personally give them something really tacky and big from the dollar store.

It is a good idea IN PLACE of a regular registry though, as more people are getting married after they've already bought homes and don't need the gifts 18 year olds living on their own for the first time needed to set up housekeeping.

Tacky to the 1,000th power.

[and here comes the rant]
We've created a society where the better friends of the couple don't say, "Hester & Oliver really don't need much in the way of household gifts, since they've both been divorced six times and have bee living together for 16 years. I do think that they would love something towards a much-needed honeymoon, though." Instead, Hester & Oliver feel free to register at 20 stores/places, one of which is NOT a place to celebrate a union, so much as help pay for a spring break - and each place provides them with tacky little cards to discreetly (?!) tuck in the wedding and/or shower invitations.

If someone doesn't know where to buy something for Hester & Oliver, they should consider a monetary gift or call whomever is their connection to the couple.

I was stuck going to a bridal shower for someone I didn't even know (long story), but I did buy a card & a restaurant card. Everyone has to eat at some point.

[/rant]

Team NO!

But I was raised to believe that you never, EVER mention where you are registered or what you would like to receive. You register, yes, but your guests ask your mama or your maid of honor (or whoever) where you registered. But maybe I'm secretly an old lady.

Psst, the email came from the maid(s) of honor.

Well, I get that, but on the other hand, it's expected now to gift at a wedding. It would be extremely difficult and inconvenient for a guest, especially one who may not know many people other than the bride at the wedding, to have to hunt down where the couple is registered at. I would much rather have it in the invitation; I find it significantly more convenient. I would be seriously annoyed if I had to call a bunch of people to find out how to buy them a gift.

Oh for crying out loud.

The whole idea of giving wedding gifts came from the notion that a bride and a groom - neither of whom had been married before or had lived on their own for long if at all - needed certain basic things to set up their new home: sheets, towels, pots and pans, dishes, silverware, glassware, etc.

In this day and age, that's kind of old-fashioned. Many people (a) live on their own for years before moving in with a partner, (b) live together before getting married, (c) are getting married for the second/third/fifth/sixteenth time - and therefore already have more than enough sheets, towels, pots and pans, etc. and don't need yet another toaster.

But, in my mind, the idea still stands that you give the couple something they can use long-term. This might be a more unusual appliance like a slow cooker, a hand-crafted item like hand-knitted pot holders or embroidered napkins, or even a check or gift card if imagination fails.

A massage lasts an hour. A marriage lasts (or should last) a lifetime.

Unless everyone attending the wedding is from the same town and knows the bride's family and bridesmaids personally, I think that enclosing a gift registry card is only considerate. I mean, my cousin is engaged to a girl from New England. I have no clue if they registered down here, up there, or in between.

I would do that for couples, like the one I whose wedding I attended last winter. They were merging 2 households and all the possessions that came with them so this would have been perfect (if they'd have one). They absolutely asked NO PRESENTS because they had no room to put the stuff they already had, let alone new things. This would have been awesome.
HOWEVER, this I wouldn't do. You can take that somewhere else, Greedy McGreedersons.

Oh, the horror. Generations of married couples have been given things they don't need or would never, ever use. They said thank you -- and if possible discretely exchanged them -- and moved on.

Miss Manners would not be amused period. Miss Manners is firmly of the opinion that the gift registry is appropriately maintained only as a reference if the gift-giver asks. Anything beyond that constitutes begging, not gracious acceptance of the generosity and thoughtfulness of others, and puts the generosity in the hands of the recipient, not the giver.

We are in complete agreement.

Registries aren't hard to find if the couple registers at the standard places, particularly department stores. You can go to their website and search by last name. If people don't do that, they can ask a contact where the couple is registered. Tacky little registry cards are not needed.

The same goes for babies. A few of my coworkers have gotten married/had babies recently, and never mentioned where they registered, and we still were able to find a registry and an appropriate gift for all of us to chip in on and give to the expecting parent/bride/groom.

Honeymoon registries, and unsoliticted emails about where the couple is registered, are not necessary.

But hey, at least you didn't get the email directly from the bride or groom.

And don't even get me started on the "stag and drag" "casino night" thing - at that point, you're just asking your friends to fund your wedding. I even got an invite to a stag and drag from someone who I knew 100% I would not be invited to the wedding (or any of the showers) - so basically, what you're saying is, you want ME to help pay for a wedding and food and decorations that I will never see or eat at? F. U.

They are if it's a local department store I've never heard of or that is nowhere near me. Although, sadly, that's becoming a thing of the past. One good thing about not getting married is not having to register at effing piece of crap Macy's.

And quite frankly...I don't want to go to the thing. I want to get a gift, go there, and go home with as little thought as possible. So please, bring on the tacky registry cards.

What is stag & drag and casino night?? It sounds like a mixer.

What in the world is a Stag-And-Drag?

A stag & drag is a pre-wedding party where you pay like $10 and get free food and beer, and then you stay there and gamble on different games, sometimes there's a 50/50, etc., and the procedes go towards THE WEDDING.

SRSLY. You throw a stag and drag to help pay for your WEDDING. Actually, your wedding party is supposed to throw the stag and drag. They basically take on the costs (food, drink, etc.), and the money from the night goes to the WEDDING.

Probably the tackiest thing ever. Probably worse, the bride and groom I mentioned above actually THREW THEIR OWN, sent out their own invites, etc., and invited AT LEAST 300 people, most of which were not going to be invited to the wedding at all (and in my case, I didn't even know she was engaged). Since this was a person I didn't particularly like to start, I was actually pretty pissed that I got the invite.

This is a tradition that's pretty strong in Erie.

ETA: I've been invited to a handful, and if it's a couple I like, I usually suck it up and go instead of getting them a gift (whether or not I'm invited - I fully understand that every wedding guest list has to stop somewhere). This couple in particular (the tacky tacksters), there was no way I was ever going to be invited, and if I had been, it would've definitely been a gift grab. You don't invite people who you've had a falling out with to your wedding in an attempt to make amends unless it's family.

Holy crap, why not sell magazines and have a bake sale, too?

I could Google for an appropriate pic, but I'm pretty sure even the intarwebz has a limit on tackiness that surpasses what would be necessary to portray this idea.

That's when you call (or email) your aunt or uncle, ask where cousin and fiancée are registered, call (or go online to) that store, purchase the gift and have the store deliver it.

As for stag and drag, words fail me.

I can usually handle it if they didn't have the regular pre-wedding gift giving events. Some couples have it in addition to an engagement party, bridal/wedding shower (or a couple of them), bachelor and bachelorette parties, and so on.

I'm also ok with the concept if it's for a charity/person in need. For example, my hometown community sometimes throws casino nights to help defray the costs of expensive medical treatments, particularly for families in need. Weddings, however, are not that important. If you want to throw the big fancy wedding, fund it yourself or only depend on family to help pay for it. If you're paying for it yourself and can't afford it, don't throw the big fancy wedding.

Unfortunately, not how it's done out in hick-land.

I do not understand that. Either have a small wedding that you can afford, or wait until you've made enough to throw yourself a bigger one...but I'll be damned if I go around asking my friends for money to get prettier centerpieces.

A lot of my friends that are now getting married have wedding websites (ex: at the Knot or somewhere similar), which is how I found out where they were registered. I think those sites can be very cute, though a little self indulgent, however they are very informative when you're trying to figure out all the details of a wedding.

I just ordered off my friend's registry this summer for her wedding. She and her fiance had registered for beach towels and I thought that was pretty cute. But that was the only honeymoon-related item and it was from Target, not an entirely separate registry.

Honeymoon, Mortgage, "Wishing Well" registries are all tacky for the same reason - they're registries for cash!

A Honeymoon Registry may offer people the chance to buy a massage, tour, sunset sail, etc., but that's really not what's going on. On a honeymoon registry, you just list some of the activities you want to do on your honeymoon and the approximate dollar amount next to it - people "buy" it for you, but really their money is just getting put into an account you set up with the company running the registry. In the end all the couple has is a bucket o' cash. So, in other words, they registered for money, which is horrible. What makes it worse is that the honeymoon registry companies charge a fee for each transaction/purchase, so some of the money that your guests think is going to you is actually going to the registry company.

The Knot is full of questions about honeymoon and other cash registries fronting as something they're not. It's stupid because people don't have to be told that cash is a welcome gift...it always is. But no one with any manners would ever TELL anyone they want cash.

I'm all about avoiding tacky, but for couples that already have a home and don't need dishes and linens, I wouldn't mind this set up. Otherwise they'd be given a bunch of things they just don't need. If it's a specific this-is-for-the-honeymoon account, it's ok with me. I have a lot of friends getting married now but I know I'll have a lot more that will get married after they already have jobs and likely a nice place and plenty of cookware...honeymoon gifts are more useful in that case. To me that's far less offensive than the ones that overshoot on their registries and register only at expensive shops for only the expensive items. When I'm invited to a wedding it's an indication the guests aren't on par with the guests at the Trump weddings, and expecting people to spend an absolute buttload is rude, IMO.

I'm firmly of the mindset that everyone you invite to your wedding should know whether or not the couple has a home and doesn't need dishes and linens in advance, in order to judge whether or not cash would be more appropriate.

I just think it's practical to go the honeymoon route. And yes, giving them massages and whatnot is still handing them cash but it's more palatable than an envelope of money.