Mystery Ghetto Theater 3000
 

Question:

How many of you have seen (or know of) Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K)? It is a two hour show where a man and two robots crack jokes at a horrible movie (You can tell it's MST3K because there is a movie theater silouette with the trio watching).

Well, how many of yall have seen one of those independent black movies that are so bad, you want to riff at it (or have someone else do it for you). Well, here is a list of movies I have seen that I would love to riff at:

Everybody Plays the Fool--a woman marries a sucessful author and then arranges to have him killed so she can get his money.

Lunatic--an escaped mental patient wreaks havoc in the woods on a group of teenaged campers.

Preacher Playa--Two con men open a church to get quick money (and naive women).

House Party 4 - A black ripoff of Ferris Buehler's Day Off featuring IMX (formerly Immature), Kym Whitley, and Buddy Lewis.

Inhumanity--a successful black lawyer is attacked and molested, and detectives Todd Bridges and Faizon Love is on the case to find the perpetrators--could the perp be right under the victim's nose?

Q - Brian Hooks arranges a secret barbeque party while his folks are away--can he sucessfully pull it off?

Nuthin' 2 Lose--Brian Hooks is under pressure from his girlfriend to marry her and learns the true meaning of commitment

Beverly Hood--a ghetto version of The Beverly Hillbillies featuring Kym Whitley and Buddy Lewis.

Get Down On It--Two ghettofabulous women make a bet on who can get married first. Yes, this movie is TRULY GHETTO!! A cinematic train wreck!!!

Have you seen any of these or know of a BAD movie as such?

Let us know!!!!

I've only seen 2 from your list:
House Party 4: Okay, I was looking for Kid-N-Play! I just knew this was the one where Kid and Sydney would get back together.

Nuthin' 2 Lose: Was alright, but could have been much better

Nothin' to Loose was horrrrible, I can't even watch the whole thing.

3 strikes
She's Gotta Have It
Leprechaun in the Hood (with Ice-T - horrrrrrrible)
Whatever that gangsta movie is with Big Pun... (I don't even know the name).
House Party 4 (- just let it go!)

I saw
Nothing 2 Lose
Get Down on it, I think????
Beverly Hood

I've seen some others, but can't think of the name.

There was this one where Terrance Howard was in it and I think Glenn Plummer. They along with 2 other dudes were playing cards or something...I forgot, but that was horrible!

Some of those low budgets are okay. That's how I stumbled upon Trois and Uninvited Guest.

I know the titles of what you are talking about
 

The one with Terrance Howard and Glenn Plummer was called "Love Beat the Hell Out Of Me". I saw that one about a year ago.

Trois I liked b/c I saw the DVD version with the Directors Commentary by Producer William Packer and Director Rob Hardy. Because the two are about my age, their comments made the movie enjoyable--it was like watching it with the homies.

Uninvited Guest I gots to give props to b/c it was filmed here in Columbus, my hometown. I was told that more black films was going to be shot here in the future. But yes, it was an okay film.

Another MGT3K item to add to the list:

To Have and To Hold. A black couple on the brink of divorce must spend a weekend at a cabin in the woods without arguing in order to collect a $10 million inheritance. Can they do it?

I knew this movie was ghetto b/c the DVD had NO bonus features, not even a chapter index, so if you stop the DVD, you have to start the movie over again.

Rappin' and Rhyming: A white stockbroker become a summer school teacher for a group of inner-city black students and they are invited to a poetry exchange from an all-girls private school. Some of the poems discussed would make Walter Benton proud.

More items later.

RM

Re: I know the titles of what you are talking about
 

Now THAT is funny!!!! LOL!

