Living-in vs Living-out
 

The current U Illinois thread has sort of devolved into a housing thread, so I thought I'd start a new thread on that topic.

This won't be universally applicable, as some Universities don't have houses, and at some places, you're bound to living in (I believe?).

However, for those places, like my alma mater, our houses were not as big as our chapter size. For us, about half the sophomores and a handful of juniors and seniors (mostly officers) lived in the house.

For those who will be making that decision, pros/cons of living in vs living out?

I'll start.

I never lived in the sorority house. I lived CLOSE to it, so I still ate all my lunches there (included in cost), and studied there/hung out there. I got my fill of being with my sisters without ever getting truly pissed like I did with my roommates.

Additionally, I could live in a single (important to me).

To me, one of the best things was that for my sophomore year I lived in an "on campus apartment" -- so I basically got a trial run at stuff like making my own meals, calling maintenance to fix broken things, cleaning the place, etc. BEFORE the added stress of landlords, rent, bills, etc.

To me, the sorority house is a little too much like dorm living, where other people are looking after you/cleaning for you/cooking for you and making rules. I think it can be a good intermediary step between actual dorms and an apartment, but I know girls who NEVER had any sort of apartment all through college (lived in dorms/suites/srat house), and then were totally thrown into the real world without ever being on their own.

Not all colleges and sororities offer the choice to live off campus, but if it is an option, it should be considered.

(Sorry if this has been discussed before, I did a quick search but didn't see anything in the last few years)

Had I rushed as a freshman, I can almost guarantee I would have chosen to live in house. However, having rushed as a sophomore, I made the decision to continue to live in off campus apartments. A big part of my decision was due to the fact that I had never lived in dorms. My freshman year I had an apartment with my older sister, and my sophomore year when I joined my chapter I lived in another apartment. I have never had a roommate, and I have never had to share a bathroom (I'm spoiled, I know). As much as I love many of the girls in my chapter, I knew that going from having my own room and bathroom for years to sharing would have been a little much for me.

Like the OP said, I was still able to study at the house and eat meals there. I always hang out with my friends who live in house, but for me it was important to have an off campus apartment where I could get away.

While I know my decision was right for me, at the same time I still wish I had made myself suck it up for a year. There is a lot of bonding that goes on when you live in house. Girls go out together, study together, etc. It is also a huge bonus to live in house during recruitment. When you have to be at the house at 6 AM, it's nice not having to drive over.

I joined my chapter when we were a colony. I was a junior at the time, and the first year that we had a house that was livable was my senior year. I had already made a commitment to an apartment for senior year during my junior when it was time to sign contracts for living in the house. Plus I had already lived in an apartment for two years, so I thought it would be odd to go from apartment to sorority house.

One thing I really regret about not living in the house was the bonding I missed out on. I still saw and hung out with my sisters a lot, but the girls who lived in the house kind of shared a special bond. The other thing I regret was the food. Man, I should have taken advantage of one more year of having someone to cook for me! (Out of housers could only eat at the house twice a week).

Then again, there were upsides to living off campus. First of all, there was a bit more freedom. For example, my fiance spent our last semester at school student teaching in his home town. However, he was still required to be on campus during the first week and last weeks. So he stayed at my apartment for that first and last week (and the weekends he came to visit). Had I been living in the house, we would not have been able to do that. Also, it's very nice to have your own room and a lot more of your own space.

On my campus, you stay in the dorms your first year, then if you go Greek, you move to your chapter house for sophomore year. A handful of juniors (and a senior every once in a while) will stay in the house one more year, especially if they have a position that required them to do so. But, the majority of juniors move out into apartments on campus, usually with friends from the chapter.

Also, about seven or so blocks west from the quad, there is an area where there are a bunch of houses available for rent. It's kind of got the nickname of "Seniorland" because Greek seniors rent out those houses. Obviously, they are not official chapter houses, but each house kind of becomes known as the XYZ senior house or the ABC senior house.

I really wish I would have lived in the house for a year. Although I'm sure I would have liked apartment life better, I still regret not having that experience. I have and will continue to recommend living in to every PNM I meet!

I lived in-house my senior year. We were guaranteed housing for all four years; I figured I had the rest of my life to live in an off-campus apartment so I wasn't in a rush. My college is notoriously lenient, so there is a possibility that a landlord would have been more restrictive than the house, which was an on-campus lodge owned and maintained by the University.

