How to get more friends in my sorority?
 

I became a member of my sorority last fall and I'm overall pleased with being in this chapter. However, I don't have very many close sisters and sometimes I feel like a loser because I don't get asked to go out or hang out with people often. Last semester I started hanging out with one of my sisters more since she seemed so open to do so.

I wish more girls were like this and I could be more involved socially with my sisters. I joined because I wanted to experience closer friends and have the opportunity to do fun things with people and create close bonds and memories.

Its not really happening like I thought it would... and it makes me worry I'm not pretty enough to them to be popular or something. I can't figure it out.

Sometimes I think its because I'm the only full black person in my sorority... but I don't want to blame it on that.

Help. Ideas?

question from me. What made you join that particular sorority?

When I was going through recruitment it was the only sorority that welcomed me without making me feel like I was going to have to change myself to fit in.

They weren't snobby and conversation always went well.

My insecurity came when I became an active member and had a hard time fitting in with the people I wanted to.

Channeling my mother: "To make a friend, you have to be a friend." If you're going to do something like lunch, go to the library, see a movie, or even just make popcorn, ask a sister. Repeat as necessary, and you'll be the go-to girl in your sorority!

Have you asked them to hang out? Try that.

Seriously. It really works.

And try hanging out with all your sisters, not just the people you want to.

I was the only Asian in the active chapter in my fraternity (we had a few other Asians before my time). I fitted in just fine and no worries.

With you ladies, I believe it's a different dynamic. Have you had any luck hanging out with other girls in your pledge-class? start with that and then ask everyone else to hang out. If you still have problems...There should be someone in your organization (maybe someone in recruitment or talk to your president) and see what they say.

good luck.

Especially this summer I've been trying to see the girls who live close to me. They always claim to be busy or at the last minute they change plans.

Which angers me because I see those same people I asked to see hanging out with other sisters on Facebook. It's kind of infuriating when people do that when they call you a friend or "sister".

This year I'll try to spend time with more different people, I started to last semester and it was going okay. Maybe it will get better with time...

From your previous posts, it sounds like you really went into rush clueless (I don't mean that in a bad way, just in a factual way) and you were overwhelmed just with the being in a sorority experience in general, let alone getting close with anyone.

These are things you should do:
-Do a group of sisters eat in the dining hall together? Eat with them if your class schedule permits.
-Do a group of sisters hang out at the student center/grassy knoll/bookstore/insert campus spot here between classes? Hang out with them.
-Does your chapter have a house? Visit it often.
-Do you have mandatory meetings (I know you do, LOL)? Get to them 20 or so minutes early so you can chat with people. Don't get there just-on-time and slide into your seat w/ out saying hello to anyone.

It's college and people are not going to come to you - there are too many other options. You have to make the effort. Good luck :)

THIS. Since at my campus we don't live in house there aren't as many opportunities to constantly be surrounded by your sisters. Getting to chapter meeting early and chatting with people was a great way to open up conversation with girls you haven't gotten to know real well.

Also, I'm assuming that your school has fall recruitment and this will be your first time participating "from the other side" as an active member. Have no fear, Recruitment and the time leading up to it is an excellent (if not the best) way to bond with sisters. This is honestly how I met all my closest friends.

Honestly, it speaks volumes that the OP even "needs" advice on how to make friends in her sorority chapter or elsewhere. Only the OP knows the dynamics of her chapter and the part she may play in how her chapter sisters interact with her. For example, does she act nervous, apprehensive, or even weirdly anxious all the time when it comes to interacting with them? Rhetorical.

One of the easiest things to do is join a committee. If it's too late to join one, there are always ways to be of service. There are always people love to fail at their duties, so be there to assist the committee in picking up after the slackers.

Do all the lunch eating and dinner eating and movie watching you can!

Another BIG thing-if you are able to- PICK YOUR LITTLE CAREFULLY (someone that vibes on YOUR level and has some things in common is always a good bet). Be there for her and give her as much time and thoughtfulness and you can allow. My BEST friends in my chapter are first and foremost my littles and then my pledge sisters and then the girls that are in pledge class below me because that was my first opportunity to mentor other sisters.

