How to request a specific dress code for a tea party
 

So, I'm helping my friends host a garden tea party. We want female guests in floral/springy-summery-sun dresses and males in khakis. What's a nice way to indicate this on the invitation?

Thanks guys.:)

Well for the guys, khakis are usually "business casual" but I'm not sure how to phrase that for the girls or if that phrasing is even appropriate at all.

Now, I would just say "Please wear ____" but I feel like one could be more tactful...

Paging honeychile!

To be honest, I'm not sure there is a nice way to indicate this.

The reason to alert guests as to attire is so that they will be dressed appropriately for the occasion and so that they will not be embarrased by being overdressed or underdressed. What you describe is pretty much casual garden party attire, although there's always the risk that someone thinks casual means shorts or a tee-shirt.

But casual is where it should be left -- I'm not sure there's a polite way to tell men, for example, that the requested attire is khakis as opposed to some other nice, appropriate slacks. Likewise with sundresses.

The goal is to make the guests comfortable, not to achieve a certain "look."

I believe the wording I've seen used to best desribe that attire (at least for women) is "summer flair".

I agree with MC....though is there a specific reason why you want everyone to be wearing the "same" clothes? For photo purposes? You could indicate that. Or you could just put "Please wear 'garden tea attire,' such as sundresses/khaki pants." That way, it's more of a suggestion, but most will probably wear it because they won't know what else that phrase could mean (but be prepared for some to still wear what they want).

I agree with this.

"Casual" is the only appropriate way to say it (according to The New Basic Black: Home Training for Modern Times). If they ask, then you can make the suggestion verbally. But the fact that it's a tea party should be indication enough.

As a sidenote, the above-mentioned book also mentions "semiformal" as a kind of attire, which I personally do not use.

I find that regardless of the "dress code" I tell people, they still come wearing literally "whatever". I've always been so let down because sometimes (while you want your guests to be comfortable and feel welcome) you want a specific vibe or feel and to have cute pictures as well!

I've flat out told people who asked what to wear/the style: "like a Stepford Wife", and been rather let down. Just request it in a way so that if they aren't certain they'll call and you can say (because they are specifically asking) sundresses, polos and khakis. I think spring/summer flair or garden party flair may work well to encourage this.

However, don't be disappointed when you have men in jeans and women in...well, Lord knows. I gave up the fight it cos I feel like some people don't have the same ridiculously adorable "let's dress up cos it's fun" gene.

The dress code at The Melting Pot is "snappy casual"...I always thought that was a cute was to phrase it.

I would be sneaky and find a picture of people dressed like I imagined, at a garden party, use software to fade it to "background" quality and use it as the background on the invitations, which I would then print myself.

Truly, the phrase "garden tea party" should indicate what to wear. If there's not an exact title, you could somehow work in The Stepford Look Garden Tea Party or something simular. But actually telling someone how to dress (with the exemption of casual, business casual, semi-formal, and formal) is a tacky way of telling your friends that they don't know how to dress - even if you do think that they don't know how to dress! Of course, when the guests RS their VP, be sure to gush that you just can't wait to wear the darling sundress and hat you found!

If you're sending invitations in the mail, take a picture of the hostess and one or two friends in the appropriate attire first, then use that with a "Come Have Tea With Us!" on the cover.

I also like AGDee's ideal of subliminal messages; having muted photos in the background. When I first saw this thread, I thought of the Designing Women photo: http://designingwomenonline.com/Nav/banner_belles.jpg


Or http://www.dreamnotoftoday.com/wp-co...cheap-beer.jpg


Or http://womens-fashion.lovetoknow.com...rden_party.JPG

There's also a magazine called Tea Time. It should have the appropriate pictures. There's some great ideas in there, from recipes to mixing tea cups to cookie cutters to have decorated like tea dresses.

Good luck!

Perhaps something like, "Show off your sundress" or "time to bust out the sundress" in the description of the event, rather than a line that reads "attire".

Or http://www.dreamnotoftoday.com/wp-co...cheap-beer.jpg

may not want to use this photo-the gal in the middle looks like she is enjoying a budweiser=bless her heart!

Get someone to take a picture of yourself and a couple of friends in sundresses (and hats if that's what you're going for) and find a way to incorporate that into the invitation...hopefully that'll help them figure out what "Casual" means for a tea party.


But chances are, you'll get a handful that just don't get it. Just don't let that ruin your day.

My thoughts exactly. Plus the lady on the right is just sort of a hot mess.

Technically, it is impolite to tell people what to wear. However, I think the idea of using a photo on the invitation is a great way to make your point without saying a word.

Bless her heart, indeed! It was from an article called "Belles and Beer"!

The ones on the left and the middle look pretty. The one on the right looks haggard.

The background looks haggard.

#1 - looks like she's wearing a bustle or the Hubba-Hubba Hiney from Laverne & Shirley

#2 - drinking Budweiser - no further comment needed

#3 - has her skirt pulled halfway up and the "it's 1:30 am and my friend left me, can you buy me a driiiiiiiink" look on her face.

Some people will actually try to dress for the event they are going to. (Like if a wedding is outdoors, you want to try and wear something cool, not black because you look good in black.)

Other than that, without specifically telling people what to wear the closest you can do is actually say on the invitation the type of formal wear it would be.

The closest I can think of for your event is something along the lines of smart casual. (which does give space for your female guest to wear slacks if they aren't dress type).

That way you are at least giving them an expectation to try and put some effort in...at the same time not alienating folks who may not want to wear a dress, or for the men khakis.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smart_casual - Because if its on wiki, it must be true.

Kentucky Derby style might be another way to phrase it.
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