Pref mess up?
 

I've been lurking all year and finally decided to create an account and post. I rushed during the Fall at a major SEC school and had what I consider to be an unsettling result. In short, because I'm not going through my whole recruitment, I had a very successful rush in terms of cuts, etc. I ended up preffing two houses that I really liked, and one house that I felt iffy about. A former high school classmate and friend was a sister in one of my top two houses, and I really liked her, (she and all her friends were rushing me very, very hard) and everyone I talked with there. My other favorite house is considered one of the top houses on campus and pre rush I felt intimated by both their reputation and their sort of perfect pretty sisterhood. However, I had what most would consider a fairytale experience there, rushed by a variety of different girls with different interests, and I found myself really connecting with two of them. Going into pref round I felt very torn as I felt an obligation to my friend and feared hurting her feelings but I also knew I was really loving the other house.
At pref at the "top" house, both of the girls I liked told me how they had fought over who got to pref me and told me how much they loved me and looked forward to my visit. When I was solo for the more intimate parts of the round with one of the sisters, she handed me a letter she had written about how much she wanted me to pledge and how much she felt I fit in there. It was really overwhelming. Then she asked me if I was torn at all and if I knew that I wanted to be there, and of course, I told her the truth about the other house and my friends, and feeling a little confused.
Pref at my friend's house was very similar with crying, professions of love, etc. Honestly, by the time I got to the third house I was so caught up in having to choose between the other two, I really didn't give them a fair chance. But I did realize that my heart belonged to the first house, that I loved the girls who'd preffed me and that I would have to hurt my friend's feelings in order to be happy. Once I decided I was really thrilled and excited to call myself their sister and could hardly wait to rank them number 1.
Well, bid day comes and I get my card and...it's my friend's house. I can hardly contain my sadness, though I don't know why because I DID love her house too. I think that once I had made my decision my heart got set on the other house and it was really hard to take their rejection. In fact I cried myself to sleep for the next few weeks and I still think about it all the time. I didn't pledge my friend's house and in the end I ended up not getting what I wanted and STILL hurting her feelings.
I know you guys get annoyed with people asking you WHY they didn't get a bid somewhere, and I'm not asking that. Simply, do you think expressing my confusion over my choise to the girl who preffed me hurt my chance of getting a bid there? Is it off-putting to have a PNM not return your affections and say "oh yes, yes, I want to be here, please give me a bid?"
Did I mess up?

I feel this is something you have to work through "inside" yourself. Sure, some people will say you made a huge mistake and yet others may say you were just being honest. You were probably caught up in the whole emotional aspect of recruitment and it can be tough. You just shared your feelings.

I don't think you should beat yourself up over it. What if that isn't the reason why you did not receive a bid? Truth is you will never know the answer.

Are you happy where you are now? You just can't live with regret the next few years. Somehow you just need to find peace with what happened. If I were you I would not miss out on any of the amazing times you should be having.

Do keep in mind you were fortunate to receive a bid at a house you liked a great deal. Many women go through the process and are not that fortunate.

You messed up by not taking your second choice. You claimed to love them. Why wouldn't you pledge there? Instead of crying yourself to sleep for weeks, you would have formed bonds with your pledge sisters and likely would never regretted the choice to pledge #2.

As for what your preffer thought...none of us here can speculate on that. Seriously, almost a year later and you're still dwelling on it? Time to move on.

You're me, except you really did love the house that you got the bid to. I have a recruitment story written, if you want to read it. But, in short, I will say that I truly believe that I am where I needed to be. I wasn't sure of that until about a year after my initiation, but I am now 100% sure.

I think I would compare your experience at the top house to falling in love with your costar while you're doing the latest remake of Romeo and Juliet, while you have an awesome boyfriend you love at home. You got caught up in the fantasy and what you already had just didn't compare. Then filming was over and boom, your costar walked off the set and never talked to you again.

As far as did this keep the "top" house from giving you a bid - quite frankly, I doubt it. They KNOW they're the top house, and that even if they put you on their first bid list and you put the other house first, there's more where you came from and filling the spot isn't going to be an issue. Plus, if they wanted you that badly, it would have been an additional HA HA IN YOUR FACE to the other house you were looking at.

So in other words...I don't think they planned to ever put you on their first list anyway. If on any list at all.