Most girls lived in-house sophomore year; I was an RA then and I was abroad junior year, so senior year was my first chance to live in-house. I got to be in a single close to where the action was, so it was great for me!

I lived in dorms freshman and sophomore year (pretty typical for my campus) and then lived in the Theta house junior and senior year.

My memories of living in my sorority house are some of the most wonderful memories that I had in college. There was always a friend around, always someone to go run with, always someone to watch a favorite TV show with. There were also the good-natured pranks, mischief, and spontaneous fun that I never had in any other living situation. In addition, the convenience during rush, for weekly chapter meetings, and for all other events just can't be measured!

For those who are concerned about money, it was definitely cheaper on my campus to live in the greek houses than to live in an apartment.

I lived in apartments throughout my 20s... earlier on with roommates, later on without. There was no reason for me personally to rush to get my own place. Plus, again, I had waaaaay more fun living in the house than I did in all those years combined living in nice apartments.

as i said in the UofI thread, i would not take anything for the years i lived in the house. i knew that it was a once in a lifetime experience and did not want to miss out on it. i lived in the house 3 years officially(and my freshman year unofficially, because my roommate and i did not get along) and i would do it all over again. great experience!!!

I lived in the house my Junior year. Actually, I lived in dorms Freshman year (as all Gannon's on-campus-living freshmen), an on-campus apartment my Sophomore year, in the sorority house my Junior year (there was only enough room for the exec board + New Member Coordinator - it was fun but I think it might have been more fun had we had enough room for more members), and then in an off-campus apartment with two of the other three girls that had lived on the same floor of the house with me.

One major con to living in the sorority house is that any drama that happens at chapter (not held in the house, because we didn't have the space) follows you home. Ugh, there were so many late and tense Sunday nights!

I also lived in dorms my first two years and in the sorority house the last 2 years. However, our houses were really not much different than other off-campus housing except they were larger and everyone living in them was Greek. That is, we didn't have housemothers, cooks, maids, institutional anything - it was just like living in a big communal house. We were responsible for our own meals and cleaning. Shacking happened all the time. I don't think I would have liked the "dorm-type" style of sorority house living at all. Like a & a said, you get out of college and never really took care of yourself.

If you live in any type of Greek living, you need to have a "hideaway" at a friend's apartment or someplace else nearby where you can hide when the drama gets too intense. If you don't have one you'll go crazy. Then again, this could probably apply to any large group living together. I wouldn't trade it for the world though. :)

I lived in the chapter house for 3.5 years - almost the entire time I was at college (I lived in the dorms first semester of my freshman year).

Our chapter capacity was around 65 women, total at our campus was around 95, so almost all sophomores, juniors and many seniors lived in the house. Freshman could move in if there was room, and seniors could only move out if the house was at capacity.

While it was definitely not all sunshine and roses living in the chapter house, I would not trade my experience for anything. It taught me how to get along with people I wouldn't have been close with otherwise (or at least taught me how to be cordial and gracious when I was in the same room with them). It taught me how to manage my time and space wisely (or not so wisely in some cases - I also had a tendency to skip classes). It taught me to pick my battles - when to stand up for something or when to let it slide. It also taught me to be responsible - everyone living in had a weekend of kitchen duty, plus we had to keep our own bedrooms livable.

I never had the desire to live out, though I know some women did. Some wanted the freedoms that weren't allowed in the house (boys, booze, etc...) and some were just tired of the drama or wanted their own space. For me, personally, the positives of living in outweighed the negatives.

I lived in and liked it. However, I do have a major problem with a LOT of house/Panhellenic (local and national) rules with them. I think it's shameful that adults can't drink a glass of wine with dinner. I think it's shameful that we as consenting adults (who had our own separate bedrooms) could not have boyfriends or fiances spend the night. I think it's contrary to the goals of helping us be strong, independent women, and...it just bugs me. We're adults. Treat us like it.

I think it falls under the "the system's been abused and now we have to buy insurance so you're all following the strict rules even if you are mature enough to behave" thing.


I lived on our sorority's floor for one year (which was about average for us). I had fun, but the fact that they were single rooms and I tended not to go out on the weekends meant that living in the on and off campus apartments later was better for me. Most of us got apartments with our sisters and until res-life changed the rules we had been able to pass the on-campus apartments down year by year.

