Life Changes
 

We all have them, from kindergarten to first date to graduating from college to marriage, kids, divorce, etc.

I've been going through a huge one this year (since my mother died), and today was a real eye opener.

It was surreal. After all these months, the estate sale agent we hired came to prepare my mother's house - the only family home I've ever known (they lived there since 1960). My brother & I have argued a LOT about this, but I just couldn't handle this emotionally, so it was an estate sale or nothing. NINE people appeared, and spread out like a jellyfish! One to each small room, two to the large rooms, and two men for the heavy stuff. I pointed out some of the things they had troubles with, then went to work (thank heavens for self employment).

I stopped back around lunchtime, and it was amazing! It was as if Santa's elves had fixed up the workshop! Tables everywhere, one room for antiques, another for bedroom things, another for my mother's sight aids, tables of jewelry (my mother loved jewelry - I just took the good stuff), china/glassware/crystal set up in sets, Beatles records here, tools there - it was awesome! We absolutely couldn't have done this in a year, let alone four hours! It was "This is your family's life!", readied for sale.

I took a few things I hadn't been able to find before (mostly stuff that no one else would've been interested in - like 4 reels of Whipple Dam over the years), and I'm going with my brother & sil tomorrow just to see what it looked like when it was finished, and probably take some more things. I admit it, they had found my brother's teddy bear, and he (the bear) is sitting on my brother's chair at work. :D

While I'm thrilled that this looks like it's going to be done right, and I pray that it ALL sells well, it's such a major chapter of my life closing. Sure, the house isn't sold yet (although one of the workers is already interested), and that will be another shocker - as if having the telephone number shut off wasn't bad enough!

So, has something touched anyone else's life in such a deep way? I know that a marriage, a divorce, or that first child are all somewhat like this. Maybe somebody else has a story to tell...

PS: I'll take any & all prayers and/or good vibes for Saturday, that almost everything sells before noon! If you're in the Pittsburgh area (South Hills) and want the address, just PM me - I'm pushing this thing to the best of my ability! Or, ask me if there's something you're looking for. You might even find pictures of a very young honeychile!

Just wow!

I will say prayers for you and for your family this weekend.

BTW, I'll let y'all know how it went next week! I'm hoping that things like the spinning wheel & applicances go high!

If you have historic photographs, diaries, maps, Sears catalogs, and so on, especially written documents, sometimes historical societies want those items. They can be invaluable to researchers and can often provide support or rejection of ideas and theories that would be lost otherwise. Sometimes you can also get a tax write off. Archaeologists and historians love wacky stuff, especially if it is hard to find. Just say no to National Geographic magazines though, so many are floating around.

If you have any Asian American items I may have a home for those, they'd be a donation to a collection but I'd help you with shipping. Figurines and small ceramic items, and anything else that may have come from China, Japan, Korea, etc., especially pre and post war.

I personally have all the photographs, and much of the genealogical or history things, and I plan to do exactly that with the items I don't need. There are many left, though, but none that are Asian-themed (except a piece of china marked Nippon!). I only took my mother's favorite fur, though.

Wow, Honey, that's a huge undertaking. I wish you all the best for the sale this weekend. I would imagine it's really emotionally difficult to part with items from your life in that house.

Good luck!

:o Forgot you're into genealogy, duh you've kept it.

Let's talk about that china from Nippon. Can you get me a picture or is that a huge hassle right now? I had pictures taken of an item I wasn't willing to donate and the collections manager was happy to have that instead of the actual piece. Some books might be considered rare or of value to a particular library collection, so you may want to look into that. Another tax write off and it will be preserved in a way, as well as accessible to others.

You've got me thinking about what happened to my father's post card collection of a specific theme. I think someone we know bought it but if not I have a plan to scan and then donate it. We still have the house, I can't wait to go through that with my sister some day, ugh.

Can I add my life change? I graduated from college in 2009, so I'm trying to figure out what's next. For a while, I was wondering what I was going to do with my life, but now I know it's just "the next step."

I have become more motivated to pursue college counseling at the high school level. I like thinking of it as "what's next." It sounds more like a journey. :)

Honeychile, I'm sending good thoughts your way. Setting up a house for an estate sale is NOT easy. I helped a friend set up one this past summer after her brother died suddenly. I kept asking what did I get myself into!


