Blacklisted
 

Due to bullying from a couple of older girls that I worked with who didn't care for me from the start, they told me they had me blacklisted at the university I will be attending in the fall. I don't really know how to go about this or how to fix it, because I really did nothing to deserve this other than put of them nicely for months, and on my last shift they told me this. I want to know your opinion on how much it will affect my chances of pledging a sorority and how to handle this? I'm crushed that they're trying to ruin this opportunity for me on top of everything they've done..and I haven't done or said anything to them to retaliate. Please help ! :/

I doubt that it's true, but on the off chance that it is there isn't much you can do about it. Your best strategy will be to go into recruitment with an open mind, put your best foot forward and just be yourself.

?? They can't officially get you released at any house except theirs and maybe not even theirs if other members don't listen to them. Even if they talk to people in other groups, they can't say that that got you "blacklisted" (I put the term in quotes because I've never heard it used in the Greek world).

i agree with everyone else. please don't let them get to you and intimidate. i absolutely hate bullies, and that is just what the girls are. keep your cool, be friendly and interested at all the houses(even theirs), but understand that you might not be invited back to their house-are you sure they are actually in a sorority?

you have recs. to all the houses, right?

I think they are trying to continue bullying you by telling you that you are blacklisted. There is no way they control the greek system at school. Like other posters said you might get dropped at their Chapter, but they wont have control over other Chapters. You might want to talk to your Rho Chi when recruitment starts.

A similar situation happened with my very best friend going through recruitment. There were girls from her hometown that were awful to her in high school (all over some dumb boy) and just to torture her before recruitment told her that she was blacklisted. Though she was very nervous when it came time to visit their house the first day of recruitment, she felt fine after she realized a couple things:

1. They won't humiliate you - no active sorority member will be anything but courteous during recruitment events. It won't be mentioned, and they aren't all going to stare you down or be rude to you. They would risk other PNMs taking notice to the tension and getting a bad vibe from their sorority as a whole if they were seen giving dirty looks or anything like that.

2. The worst that could happen - So if they do have enough pull in their sorority the worst that would happen is you wouldn't get invited back to their house the next round. Honestly though, would you want to go back anyway?

3. If anything, they can only affect your chances in their sorority - Even if they have friends in other houses, them "not liking you" isn't going to hold any weight in all the other houses. Have recs for all the sororities, be charming, and try to stay positive!

The old-fashioned term in Greekdom was "blackballed", not blacklisted so I really doubt they are doing anything other than blowing smoke.

Agreed. And that term mainly referred to fraternities in their own membership selection, certainly not the whole Greek system.

"Blackballed" I always thought was after pledging had started and was more to do with not getting initiated.

UofAGreek10 - you might want to get a new username as you're not a Greek yet. That being said, the only group where they can conceivably get you cut is their own. I don't know which "A" you are attending, but unless it's Alaska, the system and the chapters are HUGE. I doubt if they even know all of their own sisters, let alone enough sisters in the other sororities to get you "blacklisted."

Be as nauseatingly nice to them as you can be. I personally (this may not be your style, so don't do it if it's not) would be all "OMG, I'm afraid to rush now, I'm just going to drop out" and then see the :eek: looks on their faces when you walk in the door during the first round.

"Blackballed" is an old term that can actually refer to several different things. Most of the time though, it is referring to any situation in which the chapter would have to make judgement about an individual without fear of retaliation.

It refers back to the days when most GLOs required a unanimous vote for initiation. They would give each member of the organization a black ball and a white ball. Each member would then walk into the voting booth, and drop off their "white ball" (vote "yes") or their "black ball" (vote "no") in a wooden box with the pledge or PNMs name on it. After everyone voted, the President would walk into the room, and if he saw a single black ball in someone's box they would be considered "black-balled" and they wouldn't be admitted into the organization.

I've heard the voting style used for a number of different things though (including votes to ban specific people from attending events, voting to remove people from the chapter, or voting for an election to office).

Rest assured though. I know of very few chapters that actually require a unanimous vote for anything, more over for membership.

Now, if I were these girls, I wouldn't have told you that you were blacklisted. I would have told you about how excited I was to have you in my chapter, and then work really hard to convince you to join my org...

