She has long hair to be dark skinned
 

3 other girl friends and myself were sitting down eating in the mall yesterday. 2 of them have a light-golden brown complexion, while myself and the other girl are about a medium brown. One of the light brown girls, was trying to describe this girl at school...and she said
"You know Tracy...she's a Junior...Education major....from New Jersey...she has long hair, for a dark skinned girl."

My friend and I stopped...and asked her to repeat what she said...and she did! Then the other light skinned chick agreed...trying to justify by saying that the lighter you are..means you have "more white in you" and therefore your hair would be longer than a dark skinned person.

I was sooooo HEATED when I heard, my two FRIENDS say this. I thought that it was the most ignorant statement. I can't believe black people are still saying these sort of things in the year 2001.

To make a long story short..we put them in their place, and they know not to say anything like that ever again.

Has this happened to any of you? How did you handle it?

I so hate when people make ignorant comments like the one you mentioned. I especially hate the one "You know black people attract a lot of heat." I understand that it's supposed to be a joke but a lot of people actually think it's true. I mean really, if you stood in a big group with a bunch of white people it would be hot too. But I can on and on about that.
I wrote an article for my campus newspaper 2 years ago on comments that black people make. Like I've been told a few times that I have "nice features". I asked what they meant by that and they'll be like "You know, for a dark-skinned person." What makes these people think that everyone that is dark-skinned is straight from Africa? I don't understand. I remember when a fairly dark-skinned friend of mine saw this guy that she thought was cute. She said, "He's too cute to be dark-skinned." Do you know I was too shocked by what this girl said. First of all she is about 1/2 a shade lighter than him and why does it have to be an issue, why couldn't she just say he was cute and leave it at that.
And another thing the whole "good"/"pretty" hair thing is so old. What makes someone with naturally straight hair that wears it in a ponytail everyday so pretty? When I say someone hair is pretty it's because it looks healthy and has a cute style, not because of its texture. When I would question my friends about the issue they wouldn't know what to say, only thing they could say was "you know what I mean..." I'm like no I don't know. After a while my friends stopped making the comments and I felt a sense of pride because I helped to change the way they viewed things.
It's sad that hundreds of years after slavery, many black peoples minds are still enslaved. Whether it's the way someone looks, talks, their body type, whatever, blacks are always trying to separate other blacks. Until we understand that self-hatred has been embedded into our minds, hundreds of years ago by white slave owners to keep us divided we'll never become united as a race.
The only thing we can do is to teach our children to love each other and not to try to distinguish light skinned vs dark-skinned. Sorry this is so long but I wish people would try to escape the ignorance.We really need to move on, but that won't happen until we accept our past ignorance.

Hey girl! No, this has never happened to me, but one of my very best friends has a dark complexion and people always go up to her and say something like, "You are very pretty for such a dark girl" We just look like, WTF is that supposed to mean? :confused: Like, if you're dark skinned, you can't be pretty or something?!?! :rolleyes: And whew! When I say she gets HEATED!!! I mean she gets angry! :mad: It has happened so often that she is trying to learn how to ignore people like that; and most times she doesn't get as upset anymore, but it is still offensive when people make such idiotic statements. We just look at them like, you are so stupid, and walk away without commenting. Then it's their turn to look confused...

YEP
 

This has been happening to me since around 1981, which is when weave started being popular and worn here in Chicago.
Everyone asking me is that your hair? Or you got on a weave? My hair is very thick and long and jet black(starting to get some gray). I find it insulting as if dark women hair won't grow.

yeppers
 

I've gotten both. I've been told that I was pretty to be darkskinned, on numerous occasions. I just take the hair compliments in stride, but they tick me off, too. I guess you just get used to it. I've heard this stuff all of my life.

I'll never forget, when I was still in high school, me and my best friend were boy hunting, and this car drove by. So I said, "Was he cute?" She said, "No, he was dark-skinned." I asked her wth she meant by that and she told me that dark-skinned people just weren't as attractive as lighter skinned people. PISSED ME OFF!!! And she STILL thinks this. I just shake my head. We don't even talk about it, but I let her know that I never forgot that mess.