DH lost his mom in March 2009 and STILL has not been able to bring himself to go through her things :(
Hope things are smooth with you, hon

Thanks, everyone! We actually went with an agent, because I'd still be at the house, sobbing, and my brother would just bring a dumpster to the house. So far, I'm really impressed with them - they take a 35%, but dig out everything, clean it, organize it, take credit cards, can deliver, etc, etc. All of the other agents I spoke with took only 30%, but didn't offer the credit cards, delivery, etc, and we had to pay extra for advertising. We really needed to have that non-emotion-driven person to do this!



Lucy, that's a HUGE life change, especially with this economy! Have you taken any of the aptitude tests available? I know that mine has changed over the years (still in the same ballpark, but a different team), and maybe get qualified for more than one career.

I can only imagine how tough it must be. My thoughts are with you and your family.

My mother and I have recently talked about her and my father's "stuff" - and I asked her what pieces were important to her in terms of staying in the family.

My late grandfather was a buyer, then the VP of the Home Store for a now defunct department store in Atlanta (Rich's, for those of you from that part of the world), and as a result, my parents have a lot of really, really nice furniture. And china, and silver, and crystal and linen.

When my grandmother passed away, I inherited a lot of nice pieces of furniture, her good china, some gorgeous table linens and so on.

But there's only so much space.

All of that to say, I hope your things all find a good home for someone who will enjoy them.

We lost our mom in 2007 - my dad died in 2001 - and my brother simply does not want to deal with it. It would all be still there if my daughter hadn't needed a house and moved into it - thank goodness!

Hmm, yes, I'm sure I must've. Education was high up there. I've thought for a while that I wanted to work with students and at a school without being a teacher. I don't know if it's a huge change because I'm mostly a blank slate right now.

San Jose State has a credential program that's related and they also offer awesome internships that directly relate to this. I'm going to an info session in a few weeks.

Mine always comes back within a certain group: teacher, librarian, labor negoiater (!). What's interesting are the wild cards!

Estate Sale countdown -19 1/2 hours!

Our huge life change: going from the mid-sized city that the hub and I had lived in for more than 10 years to the small hometown where I grew up. Selling the house that he and I bought seven years ago when we got married, where we had our kids and put a ton of love and sweat into (he signed the closing papers this morning, the new owners are probably moving in right now) and moving into a rental in our new town to save money. Going from a dual-income family to a one-income family which means I went from a working mom to a stay-at-home mom. The husband is going from a full-time engineering job to part-time engineering and full-time farming. My oldest is starting school in our new town.

It's a huge adjustment and we're still in the process of getting settled.

Early in my career, I changed jobs every few years. My fourth job was for 6 years and then I changed careers completely and have been at this job, since changing careers, for over 10 years. I know that I'm burned out on this job and I know that I've outgrown this job. Since starting grad school, I'm hearing about how many other opportunities there are out there for me. I've applied for a few jobs with one company that is hiring 1200 IT people in the Detroit area. I am both totally excited at the prospect of doing something more suited to the Master's degree that I'm pursuing and totally terrified at the idea of starting somewhere new. My department has been so good to me and I know I am valued there but I also know it's time to try to move forward with my career. This is a scary and exciting life change all at once.

My life changes are more common.
I graduated college in May 2010, found a full-time job 2 weeks and 7 interviews later, and have done many "grown-up" things in the last 4 months! In a few weeks, I'm moving out on my own :)

My mother died. Two years later my husband died. I sold my house a year after my husband's death and bought a small farm and a tractor in another county to be near my daughter. My brother, the contractor, built me a new house and this summer I became a grandmother. I think I must have lost at least 5 years of my life due to sadness and stress. On a positive note,the last few months have been better. Although, I will always feel the loss of my husband, the farm is beautiful and peaceful and the grandbaby is wonderful.:)

^^Your attitude is wonderful - I hope I can feel the same very, very soon!