Be vocal in chapter when there are times to share ideas so everyone can know that you're not just another lump in a seat and will begin to wonder what you're about and want to open up to you. Wear letters (if that's what you do at your campus) so that sisters who may not know you too well (if your chapter is huge-or if you're very quiet) can be sure that it's you across the wayand say hi.

Go to everything that is scheduled that you can, even if it is not mandatory.

Something doesn't feel right about caprice89. http://www.cool-smileys.com/images/2030.gif

Exactly. It is strange that she came here for such advice and that people spelled it out for her.

I was reading this and thinking are they seriously answering her? The last sentence in her post speaks volumes especially the need to specify "full" Black.

Hilarious. A "full" Black woman is able to rush and receive a bid but the "Sounds of Blackness" can't be overcome in the end.

They also shouldn't have answered it if she was "fully" white. You're either grown and capable of figuring some basic things out on your own or you aren't. If you aren't, please leave Greekdom to those who are. We don't raise children.

I saw the full Black part too but just decided to ignore it because I didn't even know what to say to that.

This apparently is a semi-common problem and I think it's because so many NPC groups make a point of not "separating" the pledges - but for a lot of women (especially in large chapters) pledgeship is the only time that they really get to stand out unless they're a superachiever type. When you get immediately integrated into a chapter and are allowed to do all the things initiated members do, it's easy to be overlooked (esp in large chapters).

There are some sororities (they've mentioned it on here) where NMs attend regular chapter meeting, etc. - everything but ritual. I'm not going to call them out.

Outsider's perspective/

It seems like NMs in NPCs can do everything that initiated members do except wear crests and attend chapter meetings.

/outsider's perspective

Those are two of the things that stood out in the 23,042 "OMFG WHY ARE NPC/IFC/NPHC/NALFO/ABCDEFG ORGS SO DIFFERENT!?" threads.

I wouldn't say necessarily "everything", but in a couple of the sororities on my campus, NMs are allowed in regular chapter meetings, but they can't be present for opening/closing and certain other rituals (candlepass, etc.)

^ most of the chapters on my campus are the same. i think it may be more common than some people think.

Ugh. I admit it. I did NOT see/read that line.

The "full black" comment was that I am the only person in my sorority that is not Caucasian. However, one other girl is biracial.

I'll take the advice on trying to spend more time with different people and asking them out. Even though when I've tried doing this girls flake out on me. Even my big and my little both had problems keeping dates with me. It was frustrating especially since they were close and hung out with each other more than myself.

In my chapter, everyone is assigned to a committee by exec and I've never been assigned to a committee that I was really interested in.

Overall, I'm just saying there is a lot of favoritism going on and I want to find ways to overlook that and feel like I'm actually welcomed and part of the sisterhood.

OK, I don't think you actually read most of the posts. DON'T "ask people out" like it's the prom or something. If you're going to grab lunch, ask someone to go with you on the spur of the moment, but for the most part - just HANG OUT more. And go to ALL (including non-mandatory) events.

People finding more in common with one person than another is not "favortism." It's just simple friendship.

Regarding the committees, you've only been a full active in your sorority for a semester. It's the same concept as freshmen congressmen not getting the plum assignments the minute they get to DC. Even if it's something that bores you, MAKE THE BEST OF IT!

Stop being insecure and awkward. Before you can be happy/secure with a group of women, you've got to be happy/secure with yourself. Don't forget that your sorority wanted you or else you wouldn't have gotten a bid in the first place. A sorority isn't the place to be withdrawn and meek. You have to put yourself out there and not be so caught up with what you perceive as favoritism. When you exhibit confidence and joy in being a member, others will see it. Plus, if there really is favoritism going on, let them know it doesn't affect you by having a great time anyway.

So I take it she is "fully" accepted? What is your relationship with her? What about your other pledge class sisters? Me thinks there is more to this story.

Caprice89: How big is your chapter?

PS. You posted last fall that you dropped out of recruitment and was interested in COR. I'm assuming that you did join?

Then, you were upset about stereotypes:

They just don't like you. You aren't as cool as you thought you were. One of the young ladies may even be allergic to "full" Blackness, since you thought that was noteworthy. Run. Run.

Made my day. :D

And there's the rest of the story.