It is very disheartening to know that people, OUR PEOPLE, still have this sick mentality.

WHY???
 

It is sad, but some blacks think that way. I call it a generational curse. And usually their information is all screwed up. I have a lighter brown complexion and I have long (to the middle of my back) thick hair, not to mention VERY course. My mother who is 3 shades darker than me has a much softer grade of hair than I do.

When people see my mother and me, they usually ask dumb questions like, "Is that all your hair?" or "You must be mixed?"
I even had a gay guy come up to me in the mall asking me was my hair "mine." When I said yes, he stuck his hand up the back of my head to "feel for tracks." Mind you, I didn't know this guy. I politely told him if he touched me again, I would cut his ____ off!

PEOPLE!!

Re: WHY???
 

This dude I used to work with did that to me!!!! I used to cut my hair short, like the chick from Total. Anyway, I started letting it grow out. And people just didn't believe it was my hair (isn't that a trip?). Mind you, my hair is NOT that long. Only about an inch or two past my shoulders. He was lucky he was cool with me, lol, he mighta got cussed out.

Re: Re: WHY???
 

I had some binches try to call me out at a hair show and when they found out it was all mine they felt like shizzle forizzle. My hair grows long but it is real fine like the new yaky weave ( I got braids now so I know the weave line :D ) but I dislike when people act like dark skinned people have less attractive and quality features than lighter skinned peeps!

ok
 

Now I feel y'all on what you guys are saying on the ignorant statements, there is no need for that(I'm a brown skinned sista myself).

BUT:D

Why are you guys offended when someone asks you if that's your hair? Black women do ROCK the weave quite often, there's nothing wrong with that, but I do have a very low percentage of friends who hair is ALL ENTIRELY their hair. Usually my long haired friends throw in a track or two, just to make it look fuller.

And it damn sure don't help when I see HOODROACHES wearing the most AWFUL weave hairstyle imagineable! One girl who works with me has her weave shaped like a gold telephone, right on the top of her head. :eek: talking bout "I put that on der cause I'm always on the phone gurl" I was thinking " Girl you need 1-800-NEW-DO. Another girl downtown has the letter T on top of her head with fake diamonds in it! Can we say TACKY?:rolleyes:

But I don't agree to anybody touching or feeling in your hair, if someone did that to me, they would get knocked out Chris Tucker style.:)


QTE ;)

Re: ok
 

ROFLMP&GAO at this! I've got another new word for my vocabulary with "hoodroaches."
I can't believe folks have no shame and go around with their "hurh" like that. Reminds me of those "hair wars" hair shows, like in Detroit.


ST
;)

Re: ok
 

So now, that many women are rockin' weaves, why everybody gotta have one??? So to think that it's not my hair is an insult. I take good care of my hair, so that it'll remain healthy, and after all of that, these peeps have the NERVE to ask if it's real?? That's rude and uncouth, to boot. The first time someone asks, that's cool. But after a while, it just gets tiresome.

I'll get personal here for a minute, lol. :) The women on my father's side of the family have NO HAIR. They all wear wigs. My mother's side, on the other hand, we have long hair. I have always feared losing my hair or something, and end up having to wear a wig or a weave. So when people ask me if my hair is real, I get a little ticked, lol.

Where do you work where these chicks can come to work like that?? I mean a telephone???? Oh, come on now.

Re: ok
 

It doesn't offend me when someone askes is my hair mine. But after I have said YES, some don't believe me and do things like that guy and stick his fingers in the back of my head, I am ready to start cuttin' folks up in here! :mad: (RELAX, RELATE...RELEASE)

Even though I have long, thick hair, I have worn a track or to myself. I am too much of a chicken to dye my hair, so I use the tracks for a little splash of color. If I don't like it, I ain't stuck with it.