I couldn't get through Nuthin' 2 Lose either! It was ridiculous! 3 Strikes was just D-U-M-B!!! Leprechaun 4 was horrible!!! But that doesn't beat the absolute worst ghetto movie: "Barbecue"!!! Why did I rent that mess? :rolleyes:

More junk on celluloid
 

Some more entries:

Any Jamaa Fanaka movie, which includes:

Soul Vengence (aka Welcome Home Brother Charles). A newly released convict murders his victims using his "manhood" due to experiments suffered while in prison.
(Note: I have not seen this, but it is available at my video store. It is only in VHS, not DVD and I need to get my VCR fixed).
This movie was directed by Fanaka during his undergraduate stint at UCLA.

Emma Mae (aka Black Sisters Revenge). A naive Mississippi girl gets involved with a knucklehead boyfriend while visiting relatives in Los Angeles (Compton to be exact). This was Fanaka's master's thesis while at UCLA.

The Penitentiary trilogy. Leon Issac Kennedy (Too Sweet) gets incarcerated for a murder he didn't commit and becomes a boxer to get his freedom and keep his dignity.
Part 1 - In prison and fights Jesse "the Bull" Amos for his freedom and Half Dead (Badja Djola) to keep his "dignity"

Part 2 - Out of prison as a parolee and fights Half Dead (now played by Ernie Hudson) in revenge for the rape and murder of his girlfriend. Half Dead escaped from prison and vowed to kill Too Sweet Too Sweet thus comes out of retirement from boxing and rematches Jesse "the Bull" Amos in the penitentiary.
This movie IMHO, while much more lighthearted than it's predecessor, is also much more campy. Case in point: Half Dead's henchmen Simp and Do Dirty. Comic relief in it's purest state.

Part 3 - Back in prison for another murder, Too Sweet takes on Serengeti (Anthony Geary) who is an inmate who runs the prison due to the warden's high gambling debts. BAD movie to the Nth degree.

On another note, one more bad movie:

Lady Cocoa - Lola Falana is a convict out of prison to help identify and testify against her boyfriend gangster (kind of a 48 Hrs. type of movie). About halfway through the flick, the lighting is so bad, you literally cannot make out any real details of what is going on, b/c it is so dark it is hard to see.

check em out at your local video store
RM

RM, when you mentioned "Cabin" I thought of this one. It was where these couples got on this chartered bus and went to this couple's retreat or something. This event was lead by a minister and his wife. The wife took the women and the husband took the men. They had these different chat sessions. I remember one of the couples was a sista and this white dude. I remember also that the guys had to go out in the desert to do this obstacle course...:confused:

Leprecan in the Hood was down -n- dirty funky!!!! OMG I still couldn't tell yall what it was about because I couldn't stomach the whole movie, although I do think that 3 strikes is worse. At least the leprecan did have me rollin' with his dumb raps!

This one movie called Nikita Blues (starring the sister from the show Smart Guy) is another movie that should be in the 49 cent bin at your local grocery store. Please only rent this if you are wanting to put someone to sleep.

Although I want to put Holiday Heart in this catorgory (because Ving Rhames in drag is a monstrosity of a drag queen), but he did have a tight perm though.

LMAO@ Holiday Heart...that momma got on my doggone nerves! :mad:

Anyway, the most recent pix I've seen that would fit into this category was the one with Larenz Tate and Deborah Cox. I forgot this name, too. LMAO. Deborah was adopted by this "couple" and she was a nightclub singer too. Larenz was an on again off again druggie/comedian.

2D, I know the film that you are talking about (the Deborah Cox/Larenz Tate one), and the title is Love Come Down. I have been thinking about renting it though, just never had the chance to.

Oh, here are some more GHETTO flicks I rented a while back

Blackenstein (1972). Pretty much along the same lines as Blacula and it's sequel as far as its cheesiness goes. Similar plot to the original Frankenstein movie and remakes.

Super Soul Brother (aka the Six Thousand Dollar Ni**er) (1978). Wildmon Steve plays a bum who is picked up by two men and is made to drink an experimental potion that is supposed to give him superhuman strength. The men are using him to help steal a safe--I forgot the true plot point. Then again, the movie was THAT bad.

