My daughter's recruitment
 

My daughter started recruitment today! I am very excited for her and can't wait for her to call me tonight to tell me all about it.
As my name suggests, I am a Zeta. The school she is attending does not have a ZTA chapter. At first I was sad that she would not be a legacy, but then I felt relief that I wouldn't have to worry about her being dropped by a Zeta chapter. It is all good as to which house she receives a bid from.

My question for anyone who has a daughter who chose a different sorority that yours, do you feel divided loyalties as you learn about another group? I am an active ZTA Alumna, but I want to be supportive of my daughter's group, too. I realize that she is only on day one and a lot could happen before Bid Day(she drops, doesn't get at bid,etc..), I just wanted to hear how others handled it.

Thanks and I will let you know where she goes!

I'm in the same boat right now, my sister just started recruitment today. She is at a college without a Theta chapter (or Zeta for that matter! ;) ) I'm happy for her so long as she finds a great home. I know it's not quite the same with a sister versus daughter, but I feel not division of loyalty, and I don't think I will if my own daughter pledges someplace else 13 years from now. :)

I can answer the question about divided loyalties. My daughter attends the same school that I attended. My chapter no longer exists at the school, but a chapter with a similar focus does exists there. My daughter is totally in a different house. I don't have divided loyalties because in the end we are family.

I am a ZTA and my daughter attended the same University that I attended. My daughter was attending from out of state. ZTA has not been on campus for over a decade. I ask myself the same question you are wrestling with at the moment. I also had to deal with the knowledge that she had recommendations (several to one sorority) and that these women would soon be her sister and share something with her that I could not. The week was bittersweet mainly because she is my only daughter and my first born. She called every day to share rush (yeah I am old school) with me. She was so excited and she had a great rush! She was lucky, she was in the position of cutting houses. As the week went on rush became easier for me instead of just giving lip service to follow your heart, listen to what is being said - I let go & let God! My rush, my ZTA experience was mine it cannot be hers - I knew this in my head but finally my heart accepted it. On pref night she was invited back to her top three. She told me as she left each house she thought I could be happy here - but deep in her heart she heard the call to the sorority she had so many recs from - all the women who had watched her grow up. On bid day (Aug. 2001) she became a sister to not only friends of mine but also her first babysitter. It was fitting. She may not be my sister but she will always be my daughter.

ZTA will always be your first love but you will love learning about another sorority! Suddenly some things from the past may make sense! LOL It will be so much fun. This week check out the businesses on her campus that carry greek items, do they deliver to the dorms. Be ready to order something for immediately delivery on bid day. Attend every parent event she invites you to - smile and be every inch the Zeta Lady that you are!
May your daughter have a wonderful rush, may she follow her heart and find her home.
Please keep us posted as the week continues.
By the way my daughter is a proud Chi-O. And yes I cried as I wrote this post.

ZTA
Alpha Chi \^^^/

scrappinfificat! You made me cry, too!

Thank you Zeta Sister for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I am glad to hear the same things I am going through.

I helped her with a few recs and she did get one from a former National President for one group (recs aren't required at her school). So I feel I was able to use the ties and friendships that I have made through sorority life to help her even if I didn't get to use legacy status.

She just called after she listed her order for Day 1. She said she is not going to make it having to wait another 15 hours to find out where she is going on Day 2!. Day 3 isn't until next Friday so that is when the waiting will be crazy! She just sounds like she is loving it and enjoying everyone she is meeting. I am so happy for her!

Thank you for the idea of ordering something for her. She has lots of friends from home at school, so I will send some money to one of them to go get her somethings to deliver to her on Bid Day!

My daughter also pledged a different group. I do not have a problem with it at all. I wanted her to find a group of sisters that would make her happy for the next four years at school and hopefully she will be an active alum after graduation. The only problem I have is that I have been called a few times by my sorority to help and I do not feel comfortable doing it since I have become involved with the parent group for her sorority. Maybe I would not mind helping at another school but I don't think it is a good idea to be involved with both on the same campus.

tootiepie2 Congrats on your daughter finding her greek home & what a wonderful Mom she has to become actively involved with the parents group.

ZTA Doe
I will be waiting to reading the rest of the story & I can't wait!
ZL

It might be more work, but if you have the time, I don't think that anyone would think it was odd for you to be involved. You would be involved in different ways - one as a parent, and another as a sister/alumna.

I guess I see supporting the collegiate chapter as an opportunity to both give back and demonstrate that sisterhood is for life.