Then once you got in, I would do everything I could to make your life Hell. (Just kidding :P)

ReginaGeorgeITY?? :D

The term "blackballed" came from an old fraternity membership tradition. John Doe's name came up and all the members had two marbles, one white and one black. A closed box was passed around the room and every member put in a marble, yes was white..and black was, obviously no. Depending on the organization, it could take one, two, or three black marbles to not receive a bid. Hence, the term "blackballed."

These girls a B****, with very little power. Yes, you might not get into their house (but who would want to if they have this much power in a house?), but there are others.

i had thought about telling her that, so i second your suggestion!!

I'm afraid telling anyone in "authority" (including a Rho Chi) might backfire, esp if the Rho Chi turns out to be the sister of these girls. Girls talk, even if they're not supposed to.

If the girls bullied you, you're most likely not the first or only person they've ever been difficult with.

I have no experience with rushing, but in past life experience, people who know these girls will probably also know that they're hard to take. As long as you're sweet and yourself, I'm sure they're see right through the snarky attitude of those girls. And if they don't, then you know they might not be the friends for you! Good luck UofAgreek and keep your head up! (: we're rooting for you.

At the University I'm attending, they use the term 'Blacklist' and throughout high school by hear say it seems to be a big deal, that's why I was so worried. And the girl was definitely in a sorority, but is not active anymore. But I was told she called her sisters.

But thank you for all the advice, I'm a lot less worried! And @33girl, I wasn't trying to imply I'm Greek, I'm just here to get information on Greek. Sorry if it's offensive!

your name is fine.

as i said before, don't let her get to you. just be yourself, smile, be friendly and interested(even in that house)-as others have said, her opinion may not be valued at all by her sisters. even if it is, there are other sororities to consider.

i can tell you that in my day, we would not have put any weight in anything a member of another sorority said about a pnm-nor did we ever talk about rush or rushees at all with members of other groups. you never know if there is something personal going on between the pnm and the sorority girl, or if they are in love with her and want to do all they can to ensure that she pledges there.

An inactive member be it an inactive college member or alumna member isnt typically going to have the pull that an active member does. Inactive members and I'm assuming alumnae dont have a vote in the membership selection process I wouldnt think either.

If she's not active any more, the chances are she's not a very well-respected sister. Especially if you mean she's still in school and is not a traditional alumna. She has no voting power and very little influence if she hated it enough to leave early most likely. She was probably one of those girls who didn't want to go to meeting, didn't want to do her volunteer hours, refused to table for philanthorpy events, and gave up on the chapter all together.

If she's an alumna, there is the power of the no rec. Just sayin'. But seriously, there's really no way an inactive member of a sorority is going to have any kind of influence on the active members of other sororities, unless you've done something very high profile and scandalous.

Yes, this is true. I am aware of it, but on my campus since recs are rare they aren't the end all be all of my recruitment universe and I speak from my context. Sorry for the unintentional exclusion because obviously they may matter in the case of this PNM here. However, if Miss Bully is a non-traditional (left before her undergrad was complete) her no rec may not mean much to a chapter that may have been glad to get rid of her.

What exactly is a no rec? I heard the term before but aren't clear on what they are. Is it just saying "I would highly recommend that you not bid this person" or is it "You can not bid this person" if you get one?

Perfect timing. Just had a conversation with another GCer this morning about this very thing (a "no rec" recommendation).

I understand it to mean that in the section for comments, a statement to the effect that "I do not recommend this PNM for membership" is entered. Possibly other recommendation forms contain a box that can be checked off to indicate that you are not recommending the PNM. It would probably vary from chapter to chapter.

And... that's all I know!

FYI - Like so many other things in NPC Land, a no-rec is not a resource in every GLO.

"No rec" sounds like a nightmare. Isn't that bad form? It's like getting a letter of reference outside of Greekdom and the person completely fucks you over. Why'd you agree to write the letter if you'd tell the company or school that I suck? LOL.

ETA: Is a "no rec" the result of a PNM asking someone for a rec or does the member just do the "no rec" on their own because they know the PNM is going through recruitment?

