Sorority De-pledge/Re-rush?
 

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Why Gee, I don't know. What did the people on Yahoo!Answers say?:rolleyes:

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it sounds like you have given this a try and a lot of thought. i have a feeling you already know your chances rushing next year, so you need to make up your mind.

did you have recs. to all the chapters at OU?

what do you attribute your recruitment outcome to?

Can you change that/those things?

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Is that why the question was deleted?

your sister is an active executive officer of her chapter at her school and at some point during your recruitment you were not invited back to the chapter at your school, one that i know is usually one of the more popular chapters with pnms. that does not bode well for joining that chapter at your school next year, but i can't predict the future.

your sisters affiliation could have had an effect on your invitations to other chapters, but that is not going to change.

how was your gpa?

how was your resume?

did you know girls in the sororities beforehand?

how are your looks? Did you dress appropriately for your shape and did you look put together everyday? Were you dressed similarly to the other pnms everyday?

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Without a doubt you will be viewed as damaged goods at OU and you've already been given essentially your only shot at being Greek. Especially now that you've called out and embarrassed your chapter all over the intarwebz. You really should quit now and give up any desire to be Greek because you lack the loyalty, discretion, honor and class to be a lifelong member of a sisterhood.

You got a bid to a chapter you weren't crazy about. You pledged, and made some effort to get to know the sisters and your pledge sisters. This is a good thing - many PNMs would have dropped out when they received disappointing pref invites.

But if you're getting close to initiation and you're still feeling uncomfortable, perhaps the best thing is to depledge. This is a decision only you can make, and the deadline is quickly approaching - once you're initiated into an NPC sorority you can never join another.

If you do depledge, you can always re-rush next fall, but the cards will be stacked against you:
- You will be a sophomore, with only 3 years instead of 4 to contribute as an active.
- Everyone will know that you got a bid the previous year and depledged. People are going to be thinking, "She depledged XYZ last year, what's to say she wouldn't depledge from our chapter this year if we gave her a bid?"
- You will have to attend at least one party at your current chapter. It'll be awkward at best.

So, when you make your decision whether to depledge, keep in mind that it may mean you will never go greek.

BTW, being obese won't keep you from being invited back / offered a bid. Being obese and trying to squeeze yourself into a size 2 dress, however, might.

I think the NPC agreement would keep you from rushing next fall. If you break your pledge, you may not be asked to pledge another sorority on that campus for one calendar year from the date of her original pledging.

That would mean formal recruitment would probably be impossible next fall.

In addition, if someone really wanted to snoop, they could probably find out who she is based on the information she gave here.

Generally, "one year" is considered from one rush to the next, so she would be able to, unless her campus has a rule to the contrary.

i didn't mean to come off so badly. i really apologize if i did. i was just wondering if anyone had advice. i love my chapter, i just don't know if it's the right fit for me personally. it's still a spectacular group of people.

I know, but I said "probably", and if the dates are earlier, that's another strike against her.

Plus, people will notice she's going through again, even at a big school.

No. Formal recruitment to formal recruitment = 1 year.

I think that's a "spirit vs. letter of the law" thing. When a PNM signs her pref card, she does so knowing that if she matches and doesn't like the chapter she matches to, she can't just drop out and COB at a chapter she likes better - she has to wait a year. If bid day 2011 is 364 days later than bid day 2010, she's pretty much waited a full year.

this(^^^) is right.

It's what I meant before. I got myself all caught up in the dates and the calendars and the whoozywhatsits.

Even without the 1 year business, the deck is stacked against somebody who does this. If you love your chapter but depledge a week before initiation, doesn't that make you a poor risk as a pnm?

I'm not sure this would be acceptable at a competitive school like OU, rule or no rule.

Only the pledge class was mentioned but this is a larger school, so it isn't like your chapter total is 30 and you don't get along with everyone, so reach out to the other sisters. So what they like to party, you can find other people to hang out with, there will be new members next year, and two years after that you will be an alumna and have all kinds of sisters from other chapters.

Or you could not initiate and go through rush again, but if your choices were limited the first time probability is you will have the same, if not less choices the second time. If you think you're so right for a sorority and need to be in one, dropping now and trying again is probably not going to make that reality happen. Your ship is sailing, and there may not be another one at the dock.

Honestly, I get annoyed when girls complain that they're not best friends with their PC by initiation. There's no way you can be best friends in 6 weeks. Ultimately, YOU have to put in the time and effort to get close to the girls. Some of my closest sisters in my PC were ones that I barely talked to before initation.

That is soooo true. My closest friends were not in my pledge class.

It's a big chapter, and it takes time to know everybody. My best friend in the sorority was somebody I really didn't know until after initiation. I would have missed so much if I hadn't given things a chance!

Did anyone else keep hearing Janet Jackson saying "edit" as they read this thread?

Yes! I thought I was the only one who thought that! :)

An "edit" doesnt do much good if others have quoted the OP before the "edit" took place... I'm just sayin :)

I think there is just way too much movies/tv going on in the fantasy lives of PNMs and new members. There are also no naked pillow fights for the guys out there who think that's what sorority life is. When all of us talk about lifelong friendships and how special our individual chapter and GLO is I can say without hesitation that almost every one of us regretted joining at one point or another. Your pledge class is a fraction of your chapter, and only fake girls make BFFs in a minute and a half. Your first semester of college is a whirlwind of confusion. Unless there is something seriously wrong with this chapter, just stick it out. It will become what you want over the next 4 years and into the rest of your life. And there will be the candle-passings (or kitty passings - whatever your chapter's deal is) where you are emotional and really feel like you're a sorority girl, but most of the time it's just your life.