I have met so many great moms and dads through working with her sorority. It has been really fun and makes me want to become more involved with my sorority because I will only have 3 more years with her. When I moved to La. from Ky. they did not have an active alum group close to me. When they finally got a group in Lafayette I was so involved in raising my family, job etc. that I never took the time, and after a while they stopped contacing me. I guess I will have to try again. The LSU chapter has asked me to help a few times during rush etc. But I won't do that till after daughter graduates.

A friend of mine has two daughters, neither of whom belong to sororities. The elder daughter wasn't interested and the young goes to a school that does not have a Greek system.

My friend will admit that she is mildly diasppointed. She is active with her alumnae organization and has advised her daughters' friends who have participated in rush/recruitment at their schools.

My daughter is only a junior in high school but most of the schools she is considering do not have Alpha Gam chapters. I believe it will be easier for me to embrace her membership in another sorority if Alpha Gam is not an option than if she goes somewhere with an Alpha Gam chapter and is cut or chooses another group.

And the interest you have in your friends' college aged daughters as well as college aged sorority women everywhere continues to creep people out to no end.

Six of my daughters have rushed in the last 10 years, ZTA Doe. None rushed at campuses that had Pi Phi; I have 2 AOIIs, 2 Chi Os, a Phi Mu, and a Zeta. I've got to admit that for years, it was weird seeing other groups' things around the house; last week I cleaned up the play room and found an AOII bulletin board, a Chi O notebook, a Zeta pledge manual, and a giant Phi Mu cup. For years, I felt like a perp when I would wear, say, my "Chi O Mom" polo or "Zeta Parent" T-shirt. Receiving official mail complete with crest from the national offices or local chapters was also startling at first. We were very proud of our girls, though, and their sisters are super!

I threw myself into whatever I was asked to do to help, although 5 of their chapters were far away. And yes, just because someone will say something if I don't, I hope that at least 1 of my high school daughters or maybe my granddaughters will go Pi Phi!

Anyway, I know lots of moms who've experienced this because lately, few SEC women have gotten their legacy chapter so there are many moms these days who wonder, "Wow, my daughter is in a different group, how can I help?"

last week we were searching for greek related movies on netflix. i came across "the sorority wars" and watched it with my sister. it was a made-for-tv movie (abc family i think) that came out in 2009 dealing with this exact situation. it was okay, but more for the younger crowd. if i didn't read much about sorority recruitment on greekchat, i probably wouldn't have gotten this movie lol. it deals with recruitment, dirty rushing, pref, parties, rivals, etc. below is a copy-and-paste summary:

When freshman Katie (Lucy Hale) pledges a sorority, her mother, Lutie (Courtney Thorne-Smith) expects her to choose prestigious Delta house. After all, Lutie wasn't only a member of Delta, she co-founded it. But when Katie decides on the less straitlaced Kappas, Lutie loses her cool. Now, it's an all-out family feud - mother vs. daughter, sister vs. sister - in this campus drama co-starring Faith Ford as Lutie's best friend and fellow Delta founder.

My daughter went to school where there is a KD chapter. As a little girl she always told me she wanted to be a KD. She refused to go through recruitment when she started school, but I had told her, if she decided to go through recruitment, she was to choose a house that is right for her. KD was the right house for me on the campus where I was going, with the ladies who were collegians at that time. If I went through recruitment today, who knows if KD would be the right house on that campus with those members now.

I am very active in my alumnae chapter (was president for 3 years) and was on our national volunteer board for 2 years. I was disappointed that I can't share KD with her, but recognized that she is a VERY independent woman. I did tell her, "I don't care if you go through recruitment or not, but my only rule is that you cannot just sit in your dorm and do nothing." She found groups that made her happy to belong and do what she wanted.

In our Alumnae Chapter, there are quite a few women who have daughters who have not joined KD and they are happy that their girls found someplace that made them happy.

DaffyKD

I have been very involved as an Adivisor for AXO for over 20 years. I was VERY pregnant with my daughter during one recruitment. My daughter has grown up around the AXO house. DD is now a sophomore in HS and just asked the other day if she had to be an AXO when she went to college. My response was she could be any thing she wanted. While I would love for her to be an AXO and disappointed if AXO dropped her during recruitment I also realize that I want her to be happy. My two nieces who are Sigma Kappa's think that is where she should land! Personally, I think it would be easier for me if she went to a college without an AXO Chapter, but in the end I want her to have a good college experience like I did.

You're confusing. Sometimes your posts are regular posts, and other times they're oddly spam-like.

http://www.asianweek.com/wp-content/...pam-musubi.jpg

Think Of It As More Opportunities For Both...
 

Okay, I will bite on this one.

