Etiquette Lessons?
 

If you read my woohoo post, you know that I am my chapter's new Education Director. My main purpose is to ensure that my sisters are fulfilling their academic potential, and that steps are taken to help them if they need it. Also, I give 'education projects' at meeting from time to time. One thing I think we really need help with is etiquette/manners. We are not a Southern chapter, and many of our ladies are from the bootheel and may have not had exposure to formal training in this area. (I have an interest in social customs, so I read Emily Post for entertainment, but I realize that everyone else may not share my hobby.) Has anyone out there had etiquette lessons in their chapter (aside from the fraternity new member "open doors and stand up for ladies" type of thing)? How did it go over? Did you see any lasting results? Were you just preaching to the choir, or did the people who would really benefit attend as well?

(Moderators, just say the word and I'll start this again in another forum-I didn't know quite how to file this one!:D )

CC

I personally have never done it as a chapter but I think that it is a great idea! My mother had actually sent me to charm school back when I was in middle school (I'm from the South if that explains anything). :rolleyes: I hated it at the time but now, when I go for interviews or out for dinner with the boyfriend's parents, I always know the right questions to ask or even what fork is used for the salad. It's a great thing to learn!

This is an awesome idea! I'm actually considering teaching a course to middle schoolers on etiquette and carriage. Like you, I'm a total manners nut (I'm from the South :D ) and I scare all of my New England friends with my posture, table manners, proper stationery, etc. Of course, you don't have to go hardcore, but I think it's a GREAT idea. Also great for personal development. I think there are a lot of people who didn't learn this stuff coming up (for whatever reason) but want to learn, and you probably won't just be "preaching to the choir".

Let us know how this turns out!

I think it's a great idea as well. I had etiquette lessons when I became a debutante. By the way, you aren't the only one that reads Emily Post for entertainment.:)

picture this, you're at a hypothetical function and lets call it "sigma formal"

You're seated down, you and your date in beautiful formal attire, and you see all the silverware in front of you. Now for all your prior semesters, you've taken silverware from a giant trough in the cafeteria, and you look down and see 2 forks, 3 spoons, and glasses everywhere, to the unititated, doubt and fear would paralyze you at this point...

BUT NO! you had etiquette lessons when you were a new member! you know the right way to eat and impress the non affiliated members with your poise and knowledge of culture.

definitely do a course on etiquette. your chapter will thank you for it.

Etiquette - absolutely. Especially before a formal or semi formal. Many places and organizations (Jr. League, Jack & Jill, etc.) hold etiquette courses for their young members. You can ask them for contacts and see if someone will donate time to the event. Also, don't forget to talk to your alumnae - if anyone is a wedding planner or similar they will have experience to share.

My chapter had ettiquette "lessons" a long time ago. However, they haven't done it for the past couple of years. I think it would be great thing to do for every pledge class though. We even have a cabinet position called "ettiquette chair." If utilized correctly, it can be a nice thing to have. Sometimes everyone needs a few basic reminders! :)

What a great idea! I didn't do etiquette lessons in my chapter, but when I was in grade school, my mom sent me to "charm school", and I had to do cotillions and stuff (yes, I'm from the South, too :D )-I didn't like it at the time, but now I'm glad I did it. Sometimes, when we're out at nice places, my boyfriend asks me, is this right? Or, what do I do here? And it's fun to be able to tell him.

Yes, yes, yes!!!! I think it is a wonderful idea. I did etiquette lessons as a child and so much of it has stayed with me. It really helps in ANY social situation - even job interviews. I think doing it as a chapter is a great thing.

(Excuse my enthusiasm, but I'm planning my wedding right now and if there ever was an etiquette hell, it's a wedding. You'd be surprised what some people don't know.)

Agreed
 

You cannot know too much. Doing things correctly is the difference between having power and none. It's amazing the difference little things make.
mmcat
:D :p

We had etiquette lessons when we came through...:D ;)

My GLO started etiquette lessons at our conclave 2 years ago...At first I was not impressed because Lunch took us 3 hours to eat and the woman teaching it was a bit snobbish (one comment that I and many others disagreed with was that one is not supposed to acknowledge or thank the servers at a banquet)

But overall it is helpful, so now once a year(usually founder's day) the division goes through etiquette lessons (but much quicker). Each chapter was also provided with enough booklets for each sister that describe situations and show diagrams of silverware.

So, if your sisters need it, go ahead and teach it...it is always nice to be able to go out for a nice dinner and know you are not making a fool of yourself.:p

Just make sure its relavent information we had a manners talk one time before fomal and it was random information that we didn't need to know for a formal at a country club. I understand we can used it in the future, but try to make it entertaining or you might just be putting people to sleep. Especially if people had manners a young adults.