Our floor was actually split between three chapters. The fraternities who wanted the spots were on alternate floors and we had one co-ed floor. I will say, living with the guys in the building led to WAY too many fire alarm pulls and several incidents of penis-on-wall-with-sharpie.

Overall though, definitely worthwhile for all of us.

Oh, I know you're right. But the angry feminist in me says that it's ridiculous that women are being told that if we want to drink, we have to go to someone ELSE'S house. We have to leave our own home to have a beverage which in many areas of the world is put on the dinner table as a matter of course to even children. The double standard and the very idea that it's totally fine to shack up in a bunk house with 60 sleeping men around you but NOT okay for you to have a fiance in your bedroom is really UNBELIEVABLE. We're modern day women, women who have the ability to know when we've drank too much, know when we're making bad decisions and accept the consequences of that behavior. I am not arguing that we should throw parties; I think that's unacceptable just because it's a danger to the house itself. But it cannot possibly be argued that it is unladylike or inappropriate for a woman to have a drink or two while hanging out with friends.

The idea that drinking in letters is inappropriate bothers me too, while I'm on this tangent...men do it. It's encouraged for them. But for us? Nope. Not allowed. It's a big deal! Why? Maybe we should be looking at the specific instances in which it is a big deal, many of which don't involve drinking, instead of just randomly banning it across all boards. Again - nothing wrong with a sorority woman wearing a lavalier having a drink with dinner. Yet that in itself is demonized?

We would be a lot better off if we simply said "No behavior that may negatively impact the house" and let judicial boards deal with that as they see fit. The fact that the NPC, which is supposed to be supporting us and encouraging us to grow into strong, independent women, is not only supporting but actually masterminding this effort is unbelievable. It's a smack in the face to the independence of young women and our ability to see ourselves as equal in ALL regards to our male counterparts.

And I DON'T see how the insurance applies to men in the house. AST nationally is fine with that, but like many campuses, my alma mater made it a campus Panhellenic rule that it is not allowed because other sororities can't do it.

I lived in the Sigma Kappa house for 2 years (Sophomore and Junior) and wouldn't trade that experience for anything! It was so much fun! Also, it was easy to find a buddy for almost anything you wanted to do but were scared to do alone. Work-out, go to a sporting event, pull a prank on one of the fraternities...
Not to mention, if you ran into a question while doing homework, there was usually someone else a few rooms over who had taken the class already and could help.
But I ditto 33girl, have a friend outside of the chapter who is cool with you crashing with them, because when you live in the sorority house, you can't escape the sorority drama at home (this can be a HUGE life saver after elections).

I love you. The angry feminist in me wants to be your campaign manager.

Which would be fine if your decisions only impacted you, but, unfortunately, in a house with 30-40-50 women, those decisions impact more than just a single person. And, quite honestly, many 18-22-year-olds Don't know their limits. They Don't know or are willing to accept the consequences of their poor choices. Some do, but the vast majority don't. It's unfortunate, and it seems counterintuitive, but at the time, it's what has to be done.

FWIW, back in the day it was encouraged for women - as in, "if you wear your sorority letters you get into the fraternity party free and don't have to be on the guest list." #1, the guys didn't have to worry about offending a sorority woman they didn't know well by saying "who the eff are you?" #2, it was good publicity for women to meet rushees. #3, it's winter and it's effing cold, and letter sweatshirts are far more sensible than dry clean only hoochie wear. I mean, chapter consultants saw us go off to parties in letters and said nothing, in fact wore letters to parties themselves. But off that tangent. I still say all these "OMG NOT IN LETTERS" rules came about when pledging got easier. Whether they're related or just a coincidence, I'm not really sure.

fantASTic - I thought your campus was similar to mine and the houses were smaller? Anyhoo, I do think the "a 21 year old can't drink A beer" is stupid in any size dwelling, but I can understand the no shacking rules in a large house. It's one thing to have 16 girls and all know each other well enough to know what is and isn't permissible. It's another to live with 60 girls, not all of whom you are close to. The way I look at it is...that's like a dorm. We were allowed to shack in dorms, but only on certain nights and we had to keep an eye on our male guests (and vice versa) at all times.

Then again, there seems to be a lot less understanding going around these days. One of my dorm-mates basically had her boyfriend living in her room - I can't remember why, but I think he had some sort of issues with his living situation. They were always respectful and no one on the floor complained or told the RA because we felt bad that he was stuck. I just can't see that happening today - people are much quicker to fink on their fellow man.