My mom and I are in different sororities.
Through the whole process of what we called Rush back in the day, my mom was supportive. Although, I was cut from her chapter, she was my biggest cheerleader. It was always what was best for me. I think that my mom was the first of the heli-mom's; coming straight from the hotel to pick me up after Rush and making sure that I got enough rest and food while battling the last of bit pneumonia.

Now back to what I meant to post for:
A couple of years after I graduated, my parents were going to spend over a year on a project in a remote southwestern town. Sure enough, one day, I open up my local alumni newsletter and there is a story about a woman whose son in doing work in that same town. I showed it to my mom and told her to call the woman that was mentioned. Sure enough, my mom calls up and says "My daughter is in (my sorority)." That got the conversation started. They chatted for several minutes. Mom learned a lot. Had I been in another sorority, or Mom's for that matter, that introduction would not have taken place nor the information exchanged.

The moral of the story is that is an opportunity for both of you. I like to think that life is full of opportunities and this is just one of many for you and her.

To this day, she is good with it. I see her badge occasionally in her closet. Never once has she mentioned that she wished she could have been at initiation for me. In some ways, I think that as much as it would have been nice to be in the organization, I think that we are better because we are not. We have more people to network with and meet through each other!

i agree--it is pretty brutal to make those pnms wait a whole week. how ever they make it through the week is beyond me! good luck babydoe!!

Friday is a long wait so we will join her in going bananas! But from your post it sounds like rush is going very well for her. And I love her discernment ~ do they like me or the rec!
Love it! She is going to do fine.
Question: at her school is rush only on the weekends? If so is this weekend pref & bid day?

They switched to this recruitment style at Iowa, and the wait seems to have benefited the girls as not as many dropped out this year. Maybe having a little time to think about it all (or freak out as many of us would have done) helps their common sense.

Good luck to your daughter. Here's a little GC gripe we have: your daughter hasn't CUT anyone. She ranked some houses lower.

Thanks for the info concerning weekend recruitment. I can see the benefits anything that reduces dropping out is wonderful but personally I would be freaking out!
My fault 'cutting' but those where the words used to describe the situation by the rho chi.
It was also the term used when I went through rush/recruitment. Yes, it does sound awful ~ sorry.

Good luck to your daughter!

My heart is aching for you & your daughter.
Wishing both of you the best possible outcome.

My heart would be aching and my stomach would be hurting.
i hope she has a good next round with the sorority that is interested in her.

fingers crossed!

Good thoughts are coming in your direction, and for your daughter. I keep saying "it only takes one" and I know several women who had "one" and it was the Right One all along. When you are in the thick of it, it's so hard to have any perspective or balance. How often have I wanted to know the outcome of the race before I placed my bet, but that is not how it works.

/side note: my sister went through recruitment at my university when I was a senior and she was a freshman. I was positive she would go with another chapter. Honestly, at the time I was fine with it, and to this very day I think/know that that chapter was a better fit for her than mine. They pursued her, wooed her, preferenced her; and in the end, she went to my chapter. I was quite shocked, as was everyone else in that chapter. She ended up transferring after her junior year and not affiliating where she transferred (no chapter there). My sister was always in my footsteps her entire life, and I believe (as does she, I think) that she would have been happier had she gone in a different direction. Well, we live life forward and understand it backwards, don't we?

Good news. I will be pulling for her!

Hallelujah!

fingers and toes crossed for ztadoedaughter!

It's amazing to me the toll that it takes on the mother when the daughter is participating in recruitment and waiting on the invitations. Been there, done that in August. I'm pulling for you!

Agreed !!! I think it was harder on me than my daughter!

Aww! What a beautiful letter. You have a very sweet daughter. :)
Congrats to her! And congrats to you for becoming an AOPi Mom!

Congrats to her and AOPi!!!!! Sounds like you've raised a wonderful daughter!

I was hoping she'd be an AOII!!
Welcome to our family as an AOII Mom! We'll take really good care of your daughter! :)

BTW, which Past International President wrote her a rec? That's hilarious! I'd perk up if I saw a rec from a girl from one of the PIPs!

I just realized you put this thread in the wrong place. ;) Hopefully, someone will move it to recruitment stories.

What a beautiful letter. Congrats to you, your daughter and AOII!

You must have been an exceptional mother to have raised such an exceptional daughter. Congratulations!

That letter brought tears to my eyes. What an incredible and thoughtful expression of love :)

sister, my eyes welled up when i read the letter your daughter wrote. how beautiful! she will be a wonderful sister in aopi, and you and she will be able to share many panhellenic memories.

and just think....any granddaughters will have two wonderful sororities to list as legacies!