I don't know if this will feel helpful, honeychile, but my mom passed away 3 years ago after a very long battle with COPD. The last two years of her life were extremely stressful with hospitalizations and problems with care givers and the trauma of watching her dying very, very slowly. It was excruciating to watch her suffer and my whole life revolved around trying to take care of both of our households, meals for her, shopping for her and trying to be with her as much as I could while working and being a single mom. Her last coherent words to me were "You need to live your life now". I have to say that the first year, I didn't know if I would ever feel "normal" again. The second year was easier. The third anniversary of her passing was difficult, but I did work that day. I shed some tears but I can say that, most of the time, the raw pain that I initially felt has faded into sorrow mixed with happy memories. So, I may get misty eyed at times when thinking about her and missing her, but that rawness has healed and I do feel like I've returned to "normal". And, per her wishes, I'm living my life as best I can and hope that she is looking down and watching me proudly.. and knows that SHE is the reason that I know I can do anything I put my mind to. I see so much of her influence alive in my children, in their interests that she nurtured and in their attitudes toward life. She will never be gone because she was responsible for so much of who I am and who my kids are turning out to be.

Time does heal these wounds but as my friends are also losing parents in this phase of life, we all agree that this phase of life sucks. We really preferred the "getting married/having babies" phase.

Honeychile,

My attitude isn't really all that wonderful. I've just had some time to grieve. There's not a day that goes by that I don't want my husband or mother back. Mama's been gone 4 1/2 years and Kenny, 2 1/2 years, so the grief isn't fresh, just constant. Mama's death was horrible, but Kenny's was absolutely devastating. I can regress at any time into utter despair, although it doesn't last as long as it did at first. I just can't explain how life changing losing your spouse can be. My daughter lost her dad and really her mom, too, for a while. I wasn't all there for two whole years, and I'm sure she thought I wasn't there for her.

I'll never be the same person I was before my husband died. I wish I could. I miss that person as much as I miss Kenny and Mama. I do see little glimpses of the old me now and then, so that is good.:) I'm slowly moving forward, which is really the only option I have! I've been fighting it tooth and nail though. The past is a wonderful place that seems too magical to have ever been real. I want to go there everyday. Not gonna happen is it? No. :(

I hope you can find some peace soon, Honeychile, and I'm very sorry for the loss of your mother.

"to live in this world
you must be able to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it against your bones knowing
your very life depends upon it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go."

Mary Oliver

Jobellesis and Honey,
these words have brought me much comfort when I have had the losses that come with the human experience, and I share them with you and with those who are suffering. I send you deep peace and blessings.

Damn, Honeychile I wish I would have read this post sooner! I actually really could use some house things and my brother and SIL live in the south hills of Pittsburgh. Dangit.

Actually, the reason I need said housewares is because of a big life change. After two long, tiring, anxiety filled years of looking, I've been offered a professional position in my field in a wonderful institution. The problem? It is in Oklahoma. OK, so that's not such a big problem, but my husband's job in Pittsburgh is too good to leave, and he loves it. This opportunity is too good for me to pass up, especially as an emerging professional. So we are doing a long-distance marriage. He'll work from OK one week a month, but that's it. And it kills me. Having to have that conversation with him was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever done. I've never heard him cry like that. I've never felt worse in my life. It honestly was the worst thing I've ever had to do. And now when we talk about what I'm taking to OK, it's like we're getting divorced. But the thing is, we're awesome together. We're perfect for each other. I love him even more now than I ever did before. I just don't know how this whole thing is going to go down. Ugh.

I'm sorry you guys have to make that decision. :(

:( That is truly heart breaking.

Yeah, I'll address the big elephant in the room.

I hope for the sake of your marriage, that you guys figure out another solution. Even military families have a "come home" date to look forward to by knowing there is eventually an end date. I was in a LD relationship for 3 years while we dated. There's no way I would subject my marriage to something like this. No company, mine or his, would be worth the heartache that would come as a result of this kind of situation. I'm sorry for you, but I'm more sorry that one of you isn't willing to sacrifice for the other. Haven't you ever seen the Die Hard Movies? Hah!

And yes, I've been in your shoes, though not quite as drastic. My husband left his job to follow me 150 miles away so that I could pursue my dream. He ended up unemployed for over a year as a result of following me, but we wouldn't have had it any other way. We needed to be together to keep our marriage in tact.

PhoenixAzul, friends of mine do this, and they say that it made their marriage stronger. Hope yours works out the same way!

What are you looking for? Even though the estate agent was paid to take everything away, the people put it in the front & back yards instead! We're calling the Salvation Army & Gooodwill in the morning, but there are sofas, loveseats, books, dishes, etc. It's a mess, and I'm exhausted from cleaning it up! Let me know if you'd like the address, to do a little clearing away!