My chapter didn't have a house while I was an undergrad, so I never had to make that choice. I lived in the dorms all 4 years of undergrad, then moved into married-student housing with my then-fiancé for my graduate year.

The dorms weren't actually all that different from apartment living. We had to vacuum our own rooms and dump our trash, although physical plant staff cleaned our bathrooms, kitchens, lounges, and hallways. The on-campus dining options were vomitrocious, so if you wanted halfway decent food, you had to cook for yourself - and that meant not just cooking but also doing dishes. (Fortunately, I'm a good cook, and my dorm had full kitchen facilities in every suite.)

Plus, I could keep a bottle of brandy or gin in my room and have the occasional drink, which I could not have done if I'd lived in a chapter house (no boozahol allowed in AEPhi houses even if you're of legal drinking age). And I could crash at the fiancé's place or have him crash at my place repercussion-free.

Given the choice, I don't think I would have chosen to live in-house.

I was a senior (with 2 years left) by the time I had a chance to live in the house. I chose not to and I've regretted it ever since. I missed out on so much!

I've no idea if it's related to the new pledge rules; I wasn't around during the change. But I just think we should be treating ourselves and our collegiate sisters as adults - not as small children.

As for the shacking, I think it should be left up to individual chapters to decide based on living arrangements. Example: if all girls have their own bedrooms, or their roommate is out of town and does not mind, I do not see the problem. I also don't see a problem with the "certain nights only" or "only so many days a month" rule; I think those are actually good peacekeeping rules.

My campus is medium-sized. Average chapter size is around 80.

I think it depends on the school. Since our chapter house was campus housing within the Greek quad, campus rules overrode sorority rules. As I've mentioned before, my college is notoriously lenient and there weren't any shacking rules since it was technically a dorm. We did have a stipulation saying that men weren't allowed in chapter-specific rooms, which I still don't understand. No one complained about shacking, even in the case of the chapter president my sophomore year, whose boyfriend basically lived in the house.

Rules about men not being in the house also have some very practical safety reasons behind them.

If you live in a chapter house that holds 50+ women, good chance that you will not know everyone's male friends/boyfriends ect. So you will think nothing about some random guy wandering the halls, right? And what happens if that guy is actually NOT a guest, but has broken into the house with the intent of assaulting a woman?

This has happened at many campuses, including a series of sexual assaults that happened at Washington State University exactly because of this scenerio, ie women not complying with their man-hour rules, women in the house becoming used to seeing random guys around, and not being able to recognize someone who shouldn't have been there until their sister was assaulted.

There are also all kinds of theft and property damage issues...plus insurance premiums...

I lived in for 2 1/2 years and loved every minute of it, but my parents lived in town and I could go home whenever I wanted. I also had an off-campus job that gave me an escape from the drama (although a lot of times I was just exchanging one kind of drama for another.) I had a little more freedom than I had living at home, but my parents still kept tabs on me. Case in point - I had a very early dentist appointment one morning. I went to it, then stopped by the Lambda Chi house where my boyfriend lived. Later that morning, I got a call from my mom - "What was your car doing parked in back of the Lambda Chi house at 9:00 this morning?" I told her about the dentist appt. and she was like "Well, we were afraid you'd let so-and-so drive your car home." Yeah, right! I was in the clear that time, but it taught me to leave my car at the house when I wasn't going to be there!

I never lived-in, but our house only had 5 bedrooms. I did spend a lot of time at the house, just hanging out and cooking dinner, but for me, it would have been not so good for my studying. I'm a bit of a monastic when it comes to studying...in grad school and in undergrad I had to lock myself in my room to work and I wouldn't come out. I had to cut myself off from all distractions (unplugging the internet and my phone) to get quality studying done.

Also, as a studio art student, I had to spend some ridiculous hours in the art building, which made me not a good housemate. While I wasn't coming home drunk at 2 am, I was stumbling around with a massive portfolio and a huge camera bag.

I lived in dorms my first two years, also when I lived in Ireland, then in suites my last year, then in dorms during the first 3/4 of grad school and then in an apartment with a friend. Out of all of those situations (which were a struggle in all sorts of ways), the worst was the grad apartment with a "friend". We are no longer so.