Try to put on a reality hat and see what is REALLY missing from your experience. And then if you really do feel there's something missing or wrong, then sure, drop out, but assume you won't get another shot.

I wouldn't use the word "regret", but were there times when I wanted to throw my hands up in the air and say, "I give up"...then walk out the door. And I agree that just about every one of us has felt that way at least once. It's not all warm fuzzies and I get frustrated when new members think they don't belong in the chapter because they aren't friends with everyone. My chapter was small and there were still people I actively disliked. I treated them with respect as a sister, but I didn't seek out their company. You can't expect to be BFF with this many women. My closest friends are generally not from my sorority at all, and only one is from my pledge class. And I still had a great experience. It was fun, but more importantly, it taught me a lot about interacting with others and leadership...lessons that have been and will be valuable to me as an adult.

OP, if the reasons you want to quit are: you feel you don't have friends in your pledge class and you don't like that the chapter has the lowest GPA...you aren't trying hard enough, and you're probably not really giving the women in the chapter a chance. It's easy to think, "I'd be so much happier in XYZ". But you do not know that. I guarantee you not everyone in your chapter parties hard. Find the women that don't. Ask the partiers to do something that doesn't involve booze or boys. It's up to you to make it work and you can, you just don't see that right now. Think of it as your chance to have a positive impact on those around you. How about throwing yourself into the chapter, getting involved, and taking an officer position? You would be able to encourage the women around you to bring their GPAs up. And remember that sorority membership is life long. This is 4 years out of 80+.

If you decide to drop, do it because you have really thought it through and have been honest with yourself. Have you really tried to make this work? Don't do it to belong to another sorority. Your chances are minuscule and you might very well find yourself in this same position with another chapter. The grass always seems greener, but we've all learned one way or another that sometimes it's just not. Sorority membership isn't supposed to be perfect at all times. Just like family relations, or close friendships. You're supposed to learn and grow from the experiences you have in the chapter, and while most of them will be positive, some of them won't be. In the long run, that's a good thing. It's supposed to be more than a four year sleep over.

Expecting an 18 year old college kid to always act maturely will always result in disappointment. She should not give up all hope of being Greek.

I just want to point out that your pledge sisters just got to college and are partying. That doesn't mean they won't settle down in a month or two (when midterms hit, perhaps?).

There have been silly movie/tv fantasies about Greeks ever since the dawn of time. What there hasn't been is people wanting to quit because they weren't BFFs with their whole chapter in 2.5 seconds after they got their bid. I know I've said this before, but the whole "you don't have to EARN membership, you are already a sister" mindset I think sets PNMs up to feel this way.

Well, you DID come off badly. It looks like you are bashing a group of women who were willing to take a chance on you. You want to go through rush, again? Make an effort to change the chapter around instead of assuming you will get in somewhere else. With such a poor attitude, please do these ladies a favor and just drop.

*What's up with all these new members being so self-absorbed as if their GLOs even owe them anything? Isn't it, you get what you put in?

I think that unless you are considering transferring, it would be best to stick in out in your current house if you want to be a member of a sorority. I am sure that there are some girls in the house that party less and are more serious about school. And you never know, people do change and could become your best friends in a year or two. Hang in there, and enjoy Norman!

There are always girls in every chapter who party, girls who like to study, and girls who are in the middle. Think about what most of the girls in your chapter are studying too -- if there are a lot of science/engineering/anything else where students tend to have lower GPAs in your chapter, chances are that the chapter GPA will be lower than another chapter with girls who are studying communications or something where GPAs tend to be higher. (I'm not saying that any majors are easier or harder than others, just saying that from my experience physics majors tend to have lower GPAs than comm majors.) If your chapter GPA is something that worries you, think about what you can do to change that. Can you tutor girls in anything? Get together study groups? Rather than just being mad about it and dropping, try and change it.

Cosign. My chapter was ranked quite low in GPA last year and it wasn't because we didn't value academics.

I'll also cosign on the fact that it took me a while to get to know girls in my pledge class and become close friends with them. It's hard.

There was also a girl in one of the recent classes who always talked about getting drunk, partying, and going out, so much so that it was brought up to me as a complaint (when I was President). Her grades were exceedingly high and there were no facebook pictures of her drinking, so she hadn't violated the RMP. Still, I was curious so I texted her that Friday night to see what she was doing. She was in her dorm, studying.

She had been so concerned with appearing "cool" she constantly talked about partying, drinking, boys, and everything else so people would like her.

You may find this to be the case in your class!

Pretty sad that you expect such poor behavior from my generation. Some of us actually do have the class not to air our dirty laundry out in public.

And you know she shouldn't give up hope of being Greek because you have intimate knowledge of what's happening in the OU sororities right now?

She's not the only one.

Congratulations, but again, 18 year olds do not always make smart decisions. I expect everyone to make mistakes, but for teenagers to make more of them than adults.

I know she shouldn't give up hope of being Greek because she is currently in a sorority and can easily make the best of it instead of dropping. I vehemently disagree that she should just "quit now and give up any desire of being Greek". That's a bad attitude. She can easily learn, grow, and become an active contributing member.

Yawn.