I had a speaker come and do a keynote address on etiquette to my chapter when I was Membership Ed. It went over very well.

The lady who spoke was a teacher, and taught a 1 credit hour course on etiquette which I was taking as an elective that semester. (I went to school in the South...)

If your school has a restaurant and hotel management degree, or something like it, I would start there. They probably have a teacher who would be happy to speak with your chapter.

BTW, if you like Emily Post you may want to try Letetia Baldridge's guide to Executive Etiquette. It talks all about etiquette in the business environment. Definitely good reading for any graduating senior :D

I think etiquette is a good idea. 6 years ago when I was still in school and a pledge; my pledge manuel had a chapter on etiquette. Its always impressive to know what to do in a formal situation. The things you learn can help you later in life and will alwaysbe a benifit. To bad they stoped putting it in the pledge manuels after I became a brother.

It will pay off in the long run
 

And I quote "It's a good thing" --Martha Stewart:)

Always a good thing.

As a new member, our new member educator (who happened to be a waitress and a "charm school" instructor) gave a program on Etiquette. It was held the week prior to International Reunion Day (where we meet with our alumnae).

Christina has since graduated from school, so as this semester's Personal Development Coordinator I had to look elsewhere to find someone to lead the program. Luckily, Aunt Dee (my sister's BF's mom) is VERY Martha Stewart...and she's agreed to do the program. Feast of Roses is two weeks away, and many of our new members are looking forward to this program.

Etiquette is something that everyone will take with them long after their collegiate days are over.

At my chapter our Etiquette chair gives a tip each weekend at meetings. I personally think it is invaluable. Also our school an etiquette dinner ( southern school) does an etiquette dinner once a semester, that some groups have there new members attend. I have gone for two years with a leadership program. Moosegirl-- you are not supposed to acknoweldge the servers or speak to them- at least that is what we were taught

Our chapter does weekly etiquette tips also. I think everyone really likes them. Also, right before formals and semi-formals we do a little more in depth lesson. Our VP Social Standards usually does it. They cut out huge forks and plates, and such, from cardboard, and use them as examples. It's cute.

Last year we had an etiquette luncheon. It was really neat to learn some of the things we did. We had a lunch and one of our alumnae came and instructed us on manners and proper etiquette in certain situations. Like a few others have said we learned that you don't thank servers or anything like that. That really suprised me too. I highly recomend having something like this. You might learn a thing or two and its fun. :)

My chapter holds etiquette workshops for our other teen groups as well as our debs. However, we have not held this type of activity for sorors.

What a fantastic idea. I'll have to present this to our chapter!

Thanks guys.!

Dejajeva-
We got our information packets from nationals so you might want to have someone call CO to find out about them. It was pretty informative.
LITP

Back in the sixties, this is a large part of what "Mom" (our housemother) taught us.

It's too bad in many ways that many fraternity chapters don't have housemothers any more.

"Mom" really took the hard edge off of some of us and I appreciate it to this day.

And I went to school North of the Mason/Dixon line.

We had an etiquette dinner with tri-delt last year. It was a good idea for a social function, I'd recommend it.

you are NEVER too old or young to learn...:D ;)

AKA, you are so right!!!:)

When I was another Fraternitys pledge, MoM Buck taught a lot, especially to me!

" Before going to a party eat several pads off butter it helps you from get sick and Drunk".

"Do not crumble your crackers in the chili, butter them"

Told her the doctor said I had to because of my stomach:D

yep once again the Greek Orgs. teach some way for us to go out into the real world and not look totally stupid:)

I love Greek Orgs and the peple in them!:)

Sometimes I wish my Local had not broken the House Mom barrier as none of the Fraternitys at the Pitt. have them! It is a hell of a settleing experience to have a lady there to keep an eyes on her boys and teach them to do some of the finer things before they go out and ask what the finger bowl is instead of drinking out of it! :D

I wish my chapter had done this!!

I'm from the Northeast, so I wasn't sent to charm school or anything like that... but my parents were VERY strict. I learned from a young age to sit up straight and not put my elbows on the table, or else! My parents also taught me what fork or spoon to use for what, etc. But most folks from my part of the country don't get that experience - and when you take them out to a nice restaurant for dinner, they embarrass you...

Ok, I wasn't going to respond, but I keep recalling the comments about not acknowledging your servers. How is this possibly "proper etiquette".

I am from the North, so charm school wasn't an option :). I did get invited to be a debutante in high school... but I digress. I'm just saying I don't know all of the definitive "rules" of etiquette, altough I can use the correct fork.