^^^Exactly, Dr. Phil.

Which is why I don't agree to write letters or provide references for people that I cannot support.

However (devil's advocate voice), I suspect there are situations in which a no-recommendation letter needs to be written. (I mean, some people can look good on paper, but in reality, they are holy terrors.)

The former.

I think that it's more likely that a member no-recs someone that she knows is a walking trainwreck and wants to head them off at the pass. The PNM has no clue the alum even knows she's going through rush.

Yes. I have only written 2 in all these years but those girls were literally scary.

Thanks, ladies.

From an NPHC perspective, blackballing definitely happens since the aspirant process includes informal interactions and informal criteria at some level. There are people who get (A) blackballed for one sorority/fraternity and end up joining another, (B) blackballed even after undergrad so they can't join alumni/alumnae/grad chapters unless they move to another area, and (C) blackballed for EVERY sorority/fraternity on the campus. And it doesn't have to come from actives. Members who have graduated and who never attended the college or university can do it.

This can happen because of high school-based stuff or because people are from the same area. But, it tends to come from stuff that happens in college, or just not liking that person for some reason, since most of our members join after freshman year (although Delta and some other NPHCs don't forbid freshmen from joining if they qualify). Therefore, what happened in high school or who you knew from back home tends to matter less by the time you're a sophomore, etc. It can also happen because someone knows that person in another capacity, has heard something, or the aspirant has been talking trash or acting cocky.

When I write them (and I've only done 3 or 4 in 25 years of doing them), it means you better not even invite her back much less pledge her and if you want to know why, have your adviser call me!

a "no rec." is when someone takes the time to write a recommendation that recommends that the chapter NOT offer the pnm a bid.

This!

That doesn't even have the power it used to.:rolleyes:

Here's the problem with that: nobody recs the girl, but she looks good on paper, so Amy Active signs the form (in a group where collegiates can sign) or Visiting not-very-involved Alumna signs when the officers shoves it toward her.

Why would you not want to warn your sorority about a problem PNM?

A warning does not have to be written. There is no appropriate smiley for that statement but I am sure that everyone knows exactly what I mean.

/slight swerve: I've been contacted via telephone by an employer, because someone I supervised put my name down as a reference, without informing me. Phone calls have always been my preferred method of communication when the reference is less than stellar. /end swerve.

What little hussies, to use an old-fashioned word. (Love that word!) If they are that way to you, they are that way to others, perhaps even in their sorority/sororities. Thus, they probably are not universally loved and respected by all who know them. So let it go, get everything you need in order, square your shoulders, put on your smile and charm, and make them look like the jerks that they are by being a perfectly lovely and interesting PNM that everyone would love to be sisters with.

More often than not a post-it note/phone number on a no-rec will garner an immediate response to clarify a delicate situation.
(was that what you were getting at?

Or a call.
But I've had more than 1 alumna tell me, "I hated to say anything." And then the chapter - clueless - pledges the girl.
Sometimes the "no" recs - written or otherwise - are more valuable than the "yes" ones.

Well, there's a big difference between "PNM I'm just not that jazzed about so I really don't want to recommend her" and "PNM who will bring havoc and mayhem throughout the chapter."

I mean I can't imagine you'd want to be known as that alum who no-recs at the drop of a hat. Your credibility would be nil.

One of the girls I wrote a no-rec for had caused mayhem at a Girl Scout camp the summer before rush, including slapping several counselors and the camp's assistant director in the face. I could not write that no-rec fast enough and told my oldest that she really needed to write one too because the girl was claiming to be a legacy of her sorority. Soon afterwards, we got a call from an alum of my daughter's sorority. They had investigated and it turned out that the girl had a police record for attacking people (you don't usually see that in that upperclass neighborhood) and thanked my daughter for alerting them.

Fast forward a few months: we were on that campus and I saw a girl in Greek letters and we talked about Greek life. I asked her where several girls we knew had pledged and also about the psycho. She said that her sorority had been jollied into pledging the girl (I forget by who but I think they got a call from the college president) and that the girl had caused them weeks of havoc before they got rid of her.