Ideal08
 

I'm an on-air DJ, so our radio station is pretty lax when it comes to clothing. We got folks with orange hair to piercings. It's a huge reason why folks want to work there, cause we really don't have a dress code(cept when the big bosses come:D ).


I do have a lot of friends with real long hair, but even I admit when i see women on the T.V. screen with long hair, I look REAL hard to see if it's all theirs. Even Aaliyah, whose hair was beautiful as all get out, added pieces to her hair.



QTE;)

Re: ok
 

LOL @ Innnnnnndian... LOL!! I can hear you usin' your Shanaynay voice, LOL!

I did just remember something, though. Funny how memories pop into your mind...

When I was growing up, the first time someone pulled my hair to see if it was real, I told my mother how mad I was about it. She told me to take it as a compliment if someone EVER compares my hair to a wig. We ain't know nothin' bout weaves back then, so I guess the same applies. Thinking about Qte's post made me think of this. I guess I shouldn't be offended after all. I guess the whole weave thing threw me, lol. If they had said wig, I woulda remembered my mama's words of wisdom. Word association, I'm tellin' ya...

Well, I get offended!
 

Yes, I use to get offended, but unfortunately I've gotten used to it. Long thick hair runs in my family, even the men. But to imply that every black woman, especially dark ones who has long hair is wearing a weave is an insult. I live in a regular neighborhood, grew up in just a regular neighborhood, and it was nothing to see long hair. Not to your azz long, but to your shoulder.
People assume all black women are sexual freaks, is this assumption right, just because you are black? People assume all black women are on aid, baby making machines, now do you want someone coming up to you saying how many babies do you have, are you on aid, most of us here are college educated.
Generalizations just bother me.
But PLEASE DON'T FORGET, BLACK WOMEN ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES WEARING WEAVE! Do you actually think every white woman with hair to her behind, is all hers? White women were wearing weave before us, so this is also an issue with me.
But point blank it's just tacky and rude to ask people personal questions, and asking if you wear weave is just tacky.

black or white-an article
 

I came across this article and thought it would be good discussion point in this thread

www.afro.com/history/bnw/bwmain.html

Written by Avonie Brown and Laura Lieberson
Designed by Brian Klaas

The quest for the acceptance of the naturalness and beauty of blackness is now firmly rooted in Black popular culture. For African peoples the adornment and beautification of the hair and body is an essential cultural component. In traditional African societies cosmetic modification has been ritualized with context and reason. That is, it is defined by the social occasion and may denote a stage of development from childhood to maturity, or indicate marital status or the group to which you belong.
The difficulty in accepting this cultural legacy arises in a racially conscious society where Black women and Black men are still struggling with how to present their physical image and still be accepted in the society. It was, and is inevitably complex trying to negotiate your self-acceptance through two opposing cultures.

Using some of the advertising that ran in the AFRO during the 1930s we will explore some of the messages they carried, and how these messages had an impact on the self-definitions of African Americans, particularly African American women. Throughout the analysis it will become clear that over 60 years later similar dynamics persist.



Advertisers have successfully exploited the cultural psyche of Black women and Black men and have given us a peculiar insight into Black life. To be Black, especially if you were particularly dark, was loaded with negative stereotypes. Several products, promising miraculous transformations, were manufactured and marketed specifically to the Black community. Their sales pitch implied that using the right product would eliminate the social conditions that defined Black life.
Throughout the 1930s bleach not only whitened clothes, it was marketed as means of lightening and whitening black skin. Advertisers swamped AFRO readers with a sales pitch that may now seem implausible and insulting, but much of these products, or products making similarly claims, are still readily available.

Then as much of 20% of the AFRO-American's ad revenue came from cosmetic companies hawking skin bleaching and hair straightening products. The advertisers were merciless in reinforcing the insecurities of Black women. While some ads were directed at Black men, women were the primary targets of skin care products while men were encouraged to "improve" the appearance of their hair.