Gosh I'm so jealous of those that actually had a house! My university only recently allowed the construction of sorority houses (not to be lived in), and they will not be completed for several years. I will be rooming with a few of my sisters this year in off campus apts, but I really think I missed out on bonding with some of my other sisters!

I'm living in the house for the first time this coming academic year. I am so excited!!! Getting on the list to live in the house is pretty competitive in my chapter, almost everyone wants to live in. Mainly sophomores and juniors though, seniors tend to live off campus unless they have an important office. Our house has strict rules about drinking and boys so I guess they want some freedom their last year.

We didn't have houses at my school and I know that if we did, I probably wouldn't have lived in because of the extra rules. However, I totally understand the NEED for those rules simply by living in an apartment with two other women, one of whom brought home random guys all the time. It was really a nightmare. You get up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, maybe in just a t-shirt and dash out of your room to find random guy sitting on the couch.. ugh. It sucked. We all had our own bedrooms but we shared common space too. Where would the men go to the bathroom if they stayed over night? There are just so many issues with it. Sure, I had the same boyfriend from the beginning of my sophomore year until I graduated and everybody knew him. Totally not the case when there are 60 women in a house.

As for the alcohol one, it's all about the risk management insurance.

As I mentioned (I think), the boys in the house thing probably depends on the living arrangements...but I really still don't see anything wrong with the "work it out with the roommates" situation. Sounds like YOUR roommate was just a jerk :p

As for the insurance...I'm sorry, but I just don't buy that. If that was the case, NPC wouldn't insist that we all had the same rule. Chapters would be able to decide to pay the extra insurance. That's not how it is, and that doesn't add up for me.

Well whether they have the "dormers" or individual rooms, you end up having to work it out with 50 other girls, not just the one.

And as for the alcohol, the members of the NPC voted on it, there isn't really an outside entity insisting, there's the group of them agreeing. You can argue whether or not that's patronizing to women or not, but it was women who voted that rule into place either way. There are also a decent number of campuses that are dry even for 21 year olds. So .. i don't know where i fall on that except that it's perfectly possible for members to drink elsewhere.

Sure...people who are graduated and probably middle-aged voted on it. Not collegiates - who actually LIVE in the house.

Yeah but that's pretty standard for college in general.

I'm sure i'm biased as a non-drinker but i don't see why it matters in the end. And even on a 'wet' campus, a 21 year old living with a 20 year old would have to keep alcohol separate. There's not usually minifridges in sorority houses (In my experience) nor any way to be sure it's kept from underage women. And we KNOW it wouldn't be.

The alcohol free housing policy is not an NPC policy - each group has its own policy (which all happen to say pretty much the same thing). Ditto the housing thing. Gotta love peer pressure and forcing by the insurance companies. The groups obviously don't agree on this issue - or they would have all had the same policy when it came to mixers.

Actually it's in the NPC Standards booklet on the website.

http://www.npcwomen.org/resources/pd...ds_booklet.pdf

It says "each member group" makes a policy, not that NPC has a blanket policy it enforces. In other words it's up to the member groups to determine what a "facility" or "housed chapter" is. You could actually take that to mean that a sorority who has a dorm suite (if the campus permits it) could drink their asses off in the dorm.

This is actually allowed AFAIK. We didn't have a house, we lived in the dorms. We weren't a 'housed chapter." Drinking occurred and I don't believed it was breaking the rules. I could be wrong.

Each NPC member must "require a policy of alcohol-free facilities for housed chapters" is pretty straight forward at least as far as the chapters in houses go which is what the thread is about.

My point is what is and is not a "sorority house" is WIDE open to interpretation as that is written. Which is as it should be - it's up to the groups to define that, not to NPC.

I get that to an extent, I'm just saying that it'd be really unlikely to determine that a house wasn't a house. Whereas a dorm or other living situation is less likely to be so clear cut. Which means that though each member has a policy, odds are very good said policy includes dry houses because of the NPC rules. Honestly it's probably easier just to ask if any NPC sorority allows alcohol in houses and get an answer that way.

Yeah yeah...as I said, this really is the Angry Feminist in me talking.

Realistically, though...that only works when you're actually drinking to get drunk. The stuff I was talking about above was social drinking - wine with dinner, a nightcap with a roomie. Not drinking to get drunk - drinking for pleasantries afforded adults in our society.

We never had a problem with drinking in letters, but we were not allowed to drink while wearing our badges or anything with our coat-of-arms.