I'm not saying you need to have major conversations with your servers, but I was taught that a simple please or thank you is always in order.

The whole "not acknowledging" your servers is just a throw back to the Southern class system & makes me envision snobby old southern women who think they are too good to speak to people.

Thank you SilverTurtle, I'm glad I'm not the only one who was bothered as heck by that. I mean how can it not be good etiquette to say "thank you" when someone gives you something?? :confused: I guess the people who say that think the servers must be idiots who would forget how to do their job if someone spoke to them. :rolleyes:

I agree with SilverTurtle and 33girl. I am from the south, arranged the hosting of our chapters etiquette workshop, and took a course in etiquette. Not once has anyone ever mentioned that you should be anything less than polite to your server. I agree that you don't need to hold a conversation with them, but a simple please and thank you has never hurt anyone.

Our house mom does etiquette lessons each year. She does them by pledge class or year in school. She covers the basics and as we progress through school she adds things that will be useful. As a senior she described how to act at a dinner interview. It was invaluable because many of my pledge sisters actually landed great jobs because of their grace at these interviews. She also did an etiquette tip at each Monday evening formal dinner.

I thought they were great.

I agree with those of you who do encourage a simple "please" and "thank you" to your servers. While there is nothing "wrong" about not acknowledging your servers, if you need a clean glass, an extra napkin or place setting, your servers will be more likely to provide to those that appreciate the hard work they do than those who appear to be impervious.

I am a firm believer in the instruction of etiquette for both men and women. Dinners and social events are much more pleasant if there is a general understanding of social courtesy from all parties.

I am currently reading Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette...circa 1952 :eek:! Although there are elements that will last throughout eternity, it's interesting to read about gender equality (or rather the lack thereof), especially in the work force. It's also quite humorous to read about women's fashion, including the fur coat I am supposed to own. :)

The 1950's etiquette books are hilarious! Even though I follow most of the dictums (since much doesn't change), it shows you how far we've come as a society.

We had a speaker at our national convention who did a "business etiquette" seminar. I think it was a great idea, especially considering most of our young ladies are planning to go into the business world upon graduation. For the life of me I can't remember her name but she is a pro and she has books out on the subject.....a lot of these etiquette rules carry over into regular situations as well. For the life of me I can't remember her name, Chi Os help me out.....Ann Blyth or Ann Something Blyth or something like that. I think she was even on Oprah. Anyway, I think anytime you can offer something that will enrich your members' skills in any way it is a good idea.

I think most of the reason for not speaking to the servers does date back to earlier social structure ie English maids etc. However as a rule I do not normally speak to waiters if someone at the table is speaking instead I nod and smile.

Crazy,
In my chapter we had an etiquette lesson every semester for our newest and all members. Our house mother did a dinner etiquette once a semester so we knew how to eat at our formal dinners (every night). She also had a video we showed once a semester. There should be a Horizons program on this, check with your Education Director.

Sigma Love,

How wonderful it would be if one of our collegiate chapters were taught a little about etiquette...

I am in an alumnae chapter, and we work with an unmaned college chapter near us. I can't tell you how many generous, thoughtful things we have done for this chapter, and we have YET to receive even a thank you note for our efforts. It's insulting, yet, like the "ladies" we are, we keep chugging along and doing more for/with them. Please! Teach those young ladies some manners. LOL! :) (please, I am only 30. LOL!...but still, I would NEVER receive a gift and go about my day!!!) And their badge attire is frightful ..but, I too, digress :)

I was raised in a military family, so I grew up neither here nor there, but it's always polite to say please and thank you to your servers. Especially when you can't see what's going on in the kitchen!! :)

Side note: If any of you saw the making of the movie Titanic...there was an interview with the person who made sure each and every thing that was said and done was appropriate to the time period. I specifically remember her saying that back "then" you NEVER said anything, or even looked a server in the eye. You tipped your finger to your glass, or held it up for a refill, etc. She then went on to say "nobody does that anymore, it would be considered rude". So, I guess manners do "evolve".

Anyway...great idea...capsules on gift receiving, table manners, proper attire, etc is always a wonderful idea!!

Tracy :D

Proper ettiquette can do wonders for your chapter's image!!! Our chapter practices ettiquette all the time. We have an officer who's sole purpose in life is to educate the members on ettiquette. Around campus we can be seen opening the doors for the ladies. There is a fine if one member catches another not standing when a lady enters the room in the chapter house. If your chapter does not practice this stuff then you're REALLY missing out.

LHT
Kevin
MT 5
University of Central Oklahoma

I know my daughter's DG chapter does the weekly tip and more.

I think this is an outstanding practice!