The implication was that natural physical traits of blackness were defective, whiteness was now the norm for Blacks to emulate. Blackness could be corrected by purchasing and using the proper chemicals on the hair and skin. The standard of beauty was undeniably White, "the whiter the righter." Through their products and marketing strategy they produced and reproduced whiteness.

Ads were carefully worded to play on stereotypes and promoted a negative association with natural blackness. Consequently many Black women and Black men have mutilated their bodies and have even died because they used products, containing harsh chemicals, that promised peace of mind in a bottle.



It must be clearly stated that much of the fascination with straightening hair and lightening skin became such a part of the culture that some Black men and Black women were simply unconsciously responding to the social norms and expectations. As such this critique is not a wholesale indictment of people learning to survive by any means necessary.
Madame C.J. Walker clearly understood the nature of the society, and not only how to survive but how to succeed. Her ability to profitably amassed a fortune in the hair care industry meant we were not only consumers but we were also producers. However, unlike most manufacturers of beauty products, Madame C.J. Walker was not singularly focused on making Black women try to look White. Instead, she understood the distinctiveness of Black women's hair and used her products to target problem areas.

Inevitably the situation was futile for those who believed the elaborate claims of authenticity of products promising "whiteness". Even Blacks who were light enough to pass as white could only gain greater success and acceptance by denying their true identity, living in self-imposed isolation and with the constant fear of discovery.



While American popular culture reserves its most positive stereotype of blackness to light-skinned Blacks, they have never gained complete acceptance in White society, merely marginal tolerance. However the ads supported the prevailing attitude and the historical circumstance that black of mixed race have received educational and economic advantages.
The legacy of all this conditioning is so ingrained in the Black psyche, that exploring the natural beauty of blackness is still not an option for many. While hair and skin color is not the totality of the African American definition today it remains a preoccupation.

PrettyKitty,
Thank you for posting that article.
It reinforces things that many of us already know, but it's nice to see this in print.

ST

Ladies, I just have to say my piece. I agree with a lot of you. Being dark myself, I do hate the you are a pretty black girl, or you are pretty for a dark-skinned girl lines. I get it like everyday. Mmm, mm, mm...and the hair, oh my. My hair was also not that long, just a couple inches past my shoulders as well,but everyone wanted to know if it was real, and I have also had people tug and feel in my hair. Even now, chin length and layered, I still get those is it real remarks. I also get the Indian in my family remarks, although I do, I tell people no for reactions. Hey, can't I just be a pretty girl who takes care of her hair? Sheesh,
But what does bother me is that my close friend, although not as close as before, tells me all the time not have kids by a dark-skinned man, because she'd be sorry for my kids. What? How rude. My mom is also very light, but we look just alike, like she spit me out, and people are always asking me how I had gotten so dark. Does it matter? I'm still me. My dad was dark, duh. Genes, stupid! Sorry, y'all. I had to vent.

I know exactly what you all are talking about. What does "she has long hair for a dark skinned girl" mean? What is "pretty for a dark skinned girl?" What's even sadder is that people think these statements are to be taken as COMPLIMENTS :mad:
We, as a people, still have some ways to go...but, when we hear others make ignorant comments (such as "good hair," etc. :mad: ) it is our DUTY to ask people to defend their statements and to challenge eachother. Lawd, don't get me started....

Hating on the light...
 

I know what you mean. I have a friend who is brown complexion with nice hair. She has numerous family members of different shades. One day we were talking about these two girls in school that didn't associate with us (the black people). One particular group of friends we had didn't like those two girls at all and would make it known. My friend I was talking to made a comment that they, our other friends (who happened to be dark brown to light brown ladies), probably didn't like the other girls, the light skinned ladies, because they were light skin. She was like, you know how dark skinned ladies hate on light skin ladies...I just looked at her. Then I kindly responded, 'no, I don't know'!