Obsessing about this for a year is pointless. Where has it gotten you? You missed the opportunity to be in a sorority because of it. Nothing anyone tells you will solve this mystery. Will it make you feel better if someone tells you that by telling them you were torn that they decided to put more of a sure thing on their first bid list? Will it make you feel better if your comments made no difference, and they just didn't really like you that much? I doubt it. None of these explanations will make the reality hurt less, but at some point you have to put the past behind you and move on. Going through recruitment again at UF is an uphill battle, but try to go out and get involved on campus and make your college experience worth something more than regrets.

I was/am slightly confused but I surmise that you did not accept a bid at any chapter and are now consumed with regret.

No point in speculating. None whatsoever. Can't/won't/don't do it.

Only options that I target are:

(a) go through recruitment again (reading everything you can find on this site on keeping an open mind and maximizing any opportunities you are given).

(b) don't go through recruitment. Move on. Regret is getting you nowhere.

These may be "harsh" words, but the reality is that there are NO do-overs in life. If there were...

Listen, ladies, I'm going to be very honest with you. People come on the site either to embrace their sisterhood or lament the lack of it and you need to embrace BOTH of those types of people. From reading the threads for awhile now, I just have to say that some of you are really judgemental and hurtful to people who are already hurting, already feel judged. Would it kill any of you just to sympathize with someone? You sympathize with the MOTHERS of girls who have gone through exactly what I went through? Girls who would probablly write the same thing I wrote! I'm not moping, this is something that I've kept inside me and felt this would be a good outlet to express it. You go on a journey and the end destination isn't the same as everyones, but some people felt what you felt, and ended up where you end up, and you want to either celebrate or commiserate or maybe, like in my case, share it and let it go. If you really care about sisterhood, practice a little more to the posters on GC is all I'm saying.

You've been lurking all year and you're surprised you aren't getting sympathy? You made your bed, you have no one to blame but yourself, so no, you're not going to get any sympathy. Were it your mom, she might get sympathy because stuff like this is out of the control of moms of PNMs. Were it someone who maximized all their options and still ended up bidless, yeah, she might get some sympathy, because those girls did everything right, and it was out of their control.

You had something in your grasp, and you chose to let it go. Do you know how many girls went through UF rush last year who ended up bidless who would have killed for your bid? What are we supposed to say to that? Let this just be a life lesson: you can't always get what you want, and appreciate what opportunities you have been given, and make the most out of it.

By all means, rush again this fall! Get your recs in order, and knock 'em dead!

kate, with most sororities(maybe all, but i don't know for sure) pnms who attend a pref. party are placed somewhere on their bid list. If you did not receive a bid from your top choice, it is because you did not appear on their list before they had matched to quota. You received a bid to your 2nd choice because panhellenic tries to match everyone with a bid, and you were high enough on the 2nd choice's list. they wanted you.

it's too bad that you didn't give it a trial run last fall. you might have found you were in the right place all along. have you remained friends with the girls you knew in the sorority that bid you?

you can go thru recruitment again. it is never easy for sophomores rushing at uf, but if you don't try the situation won't change. it will be awkward for you and the results may not end up as you wish, but if you don't try, you'll always wonder.

KSU, she said she ended up not pledging to her friends house, her #2 choice.

Good point, I didn't notice this. Maybe she lives on a river delta? Or maybe it's wishful thinking? lol.... I don't know.

that is odd-good sleuthing sherlock!

GatorKate did not accept the bid to the second choice. She was so consumed by the rejection of her first choice that she failed to see that she DID get her second choice, which she had felt almost equally pulled toward.

GatorKate, hate to break it to you, but your first choice chapter just didn't want you bad enough. That's what it boils down to. Chapters have to turn in their bid lists before Preference round, so their decision about you had already been made by the time you made your comment at Preference. Though the two girls who rushed you really liked you, the decision isn't only up to them. It comes down to where on the list the chapter as a whole puts you, and unfortunately for you they matched with women on their bid list before they got to your name.

If you didn't want your second choice, you shouldn't have listed them on your bid card. There might have been a woman who wanted that chapter as badly as you wanted the other one, but by agreeing to accept a bid from them, you robbed her of that opportunity. Let this be a lesson to you that you should be grateful for the things you get in life. To quote Sharyl Crow, "It's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you've got!"

wow... and huh? (there's a rock band called Delta Spirit... maybe that was the reference? okay, okay, I'll go sit down now.)

You are a troll.

My thoughts.

KSU, from what she wrote, I think she didn't end up pledging any chapter.

GatorKate, this is why people are not giving you the sympathy that you seem to be looking for. You had THREE chapters that wanted you as a sister, and you really wanted two of them. Yet you chose none of them and are now expecting pity? You made your choice. I understand what it's like to be in your second choice. Technically, I am in my "second choice" but it has become my first and is one of the best decisions I've made in college because I gave it a chance.

Many, many, GCers are in their second, third, or even further down the list of choices. Some here did not get a bid at all. Imagine how that girl feels while reading your story, knowing that you had your three choices on pref night and she didn't even make it there. That's why we're saying the things that we're saying. We've heard sob stories, and maybe yours isn't one of them to us (although from what I can tell from you, it still does hurt a lot, which I understand). We, from the other side of recruitment, just wish that you had given the chapter you rejected a chance because we've been that chapter that loved that girl who declined our bid. We have feelings too, you know.

If you really regret your decision that much, you could try to rush again. You may not get your first, second, or even last choice at pref night, you may end up completely bidless but the point is that if you never go through recruitment again you will never know.

The fact that I keep that you had the last post in the thread and I look and there's no post from you on that page at all?

Wow. I rest my case your honor.
Perhaps I should have made it clear that this was two years ago, and I rushed again as a sophmore, received a bid and am now an active member. I was dropped by both the houses mentioned after the first round, understandably. I AM happy where I am, but I have always wondered what if. Not because i don't love my sisters and my house now, but because I have always been an over acheiver who gets what they want. I know that's not how life works, I get it, they didn't want me, etc., etc. but it was my first real experience with this type of disappointment and it still bothers me, especially since I see this house and the girls every single day. Maybe you guys think that's pathetic, and I agree that it is in a way, and I'm embarrassed about it, which is why i can't talk to anyone about it, which is why I posted here. And I have been beating myself up about this for almost two years now, but not nearly as much as you guys just beat me up!

ORLY? Two years ago? Not once in your first post did you say that, in fact, you said:

Bad troll. Bad.

If you are honestly happy with where you are now and are still depressed about being rejected 2 years ago by your first choice, you need professional help.

My post was about my experience two years ago. I don't understand, did you want me to post about rush last year in that post as well? Why is that when someone doesn't fall in line with what you want their reaction to be or praise you for your take on the matter they are automatically a troll? And listen KSU, I did get some very encouraging and sympathetic responses in PMS, which I appreciate. maybe other posters are too afraid to dissent on the thread in public. God forbid they don't assume the self righteous, mocking tone of you and your flying monkeys.
This my last post here, but in closing I'd like to remind you that I am 20 year old girl who is posting about sorority recruitment. Some of you are fifty year old women who literally comment on EVERY SINGLE thread relating to greek life. I'm sorry, but who really needs to move on? I don't make it a practice to get in bitchy little spats with the local quilting bee or my mom and her friends, so why start now? I will cherish the next two years with my sisters, and I hope to look back on my college memories with a lot of fondness, but if I get to be your age and I'm STILL talking about recs and quotas on a message board, please someone shoot me in the head.
Delta Love-

What is a Delta? Is she a Delta Sigma Theta?

Wait because they are still involved with their sorority and Greek life in general, they need to move on? I need to tell the 90 year old alumni I saw at convention they need to move on then. Membership in a Greek organization is for life you dumb bitch, not just as long as you are in college. And maybe you should see a doctor if your PMS is giving you support.

Where's that checklist?

We have so far:
Anonymous "supportive PMs"
Flounce
Accusations about posters having no lives
OP assuming that we can apparently read her mind and SHOULD HAVE KNOWN she was posting about something two years ago (even though her OP indicates that this tale took place last fall).

I know we need:
Sheetcake
LOLcat
Earpish response

We will probably get:
Faux flounce
Angry PMs from OP (thank God I turned my PMs off MONTHS ago)

Honest to God, I HATE monkeys. All of them. They terrify me, especially flying ones.

I wonder how the Mustang is enjoying the summer...

I'll post the LOLanimal:
http://www.glogster.com/media/2/3/43/18/3431829.jpg

Aw I missed the troll fun.

How obvious is it when new people come on and chide us for our lack of courtesy.

But it's ok, everyone loves them in PMS <sic>

Also the PMs are the best part agzg! I never get those anymore. :(

I wish my PMS was sympathetic. Instead, this time around, it gave me super-bionic sense of smell, sleepiness, and general crappy(er) attitude.

Indeed. We have no DST.

And thanks for representing your fellow Greek Gators so well. Really, I'm just aglow with pride.