Oh, and GCers, remember this rule of thumb for a truly ghetto flick:

If the video is distributed by Xenon Entertainment Group, it is a prime candidate. There are some others, but Xenon is a major ghetto flick distributor (most of their movies were shot in the 70s and 80s).

Keep em' comin', yall.

:o I can't even remember the name of the movie but there were some kids on a road trip (BUS) headed out to Cali to make a video. I watched the whole thing because I had paid $1.99 for the rental and my husband dared me to watch the whole thing. The movie was bad BUT I won the bet :D

I liked Holiday Heart...Alfre Woodard can play the he!! out of those druggie roles caint she?

Holiday Heart is on BET....NOW!

If I am not mistaken, the movie you are referring to is Ride! and they were not going to Cali, they were going from New York to Miami to shoot a video with Luke (2 Live Crew). Ghetto film nonetheless.

Seeing that many of the GCers are on the Brian Hooks tip with Nothin' 2 Lose and 3 Strikes, who remembers the movie Phat Beach (1994) with him and Jermaine "Huggy" Hopkins (Lean on Me, Juice). The scene where the stripper (played by XXX star Devin DeRay) ti**y-punches Brian Hooks was HEE-larious!!:D

Some trivia questions
 

Here is a trivia question to see how much you know about black cinema:

This is a two-parter:

In the 1975 movie Cooley High, the lead character Preach was aspiring to be a Hollywood screenwriter. In the epilogue he acheived this goal. Preach was based on an actual person. What was his name and what popular 70s TV sitcom did he create? (Hint: double check your sources before you respond).

Part II:
One of the extras in Cooley High, whose name was not listed in the credits, became a very successful writer/actor/director in Hollywood in the 80s and 90s. Who was he?

(If no one gets Part II after 4-5 responses, I will start posting hints).

Re: Some trivia questions
 

Part One:Good TImes and I can't think of his name, but he is an actor and he was in Busta Rymes video as a detective. This is the video where Busta was dressed up as a white man running from him. Ohh, I can't think of the name of that song, but I think it was "put ya hands where my eyes can see". now I've got to go and find out this guys name.

Re: Re: Some trivia questions
 

CORRECT! *ding* I was saying check your sources b/c I initially wasn't going to accept What's Happening as an answer until I found out this individual, in addition to Good Times, did create What's Happening (duh on my part). That was why I was saying to check your sources. BTW, What's Happening was originally called Cooley High in the pilot episode, but because it wasn't well received, ABC renamed it to What's Happening.

C'mon, Honeykiss. I know you can tell me the creator's name *smile* You can do it!

I have received only one guess for the Part II question (albeit incorrect) but lemme hear from ya!

Re: Re: Re: Some trivia questions
 

BILL DUKE!!!! It just came to me!!!

Part Two:

ROBERT TOWNSEND!!!!!!

GIMME MY PRIZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been meaning to address this:

PHAT BEACH was stink, stank awful!!!!! I rented this hot mess one rainy saturday and I swear I felt like driving back to Hollywood video and demand my 99 cents back!!!

Re: Re: Re: Re: Some trivia questions
 

Part One Response: INCORRECT *BZZZZZZZ* Good guess, though.

Part Two Response: CORRECT! *ding*. But hold on now, Honeykiss, before you grab that prize, since you knows your stuff, let's go for double or nothing. You must get both parts correct in order to claim the prize.

What role did Robert Townsend play in Cooley High AND what were the two lines he said in the film?

Umm excuse me Bill Duke was a co-creator of Good Times, as well as Cooley High. You must be thinking of Eric Monte, since in addition to Cooley High, he was also a creator of What's Happening.


I know I remember that Robert Towsend played one of the kids in the gym scene, but I can't remember his lines.

Bill Duke was involved with the writing and creation of Good Times (and Cooley High) but he was not the basis for Preach's character, Eric Monte (CORRECT! *ding*) was the basis for Preach.

Yes, Robert Townsend did play one of the kids in the gym scene. I will give you a hint on what his two lines were. One had to do with gym, the other had to do with Preach and Cochise's dilemma and the ultimate consequence thereof.

Anyone out there can give Honeykiss here a hand.

More entries (and the answer)
 

Robert Townsend's lines were:

"I got Cochise on my side" and "Somebody ought to kick 'yo a**"
Here's your prize, Honeykiss *RM gives Honeykiss a nicely wrapped large package* Enjoy!!

Now for more entries:

Disco Godfather (1979) a Rudy Ray Moore film (Dolemite). Dolemite is a former cop who campaigns against PCP after his basketball star nephew trips out on it. Numerous scenes of hallucinations complete with cartoonish gunfire and blood spurting out (also cartoonish).

Note: I picked what many said was the worst Rudy Ray Moore movie. I would not riff on "Dolemite" or "The Human Tornado" for three reasons: One--they are considered "good movies" as far as their genre goes. Two--It would be too easy; everybody and their mama has done it, I like fresh territory. Three--it's kinda redundant; both movies really make fun of themselves in a way.

The Black Witch Project (2002)--another version of the acclaimed "Blair Witch Project" movie. I haven't seen this one yet and a commentary is coming soon.

Any Master P movie (I'm 'Bout It, MP Da Last Don, etc.)

Note: while this isn't a black movie, I had to include this because I considered this to be the Mary J. Blige of movies:

Epicenter (2000). An FBI agent pursues an intelligence criminal in the aftermath of a major LA earthquake. This movie had a major gunfight right in the middle of the quake. I'm talkin' things are falling left and right and folk is just shootin' away like nothing is happening. This movie ripped off scenes from three different movies:

Metro (the car chase/streetcar scene)
Money Train (during the quake, the "money train" derails and cartwheels)
Speed (two kids stuck in an elevator barely escapes and the elevator almost cut a girl's legs off before it comes crashing below. Notice the harness-hook trying to hold the elevator left over from "Speed").

Cmon now, keep em comin'
RM

More celluloid fodder
 

Another entry from da ghetto vault:

Chat Room (2002) Another ghettofabulous Brian Hooks film in which Max (Hooks) and his two friends made a bet with another brother back in high school about whoever could bring the finest looking date to their 10-year class reunion would win $50 (well due to the "suave" brother making some investments with the $50, the pot swelled to $50,000. Well, Max, Jellyroll (this fat brother that eats every 5 minutes), and a third friend get on line and try to find dates by that means. The results should be rather obvious. But there was a winner at the end of the bet.

SPOILER ALERT! The most OUTRAGEOUS character in the movie was named Star, one of Max's dates found online. Her acting was over the top and her antics were crazier than catnip. Note: on MST3K there are "host segments" every 30 minutes where the trio watching the movie leave the theater and talk about the movie, perform a skit, or get a visitor, usually someone from the movie they're watching. Well, in MGT3K, we will have to use Star as a visitor via the Hexfield View Screen, b/c she is THAT over the top.

Anyway, I plan to rent "Hairdo U" and let you know what that was all about.

RM

Straight Outta Brooklyn was H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E!!!

CB4......I can't even remember what the entire movie was about but I THINK Chris Rock was in it.

Re: More celluloid fodder
 

Ugggggggggghhhhhhhhh, why couldn't you have posted this like 4 days ago? I had the horrible misfortune of watching this movie last week. When I saw that this topic was brought back to the top, I was on my way in to post about this travesty of a movie. The DVD I had was scratched towards the end, so I was put out of my misery before finding out who won the bet. But let me guess..... Ol' girl who was the waitress at the restaraunt miraculously took off those geeky glasses, let her hair down and became the belle of the ball? Please tell me I'm wrong and the ending gave the movie some redeeming qualities.:rolleyes:

What about "Never 2 Big", also known as "Butter", which stars Shemar Moore, Nia Long, Mark Wahlberg, Salli Richardson, etc.? I thought that it was totally off the wall!

Movies
 

Where do you guys get these movies from? I've only seen a handful of these movies (HP4, 3 Strikes, Cooley High, Phat Beach, which REALLY stank--and I saw it on USA and wanted a credit from the cable company) But some of the other movies I have NEVER heard of!

SPOILER ALERT! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
 

YOU ARE CORRECT, BAMBOOZLED! Me, being the movie connoseur (sp?) that I am, saw this ending coming from a mile away. Oh, and I might as well tell you that Brian Hooks won the bet, BUT only by default because the suave dude "cheated" (I will give you ONE guess as to who his date was).

Re: Movies
 

9dstpm,

I rent my movies at a video store that specializes in obtaining hard-to-get titles, along with the current major new releases and blockbuster hits (no pun intended).

The primary distributors of these flicks you have never heard of are:

Zenon Pictures
York Entertainment
Maverick Entertainment
Urban Soul Video

Hope this helps

Re: Movies
 

I rent my movies online at www.netflix.com. They seem to have a lot of these low budget, unheard of movies. I usually tend to stick with big name, blockbuster movies, but every now and then, I get the urge to torture myself.

Hmmmmm, I have no idea, but with all the predictability of the movie, I'll go with his sister/cousin/some other female relative.

Re: Re: Movies
 

His date was the stripper one of the dudes dated, ie THE CHICK WITH THE *BLANK*!!

This movie is horrible!:eek: Nia must have really needed some money. Otherwise, I don't understand why she did this movie.

Re: Re: Re: Movies
 

:eek: is all I can say to that!!!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by RedefinedDiva
What about "Never 2 Big", also known as "Butter", which stars Shemar Moore, Nia Long, Mark Wahlberg, Salli Richardson, etc.? I thought that it was totally off the wall!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I thank you two for the forewarning. Never 2 Big was one of the next movies on my list to be shipped out. I figured that if Nia was in it, it should be okay. I try to support black films, but this madness has got to stop!:mad:

Love Come Down
 

Has anyone seen this movie? I've taken Never 2 Big off my list and put this one next. If you've seen it and it's not worth my time, please let me know.

Love Come Down (2000)

Matthew and Neville are two half-brothers whose family was torn apart by tragedy over 10 years ago. Neville is a stand-up comedian who falls for Nico, a young club singer who is coping with the death of her adopted mother. Matthew is a professional boxer who is trapped by his feelings, and the color of his skin.

Cast:
Larenz Tate, Deborah Cox, Martin Cummins, Rainbow Francks, Peter Williams, Barbara Williams, Kenneth Welsh, Sarah Polley, Isaiah Washington, Clark Johnson

More celluloid tripe from da vault
 

OK, some more titles to groan at:

"Hairdo U" (2002) Two homophobic construction workers get sentenced to enroll in beauty school after a gay-bashing incident. Interestingly enough, the person they beat up became their instructor. Of the two, one of them takes tips from the gay man on how to be sensitive in order for him to hook up with one of the students there. Filmed in St. Louis and features music from the St. Lunatics.

"Playin' For The Kitty" (2002). A cheap knockoff of "The Brothers", only it involves 6 brothers instead of four and they play football in their spare time instead of basketball. This film is notorious for BAD editing and lousy sound. Numerous scenes occur where the boom mikes are turned off so you can't hear anything (at least put captions on the screen so we can get a clue at what is being said). Oh, and what movie wouldn't be complete without the famous blooper outtakes at the end.

"The Job" (2002). A woman promoted to VP of marketing at her company neglects being on her J-O-B at home, prompting her attorney husband to cheat on her. He gets caught, drama occurs, he wins her back, everyone is happy. Oh, and we don't know if the woman quit her job or kept it or got demoted or anything, since there are no scenes in the movie at the office except for the one where the boss announces her promotion. Filmed in Birmingham, AL. Oh, and fellas, the fine sista on the ladder that you see on the video cover does NOT appear in the movie. What a disappointment. Darn bait-and-switch. :mad:

OK, holla back

RM

Back to the top
 

Just had to bring this back to the top for updating