Now, I'm not light skinned (I'm light brown) and neither was my friend...so in essence, she was saying that I as well as her own self hate on light skinned people. I was thinking, did she think before she said this ....obviously not!

ok
 

Well I understand being offended by "oh you're pretty to be dark skinned" and the running the fingers through the hair which are unacceptable. But I guess I just can't understand that if it IS your hair, then why not be proud and say "yes this is my hair"? Especially since you come from a family that is blessed to have beautiful hair.

yes I know white women use fake hair now, but that didn't start just now, Bo Derek started that a long time ago:rolleyes: with her cornroll self. So do latino women now it seems.

I've heard all those other comments(baby making machines, etc) about other races just as well, but I am trying to stay on topic!:D




QTE ;)

Just observing references to "nice" and "beautiful" hair. I'm wondering what folks are meaning when they use these terms.

Re: ok
 

Re: YEP
 

I was attending this function last week and the young girl in the program asked this young woman if her hair was real. The young woman had long black hair. When the young girl asked her this question I couldnt do nothing but shake my head and laugh, because I thought of this thread. The gall of some people I tell ya. :eek:

Okay, my hair comes just below my shoulders. It used to be longer than that but in high school, I started cutting it in a very short bob. But now, I like the length that it is. It is also very soft, so soft that I can straighten it with just my blow dryer.

I have heard so many comments about whether it is mine or not. Those don't really bother me because I know that our people find it hard to believe that some of us actually have long hair. What gets me is when they question my heritage. Why can't I just be black? I have gotten so many questions like "You got Indian in your family?" or "Your sisters are light so y'all must be part Puetro Rican." I'm used to it now though. When people ask, "What you mixed with?", I say "My momma and my daddy."

I am a big fan of the sewn in weave. For me, it gives me and my hair a much needed break from the rigors of styling, curling, and relaxing. I wear weaves in the same style that I wear my natural hair in because I'm not looking to do anything drastic. People ask if it is mine all of the time. When someone I don't know asks, I say yes. But, people I know always get the truth. Actually, most of them ask for the name and number of my hairdresser because it looks so natural.

Like I said, I'm not ashamed to admit that I wear weave. But, I will not tolerate people conducting their own "hands-on" evaluations. One day, I girl I barely knew just walked up and put her hand in my head to "feel for the tracks." I let her know right then and there her know that she had best to keep her hands to herself because next time, she'll be pulling back a nub.

I know you all are going to kill me.
But, WTF are tracks??? :confused:

*gasps* *!!!!*

"Tracks" are hair extensions...A track is hair attached to a weft... (I hope this makes sense)...Tracks can be sewn into our hair (you have your own hair cornrowed to your head, and the track of hair is sewn into the cornrow/braid), glued in via hair glue, or even clipped onto your hair (some tracks come w/ clips attached to them)...

Tracks are very uselful, not just fro lengthening hair, but for also adding fullness to it. I sometimes wear my hair in an almost-shoulder-length bob, and I'll sometimes add a track in the front (to lengthen my bangs to be able to tuck my hair behind my ears), and one or two tracks that are the same length as my own hair at the top of my head for fullness...

Interesting....
I've always wondered how they did it.
I knew if I asked someone that, in person, they'll probably slap me. :p

Well, it depends...Are you an African-American or mixed w/ African American??? I ask this b/c some Black or Biracial (mixed w/ Black) folks are just as much in the dark about topics like this as some Caucasians are...When I lived in the dorms on my campus, I used to get tons of questions about my hair, esp. since one day I would be wearing "Individual Braids" and the next day I wouold be sporting a bob...Usually questions or comments like "Wow--your hair is so LONG!" [when I'm wearing Braids, which are extensions]...

As long as you ask questions tactfully then I don't mind...But folks start asking stuff like "What are you doing to your hair?"--when you see me massaging my wet hair with Shampoo in it--Come On Now--how dumb can you be????!!! Folks also asked the same question when I was Blow-drying my hair--WTF does it look like I'm doing?!

I'm black with a garden variety of other stuff in me, and that affects my hair texture. For some odd reason people usually think I'm Indian/Arabic/Hawaiian :eek:, so therefore when I ask these "stupid questions" black folks usually get offended, eventhough I am black myself. :confused: